Chapter Text
What does it take for a person to become a monster? You've low-key wondered that all your life, as you endured Shadow Weaver's continued abuse. She was the monster in your eyes and you would never be like her. That was for sure. But you couldn't help but wonder... What would it take for you to become like her? ...or even worse?
Sometimes, the greater monsters are the ones that lie within.
Everything started the day Adora abandoned you. That day, you started plotting to take revenge and show everyone that you were as capable as her and even more, despite what Shadow Weaver thought. By doing so, you tried to block the pain, the sadness, the betrayal . But when you ended up lost inside the Beacon, you couldn't ignore your feelings any longer. Watching old memories come to life, seeing promises being broken over and over... You realized how strongly your feelings for Adora were weighing you down.
It was that day, when you left Adora to die, that a strange, unknown and raging but silent darkness started to take over your inner self, little by little, so slowly that you didn't notice it at first.
That was the first step you unintentionally took towards becoming the monster you thought you could never be.
The darkness within you would stay still for a while after that. You couldn't feel it, you were too busy taking down Shadow Weaver and taking position as a second in command for Hordak. But each time you encountered Adora, each time you fought She-Ra, each time you were reminded of the life you had lost... The darkness within yourself boiled, consuming more and more of your sanity. Soon, everything revolved around making the Rebellion fall, because of the pain that would make Adora feel. Maybe, just maybe, if you made her life miserable, taking away EVERYTHING she seemed to care about now, then she would understand what you felt when she left you behind. She needed to suffer. She needed to learn the consequences of her actions.
There was no cost too great.
But you focused too much on Adora, and forgot to look at the general picture. You ended up visiting Shadow Weaver in her cell, because you needed advice to run the Horde... And because you desperately wanted her attention. The same attention she had given Adora all your life. The same attention nobody had ever given you. And then...
Betrayal. She left you behind. Just like Adora. Just like everyone would do eventually. By then, you had already started to notice something was off with you. You had become slightly aware of that roaring darkness that grew bigger each passing day. But, of course, you decided to ignore it. You were in too much trouble after letting Shadow Weaver escape and you would have to survive in the Crimson Waste. You couldn't let yourself get distracted by stupid and weird feelings.
Surprisingly enough, in the desert, you found that darkness retreating before the bright sun and the sudden control you had over your own destiny. Your life with the Horde had started to feel like a nightmare... Until, of course, Adora appeared. Then everything you did revolved around her again.
And then you successfully captured her. During the celebration with Scorpia and the gang, you felt happy for the first time in forever. Even excited! And when Scorpia suggested that you forget about the Horde and just, like, live your life to the best in the Crimson Waste, you almost said yes. Almost. But you needed to clear your head.
Because the darkness was shaking within yourself. There was something off, you just knew it. So you went to speak to Adora.
Huge mistake.
Because you learnt that Shadow Weaver was with the Rebellion. Shadow Weaver was working against you. Again. As always, siding with Adora. Because she's always right and you're always wrong. No matter what you do, no matter your efforts, you're undeserving of her love and attention. You're worthless. As long as Adora lives, you will be nothing but her shadow. Always trying to get people to recognise your strength, just for her to take it all away. Because everything revolves around She-Ra. Everything revolves around that damned sword. Everything revolves around Adora. As always.
You didn't even notice Scorpia was talking to you. You didn't even notice the tears that formed in your eyes. You did notice, though, that the darkness within your soul was raging. It was boiling, nourished with your pain. It was consuming you and the only thing you could feel was numbness as you fell, spiraling into the darkness.
No mind to think.
No will to break.
No voice to cry suffering.
Only hollowness. Only emptiness. Only void.
Next thing you knew, you were back in the Fright Zone, with Adora, and you delivered that damned sword to Hordak and Entrapta, just so you could crush the Rebellion already. They seemed a little bit hesitant, but you literally didn't care at all.
The last straw was when Entrapta yelled that Adora was right and intended to warn Hordak not to open up the portal because it could potentially destroy the planet, or something.
Who cares about the planet, you heard in your mind. The darkness took over your body before you could even react and, next thing you knew, Entrapta was unconscious on the floor and you had an electric staff in your hand.
You yelled to Scorpia so she would send Entrapta to Beast Island, while a voice whispered in your mind about how Entrapta had betrayed you and the Horde. What was that nonsense about Adora being right? Entrapta was clearly a Rebellion spy. She was probably at fault for the infiltration in the Fright Zone. She surely helped Shadow Weaver and her new friends, just to betray Lord Hordak and you.
The darkness was pretty good at lying, so you started to believe anything it said. You even let it take over to explain everything to Hordak, despite knowing full well how much pain that would cause him. But after all, like the darkness said, who cares about Hordak's feelings? There are way more important things to do right now.
Like crushing the Rebellion.
Pull the lever , Catra, the darkness said.
And you pulled the lever. Because no cost would be too great if it meant getting rid of the Rebellion that took your lifelong friend away from you, along with everything else.