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Dean’s first deployment after Alfie was born was probably the easiest.
His very first had been the hardest. Leaving his brand new baby boy and a daddy’s girl had been heartbreaking and he often thought about how coming home had been the hardest part.
This time, though, his kids were all old enough and independent enough to know what was going on. It had confused Alfie and taken a lot of explaining but Toby had been through it before, even if it had been seven years since the last time.
Dean had promised himself that he would leave the career after Alfie was born but as he started school, he started to miss it. He missed the rush and sense of pride he got when strangers saluted him. Deep down, he knew they weren’t saluting him, they were saluting the uniform but it still felt good.
All his bags were packed and he was ready to jump in the taxi. He’d insisted on going alone, letting the last image of his family be in front of their home.
Alfie was dragging his Dad’s bag down the path to the taxi, where the drive hoisted it up into the trunk.
“You’ve got t-to come h-home.” Leigh stammers, her nerves taking over and bringing back her childhood stutter.
Dean smiles at his all grown up baby girl.
“I will, I promise,” He looks at Toby now, one eye obscured by his fringe, “Get a haircut while I’m gone, yeah?”
Toby laughs, “In your dreams, old man.”
He gives them both a hug, squeezing extra tight. When he lets go, Toby has a few unshed tears in his eyes but Dean doesn’t mention it.
Cas comes walking through the front door, yawning and still in his pajamas.
“Hey, Cas,” Dean smiles at him, “Nice of you to join us.”
Cas just gives a cheeky smile in return, “Hello, Dean.”
Dean walks over, wrapping his arms around his husband. Saying goodbye to Cas never got easier like they did with the kids. You’re expected to say goodbye to your kids one day but not to your partner.
Cas grips him back, fingers pressing into his spine desperately.
Dean wants to tell him that he’ll be okay but he really can’t. He’d been deployed four times before and had never returned without a scar. Physical or emotional.
One thing he could promise was, “I’ll always love you.”