Chapter Text
The idea was there suddenly.
It was the sort of idea that would eventually be labeled as absurd, but felt absolutely ideal at that moment.
When you looked at it that way, it wasn’t Jason’s fault at all.
After all, Bruce had given him the idea.
“Thomas Hain has finally been fired,” he told Tim at the breakfast table in front of the whole family.
“Finally,” Tim immediately seemed more cheerful.
“Was that the guy from HR who admonished you for lewdness at work?” Dick asked curiously.
And from then on, Jason listened attentively.
Bruce nodded: “Yes. A false accusation, just so he had something to tell the press.”
No wonder Tim looked so happy.
“So his job’s been re-advertised?”
That was the moment. The moment when Jason had an idea. A terribly stupid idea, but one that seemed absolutely brilliant.
And really, if Tim hadn’t asked this question, he would never have had the idea. So, basically, Bruce and Tim were both to blame.
He sent off his application on the same day.
The stupid thing about the idea was not the application, but the name under which he had applied. Because Jason Todd was still legally declared dead, he could have used one of his false identities.
Yes, he really should have done that.
But he hadn’t.
No, he’d thought it was a good idea to apply as the Red Hood.
How crazy was he?
Not as crazy as the HR department at Wayne Enterprise.
Because they actually invited him for an interview.
He felt a bit silly sitting there in the waiting area in a suit and a red domino mask.
“Sorry for the delay,” the secretary had said, brought him a coffee and then started playing Candy Crush on her cell phone again.
She didn’t even hide it, but Jason didn’t care because a) the coffee was fantastic and b) she hadn’t treated him any differently to the lady sitting in front of Jason.
On the other hand, the lady shot him an angry glance, clearly indicating her intention to secure the job exclusively for herself.
Jason watched as she was called and, after a quarter of an hour’s conversation, stalked out of the room, satisfied.
“Mr. Red Hood?” the man now came up to him and shook Jason’s hand.
“I’m glad you could come. Please come with me.”
Jason was seated in an armchair on the other side of the table. The man and two other women sat opposite him.
“This is Mrs. White, our Equal Opportunities Officer, and this is Mrs. Taylor, the Head of Human Resources. My name is John Dower and I take care of new hires at W.E.”
“Thank you for the invitation,” Jason smiled charmingly, “I’m Red Hood and, frankly, very surprised that you’re still interested in me after you saw my resume.”
Here Ms. White jumped in: “We can’t trust rumors. Unless you’ve been officially arrested or charged or have a warrant out for your arrest, you’re just as entitled to a job as anyone else.”
Mr. Dower nodded, “That’s true. We’ve had our legal department look into it.”
And unfortunately, found nothing.
If Dower thought so, he didn’t let it show.
Mrs. Taylor put forward excitedly: “I’m being honest with you, Mr. Hood.”
“Please, Red,” Jason smiled charmingly.
“Mr. Hood,” she continued, unperturbed, “you are the most qualified applicant. If you can deal with your subordinate and scrappy colleagues at your - albeit unconfirmed - part-time job, then you can definitely handle the disputes in the HR department. And believe me, it’s not as easy as it sounds. In the last year alone, we’ve had to fill the position three times.”
Jason raised an eyebrow. “And it’s really not because of the money.”
His joke at least made Mrs. White laugh.
After that, the conversation continued to be bumpy, but at least Jason’s answers to various fictitious situations seemed to impress the people positively.
“Your methods are really ... special,” Mrs. Taylor said at the end, “But so are the people in this company, unfortunately.”
Down grimaced as if he knew exactly what his colleague meant.
“We’ll get back to you,” Mrs. White promised.
Jason said goodbye and only hoped that his family would never find out about this bankruptcy.
The call came a week later.
He had the job.
The first day was not particularly exciting.
He was shown his office and met his colleagues. They seemed pretty unimpressed with him, so Jason assumed they had been forewarned.
He had half a day to familiarize himself with the system before Pete poked his head into the room.
Pete was in his mid-twenties and had narrowed his eyes furiously.
“Did you eat the yogurt from the fridge?”
“The one the name Pete was on?” asked Jason, “No, I didn’t.”
Pete laughed in frustration. “I didn’t think so either. It’s not the first time the thief has done this.”
He shouted into the hallway, “And whoever did it will regret it bitterly! That was MY yogurt!”
Jason waited another twenty minutes after Pete left before he made his way in and knocked on Amanda’s door.
“Come in!”
He entered smiling, noting without surprise the empty yogurt cup in the trash.
“Pete sends word that he doesn’t label his food without a reason.”
Amanda’s face turned crimson.
“I won’t tell him anything,” Jason promised, “But I think it would be better for Pete’s mental health in the future if his food was left untouched.”
Amanda’s face suddenly hardened. “Of course. As soon as he stops stealing my pencils and scissors.”
Had Jason ended up in kindergarten here?
“I’m sure that can be arranged,” he promised.
So now he had to go to Pete, too.
Pete looked at him suspiciously as he walked past.
“Sorry about earlier,” he apologized.
Jason smiled, but he knew it didn’t reach his eyes.
“The thief sent word that he’ll stop stealing if you stop taking office supplies.”
Now it was Pete who turned bright red.
What a kindergarten!
But at least it looked like the matter was settled. And Jason hadn’t even had to shoot anyone yet.
He had his first appointment the next day.
Their boss had sent Tom and Jerry upstairs because they were constantly arguing.
It must be said that they weren’t really called Tom and Jerry, but Jason had already forgotten their names. But the way they were glaring angrily at each other, the names fit.
And as with Tom and Jerry, Jason had the feeling that there was a simple solution.
“Just tell us what stupid exercise we have to do so we can get back to work.” Tom had crossed his arms.
“Or better yet, give us a simple punishment, and we’ll be out of here in no time,” Jerry suggested.
Jason smiled.
The two stiffened almost immediately.
“Why don’t you take the day off and go on a date? You two seem to be hitting it off?”
“What?” they both asked incredulously.
“Either you kill each other or you try a relationship. The vibe in this room only allows for one of those two options.”
The two looked at each other uncertainly.
“I’ve got a letter opener around here somewhere that you can use as a weapon if you really need to think about it.”
“No,” said Tom, “we’re not going to kill ourselves!”
“That’s crazy,” Jerry agreed.
Jason grinned as if the cat had caught the mouse.
“I don’t hear any objections to the date?”
Tom and Jerry only glanced at each other briefly.
“I know a good waffle store around the corner,” Jerry suddenly mumbled shyly.
“I’ll pay,” Tom agreed.
Jason was very pleased with himself when the two of them left his office.
That was before he realized that he had to write a report for his boss.
He had a feeling that she wouldn’t accept the names Tom and Jerry.
No wonder people quit with all that paperwork!
“Why haven’t they been fired yet?”
Jason couldn’t stand the guy. And it wasn’t just because he spat when he shouted.
“Because I’ve decided to ignore your complaint, Mr. Velt.”
“And why is that?” the man glared angrily.
Jason smiled amiably, brandishing the heaviness around his index finger.
“Because Gabriella told me why she slapped you. And frankly, I thought her reaction was more than appropriate.”
The scissors stopped and pointed menacingly at Velt, who took a startled step back.
“I also decided to pass on the incident, even though Gabriella didn’t ask for anything like that. However, I see it as my duty in this area of responsibility.”
“It’s my word against hers,” Velt sounded intimidated despite his words.
Jason gave him a sharp grin that had already sent armed men running.
“As long as you survive, of course. Gotham is a dangerous city.”
It came as no surprise to Jason that a week later, he had a transfer request to Central City from Velt on his desk.
He took the liberty of placing the man in an all-male department.
Jason would have been the first to admit that he hadn’t prepared for the meeting.
Because he had forgotten about the meeting.
But before he knew it, after a month of working in HR, he was dragged along to a meeting about how to improve communication between management and the workforce.
If Jason had known about it, he would have taken sick leave.
He and two of his colleagues from HR attended the meeting, but also by one member of management from every other department.
That included Tim Drake-Wayne, the deputy CEO.
Only Bruce Wayne himself could have been worse.
Jason didn’t like the twinkle in his brother’s eye at all. It was far too insidious for his taste.
“Allow me to introduce my new employee, Red Hood,” his boss smiled, delighting in the shocked looks.
“It’s a pleasure,” Tim smiled, and a cold shiver ran down Jason’s spine.
He began to question his life choices.
The meeting went off with little happening, as Jason was so tense that he didn’t say a word.
Ten more minutes, then it was over.
Five more.
Three more.
“Mr. Hood,” Tim suddenly said, “do you have any ideas about how we could improve communication?”
Son of a bitch!
Jason would have liked to wring his little brother’s neck, but he had a better idea. He would play along with this game and say something so stupid that Tim would have a hard time not tearing it up.
Jason smiled softly and could see exactly how Tim was tensing up.
“We could give out badges like in Boy Scouts. If someone writes an excellent report: Badge. If someone bakes a cake for everyone: badge. If someone takes a shift for someone else: Badge.”
He saw Tim’s eyebrow twitch.
Jason had really outdone himself. No one could take something so idiotic seriously...
“I like that idea!” shouted Karl from the chemistry department.
“Sounds good,” agreed Sabrina from the IT department.
“It’s also easy to finance,” Maria from accounts was already calculating.
And so it went on.
Jason would have liked to shout that it was a joke, but he wanted to keep his job.
He also watched as Tim grew paler and paler.
Jason would probably have to put a camera in Wayne Manor, because he would pay a lot of money to see Tim tell Bruce about this great idea.
He really had to stop himself from laughing out loud.
Tim had followed Jason into his office without a word.
Jason ignored him at least until the door was closed, and he sat behind his desk.
Tim sat down opposite him and glared at him.
“Can I help you, Mr. Drake-Wayne?” Jason asked sweetly.
Inwardly, he prepared himself for a sermon.
“The badges are a bloody stupid idea. We both know it won’t improve communication, but it will improve morale. Everyone will work for a badge and whoever has the least will automatically be perceived as worse. It doesn’t improve communication at all!”
Jason rolled his eyes. “Why didn’t you say that in the meeting?”
Tim threw his arms up in the air. “Because that was still a thousand times better than Karl’s idea!”
Jason couldn’t argue. “Introducing more meetings is really on the precipice of bad ideas.”
Tim nodded eagerly. “Thanks! I thought I was the only one who saw it that way.”
“Especially when you consider that Karl only played Angry Birds during the whole meeting.”
Tim grimaced. “It’s still better than his Candy Crush phase. He was much more captivated then. Now he’s almost subtle.”
“After all those warnings, he’d better be.”
They both looked at each other for a moment before they both burst out laughing.
They usually only talked like this about Gotham’s rogues’ gallery. It was liberating that they were talking about something else for once.
“What are you doing here, Jason?” Tim finally asked.
“Mr. Hood, if you please,” Jason grinned before shrugging his shoulders, “It just turned out that way. Actually, I just wanted to annoy Bruce, but now I like it here so much that I’ve lost sight of the actual goal.”
Tim went quiet before a sinister smile creased his features.
“We could always play a trick on Dick.”
Jason returned the smile. “I’m all ears.”
The preparations took several weeks.
After all, the badges first had to be integrated into the company.
And even if they didn't promote communication, they didn't have the negative effect that Tim had predicted.
It was much more like people were completing levels in a video game just to get a badge.
The "I wrote an email instead of scheduling a meeting" badge was particularly successful.
Jason was very pleased with himself.
Especially when he looked at the badge that he would soon be sending his big brother in the post.
He was going to get the scare of his life.
He took the bait.
Jason looked at the message with satisfaction and turned his office chair so that you couldn’t see his face when you walked in the door.
Then he waited.
It was only a few minutes before the door was yanked open and slammed shut again.
“What the hell is this badge supposed to mean?” Dick demanded to know angrily as he thundered said badge onto the table, if Jason could trust his ears.
“I don’t even work for this fucking company!”
Jason grinned.
Anyone else would only hear the anger, but he knew his brother.
His brother was confused.
“If that’s your view, then that explains your accumulated absences, Mr. Grayson,” he said nonchalantly.
“I don’t work for my father’s company! Do you need that in writing, Mr...?”
Jason could be accused of being dramatic, but that didn’t change his demeanor.
He turned around with a flourish and grinned at his brother.
“Mr. Hood!”
Dick stared at his face in disbelief, probably confused not only by his presence but also by the domino mask.
“What are you doing here?” he asked incredulously.
Jason noted with satisfaction how Dick pinched himself to make sure he wasn’t dreaming.
“I work here. They hired me as a Red Hood and now I get paid to put aside disputes. The coffee’s not bad at all, either.”
Dick just blinked before simply shaking his head.
“You know what, no.”
“No?”
“No,” Dick confirmed, “I’m not going to put myself through this madness. I don’t want to know how it happened, what your plans are, and whether Bruce knows. None of that is my business. Take your badge back and leave me alone. Some of us have jobs that aren’t funded by our father.”
Jason looked down at the badge.
There was only a Robin to be seen.
“Keep it,” he pushed it to his brother, “As payment for your silence.”
Dick just looked at him wearily, but took the badge.
“Besides, it’s not Bruce’s son he’s paying, it’s Red Hood.”
“In the end, it doesn’t change the fact that you’re working for your father.”
Jason would have liked to smack him for that, but unfortunately, his brother was right.
I guess every job had its weak points.
Jason had settled in so well in the HR department that he now even had friends at work.
Friends who brought him a coffee and told him all the rumors.
He liked it so much that he forgot his initial reason for working there.
Of course, fate reminded him of this by giving him the perfect opportunity to play a trick on Bruce Wayne.
The universe had killed him, but right now he could have hugged it for it.
Jason called Bruce’s office, and of course, only his secretary answered.
“Bruce Wayne’s office. Miss Chen speaking. What can I do for you?”
“Annie!” he tried to sound pleased, although he knew exactly what she was saying about Tim behind his back and yes, he would have to reprimand her for that. “What a pleasure! This is Red Hood from Human Resources. Could you make an appointment with me to see the Boss Man? He should come down to see me as soon as possible so we can sort out the complaint.”
Annie was silent for a moment before letting out a sigh. “What kind of complaint is it this time? Alcohol or harassment?”
“Nothing like that,” Jason quickly denied, “And I really shouldn’t be discussing this with you. Confidentiality and all that.”
“But it’s urgent?”
“The same rules apply to Mr. Wayne as to everyone in this building. Complaints are investigated immediately.”
Annie sighed again. “He’ll be down to see you at two.”
“Thank you, Annie. You’re a darling. But maybe you should bite your tongue more often before you go off on young adults who are just doing their job.”
She swallowed audibly.
“Of course, Mr. Hood.”
“Okii dokii. Bye!”
Jason grinned. He was going to scare his father at two o’clock.
What a fun day at work this promised to be!
Perhaps Jason had gained access to the surveillance cameras.
Tim had wanted to follow the whole thing and Jason really liked the idea, as he could see the look on Bruce’s face as he made his way to HR.
He looked ... constipated. There was no other way to describe it.
The look on his face alone was worth all the effort.
A minute later, Jason changed his mind.
Bruce entered with a fake smile and the smile dropped almost immediately when he caught sight of Jason.
It had all been worth it for that look on his face!
Jason would pick out a snapshot from the videos and print mugs with that facial expression. And then he would give everyone in his department a mug like that. And Dick would get a pillowcase!
Bruce looked as if he had tried to put fear, surprise and righteous anger all over one face and failed at the task.
“Mr. Wayne,” Jason whispered contentedly, “I’m glad you could make it. Please take a seat.”
“Jason?” Bruce asked incredulously as the door slammed shut and he actually took a seat.
Who would have thought that Bruce would ever honor a request?
“Red,” Jason said firmly, “Or even better, Mr. Hood. After all, we’re at work here.”
“What are you doing here?”
“I work here. For almost three weeks. Give me five more days and I’ll be named employee of the month.”
Bruce’s jaw actually dropped.
“And that’s the point,” Jason continued, unperturbed, although he was enjoying every minute of it, “you still need to fill out the following document.”
He shoved it at Bruce.
He picked it up as if in a trance and read it aloud: “I, Bruce Wayne, confirm with my signature that I will not give my son, Red Hood, preferential treatment and that he has the same rights and obligations as any other employee of Wayne Enterprise.”
Jason nodded and slid a pen over to his father.
“You work here?” he asked incredulously, “As Red Hood?”
“Yep,” Jason agreed, “Jason Todd is dead, after all.”
“But nobody knows that you’re my son.”
“That doesn’t change the fact that I am.”
Jason only made the argument to annoy Bruce.
He didn’t expect Bruce to have to suppress tears of joy.
“Yes, you are,” his father confirmed and signed.
And if Jason had to suppress a tear himself, no one would ever know because he wasn’t in the camera’s field of vision.