Work Text:
I don't cry very often.
I've never really been one to cry or show much emotion, mostly because I don't have any reason or anyone to share them with. Except Winnie. There's always been Winnie. That is, until last week.
"I love you,"
The words had fallen out of my mouth faster than I could process them myself. Once they did though, the happy smile on my face faded and I felt as though a tree had fallen onto me, heavy with fear.
"I.. I gotta go..!"
And like that, I had ran off. And I continued to run.
Every single time Winnie came to approach me, I always found an excuse to run off. I could tell he was frustrated by it. I was frustrated too. Frustrated at myself. I needed to get a grip on myself and talk to him like a regular person instead of some pathetic wimp. My eyes kept looking forward as I made my way home, but they weren't really looking ahead. They were looking into the past. More specifically, that moment. A heavy sigh escaped my lips and I looked down, kicking a rock and pausing. Why did being a human have to be so damn confusing? I looked up again and began to walk, trying to think positive before;
"Augustine."
He spoke, and the word hit the back of my head like a brick, stunning me for a moment before I turned around to face him.
"Winnie."
He gazed back at me, his eyes full of.. what is it? Frustration? Anger? Disgust? I couldn't tell, all I knew was that it was my fault.
"We need to have a conversation, and you know what about."
My eyes immediately shifted to the ground. Of course I knew what this was about. How could I have not? It's sat in the back of my mind since it happened.
"So, why have you been avoiding me?"
He continued, and I never had wanted to sink in the ground and disappear more.
"I-..."
Words weren't forming how I wanted them to, so I took a moment to situate them in my head, turning around so I wasn't facing him anymore.
"I don't know."
It was pathetic. I knew that more than anyone. My feet started to move, trying to carry me away, remove me from this situation and take me back to my cozy bed where I could go and hide. From *him*. I couldn't bear to say anymore than that but, I was forced to when I felt a hand grab my wrist and a confused and distraught voice speak again.
"W-wait, Auggie, come on..! You can't just pull shit like that and then never talk to me again! I thought we established this! We have to talk things out or else we just get torn apart!"
His voice raised slightly, frustration lacing the later words, trying to get me to hear them, to process them, to really think for a moment. And I did, it worked, but in the wrong way.
"I know.."
I replied softly, my voice just above a whisper. Like how you would speak in a quiet room where there's only you and them, only you and them.
"So please, talk to me, tell me wh-"
"It's nothing, you know what I said."
Winnie seemed to not like that answer because he grabbed my shoulders and turned me around, very obviously trying his hardest to stay calm.
"No, it's not just nothing, Augustine! This is important, we have to talk about how we feel towards each other, we can't just-"
"Please, don't say it like that."
My eyes couldn't even meet his. This felt wrong. I knew it was wrong. All of this, everything that had happened in the past week, was wrong. Yet I couldn't help but wish it wasn't.
"I love you, I love you, I love you."
The words kept repeating in my head. They were on the tip of my tongue and about to tumble out, so I kept my mouth shut. Shut tight. Not a single word left my mouth after that.
"Augustine,"
His voice sounded so unnatural. It had a seriousness to it that I wasn't used to.
"Please just listen, stop interrupting. Please. I don't know how else to describe it, because truly that's what it is, isn't it?"
He took a deep breath, already seeming softer and more patient. Just from a single inhale and exhale. He's always been good at regulating his emotions like that. I, however, was not, and it was apparent when he gently grabbed my face and tilted my head back straight so he could look me in the eyes.
It was right then when I lost.
"I'm not angry, I'm not upset, I'm not disgusted, I'm just confused! Please, just help me underst-"
"I love you."
Silence.
What had I done? The zipper on my mouth came undone and the words spilled out like the river when a dam is broken, or like a waterfall, the liquid pouring off the edge of a cliff. I shut my eyes. I couldn't bear to see his face; see his reaction; see how he'd respond. I couldn't do it. I didn't have to either, because a few seconds which felt like the entirety of history all over again later and I felt something pressing against my forehead and warm breath on my face. My eyes opened and there was Winnie, closer than I've ever seen him before. His forehead was pressed against mine, his beautiful shimmering light blue eyes, like the sky on a clear day or a shining diamond, perfectly polished and smooth, staring into my muddy green ones, like a swamp or grass that's been trampled on in the rain. His were the most pretty, pigmented eyes I've ever seen, they were museum worthy and, they were looking at me. Only me. As if everything else ceased to exist.
"Augustine.."
The way he said the name made it feel like it wasn't even mine, like it was the name of a work of art, or a constellation in the sky. Like it was delicate, said with care.
"I love you too,"
I stared back into his eyes, searching for anything, anything at all that maybe would suggest he was joking and this was all a big prank, but the only thing I found was my own reflection and admiration. The corners of his pale lips curled slightly upwards, waiting, waiting, waiting for me to reply, for me to finally have it click. Once it did, I barely even noticed the tears well up in my eyes until he became blurry, blurry and warped through the salty tears. His expression immediately was etched with surprise and concern and he was quick to wipe the tears away, hushing me.
"Wait- Auggie, don't cry!- Did I say something wrong?! I'm sorry!-"
I couldn't help but smile and laugh. I probably looked insane and out of my mind, but it didn't really matter. I loved this tall, affectionate idiot, I think really, I always had. But now I knew that he loved me too, and it was the best feeling in the whole world. I wrapped my arms around his neck, firm but not tight, pulling him in for a tight hug to which he almost immediately returned. I could hear sniffling and I knew that he was crying too.
I don't cry very often.
But some moments are worth the tears, whether happy or sad.