Archive of Our Own

He knew it. From the beginning, he knew that all of this wouldn’t make him gain anything positive. But he still did it, he still followed his heart ; sweeping every little negative thought away from his mind.

***

Tinnaphob joined the hospital 4 years ago today. He remembered because it was on his birthday, the day he turned 25 years old. He was still studying but finally could practice as an intern after 7 long years. After 4 years at the hospital, juggling between medical interventions, check ups, classes and exams, he ultimately got his diploma and became a cardiologist after 11 full years.

During those 4 years, Tinn saw a lot of different profiles. Children with birth diseases to old people. Fortunately, the majority got healthier and were now living perfectly fine. But it also occurred, sometimes, for the patient to feel their condition weakening and by the time we all knew it wouldn’t last long anymore.

As a professional doctor, he had to be strong in front of them and, while still being true and honest, try his best to be positive and hope for the best to happen. We all know the worst for a doctor is to get close to their patients. If it doesn't end well, they would be in an even worse state than for a regular patient. Until then, Tinn would have said he succeeded. Of course, a lot of them were very dear to him but he always could draw a professional line and forget about them for a few hours when he was home. That was until he had this one new patient.

It was around 8 months ago when Tiwson, his colleague, told him a new man was in room 24. “He’s stable now but he came here yesterday after a heart attack”. He then enumerated all the other important details Tinn needed to know about his identity and condition and asked him to be his referring doctor.

As soon as Tinnaphob was done with the paperwork, he took yet another coffee before going to the man’s room. He must have listened with only one ear when he got the check up because he was expecting a very much older person ; definitely not someone looking his age.

The guy didn’t seem to notice the doctor’s presence as he was immersed in his book so Tinn cleared his voice a little, deciding to interrupt his peaceful moment of literature.

“Hm good morning Khun Guntaphon, I’m doctor Tinnaphob and will be following you until your discharge.” The guy looked surprised but tried not to make it obvious ; not knowing his face was like the open book he was still holding.

At first, they didn’t really talk. Just doing check ups and little tests to see if his health was stabilizing or if he needed to stay longer. Unfortunately, the second option was the correct one. Guntaphon was in this hospital bed for two weeks already when he started to feel at ease with him. Tinn remembered how his face looked serious for the first 10 days. When he entered his room this one morning and he was greeted with a smile, he almost thought he was in the wrong room. They took time everyday to talk a little. Tinn noticed he didn’t get a lot of visits so if he can be the one of the only people the man can talk to, he will be. The doctor then learned how he got to this condition ; how genetics, like it’s usually the case, wasn’t the reason but his ex-girlfriend. “She ruined my life” was the first sentence he said.

“We were dating for a little less than 2 years already when she started to behave differently. She was bossy and very overbearing to me, almost overnight ; to the point of making me scared to even approach her.” He gulped and breathed a few times before continuing. “My previous doctor told me I developed coronary artery disease because of her. At first, I didn’t understand how it was possible, but as the day passed, I could see how my diet became unhealthy, my sleep schedule, completely off, high blood pressure and stress started rising and I even started smoking on top of that.” Guntaphon’s story weighed heavily in the room. The gravity of it made Tinn realize that beyond the medical charts, no one in the hospital really knew the patients’ lives at all.

As he continued, Tinn listened attentively. Nodding and humming from time to time, showing him he was understanding and supporting him. At this exact moment, he knew Guntaphon would only get better if emotional and psychological treatments were being involved. Medications were definitely not enough.

“Being with her was like living in a constant state of anxiety. It was only after 3 years being under her control that I gathered all my courage to leave.”

Knowing him for a few days, Tinn could still feel the pain he continuously carried inside his head and heart.

After that day, almost all of Tinn’s breaks at the hospital were with Guntaphon. Sitting on the chair next to his bed ; sometimes talking seriously, sometimes purely joking about the most futile things that happened to them. They really talked about literally everything and anything they could think of. Being more comfortable with each other, Tinn realized how sweet of a person Guntaphon was, and even funny ; always adding jokes to his stories.

They even discussed stress management techniques and introduced Guntaphon to a really good psychologist in the hospital he could talk to whenever he wanted. Beyond the medical advice, Tinn also wanted to become a supportive presence, someone he could confide in.

Still going back and forth with the tests and medications, his health was finally going better ; he would probably be able to go home in the next few days. And that was when the doctor started thinking how he won’t see him again starting the next week.

He was the one occupying his days, talking to him and taking care of his health but why was he feeling like he was the one that would miss him? “Wait, I would miss him?” He realized, voice loud as surprise was the only emotion he was feeling at that moment. They have known each other for a month and he was already attached to him? Was it just because he was the only person he was having real conversations with that was not his mom when she was calling him once a week? Maybe he needed to go out a little more.

So as always, when the day for him to get discharged came up, Tinn knocked on his door with a bright smile and sat on the chair.

“Today's the day Guntaphon ! I’ll give you a work stoppage but you can finally go home.”

Guntaphon chuckled, closing the book that was still open between his hands. “For the hundred times, don’t call me Guntaphon please. It sounds too serious, I don’t like it.”

“Alright Gun, then please call me Tinn”

He nodded with a mischievous glint in his eyes that slowly faded when he saw the papers in Tinn’s hand. “After a whole month here, I’ll finally be able to go back to my routines, that’s nice.”

“But also” Gun continued right when he was about to get up. “I wanted to thank you. I know you’re a doctor and it’s your job to take care of people coming here, but I feel like you didn’t only treat the problem I came here for but also the pain that I carried inside me.”

Tinn nodded as a tiny smile appeared on his lips, not really knowing what to say but still touched by the words.

As they filled out the last paperwork documents and agreed on some dates for future follow-up appointments, Tinn couldn’t help but feel a hint of sadness. He had grown quite used to their daily conversations, the jokes and most importantly, the genuine connection they had almost automatically formed. But he also had to remind himself that it’s part of the job ; patients always come and go, and he needed to maintain that professional distance.

They exchanged a few more words as he walked Gun out of the hospital. He couldn’t shake off the feeling of emptiness that started to form in his chest. The routine he had developed in this past month was going to change, yet again, and he didn’t know how to feel about it.

Over the next few days, the doctor realized how the hospital sounded really quiet and how the other doctors and nurses were focused on their work without saying anything. Everytime he passed by room 24, he couldn’t help but glance at the bed inside, hoping to see him again ; with a smile on his face and this one specific book. It was a really strange feeling, one he didn’t expect.

So as if it was the only option, he distracted himself and drowned into work.

One day, as he was examining some patient’s charts and recent tests, a nurse called him to the front desk. Curious, he made his way there quickly, wondering what couldn’t wait. As he walked closer, he saw a familiar face looking at his direction and holding a little plastic bag.

“Hm Tinn hi! I wanted to give you something but I didn’t have the chance to finish it in time so I thought I could come back.” They both chuckled a little while Gun raised his arm up, handing a book to the other; the same one he had been reading during his stay.

Tinn was surprised. He was surprised but more than that, he was touched and grateful for the unexpected gesture. He wasn’t the type of person to enjoy reading but receiving a book as a gift like this one, he will, for sure, make an exception. As Gun walked away through the main doors, the doctor couldn’t help but feel a sense of contentment, head lighter.

Maybe it was possible to form connections in this job without losing one’s professionalism.

As he returned to his office, he found himself opening the book. The pages were filled with little notes and comments Gun had written, capturing his thoughts and experiences during his time at the hospital. Flipping through the pages, he couldn’t help but smile at the small doodles and jokes that were added to every other page.

Days turned into weeks and he continued his work as if it was the only thing he could do in his life. The book Gun gave him became the only distraction, source of comfort during his lonely breaks and a reminder of the little time they shared.

One evening, as he was reviewing his schedules for the next day like everytime before going home, he saw the appointment he was waiting for.

***

When he entered his consultation room, Gun was already sitting on the chair before the desk, waiting for him.

They spent almost an hour discussing his recovery and sharing little stories here and there. The professional tone was there, but underneath it, a genuine connection continued to be felt. Gun’s presence brought a sense of joy and familiarity back to the hospital.

Tinn ended the appointment by delivering him another prescription and adding a little post-it note on top of it, an almost invisible smirk on his lips. “I’m adding this so you can reach out to me without having to come.”

Gun chuckled the second he recognized it was a phone number. “You have my number in my patient file, why didn't you use it?”

To be honest, the idea came to his mind more than once. “I can't use file's information for personal use, you know?”

Understanding, Gun agreed, though his eyes sparkled with a hint of mischief. “You’re right, then I should call you Doctor Tinnaphob during our appointments from now on.”

Tinn couldn’t help but laugh a little at his remark. As the man left the room, he was still unknowingly wearing the smile on his lips. It was refreshing to spend these kind of light moments again.

As weeks turned into months, their friendship continued to grow. They started texting regularly and even trying to find a day where both of them –mostly Tinn– were free. And so, once they did, they finally met outside the hospital. Without saying it clearly, it definitely felt like a date. Seeing each other in a cute place, wearing their daily outfits –Gun’s one was too cute not to be a date outfit– no colleagues or work around us. It felt nice. Still drinking coffee like they usually did in the hospital’s room.

But this time, in a really nice and calm coffee shop. They sat in the corner next to the window, looking at the bright sky and calm park on the other side of the street. The background music was soft and nice to their ears. Still sharing stories, laughter and some occasional serious conversations, Tinn felt really nice. Their friendship evolved into something deeper, and soon, the initial fear of getting too close to a patient began to fade, replaced by a deeper understanding of a perfect –but delicate– balance of the boundaries between a doctor and his patient.

Once they finished their drinks and the piece of cake Gun ordered, they decided to walk around the park. Shoulders against each other's and arms touching with every new step.

Tinn thought he was the only one thinking about holding the other's hand at that moment but he soon felt small fingers slowly touching his’. When he turned his head to look at him, Gun's lips were wearing a smile despite still talking and his eyes were almost sparkling.

Tinn didn't even realize Gun changed the topic of the conversation before he squeezed his hand, giggling.

“Are you even listening to me or are you still stuck on the fact that my hand is in yours?”

Caught in the middle of his thoughts, Tinn chuckled at the remark. “Completely guilty”, his laugh only grew louder and it warmed Tinn's heart.

“Sorry, what were you saying?”

He saw Gun hesitating on what to say. After a few seconds and strokes on the back of his hand, he repeated, this time with Tinn's full attention. “I just feel really nice right now and-” he paused a little, not sure how to phrase his own thoughts. “I just really value our friendship and I really don't wanna rush anything but I can't deny what I feel Tinn. And I know you feel it too.”

Lost in the warmth of the moment, Tinn's senses increased tenfold. The soft touch of their interlocked fingers, the gentle glow and warmth of the setting sun between the tree branches. And Gun was right. Tinn felt it too. He was feeling so good with him, and he knew it for a while now. He was just scared to acknowledge it completely but deep inside, he knew it and didn't want to even reject what made him happier.

With a single glance, Gun's eyes echoed the sentiments that had been growing between them. In that silent but mutual , they discovered the courage to explore this unknown journey that was waiting arms open to them.

Slowly leaning in, their lips finally met for the first time. The time seemed to pause, every sound around him was fading as the only touch of their hands and lips kept him alive. This first kiss held a symphony of emotions, a crescendo of anticipation and vulnerability.

None of them was moving fast, just enough to make the other feel everything they couldn’t say by words until now. This kiss was really like their emotions were talking by themselves.

As they pulled away, their facial expressions spoke louder than words ever could. A delicate smile played on their rosy lips, reflecting the realization that a new chapter had begun.

Their surroundings, once paused, seemed to be more alive now, the grass and the leaves greener, the birds chattier and the sunset colors’ were more vivid. It was as if the kiss opened all their senses.

With each passing second, the park became the first witness of the shy smiles and blushing cheeks they were both wearing. The connection that quickly developed to friends, had now evolved to something more. They didn’t even put a label on it yet but they both knew what they wanted to be.

As they continued to walk around the park, their fingers still intertwined, the conversations kept flowing. New topics were discussed as if the new relationship between them had opened a new door for them to discover.

Months passed and Gun became an integral part of Tinn’s life. Their relationship had grown into something even more beautiful. Gun understood the challenges of Tinn’s job and Tinn appreciated Gun’s resilience facing his health. His health that they kept forgetting the problems of.

Their connection deepened, and they learned to blend Tinn’s full days of work into their personal time. Regularly seeing each other in that one coffee shop that became their go-to place, on the same sofa at the far back corner ; an unspoken bond continuing to grow. Sometimes changing the routine and choosing somewhere more exciting like an amusement park or more simple like a cinema, when a new interesting movie had just come out.

At one point, seeing the back and forths between his own apartment and Gun’s to take some of his clothes and other belongings after staying for the nights every once in a while –that was starting to happen more and more often– Gun suggested moving in with him.

One of the reasons he ended up agreeing –out loud– was the fact that the other’s apartment was closer than his’ from the hospital. He didn’t need to know cuddling all night long was what made Tinn accept.

So that same day, after picking up some bags full of his essentials, they ate together on the sofa –maybe too close for just eating– and went up to bed.

It wasn’t their first night together but it was different. Knowing he would live here from now on felt different ; comfier and more intimate. As they lay under the sheets, the bedside lamps being the only sources of lights, the outside world seemed to fade away, yet again. Their soft and synchronized breaths made him relaxed. He kissed Gun’s nape as a ‘good night’ before turning off the lights and closing his eyes.

Minutes after minutes, Tinn still couldn’t fall asleep. And judging by the fidgeting body against him, Gun couldn’t either. The other man ended up turning around and facing him. The room barely showed any lights except for the moon through the window ; the silent dialogue in their eyes carried a lot of unspoken desires and tension. Gun moved his hand to Tinn’s face, replacing his hair away from his eyes and caressing his cheek slowly. Traveling his fingers down to the other's lips ; the warmth radiating from both of them became unavoidable.

Their bodies gravitated closer, almost by themselves. Gun's eyes staring into Tinn's, lust apparent even in the darkness of the night. A wave of desire came over him and without thinking he gripped at Gun’s collar, pushing his lips against the other pair. Really fast, the kiss escalated and they both fought for dominance. Gun’s hands wandered on his bare chest and back ; everywhere he could touch, while Tinn tried to make his way under his boyfriend's tank top.

His –probably– cold hands making Gun utter a little gasp, he took this chance to break the contact of their lips and remove Gun’s top.

“Is this okay for you?” he simply nodded while whispering a really breathy ‘more than okay’.

Tinn almost couldn’t control himself after that. Their bodies metamorphosed, almost becoming one. The feeling of Gun's skin on his’, their hot breaths and saliva being exchanged were the only thing occupying both of their minds.

At one point Tinn felt Gun moving his hand from his nape down to his chest, slowly –very slowly. Going over Tinn’s nipple, his waist to the hem of his shorts, settling his fingers just underneath it, almost teasingly. Breaking the kiss once again to take a breath, he saw the look in Gun's eyes, expecting more ; craving more.

“Are you really sure you wanna continue?” Tinn saw him nodding his head even before he could finish the sentence.

“You don’t know how long I was waiting for this, Tinn.”

***

Tinn suddenly woke up in the middle of the night, which rarely happens to him since he literally passes out from his exhausting day every time. Since the other side of the bed was empty, he decided to check the time. 3:19am. The light in the bathroom answered his question but when a few minutes passed and Gun was still locked up in that little room, questions and thoughts instantly came back in his head.

When he opened the door, Gun was sitting on the floor, his head low in his hands, eyes closed, legs shaking against his chest and his breathing was fast, too fast. He was definitely having a panic attack.

After taking gentle steps, Tinn kneeled in front of him.

“Gun, it's me, I'm here” Tinn’s voice was just above a whisper, he didn't know if Gun wanted to calm down by himself or if he wanted any help. He didn't have the time to ask himself any more questions before Gun’s shaking hands were around his neck. Surprised, he still took him in his arms while sitting more comfortably on the floor and caressed his back slowly ; showing him the slow tempo he should focus his breathing on.

It didn't last long but it was enough to make Tinn scared and remind him why they met in the first place. After all the amazing months spent laughing and just appreciating each other's presence, he almost forgot about the other’s heart disease. He was always this smiling and positive guy, almost never letting him see his vulnerability.

His shaking disappeared and his breaths slowed down to a normal speed but the panic was still palpable in the air. The little bathroom of his apartment felt suffocating. Continuing to stroke his back, he turned his body to face the other, his eyes looking down at his own hands.

“I’m sorry for waking you up”, his voice low and muted. With his other hand Tinn gently took his chin and made Gun look at him, our eyes fixed on each other’s.

“Hey don’t apologize, anytime you need my help please tell me, okay? You’ll never be a burden to me, Gun.”

Looking at his eyes, Tinn knew there were so many things his boyfriend wanted to say but didn’t know where to start. He didn’t want to stress him out even more but he was wondering if they should move his next check-up appointment for a sooner day.

Another day was starting as Tinn heard his phone ringing. 5am was showing on the screen ; it was a really short night. After a few minutes lying still in the bed, holding Gun close to him, he finally got up and got ready, trying not to make any sound. The morning at the hospital was slow, not too many appointments were scheduled today and the tests were pretty quick. When texting him during his break, they both agreed to eat lunch together. His apartment was only a 10 minute car drive from the hospital and Tinn also really wanted to be by his side after what happened during the night.

Living together meant they could see each other more and they didn’t even have to find excuses for it. Tinn was really happy.

However his mood instantly changed when he opened the apartment’s door. The view he was seeing wasn’t what he was expecting and definitely not what he wanted to see. Gun lying on the ground, holding his chest, barely breathing.

Tinn rushed over him trying to remember every first aid action he learned and practiced for 9 years. But seeing his boyfriend in this state, his mind went blank. He couldn’t even try to guess what was happening or why. The doctor in him wasn’t present at that moment so the only thing he could do was to take him to the hospital.

As soon as he arrived, carrying Gun in his arms, everyone rushed in panic. Everyone of his colleagues tried to take him from Tinn but his grip was too strong. Eventually he allowed Tiwson, the most trustworthy doctor, to take his place, even though he didn’t want to stay away from Gun for even a second, Tinn knew he wasn’t in a state where he would be able to take care of him right now. His shaky hands were the first indicator.

Tinn was trying to calm himself down since he knew it will be quite a long wait but minutes felt like hours. Walking in a corridor because of his restless legs, the scene of Gun lying on the ground kept flashing in his head.

As soon as he saw the door opening, his legs stood up.

“How is he now?” Tinn tried to sound calm but hearing his own voice, he couldn’t even fool himself.

“He’s okay now, that’s good you came here fast. We had to proceed with a few tests to know what happened, I’ll tell you once the results are out. But know that you’ll have to be the one to talk to him about the results once they're out ; you’re his referent doctor, Tinnaphob.” he nodded his head, not ready yet to even think about what caused him to be in this state. “He’s in his bed, room 113, you can go to him.”

Tinn thanked him and went to Gun’s room ; not even taking his time to say hello to the few patients walking in the corridors, like he usually does.

Gun was awake but it was like his mind wasn’t completely there. His eyes staring blankly at the white ceiling like it was the most interesting thing. Tinn approached him slowly and when Gun turned his head to his direction, Tinn sat on the bed, next to him.

Seeing him like that, without any ounce of positivity in his eyes, his skin so pale and no smile on his lips brought Tinn back to Gun’s first weeks at the hospital. He wasn’t as close to him as he is now but the feeling of worry was already there. Seeing a patient being all quiet and anxious isn’t pleasant, whether you’re close to them or not.

“How are you feeling, love?” a small smile appeared on his lips as the pet-name fell naturally from Tinn’s mouth, as if he knew it would make him instantly feel better.

“I feel numb.” his voice was only a mere whisper.

“Mh that’s because of the medications. Your heart was beating way too fast, they had to slow it down. But you’re okay now mh? I’ll stay with you.” taking Gun’s hand in his’, showing him he wasn’t planning on leaving his side anytime soon.

Once Tiwson came to them signaling that the results were finally available, he handed Tinn the files, knowing they will stay here and won’t go to the office.

Reading everything before explaining it to Gun brought back the mix of anticipation and concern. The atmosphere shifted to worry very fast. The once comforting room where Gun and Tinn met, shared smiles, coffees and stories, became a place they didn’t want to put a foot in anymore. He couldn’t help but feel sad himself, realizing the person he cared deeply for was forced to live like this.

The unspoken worry and sad smiles were all that could be sensed in the room as Tinn looked back at Gun, replacing himself on the bed to be more in front of him, as his doctor.

As expected with the recent symptoms, the updates that came after today’s tests were not as positive. Tinn really didn’t want to tell him anything bad but at the same time he couldn't lie. Both as a doctor and a boyfriend, this situation was the worst.

Interlacing their fingers, Tinn cleared his voice and began softly when Gun’s attention was fully on him. “As I said, your heartbeats were too fast and irregular which resulted in you having a seizure, an atrial fibrillation more exactly. Luckily I arrived soon enough for it not to be too advanced yet and the doctors took you in charge quickly. They did a lot of tests, right? We just wanted to make sure your heart condition didn’t get worse.” he paused a little just to sort his thoughts out, stroking the back of his hand with his thumb. Gun’s eyes were still staring at him, almost looking like he was zoning out.

“Unfortunately, the results are not as good as I would like them to be. I think, no I’m sure we will get through it, we’ll try new treatments okay? There's no reason for you not to recover anymore, I'm gonna take the best care of you, you don’t have to worry, alright?”

He nodded very slowly showing Tinn he was still listening. Tinn then put the papers aside on the chair in the corner and hugged him gently. Stroking his back with one hand and caressing his hair with this other, whispering in his ear. “I’m never gonna leave your side, love. We’re in this together.”

Spending a little while in each other’s arms, just enjoying the warmth, the silence and the comfort the other was giving them. Tinn’s mind was running miles thinking about Gun and the results. He needed to be strong ; he needed to help him not pull him down. But deep down he knew this would be a big challenge, both for his health and their relationship.

Days passed and Gun visited the hospital more and more. Tinn would be happy if he was visiting him during his breaks, just to see his boyfriend ; but having to see him during his shifts though was not the best way to meet. Tests, treatments and specialists were what put rhythm in their days. But Gun was still the positive and optimistic guy he met months ago.

Unconsciously, Tinn started to give him hugs more, hold his hands, simply showing his love to him. He wasn’t trying to change anything between them but at the bottom of his heart he just couldn’t resist ; he was scared of losing him. Every other day, he saw him having a little more difficulty breathing or putting his hand on his chest –trying– to ease the pain.

Pushing themselves to continue their normal lives, still going out, planning dates, sharing stories and laughs, all those little things helped both of them not to lose their smiles. Their relationship was beautiful and if one day it had to end, Tinn wanted to remember only the nice moments since they met.

One evening, as they both sat on the couch, watching whatever was on tv, Tinn got this sudden thought. Realizing how good they feel together and how Gun’s life was now holding onto a thin thread, his mind wondered what it would be like if they spent their entire life together ; officialy.

Without even thinking –which he definitely should have done– he started talking.

“Love? Should we get married one day?”

“Huh?” his attention directly changed from the uninteresting tv show to the question. His eyes looking lost and his brows furrowing deeper and deeper. Yeah he should have probably started lighter than throwing this bold question first.

Seeing Gun wasn’t gonna say anything, still shocked by the sudden request, Tinn cleared his voice and started again, hopefully easing the situation.

“I mean, hm, what do you think about marriage? Have you ever thought about it?” Tinn knew he was trying to understand what he was saying, almost seeing the gears turning in his head.

“Why are you saying that all of the sudden?” chuckling and emphasizing on the ‘you’ and ‘that’, knowing very well it wasn’t really his character to talk about weddings and couple things.

Because of that, Tinn got pretty scared he would start to guess what was happening. This situation was difficult and he didn’t know how to deal with it. His disease isn’t going well and whether they like that information or not, one day it will take him away. It’s been months and months they’ve been seeing each other now and all Tinn wanted right at this moment was to finish his life with him. His mere presence added something so intense in his life, that he wouldn’t trade for anything else.

Realizing his mind was drifting from the original topic, he cleared his voice once again.

“Don’t you think it would be great?” Acting with his hands, like he could see a scene of both of them in the future, in front of them, instead of the tv.

Gun stared at Tinn for what seemed like a lifetime, his eyes full of surprise, confusion and maybe a hint of fear. A nervous energy settled between them as he processed the unexpected turn in their conversation.

“I never really thought about it,” he finally admitted, fidgeting with the edge of a pillow, his voice cautious. “I mean, it’s a big step, isn’t it?”

Tinn nodded, acknowledging and understanding his worry. Marriage is a huge commitment, and for them, it seemed even more significant considering the challenges they were facing. He took a deep breath and opened up a bit more, trying not to sound too pressuring.

“I know it’s not something we’ve talked about before, but lately I’ve been thinking about us and our future a lot. Life is unpredictable and I really don’t want us to waste any time. I love being with you, I love every moment we have together, I really love you Gun.”

He sighed, his gaze shifting from Tinn’s eyes to the floor, as if searching for his next words. “I love you too Tinn, i love spending time with you too but we can still do that without being married, you know.”

He nodded once again, agreeing with him. They sat in silence, their attention back on the TV, absorbing what was said during the conversation. It was a delicate but serious subject and he wanted to give him the time and space he needed to process everything.

Days passed without evoking the marriage idea again. Until one day, Tinn noticed how Gun was acting differently ; like he wanted to say or, on the opposite, hide something. It was during his lunch break, and like every other day, he came back home to eat with his boyfriend. As soon as his feet got past the door, he saw Gun in the kitchen, preparing their food. His back facing the entrance, not even turning his head to welcome him. Cautiously, Tinn went up to him and circled his arms around the other’s waist, nestling in his neck.

Right when he was about to talk, he felt his hands being removed from his middle. “I'm not done yet.”

Tinn was definitely a little disappointed with his reaction but didn't show it. Leaning against the fridge behind, he simply looked at him. The air filled with tension and unspoken words. Maybe he had a bad morning. Or maybe he didn't sleep well.

Going to the living room when the food was ready, they sat and ate in silence. It was so out of the ordinary that Tinn was feeling uncomfortable. He could see Gun’s leg shaking under the table, he was too. After waiting a few more seconds, he couldn’t stop himself.

“Gun, what’s happening?”

“Nothing.” he simply replied, not even looking up.

Tinn was feeling scared. Scared that he was sensing something. Since the last appointment, when he had his seizure, nothing’s been the same. Of course, love is still very much present between us but fear and uncertainty are what fill our hearts the most. I’m trying hard to be positive and reassure him but when I saw his test results at the time, I just knew we couldn’t do anything anymore. And I couldn’t bear telling him.

As if he could read my mind, he started talking again. “When are you planning on telling me?” my brows furrowed instantly as my mouth opened a little, not knowing what to say.

“I know you’re hiding something from me,Tinn. Care to share it with me or am I not important enough for you? You’ve been very distracted recently ; one day, you can’t even let me go, hugging me non stop, which is already not what you’re usually like. And the day after, you’re not touching me, not even looking at me, as if you don’t know me. And then you ask me what I think about being married? Seriously, I just wanna understand you Tinn.” his voice growing louder after each sentence and tears slightly forming in his eyes. Tinn felt useless.

Feeling helpless in front of his stoic self, Gun just stopped talking. His head resting low in his hands, probably trying to calm down.

Tinn should be the one reassuring him, being there for him everyday to help him fight this disease. But at the end of the day, he was just making him question their relationship? He was so disappointed in himself.

“Are you not even gonna say anything?”

“I just don’t know what to say…” looking directly into his eyes once he straightened his head again. Tinn was feeling the pain and sadness filling up the room.

“Then what? You’re not gonna speak up and let everything continue like that? That’s what you want Tinn?” Gun was talking almost too calmly, it was torturing him even more. “I’m giving you a chance to explain yourself right now, why are you not seizing it? What’s this hard to tell me?” the tears begging to fall from the corners of his eyes.

Slowly trying to organize his thoughts, Tinn started to speak. “I'm scared. I’m just so scared to lose you, you have no idea.”

He could hear Gun mumbling something in the line of ‘it doesn’t look like it’ and Tinn’s heart broke in millions of pieces. Acting like he didn’t hear anything not to make the other wait even more, he resumed ; talking slowly so he didn't come off too strong.

“It’s about your health. I’m scared that even the new treatments won’t work on you. Your condition is probably too advanced for it to heal and I can’t make my mind, nor my heart, to understand and be okay with that.”

Gun’s expression shifted from anger and pain to pure sadness and shock. The only part of him that was still concentrated scattered when seeing the first tears rolling down on his boyfriend’s cheek. Tinn reached out to take his hand from across the table, his hold gentle yet firm.

“I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you sooner but even with the most bravery I can have, I just couldn’t be honest with you.” he squeezed his hand as a silent response, a feeling of warmth and love despite the heaviness in the air. “I’m just not ready to face the reality and accept the fact that you… you probably won’t mak-” A sob escaped from between his lips, stopping him from finishing the sentence that has been haunting him for weeks.

The unsaid words resonating in his head, Tinn didn’t hear when Gun stood up and went next to him, circling his arms around the man. With the long forgotten plates still full of food on the table, he let himself be engulfed in the warmth of Gun’s arms and concentrating on his now steady breath.

“I’m sorry.” His voice was so quiet, Tinn could only hear him because of their close proximity. “I’m so sorry for making you endure this.”

Tinn instantly stopped him from apologizing even more. They stood there in silence for a moment, the weight of their emotions hanging around the room. The tension in their shoulders slowly beginning to ease.

The minutes passed, and they both parted from the warm embrace. The cold food lingering on the table being piled up in the kitchen, their stomach not in the mood to continue eating ; the silence still in the air regardless of the anger not longer being present.

Sitting on the couch, almost zoning out in front of the tv ; it was like a routine at this point. He heard Gun open and close his mouth multiple times. Feeling like he needed his attention to express his thoughts, Tinn hummed softly.

“Was it the reason you asked me about the wedding?”

“Mh yeah. I didn’t want to pressure you at all but at the same time I wanted to approach this topic as soon as possible. I wasn’t really thinking straight and just blurred it out honestly. It’s just that… I really want our commitment to be official, you know. To have something that solidifies our bond in the eyes of the world. To have that sense of permanence even if it’s not possible to be together until the end.”

Gun’s gaze changed, still fixated on his boyfriend but Tinn could still see something different. He shifted a little to be completely in front of him, without looking away for even a second.

“I think you’re right,” he started, voice steady but still filled with uncertainty. “I want to face everything that will be in our way, no matter how difficult it will be. I want to stay with you until the end, no matter how short the time will be. And I really want to experience a wedding. with you.”

Tinn’s heart started racing as the words fell from his mouth. The corners of his lips going up and his eyes blinking rapidly, he couldn't believe what the other was saying.

“Are you saying…?” Tinn couldn't even finish his sentence when he saw him nod, a full smile on display and his eyes shiny. Without hesitation, he threw my arms around Gun’s neck, pulling him close as if to never let him go.

In that moment, surrounded by love and the promise of an eternal future together, Tinn knew that no matter what challenges will be faced, they would face them hand in hand. And together, they will overcome them all.

The weeks passed, dates in coffee shops or random parks, visiting their parents or going out with some friends and tests at the hospital still succeeding each other. They now –finally– started to add the wedding preparation in between and Tinn couldn’t be happier. Forgetting about the medical reason, a marriage with the one you love, is always a highlight in your life that you’re excited about and want to cherish forever.

Unfortunately, there wasn’t that much time ahead because of Gun’s health not getting any better, but they did everything in time.

Choosing the venue, the day, the rings and suits, who they were going to invite ; every one of these usually needed quite a long time but even with a restricted amount of it, in the end all of their choices were perfect.

They decided to go for a small and simple but pretty venue. A big garden surrounded by trees and colorful flowers, with just two small water fountains at the far back corners. White chairs on each side of an alley that will end with an arch of white and red flowers. Just like their suits. Black or white with a touch of red for both of them. And white gold rings ; engraved with their names on the insides. With only their close relatives and friends being invited, this day will be the best they could ask for.

The day finally came and as expected they were both so excited. They couldn’t control the smile playing on their lips, nor their restless hands. Their parents knocked on the door of the room where they were finishing getting ready in, and once Tinn and Gun looked at each other knowing it would be the last time they would be able to be in private for the rest of the day, they let them in.

As soon as they entered, Tinn’s mom rushed towards her son and threw her arms around his shoulders, engulfing him in her small frame. Stepping back a little from the hug after a few minutes to get to his dad, Tinn saw how Gun was doing his best to hold back his tears as his mom was caressing his cheek gently.

Once everyone calmed down a little –not for long– the future husbands kneeled down in front of them three for the last blessing before the marriage. As expected, the tears started to fall again. The wedding having to take place in these conditions made everyone sad while it was supposed to be their best day, full of love and happiness only.

One after the other, the parents started by holding their hands, looking into their eyes until they were calm enough to deliver the emotions settled in their own hearts. Their words were everything Tinn and Gun needed to hear, comforting them to live through this uncertain future.

After a whole hour in that room, spreading only love and goodwill, they heard the other guests getting impatient in the hall.

One last hug all five together and the wedding was finally able to begin.

***

The wedding went perfectly well. Everyone had a good time, dancing, singing, talking and even playing some little games. Tinn and Gun couldn’t be happier in a time like this.

As the night slowed down and the guests left already, Tinn remembered the words Gun told him during the dance opening. Alone in the middle of the dancefloor, his arms around his now husband’s neck as they slowly turned and danced ; his honey-like voice whispering in his ears so no one around them would be able to hear.

“Thank you for being the light I've always needed in my life. Living for 28 years with a dad I only have memories with and a mom I barely see because of work, an ex-girlfriend that abused and manipulated me and then the malady ; when I met you at the hospital, I knew you were different the second I heard you talk to me. Even the way you looked at me was different. I felt seen and at ease under your soft gaze. At that time, I thought you would be like the savior that would heal every part of me. And you know what? You really are. You really saved me, Tinn. I love you so much.”

Without knowing how to react Tinn just hugged him even more, his embrace tight around the other’s waist, landing leather-like kisses on his neck.

All those words replayed in his head until Gun spoke to him again talking about some dishes that need to be taken to the kitchen –or something like that. Tinn’s mind was definitely not focused on that. The sweet statement from earlier occupying all of his thoughts.

At the end of the week, when the euphoria from the wedding came back to normal –as normal as it could be– they started to talk about and plan their much-anticipated honeymoon. When should they go, for how long and most importantly, where.

A lot of different destinations came up in the conversation. From islands like the Maldives, the Canary Islands or Bali to more romantic cities like Paris, Venice or in California.

After a lot of thinking and searching on the Internet, they finalized their plans. A sense of joy and gratitude filled the room. Despite the challenges they had faced, their love had only grown stronger ; much stronger than anyone would have thought, and their honeymoon represented a celebration and a victory of their journey together.

Tinn's eyes sparkled with anticipation, his love for Gun evident in every glance, and every second. Gun, despite his situation, radiated a quiet strength, a strong determination, a beautiful and solar positivity.

With their fingers tracing the back of each other's hands, excitement bubbled between them as they envisioned their escape to paradise. Far from the hard reality of the illness and the hospital. They looked at the laptop screen in front of them, the two website pages showing a resort reservation and two fully booked plane tickets.

They settled their choices on Koh Yao Noi, a tranquil island nestled in the Phang Nga Bay, known for its untouched beauty and serene atmosphere. It wasn't too far, which meant no long hours on the plane. It also meant that –unfortunately– if something unexpected was about to happen, they would be able to go back home quickly.

***

The sun rose over the horizon, creating a beautiful painting of pink and gold shades in the sky. It was very early in the morning and the couple stood hand in hand at the edge of the pier, ready to finally embark on their honeymoon journey. The night flight went well and the excitement took over their tiredness ; happiness and anticipation of escaping to paradise palpable in the air.

As they boarded the small ferry, the gentle movements of the waves under it, accompanied but the soft rustle of the wind, Tinn wrapped his arm around Gun’s waist, pulling him close. Their eyes met, a silent exchange of love and gratitude passing between them.

Arriving at Koh Yao Noi, they were greeted by the warm smiles of the locals. The turquoise water of the bay, the scent of salt, the tropical bloom and the warm salt under the feet filling all of their senses.

When they stepped inside their little haven of tranquility, the air was filled with sweet scents of flowers ; thanks to the petals scattered all over the bed. With the big bay window right in front of it giving a panoramic view of the ocean, they felt free.

Being still completely in awe, even after two whole days on this paradise island, they couldn't be happier. They already did a few activities but took a lot of time to rest and enjoy each other's company in a setting this wonderful and unusual.

Neither of them had the chance to often go on holidays.

On one hand, Gun’s family was really modest, not a lot of money ran in his family and his parents had to work a lot to be able to live somewhat comfortably. One or two one-day trips a year were enough to make them happy and appreciate their mom and son moments. Once he got his own money after graduating he thought he would finally be able to make his mom relax more, spend time with her and take her on vacation. Little did he know the girl he would call his girlfriend wouldn’t share the same thought ; saying his only free time had to be spent with her and no one else, his money with for him –them– and his mom should no longer be his top priority. That was great.

On the other hand, Tinn’s family had the money. Their parents earned a really good living, both of them, but for a really long time their priority wasn’t to spend quality time with their loved ones. Spending some dinners together was considered enough for them ; without knowing Tinn was only wishing for more. Always at work, doing meetings or locked up in their office to, again, work ; Tinn had to spend most of his time playing alone in his room. Fortunately, all of this ended up changing but it was too late. Tinn enrolled in medical school and now he was the one who couldn’t make time for them.

So this honeymoon was really their first trip, their first time to decompress from their daily life full of routines and their first time feeling free ; it was out of the question for them to go back home after those two weeks if they felt like they did nothing there.

Doing some snorkeling, taking –a lot of– walks along the beach, during the day, during the night, going on a tour boat, biking around the island, enjoying the calm on their patio, cuddling in bed, they did it all.

As the end of the honeymoon came around, they decided to book a table in a really nice restaurant. A table for two, facing the ocean with soothing music in the background, to celebrate the new chapter that is finally beginning.

Reminiscing about their journey from day one until now.

About their first meeting, how Tinn was, according to Gun, the most handsome doctor he’s ever landed his eyes on. “You know that at first if I didn't really talk to you, it wasn't because of the hospital or my past or anything” Gun said while sipping on his cocktail. “I just didn’t know how to talk to you, it was like I was a teenager all over again having a crush at first sight.” his giggles intensified and Tinn’s love in his eyes was more and more noticeable.

About their dates, how Tinn felt very comfortable having Gun by his sides but still feeling his hands shake every time he wanted to hold the other’s ; trying to act calm while his heart was dancing and doing all kinds of somersaults inside his body. Somersaults that instantly metamorphosed into fireworks when they kissed.

About the times they got to meet each other’s friends and family ; how they both were excited but the nervousness took over anyway, each time. How once they saw everyone automatically accepted them, all the apprehension disappeared giving way to amusement and contentment.

About their little moments they try to have as soon as they have time. How Tinn would text Gun every time he was on a break at the hospital, how everytime he could go home earlier he wouldn’t tell Gun to surprise him and see the full smile on his lips, how even though Gun knew how tired the other was he noticed all the little efforts he made to be next to him as much as he could. How Gun would ask for cuddles and kisses the most delicate way, how he would prepare Tinn’s meal for him to take to the hospital so he can at least pretend they’re eating together. All those little things that made them fall in love with each other even more every day.

About all the things they like about each other, no matter how trivial it could be. How Tinn is patient, warm, funny and oh so gentle with Gun. How Gun is generous, courageous, enthusiastic and very loving with Tinn. How they can be similar but complementary at the same time ; and how they feel like they won everything in life since they met.

And that's how they finish their romantic dinner. Talking about each other while walking with the waves falling at their feet. Hand in hand and laughing at the mere souvenir of a joke they once made. Breeze running on their skin and in their hair while appreciating the simple presence of the other, looking at the beautiful scenery playing in front of their mesmerized eyes.

On the way to their room, the stars were taking all over the dark sky and the moon was reflecting the sun's light.

Once they arrived, without any word, Gun leisurely wrapped his arms around Tinn’s waist, setting his head against the back of his shoulder, placing the softest kisses on the warm skin. Slowly the pecks intensified and Tinn felt chills running down his spine. He turned his head a little just to let Gun have more access to his neck, which he gladly accepted.

Now kissing the skin where the neck and shoulder meets, he turned Tinn in his embrace so they could face each other. Tinn’s arms instantly went up, holding Gun’s face forcing him to leave his neck. Without wasting a second their lips met in a passionate kiss. All their feelings inside, pulling the other even closer to their bodies in desperate need of proximity.

Gun taking the lead, walked up to the bed ; lips and hands still attached to Tinn, making him walk backward. Once the back of his knees hit the bed frame, he sat down taking Gun with him on his lap. Not one millisecond their lips detatched.

While Gun started to open Tinn’s shirt hurriedly, not wanting the fabric in the way anymore, Tinn took his time to undo the buttons, too much time to Gun’s liking. Which he made him know by whining –in his mouth– a little. Impatient Gun was definitely Tinn’s favorite. Throwing away both of their shirts somewhere in the room, their hands went back to their places. No piece of clothing between them and the now burning skin ; at least on the top of their bodies. Their pants however were beginning to feel tight and very uncomfortable.

Not wanting to move from this position yet but in need of more, Gun was moving his hips. Little whimpers and moans were starting to be heard as their still clothed crotches were finally having some friction.

Being a little out of breath Tinn moved back, just enough to look at Gun and take his beautiful face in, before holding the other’s waist strongly and turning him on the bed. Their position changed, Gun was now laying on his back, eyes wide looking at Tinn, lips slightly ajar but very red and swollen. “The most perfect sight” Tinn murmured.

After this, things escalated very fast. Not being able to control their wants and desires anymore. Sloppy kisses, hands everywhere on each other’s body, movements of their hips ; moans definitely couldn’t be held back. The outside world was long forgotten by now, the only matter being each other. They didn’t even care about the slightly open window.

Quickly removing their pants –with their boxers at the same time– they both were at loss of words. The night glow hitting only certain parts of their skin through the sheer curtain making them look like angels. Hot angels.

Tinn’s arms on each side of Gun’s head weren even supporting him, letting almost all of his weight on the body under him, closing the distance completely. This time it was his turn to move his hips, creating the painful but awaited movements of both of their crotches rubbing against each other.

“Tinn, I… please can you…” he could no longer wait and in addition to his words, his hips buckled up on themselves, which made Tinn stop in his own movements.

“Patience, love.”

After a few more minutes, which were too painfully long to Gun’s liking, Tinn stopped. While Gun still wanted to go further the soonest possible, right at that moment he didn’t want Tinn to stop, already missing the feeling.

When Gun saw how Tinn was trying to change their position to be the one laying on his back, Gun knew what was coming. He immediately went on top of him, elbows pressed in the mattress on either side of Tinn’s head, no space between their bodies. And it was finally the time.

One hand going down –oh so slowly– caressing the hot skin , without missing to go over the nipple and toying a little with it on the way. Once completely down, his finger teasing at the rim, he looked at Tinn and nodded his head toward the bedside table. Knowingly, Tinn reached out to the drawer and took out the lube bottle they bought beforehand. Fingers coated with that wet and cold substance, he could finally work on him. Slowly. Yes Gun couldn’t wait, but at the same time he didn’t want to go too fast for Tinn. They usually did it the other way around and Gun knew Tinn needed that time to get used to the size.

One finger, two, three.

“You can go now, please.” He wasn't dominant, like he usually is. This time, Gun could hear the softer side and the plea in Tinn’s voice.

And so he did. He removed his fingers, kissed Tinn and put a little more lube on himself. No condoms were needed, they talked about it early in their relationship and both of them decided to get tested ; the sensations were way better without it.

A gasp came out from Tinn’s mouth in a second. He missed it. Generally Gun was the one to bottom, loving the feeling of Tinn in him while still giving his cock some pleasure too ; the sensations were doubled. And Tinn, him, loved teasing Gun. The very slow but deep and strong thrusts and the strong and almost dominant voice. That was what worked the best for them. But tonight, they needed changes.

As Gun started to quicken the pace of his thrusts after Tinn got used to it, Tinn, himself, took Gun's hand and put it on his own neck, placing the thumb on one side and the middle finger on the other. When he moved his chin up a little, still holding the eye contact, Gun knew. With a smirk he started to slightly press his fingers into the skin of Tinn's throat, making him release a –very loud– moan, forming a new wave of arousal in both of their guts.

“The window’s open, people are gonna hear.”

“I don’t fucking care right now.” Tinn’s voice came out low ; as Gun’s fingers were still pressing on the side of his throat, decreasing the air flow.

With that Gun stopped being mindful of his voice as well ; being as loud as he needed to be –for Tinn’s greatest good. If anyone was passing by and hearing them, they couldn’t care less, they leave tomorrow anyway and no one will see them again.

In that moment they were both lost in each other, consumed by the fire of desire. Time seemed to stop as they explored every inch of the other’s body and their movements became more urgent with each passing second, the more they felt the climax coming.

Gun’s thrusts being faster, Tinn’s hips trying to join him in the middle to deepen the pressure. Releasing his neck, Gun took Tinn’s hands in his, positioning them above the other’s head. Hands secured on the mattress with their fingers intertwined, Tinn raised his head enough to capture Gun’s lips.

Exchanging one last passionate but messy kiss while riding their way to the peak of pleasure. Both of them coming almost at the same time, the slight wind coming from the window caressing the burning skin.

Resting a few seconds without moving, bodies forming one, head buried into the other’s neck and arms circling each other as they tried to regain a steady breath.

A warm bath and some snacks later, they were back in the bed, fresh and clean and ready to dive into the night.

***

Months followed and everything was going well. Tinn went back to the hospital, Gun finally had the authorization to go back to work ; part-time to start but his health was now stable and his conditation wasn’t as worrisome anymore.

His colleagues were really happy to finally see him again, looking radiant and healthy. He, of course, talked about the wedding to them and some other details about how much his life changed since they last saw him.

It felt nice to leave the apartment alone and live his life like before. Needless to say he had quite a lot of medication to eat daily but otherwise, it felt like he just took a little break by himself.

Tinn and Gun definitely still took some free time together, whether on weekends or the evenings, to go on little dates here and there. Going to their first coffee shop, a new museum, or a short trip to a nearby city. Not forgetting to have a really nice dinner to celebrate their first anniversary.

Every step in their relationship went very fast, the moving-in together, the wedding, everything. But none of these steps were ever regretted.

This last year was a lot ; yet they spent their best moments. They both met the love of their life, got married to each other, went on honeymoon, and went on a lot of cute dates. Even though Gun’s cardiac problem was still very much present in their mind, always wishing for him to get better and better and their daily life, they automatically knew how to perfectly balance all the appointments and their private time. Everyone was happy and it was enough to forget about it.

But Tinn still had a second thought on it ; maybe not everyone was as happy as he thought. Everything was going very well at home, no doubt, they didn’t argue, they still acted lovely towards each other, but one detail made Tinn a little suspicious about the other.

Gun was back at work but only part-time so as not to make him work too much ; which let him go home earlier than before and way earlier than Tinn.

The thing that really made Tinn constantly question himself though was that Gun wasn’t always home when he came back from work, late during the day. No message, no post-it note, and Gun would not inform it the day before either. So when Tinn came home to an empty apartment, he would wait for the other and hope for an explanation. An explanation that he would never get.

After a few days only wondering what was going on, Tinn saw him at the hospital. He would have been happy if it wasn’t for Gun to be in a room, a needle in his arm. I stopped in a second, wondering if I should go inside and ask him or ask the nurse that just came out of the room.

Deciding on the second option, I walked up to her but didn’t even have the chance to talk before she opened her mouth.

“Oh doctor Tinnaphob you’re here. Khun Guntaphon is waiting for you in this room, here are the papers of his admittance. I’ll be going now.” giving him the documents and leaving for another room, Tinn just stood there, confused.

He stood in the middle of the hallway, trying to understand why would Gun be there again. Why would he be there without letting Tinn know beforehand. Reading the papers the nurse gave him, everything made sense ; all the coming home late made sense as he noticed several visits from the past few days in Gun’s chart.

Knocking on the open door after taking a deep breath, Tinn walked in once Gun’s eyes were on him.

“I’m sorry” Gun finally said, eyes watery. “I’m so sorry you have to learn it this way. I couldn’t tell you, I was scared, I didn’t know how to talk to you or when. I didn’t want to worry you after all these beautiful weeks we spent far from the problems.”

Sitting next to him on the bed ; it was now a habit for him considering the many times they’ve been in that situation by now, he took a hold of his hand, slowly caressing the back of it with his thumb.

“Do you know how worried I was this week? Especially because I didn't know what was happening ; coming home and not seeing you, not knowing where you are, my mind was in constant questioning.” Tinn’s voice was calm, talking slowly, he didn’t show any anger at all, only worry. But he stopped talking as soon as he saw Gun’s eyes, full of sadness.

Seeing his husband in a hospital bed was the last thing he wanted to see. After all this time he was still not used to it and would probably never be ; but being the one inside the bed, scared to leave the life you created with the man you love the most, was even scarier.

“It’s gonna be okay love, alright? The nurse already gave you everything you need. I have an important appointment right now but I'll come back to you as soon as I can. I love you, and I'll always be there for you, never forget that.” Tinn gave Gun a kiss full of love on his forehead and left the room –even though he badly wanted to stay by his side.

Ending the appointment satisfied, Tinn quickly washed his hands again and took out his white coat. Tired but eager to see Gun again, he didn’t even hear the chaos outside his office’s door.

Once he stepped in the corridor, he was met with people in panic running all in the same direction. Trying to understand what was happening all of the sudden, he was met with the nurse he saw right before the appointment. Her face was serious as she stopped in her tracks when she noticed him. In the middle of the hallway, eyes fixed on the woman in front of him, he started to understand everything.

Without a second, Tinn ran ; following the nurses that were still going there in case more help would be needed.

His feet led him to that room again ; the room where Gun was. His husband. The door closed, he still could hear the doctors and the nurses talking inside, actively working. And after a really short time, nothing.

All the shouting faded into silence. Tinn’s heartbeats accelerated. His mind became empty. Only one word was filling that void. One name.

“Gun!” shouting while opening the door like a fury, Tinn couldn’t care less about his loud voice.

Tiwson was the first person he saw behind that door. His expressions were even worse than the nurse’s from before. He held in his eyes so much empathy and comprehension. Without a word, Tinn knew.

Everything around him became slow as his legs lost all their strength and his eyes filled with tears as soon as they fell on Gun’s lifeless body. He only heard a small “I’m sorry” from his friend before being left alone in the room, Gun still laying under the white cover.

Sitting on the floor, head against the cold hand resting on the bed, he felt empty. Their first meeting, their first date, the wedding, every important moment of their shared life was playing on loop in his mind ; not letting him rest.

He knew it. From the beginning, he knew that all of this wouldn’t make him gain anything positive. But he still did it, he still followed his heart ; sweeping every little negative thought away from his mind. And here he was, crying beside the bed of one of his patients ; his husband.