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"I always thought Minjun was meant to do great things and I was the one meant to die young. The chances are still high. I could easily get run by a car or just walk into some mess and just die. I mean, I could have died on my way here. I wouldn't see it coming," Taehyung says suggestively. "Get it? Cause I'm blind." He grins.
"That's not funny."
Taehyung sighs. "Actually, that's not how I imagine my death. I think my parents will drive me insane at some point and I will kill myself."
"Can we not talk about—"
"They're overprotective," Taehyung interrumpts. "It's a fucking nightmare. Minjun was very protective too. It was suffocating sometimes. Actually, he would die if he knew I came here alone." Taehyung chuckles. "Get it? He would die."
Yoongi feels like crying. "That really isn't funny, you fucking weirdo."
"He would have laughed at that. He always understood my jokes," Taehyung says stubbornly.
"No. That's fucked up. He's dead. He's really dead! Why would you joke about that? What's wrong with you?"
"If you don't like my company then leave," Taehyung says calmly. "I was here first. Minjun was my brother."
Yoongi feels really bad. Minjun wouldn't like this. He sighs. "How did you get here, anyway?"
"I ran away. Not literally, though," Taehyung says.
"What?"
"What?" Taehyung repeats, as if he made sense before.
"What does that mean?"
"That I didn't run. Like, literally run. I can't do that. I mean, I can but I have to be familiar with the place and all that."
"So your parents don't know you're here? That's what you mean."
Taehyung nods.
"How did you find the grave?" Yoongi asks, after a moment.
"I'm not really blind, don't tell anyone."
"Taehyung, that's not fucking funny."
"I asked," Taehyung says, annoyed. "A lady who works here walked me. She helped me find Minjun's grave."
"Taehyung," Yoongi says cautiuosly, "I think you should go home. Your parents—"
"Minjun told me you're gay," Taehyung interrumpts him.
"Excuse me?"
"He told me you guys had a fight in 10th grade, over a girl he liked but she was into you instead," Taehyung says. "He got mad at you and he wouldn't talk to you because he was pissed. He thought you liked her. And then you told him that you were gay and that you'd never like that girl. Even if you weren't gay; you wouldn't do that to him." He says all that too fast.
Taehyung normally wouldn't even greet him when Yoongi used to hang out with Minjun at their house. Yoongi thinks he has never heard him talk this much.
"He told you all that, huh?"
"Yes. He told me he felt bad because he felt like he forced you to come out."
Yoongi doesn't say anything to that.
"Is it true then? You're gay?"
"Yes."
"I don't have a problem with that."
"Why would you?" Yoongi asks, irritated.
"I'm just saying," Taehyung whines. "Some people aren't okay with that. My parents, for example."
Yoongi sighs.
"They suck, I know," Taehyung says.
"Don't say that. They love you, Taehyung."
"Just cause I'm their son, though. Like, they have to love me."
"That's not true."
"They pity me. Minjun was their favorite and Minjun loved me a lot so they felt like they had to protect me to make Minjun happy; simple math," Taehyung says, very convinced.
"Why are are you telling me all this?"
"We're just talking," Taehyung says simply.
We never really talked before, Yoongi thinks.
"Anyway, am I attractive?" Taehyung asks, casually.
"What?"
"I'm a boy. So, in your gay opinion, am I attractive? Like, would you like me?"
"What? No! What the fuck."
"I'm ugly, aren't I? Fuck that. You can tell me, just be honest."
"We're not having this conversation," Yoongi says, exasperated.
"It's just that I feel like I'm not ugly. Minjun used to tell me I look like him. Do I?"
Yoongi looks at him. He has Minjun's nose. "Yes."
"Good." Taehyung smiles. "May you rate my attractiveness? From one to ten."
Yoongi grins. "Weirdo."
"Just do it. It's important."
Yoongi breaths out loudy.
Taehyung takes his glasses off. His eyes are gray. Yoongi can't remember the last time he saw Taehyung without glasses. His right eye is almost white and it looks like there are clouds inside. Taehyung's smiling nervously. Yoongi looks at him intently. He looks at his face. Taehyung's skin is flawless, Yoongi never noticed that. His hair is dark brown and messy. He looks like one of those guys who put a lot of effort on making it look natural, but it is a natural look, that's the thing. It's very cool. He has a messy fringe and his hair is short at sides and longer at the back. Taehyung has big ears, but they suit his face, or maybe it's his haircut what does the trick. His eyes are big and they aren't really symetrical but the shape is very unique. Right now his eyes look a little puffy and swollen. He has very long lashes and thick eyebrows, just like Minjun. His nose looks exactly like Minjun's too, but there's a small mole on the tip. Taehyung has a beautiful smile; his teeth are nice, proportional and considerably white. His lips are very pink and they look very full when he's not smiling, but he is right now, so his lips look thin.
"I would say you're a solid eight," Yoongi says.
Taehyung smiles big. He puts his glasses on. "You must be really handsome then, like a nine or ten," he says.
"What? Why? What does this have to do with me?"
"I look like my brother and I'm an eight, right? And that girl in 10th grade liked you. You must be more attractive if she liked you and not Minjun. Also, no offense but you aren't necessarily the nicest person so I don't think she liked you for your personality."
"Fair enough. That's an interesting reasoning."
"My mind is something else, I know."
"But it's not the case," Yoongi says. "I'm not really attractive. At least not conventionally attractive."
"Meaning..."
"I'm not tall, I'm thin and bony. I can't grow a beard," Yoongi explains. "I don't look manly."
"Do I look manly?" Taehyung asks.
"Not really, but you're taller and broader than me."
"Am I?" Taehyung seems very excited about that.
"Just a little, but I'm sure you'll get taller." Like your brother, Yoongi doesn't say.
"Anyway. Do you think someone could like me?"
"Of course."
"Realistically," Taehyung says pointedly.
"I told you you're an eight. You'll probably be a nine in your twenties."
"So, would you be attracted to me?" Taehyung asks. "Hypothetically," he adds.
"Are you hypothetically still my best friend's little brother? Cause that's a no," Yoongi says. "And, are you hypothetically still a sociopath who makes horrible jokes about death? Cause that's another no."
"Okay, I get it." Taehyung sulks.
"Yeah, like you said: it's not only about the looks," Yoongi says.
"Yeah, no shit," Taehyung says annoyed. He seems really upset.
"What?"
"You're telling me it's not about looks. Trust me, I know about it," Taehyung says, his tone defensive.
"Why do you use your situation to antagonize people? You know that's not what I meant."
"My situation? Are you serious?" Taehyung laughs humorless. "It's not a situation. This isn't temporary, you dumb fuck."
Yoongi can't believe his ears. He's barely heard Taehyung talk in all the years he's known him; hearing so many bad words from his mouth is quite shocking. He couldn't have guessed he was this rude.
Yoongi also feels bad for what he said. For what Taehyung understood, actually. But he also feels like insulting Taehyung back, because who does he think he is to call him a dumb fuck?
"You dress like shit," Yoongi says childishly. "I wouldn't like you at first sight cause you dress like fucking shit."
"That's shallow and materialistic. And for your information, it's second-hand clothes. I wear the shit Minjun gives me, the shit that doesn't fit him anymore. Now I have his whole fucking closet for me to keep dressing like shit, don't I?"
"Then I wouldn't like you for your personality either cause you're a fucking asshole! And every word that comes out of your mouth, every fucking thing you say is cruel and inappropriate, and— and fucking insensitive!" Yoongi shouts. "It's your dead brother you're talking about, you shithead. You need a brain to mouth filter."
Taehyung stands there pouting and his chin starts to quiver. Yoongi knows he loved Minjun. They loved each other so much. Yoongi doesn't understand why Taehyung is acting this way. The only explanation he has is that Taehyung just doesn't know how to cope. He's been asking the most trivial questions, making the most stupid and heartless jokes.
"Did Minjun also look like shit?" Taehyung asks after a moment, his lips in a slight pout and his eyebrows furrowed.
"No, he knew how to style his outfits," Yoongi says, still sounding annoyed.
"I wonder why I can't match my outfits properly. I'm gonna take a stab in the dark and say it's probably because I can't see, but who knows."
Yoongi swallows.
"That was mean, Yoongi," Taehyung says, grinning. "Cruel and inappropriate," he adds, laughing, mocking Yoongi's words. "Fucking insensitive!" he yells and keeps laughing.
"Why are you laughing?"
"I just think it's cool that you don't give a shit about hurting my feelings. You're such a bitch."
"Shut up." Yoongi sighs. "I'm not doing it on purpose, okay? It's just that you're so infuriating."
"That's okay. This might come as a surprise but I don't really like it when people treat me differently."
"Stop being sarcastic," Yoongi says, exasperated.
Taehyung chuckles. "Let's talk about something else."
"No."
"Okay, then let's keep talking about me dressing like shit and how nobody ever told me. My parents really suck, don't you think?"
"Maybe they just don't want to make you feel bad."
"What about Minjun? Why didn't he tell me?"
"Same reason, I suppose."
"Fucking wanker, that's what he is."
"Was," Yoongi corrects. He regrets it immediately. "You're right, let's talk about something else."
"Did you bring flowers?" Taehyung asks, after a moment.
"No."
"Me neither. Do you think you could steal some from other graves?"
"No! Taehyung, seriously, what the fuck?"
"It was a joke!"
Yoongi groans.
"Anyway, Minjun told me you play the piano too. Would you play for me someday before you fuck off to college?"
Yoongi thinks about how things have shifted now. He doesn't know if he can just go to college after all. He was supposed to go with Minjun. "I don't think I can do that," he says distractedly.
"What? Play piano or go to college?"
"College." Yoongi meant both, though. He doesn't feel like playing anymore. Minjun taught him how to play piano. In exchange, Yoongi taught him how to play basketball but Minjun sucked at it, even after months of training.
"Minjun told me you were always unsure about that. He said you don't think you're good enough to go to college, but he really thought you were more than good. 'He's just insecure', he used to say."
"He told you a lot of things about me, huh?"
"Well, that's cause I used to ask him." Taehyung shurgs. "And he knew I wasn't gonna tell anyone cause I don't talk to anyone ever." He sounds self-deprecating. "Out of all Minjun's friends, you're the only one I can stand, by the way."
"Really? I always assumed you didn't like me at all. You used to lock yourself in your room whenever I was around."
"That's cause I was jealous. Minjun always invited friends and I don't have any friends. I felt like a loser." Taehyung takes off his glasses. "Am I looking at you directly?"
He isn't. "Kind of," Yoongi replies.
"Good." Taehyung clears his throat. "You," he says with an accusing tone. "All of you. You never invited me to hang out."
"I never thought you would want that."
"I wanted to be your friend so bad." Taehyung shakes his head. He puts his glasses back on. "I would have tolerated Namjoon and Hoseok just to be your friend, you know."
Yoongi tries not to laugh. "What's wrong with them?"
"Namjoon is a nerd and Hoseok is too enthusiastic about life, I don't fucking trust him."
Yoongi smiles. "Why do you like me?" he asks, a little shy.
"Cause my parents don't like you," Taehyung says simply.
"They don't?" Yoongi snorts. "I never noticed," he says sarcastically.
"They think you're a bad influence." Taehyung grins. "A criminal."
Yoongi laughs quietly.
"Imagine if they knew you're gay!" Taehyung says dramatically.
Yoongi doesn't say anything.
"Anyway, I have criminal tendencies too, but people don't ever suspect cause I'm blind. They don't think a blind kid could be a bad person, but I am."
"You're not a bad person," Yoongi says, almost affectionately.
"But I am. I've done some things that should be illegal. I'm a criminal like you."
"Stop saying that."
"You literally went to prison for beating up a kid."
"Prison?" Yoongi chuckles.
"Okay, juvenile detention. It's just as bad, though. It's on your record," Taehyung points out. "Now, if you fuck up again, you will definitely go to jail cause you're twenty."
Yoongi doesn't say anything.
"Hey, so what was it like? Did you make friends with other criminal boys? Did that make you gay?"
"Shut up. You're being annoying. And ignorant."
"Do you wanna hit me?"
"No! Taehyung, what are you on about?"
"Is that why that kid got beaten up? He was being annoying and you just shut him up?"
"Shut up, Taehyung," Yoongi warns.
"You can beat me with my cane, if you want," Taehyung offers.
"I won't beat you with your own cane. What the fuck?"
"So you would beat me but not with my cane?"
"No. I wouldn't beat you. Not with your cane, not with anything. I wouldn't beat at all. Not even if you gave me a reason to beat you up."
"Is it because I'm blind? In a way, that's discrimination, you know. People always think they're making me a favor by treating me—"
"It's not because you're blind!" Yoongi shouts. "It's because you're my best friend's little brother! Friend who's fucking dead now and you're literally standing on his grave, for fuck's sake!"
That finally shuts Taehyung up. And his face changes to horror.
"Why didn't you tell me I'm standing on his grave, asshole!" Taehyung cries.
"I thought you knew!"
"I'm blind! Fucking asshole!" Taehyung makes an attempt to walk and he drops his cane. His hands are shaking.
"Here," Yoongi says, grabbing his hand, "let me help you."
"Fuck off!"
Taehyung is crying so hard, and Yoongi feels like crying too. This is so horrible. Taehyung looks so disturbed. He looks like he can't breathe properly.
"Let's sit, let me help you," Yoongi tries again.
"Fuck off!" Taehyung cries harder.
That's when Yoongi breaks too. That's when everything hits him again. He walks towards Taehyung and he just hugs him tightly.
Taehyung freezes, and Yoongi is the one crying now.
After a moment, Taehyung starts to rub Yoongi's back. He isn't crying anymore. He lets Yoongi cry in his arms.
After what feels like hours, Yoongi calms down. He takes a few steps back and wipes his tears in silence.
"I wanna sit now," Taehyung says. "Would you help me?"
Yoongi picks up Taehyung's cane and hands it to him. He grabs Taehyung's arm ungraciously and guides him to the side of the grave. They sit on the ground in complete silence.
"Yoongi," Taehyung speaks after a few minutes.
"What now?" Yoongi's voice sounds hoarse.
"It's my birthday tomorrow, did you know?" Taehyung says, quietly.
"No." Yoongi feels bad for not knowing. He's known Taehyung since he was ten. Half of his life. "I didn't know, sorry."
"Well, now you know. I'm turning eighteen."
Yoongi doesn't say anything because he can see Taehyung's starting to cry again and he doesn't know how to deal with that. He doesn't dare to ask why he's crying, specifically. Reasonably, he could assume Taehyung's crying because his brother is dead but he was joking about it a moment ago, so Yoongi wouldn't know.
"I'm celebrating my birthday anyway," Taehyung speaks again.
"That's good."
"Would you hang out with me tomorrow?" Taehyung asks.
Yoongi swallows and it's tragically audible.
"Please," Taehyung speaks again before Yoongi has the chance to turn him down. He sounds needy and broken, and Yoongi thinks he should do this for Minjun.
"Okay," he says.
"Would you play piano for me?" Taehyung asks, wiping a tear.
"Sure."
"Do you consider me your friend?"
Yoongi shakes his head. He then realizes how stupid that is. He thinks he could lie and say he does because Taehyung obviously didn't see that, but he shouldn't lie about that. He thinks that, somehow, Taehyung would know and think he's being lied to because he's blind and Yoongi took pity on him. Yoongi does pity him but not for being blind. He feels sorry for him because he lose his brother. "Not really," he says honestly. "We've never talked before. I don't really know you."
"I always felt like I could call you my friend. Like, technically friends," Taehyung says. "The other two losers too," he adds.
"That's not how it works. It doesn't matter if I've known you since forever. I wouldn't say that all the kids I grew up with are my friends."
"We can bond now, don't you think? You're like, a second-hand friend to me now. Like inheritance. Like Minjun's clothes, remember?"
Yoongi punches him on the arm and Taehyung laughs.
"Why are you laughing?" Yoongi hits him again.
"You punched me," Taehyung says, still laughing.
"I'll do it again if you keep laughing."
"You punched a blind kid, you psychopath!"
Yoongi laughs too. "You're not a kid."
Taehyung smiles big. "This isn't the first time you hit me."
"What are you talking about now?"
"You hit me with a ball when I was nine," Taehyung says. "Accidentally," he adds. "My mom yelled at you." He giggles. "I think that was the last time my mom let me play outside."
"Oh, yeah, I remember that. Your nose was bleeding so much."
"And Minjun got into a fight with some kids that were making fun of me."
"I think we bullied those kids for a while." Yoongi laughs. "Jungkook and Jimin. They were so annoying."
"Wow. That's low. You're a bully. Not just a misunderstood bad boy, but an actual bully."
"Yeah, but Jungkook's older brother bullied us back so it's okay," Yoongi says. "He was really cute back then. Now he's the hottest guy ever."
Taehyung hums. "What's his name?"
"Seokjin," Yoongi says, smiling. "I liked him so much. I actually enjoyed the bullying cause I wanted his attention so bad." Yoongi laughs. "That's so fucked up."
"School sounds fun."
"It wasn't," Yoongi says.
"I'm sure it was more exciting than being homeschooled. My mom had breakdowns twice a day cause she didn't understand Braille. And, like, I was the one supposed to learn. She's so damn nosy. My teachers always abandoned me because of her."
"Parents are like that," Yoongi says.
"Are yours like that?"
"Not really."
"Let's be friends, Yoongi."
Yoongi huffs. "Way of changing the subject."
"Is that a yes?"
"No," Yoongi says, but he's smiling.
"C'mon," Taehyung whines. "You really don't wanna be my friend?"
"Your parents wouldn't like that, you know."
"Isn't that the exciting part?"
"Not really," Yoongi says.
"But it is. They probably think they got rid of you forever because Minjun died. What they don't know is that they'll have to keep seeing your face when we start our adventures. We could be like a powerful TV duo; The Gay and The Blind."
"Asshole."
Taehyung laughs. "C'mon! Be my friend. I can already hear my parents giving me the talk, but about drugs cause they think you're a drug dealer."
"They really think that?" Yoongi asks, but he's not surprised.
"Yeah."
"They're awful." Yoongi huffs.
"I've been telling you. Our friendship will be a public revenge on my parents. Let's be friends out of spite."
"I can't believe you only wanna befriend me cause your parents don't like me."
Taehyung laughs. "It's not just that, c'mon. You're so honest and bold. You don't treat me differently. That's all I want." Taehyung sighs. "People are so ignorant. Like, they think I'm miserable because I'm blind. But my life is just like theirs. I've experienced good moments and also tragedies. Most of the time, I really am just happy to exist and do my own thing in my own way. Life is good. I know there are things that I can't do at all but that doesn't mean I want to do them, that doesn't mean I feel miserable because of that. I hate the way people talk to me—I can hear they pity me. I hate how my parents act like I'm useless, like I'm not smart or worthy. They treat me like a baby and it suffocates me. I hate the way they act around me. It makes me sick. People around me are so boring and stupid and fucking fake. You're not. You're so cool, Yoongi."
"Okay. Let's be friends," Yoongi says.
"Really?" Taehyung smiles brightly.
Yoongi chuckles. "Yes."
"All that cheesy shit I said really convinced you?"
Yoongi knocks him to the ground. "You're impossible."
Taehyung can't stop laughing.