Chapter Text
'Is it too late to come on home
Are all those bridges now old stone
Is it too late to come on home
Can the city forgive, I hear its sad song'
‘Long and lost’ by Florence + the machine
Their first time together was a disaster.
Naruto had not been prepared for the lack of desire he felt when he climbed into bed with her. He could kiss her and hold her, run his hands over her skin, over her curved hips, her slim waist…
But he couldn’t… He couldn’t muster up anything beyond that.
She felt so foreign, despite the fact that they had dated for five months. He had held her more times than he could count, and he had felt deep affection for her. He’d kissed her lips and her cheeks and her forehead, and her cute, little nose. He’d ran his fingers through her long, smooth hair and enjoyed the scent of it as it slipped over his fingers. He’d thought he loved her. He did love her, in a sense.
But now that he was hovering over her, looking down at her lightly flushed face and long, lowered lashes, he couldn’t go further. To put it plainly: he couldn’t get it up. He had no idea how to tell her. He didn’t want her to feel undesired, because she was so beautiful. It was his stupid body that didn’t get that. It didn’t get it at all.
“N-Naruto kun?” She whispered, reverting back to using suffixes in her nervousness.
He lowered his head because he wasn’t sure he could look her into the eyes while saying this.
“I’m… I’m sorry, Hinata,” he said. “I don’t know what’s going on with me, it’s… it’s not you, because you’re beautiful and nothing is wrong with you, it’s just… I don’t even know what it is… I don’t know what is going on. I must be defect or something.”
He scooted away from her so that he was no longer leaning awkwardly over her. She wrapped the sheet tightly around herself, hiding her body. He could see that he had hurt her terribly.
“I’m sorry,” he murmured, and cradled her face in his hands.
She tried to avoid eye contact. Her cheeks were deep pink, and her eyelashes were wet with unshed tears.
“I didn’t want to hurt you,” Naruto whispered. “But I didn’t want to pretend either. It’s my fault Hinata. Do you understand that? It’s not you. You could probably have any normal guy out there if you wanted. But I’m not… normal. There’s something wrong with me. I’m so sorry, Hinata. It’s my fault.”
Hinata shook her head and tried to wriggle out of his grip.
“Please, Naruto,” she whispered. “Just… leave.”
-----
“You better have a good explanation!”
Sakura was seething and Naruto had no idea why.
“Wait, Sakura…!” He dodged a blow from her dangerously strong fist. “Wait, hold it! What have I done?”
“You don’t even know that!?” If possible, she was getting even angrier. “I had lunch with Hinata today, and suddenly she just started crying into her soup! You have some explaining to do!”
Naruto froze and consequently didn’t dodge the incoming blow. He was hurdled across the street and crashed into a brick wall. Sakura strode over to him and lifted him up by the collar of his shirt.
“I know you can be stupid at times, but there has to be some limits to your stupidity.”
Naruto wasn’t even reacting when she shook him. Sakura seemed to understand that something was not right. She put him back on the ground, and he swayed slightly when she let go of him.
“So?” She inquired. “What did you do?”
“That’s none of your business, Sakura.”
“… Excuse me?!”
“It’s between me an Hinata,” he said, and walked away.
Sakura didn’t come after him.
Ten days later it became official: Naruto and Hinata were no longer dating.
------
A year later
“Hey, Sai!”
Sai stopped in the middle of the street and waited for Naruto to catch up with him.
“Hello, Naruto-kun.”
“Have you seen Sakura?” Naruto asked.
“She’s with Sasuke.”
“… Sasuke?”
“Yes… She ran over to his place the same second she heard he was back.”
“He’s back?!”
“I’m surprised you didn’t know, Naruto-kun. I thought you two were close.”
He looked so innocent while saying it that Naruto wasn’t sure if he was being ironic or not.
“How long have you known this?”
“Since this morning.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?!”
Naruto had leaned forward, pressing his face close to Sai’s. Sai didn’t even flinch.
“I thought you knew.”
Naruto huffed. “Okay, where is he, then?”
“How should I know, Naruto-kun?”
Naruto resisted the urge to facepalm. “Okay, I’ll see you Sai."
He was off before Sai had the time to answer.
He barged into Kakashi’s office without the faintest warning. Kakashi just kept reading his book as though nothing had happened.
“Why didn’t you tell me?!”
“I’m a little busy here, Naruto, so I’d appreciate it if you could wait outside.”
“You didn’t tell me Sasuke was back!”
“I’m not obligated to do so.”
“Yes, you are!” Naruto slammed both hands into Kakashi’s desk. “You know I’ve been waiting!”
Kakashi sighed and lowered his book slowly.
“He didn’t want me to tell you, Naruto.”
Naruto’s lips tightened.
Kakashi leaned forward in his chair and pocketed his book.
“He’s made his choices very clear,” Kakashi said. “Maybe you should accept it.”
Naruto crossed his arms.
“Tell me where he lives.”
Kakashi leaned back in his chair with a deep sigh.
“I can’t give out personal information about people, you know that.”
“But you know me!”
“That doesn’t change anything.”
“I just want to see him before he leaves again.”
“I can’t help you, Naruto.”
Naruto barged out of the office and took to the roofs. He stopped in the middle of his headlong sprint when an idea hit him. He sat down and started concentrating on collecting nature energy. Just a few minutes later he was in sage mode. He started searching for Sasuke and Sakura’s chakra’s and found them soon enough.
He sprinted in their direction and just a few minutes later he reached a secluded location with several apartment complexes near a wooden area. It wasn’t a particularly nice place, and the houses were insignificant and kept a simple standard. Outside one of the buildings stood two people Naruto recognized all too well.
Sasuke looked so painfully familiar, and yet so different. He seemed to be a bit thinner, although it was difficult to tell at this distance. His hair looked ruffled, and was a little longer. His clothes looked well worn and bland, and he was wearing a travelling cloak. He must have just arrived.
Sakura was standing in front of him, her fingers twisting nervously in the fabric of her skirt. Just as Naruto noticed this, she seemed to do a conscious effort to stop it, as though she was pretending to more confident than she really was.
It was painful to see her like that, especially when Naruto knew her to be a very confident an at times scary girl. ‘They’re not good for each other,’ he suddenly thought. He’d never liked to think of them together, but for the last few years he’d worried less about it, maybe because he had Hinata. But now… Seeing them together, he just got this bad, disastrous feeling.
He was just about to jump down from the rooftop he’d been lurking on and intervene when Sakura suddenly bowed her head and seemed to shrink in on herself. Her hands were fisted in her skirt like she was about to tear it asunder. She looked shocked and disbelieving and hurt. Sasuke was saying something, shaking his head. Sakura looked like she was about to cry. Suddenly she spun around and ran away.
Naruto jumped down and marched over to Sasuke.
“What gives?” he said, his voice shaking with feeling. He was clenching his teeth till it was bordering on painful.
Sasuke turned and stared at him, looking just as unaffected as he always did.
“I think that’s my line,” he said, his voice toneless and deep. So fucking deep. Naruto had forgotten how that voice could make his insides squirm.
“Why do you always manage to make Sakura cry no matter if you’re present or not?”
“I just told her the truth,” Sasuke said and turned his back on Naruto. He walked towards the door of the nearest building.
“Hey!” Naruto said. Sasuke didn’t react. Naruto ran after him and stood in front of him. “Why did you tell Kakashi not to tell me when you came back?!”
Sasuke sighed and shook his head.
“What?” Naruto said. He felt like he was missing something important.
“Because of this,” Sasuke said, and sidestepped Naruto.
“What do you mean ‘this’?”
“You’re harassing me, standing on my porch, asking stupid questions.”
That shut Naruto up long enough for Sasuke escaping inside and slamming the door behind him.
“I’m not harassing you!” Naruto yelled at the closed door.
A window to one of the second floor apartments opened and someone threw a shoe at him, yelling at him to shut the fuck up. Naruto skulked away with a pout.
-----
He found Sakura in the park nearby, sitting on a swing, her head lowered and eyes fixed on the ground. She wasn't crying anymore.
"Hi..." Naruto said, gently, in case she'd go off on him for seeing her so weakened.
But when she looked up at him, she managed to plaster on a bleak smile.
"Hi," she said. "I just... Got something in my eye..." She rubbed at her swollen eyes and sniffed.
"I.... I saw it, Sakura."
She looked up at him, apprehension mixing with confusion.
"I'm sorry he did that to you," Naruto whispered. "But I honestly don't think he's good for you."
Sakura turned her head away sharply.
"Don't meddle in things you know nothing about," she said, her fists tightening around the chain on the swing.
"I know I shouldn't, but... It hurts me to see you like this. I wish there was something I could do."
Sakura was silent for so long that Naruto started fidgeting.
"Naruto," She said, still not looking at him, her voice strange and difficult to read. "You don't really love me, do you?"
Naruto froze. It literally felt like his insides iced over. He didn't say anything because he didn't know what to say. He didn't know what she meant, what she was trying to say.
She turned to him, her face tear stained, her eyes wet and wide, like a scared animal.
"I've been thinking about it," she said. "About us... The three of us, I mean. About... Our feelings for each other."
Naruto said nothing, didn't even move. Sakura continued.
"I think I've always viewed you as a brother. When we were younger I thought you were annoying and stupid, and you were always in the way between Sasuke and me. But I grew to love you... In a platonic way."
"I love you too," Naruto said.
She smiled softly. "I know."
"But you said..."
"What I meant was that you never loved me romantically."
"How can you say that?!" Now anger was catching up.
Sakura sighed, her expression one of someone talking to a child.
"Because I know you didn't."
Naruto frowned. She seemed so sure about it, but how could she be? She wasn't him, she didn't know his feelings!
"I thought a lot about this," Sakura said, "Before...before the war and everything."
Naruto knew that what she really meant was 'before Sasuke went nuts.'
"And I realized that... Neither of you really loved me." Sakura bowed her head, probably hiding more tears. Naruto hurried over to her and hugged her.
"Don't be stupid," he muttered. "I love you, and so does Sasuke in his own, stupid way. Do you think he would have cared even one little bit about you if he didn't love you at all? Even when he was threatening us on our lives he never killed us, not even when he could have had the chance."
His words didn't exactly calm Sakura.
"B-but he did try to kill me," she sobbed. "If you hadn't saved me, I'd be dead now! And he wouldn't have spared me a second thought!"
Sakura was crying so uncontrollably that Naruto was starting to get worried. He hugged her closer and rubbed her back. When she'd calmed down a little, he tried to find the best words to soothe her.
"He was crazy, Sakura, you know that."
"But he looked right at me," she murmured, "and his eyes were clear. He wasn't himself but... He knew what he was doing. He really wanted to get rid of me."
Sakura started sobbing again.
"And yet," she said through sobs and sniffs. "I still loved him! How stupid is it possible to get? Why does it hurt so much? I just wanted love... Is that too much to ask?"
Naruto didn't know what to say so he just held Sakura tighter. He had no idea she was feeling this way, that her feelings were so strong... So complex. And it hit him that he'd never really tried to understand her. He'd never bothered to look into her feelings and untold thoughts. He hadn't really talked much to her at all. They only ever bickered or moped around thinking about Sasuke...
"I think I understand," Naruto murmured.
Sakura rubbed her wet cheek against his shoulder, making his jacket damp.
"I think you're right," he continued. "I'm... I've never felt the way you describe... Except..." He didn't finish the thought. His heart felt like it had slowed, like it was barely beating anymore.
He took a deep breath, taking control over his emotions again.
Sakura kissed the side of his face and pulled away.
"But it's fine now," she said. "I think I might finally be able to get over him." She put on a brave smile and rubbed away the tear stains from her cheeks.
Naruto was trying to find the right words to say to her, but he came up empty. He wanted to cuss out Sasuke for hurting her, he wanted to tell her everything would be fine, he wanted to say he was sorry for no reason whatsoever, because he knew that nothing of this was his fault.
Sakura petted his cheek.
"I think I could have fallen for you," she said with a crooked, sad smile.
Naruto's eyes widened. He leaned closer but Sakura placed a hand on his shoulder, holding him back.
"But I've been doing far too much thinking lately. I guess my senseless belief in love has taught me something, at least. It isn't always about me or my feelings... Or about you and your feelings. Sometimes I think you don't really know what you feel, Naruto."
Naruto frowned. He had no idea why she thought she knew more about him than he himself did.
"If you want to... I'll-" Sakura placed her hand over his mouth.
"Shush," she said. She petted his cheek.
"Is it because I'm not good enough?" He asked.
Sakura shook her head, her eyes looked like they were about to brim with tears again.
"No,” she whispered. She looked down on her hands. Her fingers curled in on each other. "I'm so sorry I didn't pay attention to you before... If I had, then maybe it could have become something, but it's too late now. We're...different now."
Naruto grabbed her hands. "I'm not different."
She shook her head, but he persisted. "I'm still the same. I'd still give my life for you. I'd give you everything you want..." He stopped when he realized she was crying again.
"Just stop," she muttered. "Don't say more, Naruto, I can't take it."
Naruto didn't understand. He didn't understand why she was crying when he was telling her how much she meant for him, or why she wouldn't listen to him. To him it was so simple.
She put her hands on his shoulders,
"It's my own fault," she said. "Some part of me knew that he would never be mine. But I think that just made me want him more." She squeezed Naruto's shoulders.
"Can you promise me one thing?"
"Anything," Naruto said.
"Then promise me that we'll always be friends."
Naruto was about to protest, but she gave him a hard look. "You promised."
He pouted. "That's not fair."
She shook him lightly. "Promise me that we'll never fuck up. That we'll always gave each other, if nothing else."
Naruto nodded somberly.
"I promise."
------
A forceful pounding on his door roused Sasuke from a fitful sleep. It matched the pounding in his head with dreadful accuracy. He groaned and pulled his pillow over his head and stuffed it closer around his ears, but it couldn't keep out the sound.
"Sasuke!" It was Naruto's obnoxious voice.
Sasuke groaned again, in exasperation this time. He might as well get up. There was no way he was going to be able to sleep with this headache. He sat up on the futon that he'd rolled out on the living room floor. The apartment was so tiny that there was no bedroom, just a living area with a small nook for the kitchen and a cupboard of a bathroom. But it was all Kakashi had been able to give him for the moment. He was supposed to be compensated for the loss of his family home, but since he hadn't been in Konoha for two and a half years, nothing had been done yet. Kakashi had promised it would be fixed as soon as possible, but until then Sasuke had to make do with this tiny little place.
He didn't mind either way. To him, this place served its purpose. He rubbed his face, ignoring the surging pain that each tiny movement gave him. His skin felt tight and his eyes felt itchy. His mouth was dry and his tongue felt thick and uncooperative. He went to the bathroom and splashed cold water in his face, and wished he had thought as far as to buying some painkillers.
By the time he went back into the living room he'd forgotten about Naruto. It had been silent for a while, but he hadn't really registered it, which was unsettling enough in itself. The fact that he hadn't heard Naruto entering through the window was downright disgraceful.
He stopped in the doorway to the bathroom, surprised to see Naruto standing by the only table in the room. He sat the empty sake bottle gently down again and gave Sasuke a long, searching look.
Sasuke regained composure swiftly.
"You haven't learned any manners yet, I see."
Naruto shrugged. "The window was open."
"Most people wouldn't take that as an invitation."
"Most people aren't ninja."
Sasuke sighed. "What do you want?"
"Do I need to want anything? I just wished to have a chat..." Naruto looked around as though trying to figure out where to sit. There were no furniture except from the low table and a commode.
"Why don't you ever give up, Naruto?"
Naruto just sat down on the floor and leaned his chin on his hand.
"Because those words are not in my vocabulary."
"Don't start preaching to me," Sasuke warned. "I'm not swayed by your bullshit."
Naruto didn't seem fazed in the least by his words. Well, he had endured worse.
"Aren't you gonna treat me something? I'm your guest and I'm starving."
"If you're really desperate, I think there's some dust in the cupboard."
"Huh... You're worse than me..."
Naruto went ahead and riffled through the kitchen cabinets while Sasuke searched through his belongings for his cigarettes. He lit one and took a puff of smoke.
"You really have nothing but dust in here," Naruto said. Then he stopped in the kitchen doorway. "When did you take up smoking?"
Sasuke could hear that he was trying to sound unaffected, but he failed to pull it off.
"Don't tell me you're gonna become my conscience now that Sakura isn't around."
Naruto frowned.
"You didn't need to chase her off so brutally," he said.
Sasuke shrugged. "She never took the hint." He went over to the window and sat down on the cushioned sill. From here the view of Konoha was...limited. He liked that. The gray, anonymous buildings surrounding him made it feel just like the prison it was.
He didn't get to sit in peace for long before Naruto ambled over and sat down right next to him. Sasuke felt a little annoyed at getting his personal space so brutally invaded, but he did little else but stare out the window with cold indifference.
"Hey," Naruto said. "It's been ages since we did something together."
Sasuke blew out a stream of smoke and cared little that it hit Naruto in the face. "We never did anything together. Voluntarily."
Naruto waved away the smoke. "Whether it was voluntarily or not is not the point. I'm just saying it would be fun to do something together now that you're here..."
"Like what? Go for a picnic? Fight to the death?"
Naruto's lips tightened.
Sasuke turned back out the window and breathed the smoke out into the chilly air.
"Maybe not, then."
"... We could spar."
Sasuke turned to him with a condescending smile curling his lip.
"Without killing each other? I think that's impossible."
Naruto’s clear, honest eyes were openly showing his distress. Sasuke looked away from him abruptly, that feeling of anger and...what was it? Jealousy? He didn't know. It always came up when he was around Naruto. He remembered feeling it before he left Konoha so many years ago, remembered the anger and the...hate that he had directed at Naruto back then. His shoulders relaxed a bit as he realized he wasn't feeling that way anymore. Now it was just... It was different.
He stubbed out his cigarette and breathed out.
"Fine. Let's spar."
Naruto looked shocked for a second before his mouth split into a wide grin. He jumped to his feet. His ridiculous happiness almost made Sasuke want to go back on his words. He sighed softly, wondering why on earth he was exposing himself for this.
------
Despite having only one arm, Sasuke was still kicking Naruto's ass in taijutsu.
"You were cheating!" Naruto hollered after rolling in the dust and bolting up like some rabid meerkat.
"Don't insult me," Sasuke said. "I don’t need to cheat to beat you."
Naruto was practically fuming. "I don't get it! You've got just one arm!"
"I haven't exactly been lazing about these last few years."
Naruto huffed and resumed his stance. "Okay, one more time."
Sasuke didn't even give him time to settle his balance. He was over him so fast that Naruto barely would have managed to get out of the way...if that was what he wanted. But he had a different plan. He stood his ground, knowing it would not be what Sasuke would expect.
Naruto regretted his decision when Sasuke's fist connected with his stomach like some fucking iron hammer. But instead of crumbling to his knees, he grabbed Sasuke's arm and held him tight, unsettling his balance. Sasuke stumbled for just a second, but it was enough for Naruto to get one foot between Sasuke's legs and planting his elbow in his face. Sasuke fell and landed on his back, his hand flying up to his bleeding nose. Naruto kneeled and held him down.
"What kind of ninja goes for the face?" Sasuke hissed.
Naruto shrugged. "I won."
"You cheated."
Naruto was about to tell him to stop being a sore loser, when Sasuke suddenly grabbed his shoulder and heaved him down on the ground. Naruto was trying to force enough air into his lungs to yell at him when Sasuke suddenly rolled on top of him, his one, working arm pressing down against his windpipe.
"But if you want to play dirty, then let's play dirty."
Naruto let out a low growl and readied to heave Sasuke off when Sasuke suddenly sat up, right on his chest, his knees locking Naruto's arms in place, and hit Naruto in the face with his knuckles. Naruto saw stars for a second but through the pain he still remembered to fight. He tried to buck Sasuke off, but to no avail. He managed to free his arm, though, and grabbed Sasuke's hand as it came flying at him again. Then he pulled Sasuke to the side and bucked him off, before rolling on top of him.
Sasuke tried to wriggle out of his grip, but with just one arm, which was currently trapped, all he had was his legs, and Naruto was not planning to let him use them. He didn't want to take the chance of trying to roll Sasuke over so he could get him in an arm lock, so instead he just forced Sasuke's legs apart so he could squeeze down between them. Sasuke bucked and twisted, trying to get out of the grip Naruto had on his arm, but Naruto just made sure he was even more tightly secured.
"Is this dirty enough for you?" Naruto said, his voice gravelly.
Sasuke didn't stop tensing underneath him, so Naruto didn't let him go. He wanted to savor this. It had been a long time wish for him to manage to pin Sasuke down in a fight and rub it in his face that he'd lost.
He could feel Sasuke's heart slamming against his ribcage, could feel his breath on his face; fast and labored. He looked down into Sasuke’s eyes, and suddenly it appeared to him how intimate this was. His face was only inches from Sasuke’s.
Sasuke was suddenly very motionless. He was staring at Naruto in a way that left him feeling naked… For a second he worried that Sasuke could actually read his mind. Did he know what Naruto had been thinking? Did he pick up on the flutter in his chest, on the tension in his limbs? Did his open expression betray him once again?
He was subconsciously leaning closer when an inflectionless and oddly pleased sounding voice spoke right next to them.
"I'm not entirely sure if you're fighting or trying to copulate," Sai said.
Naruto flew away from Sasuke like he'd been stung.
"Who the fuck sneaks up on people like that?!" Naruto yelled and pointed at Sai.
"I'm sorry," Sai said. "I thought you were fighting at first."
"We were fighting!" Naruto sputtered.
Sasuke got to his feet as calmly as though he hadn’t even heard Sai, and dusted off his clothes.
"Okay," Sai said. "If you insist."
"I do insist!"
Sasuke just walked away. Naruto looked from him to Sai and back and then to Sai again.
"We weren't..."
Sai put on his weird not-quite smile. "Whatever you say, Naruto."
Naruto groaned and ran after Sasuke.
"He doesn't always know what he's saying," Naruto said when he caught up with Sasuke. "He's a bit socially impaired."
Sasuke didn't say anything. Naruto wondered if he was angry about what had happened. Maybe he thought Sai was right... Maybe he thought Naruto was coming onto him. Naruto swallowed. Maybe he was? That was a scary thought.
As if to prove his masculinity, Naruto suddenly launched out his arm and hit Sasuke's shoulder so hard he staggered. Sasuke glared at him and Naruto grinned sheepishly.
"Sorry, I just... I wasn't coming onto you."
Sasuke just arched an eyebrow.
"I mean," Naruto cleared his throat. "What Sai said... I hope it didn't feel that way to you?"
"Did you feel that way?" Sasuke asked.
That was probably the crucial question.
"Of course not!" Naruto exclaimed. "It was just a spar. Nothing weird about it."
"There you go."
Naruto didn’t say more, and neither did Sasuke. They parted ways without a word.
-----
"Is it an unwritten rule that guys have to keep, like... one arms length between them?"
Sakura shrugged. "I don't know about that. In my opinion, men can be ridiculously afraid of intimacy."
"That's exactly what I was thinking too!" Naruto said.
Sakura gave him a strange look over her shoulder, her eyebrow lifted like she was questioning his sanity.
"But," she said. "It is what it is." Then she continued mixing medication.
Naruto leaned back against the wall. "Do you think it would be weird, you know... To..." He trailed off. Sakura looked up at him, expecting him to continue, but he was lost in thought.
"I heard you and Sasuke had a...fight," she said.
"We didn't fight," Naruto said. "We sparred. Did you hear it from Sai?"
"Yes. He also said that..." She hesitated. Naruto waited for her to continue but she didn't.
"What did he say?"
Sakura shrugged. "Just that you seemed...um...to be having fun."
Naruto wondered if that had been his exact words or if he'd said something a little less modest.
"We were just sparring," he muttered.
"Good," she said. "That's...good."
"Sakura... What did Sasuke say to you?"
The bottle of pills almost slipped out of her hand.
"Oh... Nothing. Just that...you know."
"I mean... Did he tell you to stay away?"
"... Not in so many words."
"That bastard," Naruto growled. "He could at least try to be nice."
"It's fine," Sakura said. "You don't understand, Naruto. When you're being refused, it's better that its final and honest than...than something vague that'll keep you hoping."
Even as she said it, her voice choked.
"...I understand perfectly," Naruto muttered.
Sakura dabbed at her eyes with her sleeve. "I know... Sorry," she said. "Now leave me alone, I need to work."
-----
Sasuke woke up feeling sticky and dirty. When he'd gotten back home yesterday, or this morning to be more exact, he'd just crawled into bed and fallen asleep instantly. Even though the sex had been mediocre at best, it still helped satisfy his needs. There was nothing more annoying to him than the uncontrollable carnal cravings that his body forced on him. When he was younger, he'd always managed to control it to some point. It had never taken him over like it had begun to do lately, but he had found ways to deal with it while he traveled alone.
He sat up and ran his fingers through his filtered hair. That hooker had been very fond of tugging his hair. His scalp still felt sore. He tried not to think too much about it. It was not his ideal choice of solution to a problem, and he'd never thought he'd have to revert to it back in Konoha... It felt even more wrong, somehow, to seek out those places in his hometown. But after yesterday... He had no idea what happened yesterday, but after sparring with Naruto... God, he couldn't believe that Naruto, of all people, had turned him on so hard.
Usually, after sparring like that he would have tired himself out so completely he wouldn't have any energy left to get horny. But with Naruto it was the opposite. Finally he'd just given in because he'd learned a long time ago that there was one thing he couldn't control, no matter how much he wanted to, and that was his carnal needs.
Now he didn't feel too good about it, though.
He took a hot shower that nearly scolded him and felt slightly better afterwards. When he went into the living room he had only a towel wrapped around his waist. He staggered when he saw Naruto sitting on the windowsill. Naruto looked up and his eyes got wide as they traveled up his body, lingering on the low-hanging towel. Sasuke suddenly felt very exposed, but he didn't try to hide himself. He just stood there till Naruto met his eyes and watched the mixed emotions swiveling in his blue eyes, mainly dominated by confusion. Sasuke just stared at him, incredulous. He wondered for a second if he'd imagined it...because it couldn't be true. Had Naruto just checked him out?
Naruto stood. He looked panicked.
"I closed the window for a reason," Sasuke said and turned away from Naruto as casually as he possibly could. He ignored the intense wish to put on some clothes and found his pack of cigarettes instead. He didn't feel like making it easy for Naruto. He'd been the one stupid enough to invite himself, after all.
"I...I…" Naruto stammered. "I just… I-I wanted to...”
Sasuke lit a cigarette and puffed it languidly.
"Shit… I just… I have to go..." Naruto sputtered, and then he left out the window as suddenly as he’d arrived.
-----
Naruto wasn’t even aware of where he was going until he was outside his own apartment. He let himself in and closed the door before he slammed his head back against it. How the hell could that happen? He'd just had a minor lapse in judgment and suddenly he was checking Sasuke out! He had been so surprised when Sasuke came out of the bathroom... Just seconds before he'd been battling with his worries concerning intimacy, and suddenly Sasuke was standing practically naked before him... It wasn't like he was unused to seeing other guys naked, he went to the bathhouse every so often, it was just that...he wasn't used to seeing Sasuke that way. At least not since they were twelve and they had changed a lot since then... God, Sasuke had changed a lot...
Naruto hit his head against the door again. Stupid, stupid, stupid...
-----
It had been a week since Sasuke came to Konoha, and Kakashi had yet to find him a house. Sasuke had a feeling that nothing would happen unless he nagged about it, and he honestly wasn't that worried about it. He'd delivered reports from his travels, since he still was under obligation to Konoha. He had to come back and report every third year. For anyone else, such a report wouldn't be necessary, but given Sasuke's history he had to prove that he was still loyal.
But now that all his reports were delivered, he didn't have much reason to stay in Konoha. Kakashi insisted he should stay until he at least had gotten his new place so that it wouldn't be a problem the next time. Sasuke had grudgingly agreed. He hadn't liked it, but he'd agreed to stay for a few more weeks. What he was supposed to do in the span of those weeks, he had no idea of. He'd taken to planning his next travel, buying maps and exploring them, trying to find out what the best route would be and where he should go first. He had many plans so there wasn't lack of things to do and places to go. If he just could get away from here...
It was getting late and he was sitting in his apartment, by the tiny table, maps and scrolls spread out all around him, when there was a sound from his window. He looked up, expecting a bird or maybe just a gust of air, but he found the window open, and an orange clad shape sitting on the windowsill. It was Naruto, of course, although it was too dark to really see his face. The only light in the room came from the reading lamp by the table.
He hadn't seen Naruto since a week ago. Sasuke still had no idea what had happened that day. Naruto, of all people, had shamelessly checked him out like he was one of those big-breasted girls Naruto seemed to fancy. Apparently, though, that was not what, or at least not the only thing that Naruto fancied.
Naruto walked over to him and stood by the table. He looked grave, which made Sasuke a bit apprehensive.
"I heard you were leaving," Naruto said.
"I suppose you mean you pestered Kakashi into telling you, since I told him specifically not to tell anyone."
"Why so soon?"
Sasuke looked up at Naruto. "Because I want to, and because I can."
Naruto leaned forward over the table. "I knew you were leaving at some point, but I didn’t think you’d be in such a hurry…”
Sasuke returned his attention to his maps. "The only thing that still binds me to Konoha is the reports I have to send in every three years. Other than that I'd rather be as far from this place as possible." He continued drawing lines on one of the maps, and took notes on the side.
Naruto sat down by the table.
"But what about... What about the rest of your life? What about you? Aren't you gonna rest some day? Find someone..."
Naruto stopped talking, and Sasuke realized he felt he'd said too much. He looked up and caught Naruto gazing at him. The second he caught him looking, Naruto looked away.
"You better start controlling your face better if you want to hide anything from me," Sasuke said.
To his surprise Naruto blushed deep red.
"I'm... I don't... I'm not hiding anything."
"Really? So why were you suddenly in such a hurry to get away from me the last time?”
For once, Naruto didn't have a retort.
Sasuke shook his head. "If you don't have anything else to say, then please leave."
Naruto didn't move an inch. Instead he placed a hand over the papers on the table, halting Sasuke in his job.
"I want to talk to you," he said.
"Then talk," Sasuke looked from Naruto's hand over his papers to Naruto's face.
Naruto didn't meet his eyes directly, which was unusual.
"I... I was thinking..." Naruto frowned. "I was thinking about before... You know, when you were gone… Well, I was thinking about you a lot, you know? I thought ‘it’s just natural, Sakura’s doing it too’… But Sakura was in love with you. And I…”
Naruto trailed off.
Sasuke turned away from Naruto. "I don't have the time for this."
"Wait... Just wait..." Naruto reached out and grabbed Sasuke's hand before it could close around his pencil again.
Sasuke froze for a second before he pulled away from Naruto's grip.
"What the fuck do you want, Naruto," he said. "Why do you have to bother me all the time? Why can't you just keep the hell out of my life?"
Naruto looked frozen, his eyes wide. For a second Sasuke felt like he could see to the depth of his soul through that open gaze.
"I don't know," Naruto said, surprisingly calm. "I guess I'm just not that smart."
"No. I guess you're not."
Sasuke had meant for it to be his parting words. He'd wanted Naruto to catch the drift for once and leave him alone, but instead he leaned closer. Maybe Sasuke should have caught on when he saw the determination in Naruto's eyes. Maybe he should have realized that Naruto was about to do something stupid. But he didn’t. So when Naruto kissed him, he was too shocked to even be indignant.