Chapter Text
Mina tapped her foot against the white linoleum, trying not to appear as nervous as she felt. She had become accustomed to spending long periods of time in airports, but it was the person she was meeting that concerned her the most. Her suitcase sat beside her, piled high with her travel neck pillow and laptop case. A large sun hat also sat on the handle of her suitcase, being too large to pack and Mina felt too ridiculous to try to wear it through the airport. She pulled at the collar of her linen shirt. The trip was supposed to relax and enjoy the last vestiges of their youth but instead Mina felt like she was about to break out into hives.
She cleared her throat and tried to focus on the itinerary for the week. Just because she’d be lying the whole time didn’t mean she couldn’t enjoy herself. There would be a pool and sunbathing and all sorts of activities. She simply had to focus on that.
They used to go to Jihyo’s father’s holiday house every summer. It was an important place to her, and one that she could not think about without thinking about her friends and…
“Hey.” Mina turned to see Nayeon standing beside her, her bag slung over her shoulder. She had a pair of oversized sunglasses perched on her head and a t-shirt that declared her desire to party but did not have a face that matched it. Her full lips were in a firm line, her dark hair pulled back into a severe bun.
“Hey,” was all Mina could croak out. She hadn’t seen Nayeon in three months, not since that night she had snapped at her. Not since they broke up. That alone would be awkward enough, but neither of them had informed any of their friends about their split. Now, they were expected to fly to Jeju Island and have a fun getaway with them all as one last celebration of the cottage they spent their summers at.
She looked good, despite her sour expression. She seemed healthy, and Mina could only hope she’d been drinking enough water. Nayeon had a tendency to dehydrate herself and without Mina around she was sure the habit had gotten a lot worse.
Mina cleared her throat.
“It’ll be easier this way,” She said. “It’s the last time we’ll get to see the cabin and despite what happened between us, we shouldn’t punish our friends for it,” Mina said, trying to keep her tone even and her face blank.
“Fine with me,” Nayeon said, dropping her sunglasses onto her nose and hiding her expression behind the tinted lenses. Mina swallowed hard. She wished Nayeon was speaking more, but what did she owe her ex-girlfriend? Nothing. Despite desperately wanting to wrap herself in her ex-girlfriend’s melodic voice, she resisted. There was a line drawn between them and they could not cross it otherwise everything would fall into chaos. Mina’s nerves began to bubble up inside of her and soon she was talking without a real end goal to what she wanted to say.
“We just have to pretend for a little bit. We’ve already gone over some ground rules,” Mina said, taking out a printed packet she had put together.
“Jesus Christ,” Nayeon sighed.
“We both agreed to sleep in the same room together, to use pet names with one another, and allowed kisses on the cheeks or quick peck on the lips. Everything will be used to keep up appearances and neither party is under any obligation to keep the facade up behind closed doors,” Mina read aloud, trying to settle her anxiety.
“You want me to sign it?” Nayeon laughed. “It sounds like a contract.”
Mina tried to ignore just how wonderful Nayeon’s laugh made her feel. This was not the time to be weak and give into nostalgia.
“Well, it is a behavior contract of sorts,” she said. “Should I add anything to it?”
Nayeon considered it for a moment.
“What if they want to play truth or dare like in the old days?” she asked. “What if they dare us to make out?”
“I don’t think you usually dare people who are going out to kiss, but I can add it just in case,” Mina said.
“Nah, you’re right,” Nayeon slumped back into her chair. “But you should add some scheduled alone time.”
“Alone time?”
Nayeon looked at her over the edge of her sunglasses.
“Mina, how many times have we made love in that cottage? They’ll be expecting us to sneak off.” Nayeon spoke of their former sex life so dispassionately that it made a knot form in Mina’s stomach. Mina immediately turned red and turned back to her packet to scribble that in.
“Okay, we’ll go back to our room and then…. Then what?”
“I don’t know. Sleep? Play cards if we don’t fucking hate each other by then.”
Mina frowned. She knew they were broken up and that they needed different things in their lives right now, but she could never hate Nayeon. She could be frustrated, angry, even disliked but never hated. However, the waiting area of an airport did not seem like the place where you tell your ex-girlfriend that you don’t hate her, so Mina kept that thought to herself.
“What about the bed?” Mina asked quietly.
“The bed?”
“Our usual room at the cottage only has one bed,” Mina said, chewing on the end of her pen.
“Then we sleep in one bed. Mina you’re acting like I haven’t had my tongue inside of you,” Nayeon said, growing frustrated with Mina’s nerves. Mina, on the other hand, was shocked that Nayeon would use their former relationship so flippantly. It had only been in the ground for three months and it felt too soon to be making fun of it regularly. Mina’s gut flared with frustration. She couldn’t be the uptight one all week and Nayeon get to have fun.
“So, you’re saying I could walk around topless in our room, and you wouldn’t mind.”
“I’ve seen it all before,” Nayeon said, sounding bored. “I really don’t care.”
“And if I walked around topless in front of another woman?” Mina asked.
Nayeon’s easy going posture quickly snapped to attention. She stared over her glasses at her. “But you wouldn’t because we have a fake relationship to keep up with,” she said sternly.
“Of course,” Mina said with a forced smile. There was something, perhaps it was hope or her own ego that told her that perhaps their faux relationship was not the only reason Nayeon didn’t want her topless around other women.
The two women awkwardly sat by their gate until their boarding group was called. They were seated right next to each other, and Mina wasn’t looking forward to more awkward glances during the whole flight. However, she had no choice. They had decided that rather than distress their friends with their love life drama, that they’d simply pretend they’d never broken up.
If anyone saw them in line right now, they’d assume they were still a couple, and they’d do the same on the island. It was only for a week or so, it would be easy enough to play pretend for that long, at least that was what Mina kept telling herself.
Nayeon moved in front of her in line and Mina found herself watching the ease with which her ex-girlfriend moved. She was a born performer and even now, doing something completely mundane, she looked like a movie star gracing a red carpet with their appearance. Nayeon had always carried herself with that kind of confidence, it was what drew Mina to her in the first place.
They boarded the plane and stowed their luggage and took a seat. Nayeon took the window seat without a word, so Mina settled into the middle seat. An older man sat on her other side, and she felt caged in but tried to push past it.
Mina pulled out her laptop and connected to the inflight Wi-Fi. She had a full schedule after the trip since she had to move a lot of her talking arrangements to accommodate the trip.
“Still running off to Japan?” Nayeon asked, peering at her screen.
“It’s my job, Nayeonnie, you know that.”
“Don’t call me that,” she said quickly.
“We have to get used to using pet names again. They’ll notice if we don’t,” Mina said, referencing their friends. They had watched Mina and Nayeon’s romance blossom in front of them. Of all the people to fool that they were still together, this crop of friends would absolutely be the hardest. “Remember, we’re happy and together and deeply in love.”
“I know. I don’t want to disappoint them either,” Nayeon said.
“And no hinting at a future break up. When we reveal the news, it’ll have to be months afterwards,” Mina said, thinking of the calendar she had made where she determined the sweet spot to tell her friends the news.
“Goody, half a year of lying. I love it,” Nayeon said sarcastically.
“You’re throwing a tantrum like a child,” Mina said, unable to hold her tongue.
“I’m going to sleep, keep your nose in your research and I won’t throw any more tantrums,” Nayeon said before turning her whole body away.
Mina sighed. She knew this trip was going to be difficult, but she didn’t expect Nayeon to be so prickly from the start. If she was being honest with herself, Mina had hoped that Nayeon would see her in the airport and run into her arms. That there would be a great declaration and suddenly all the misunderstandings were cleared up and they could go on the trip as actual partners.
The thought had been, obviously, foolish. Mina was a woman of science, a woman of facts. She felt ashamed to lean so heavily into fantasy for the sake of her wounded heart.
She put in headphones and focused on her work. At least that would never leave her.
Mina sat in her junior mentees’ shared apartment, savoring the happy go lucky atmosphere. Textbooks were all over the floor, turned to various pages and diagrams were pinned to the walls. Each of her juniors were going over a different aspect of anatomy and when she called time they moved to the next station.
Mina had mentored students before, but she had not really connected with any of them until this group.
It was made up of three young women and Mina adored all of them. Dahyun was her junior and studying medicine, but the girl also had a grand musical gift. When she wasn’t studying, she was practicing on her guitar or doing both. Sometimes she made up songs to remember information from her boring textbooks with.
“Oh, there’s the Flexor pollicis longus, brachioradialis, Extensor carpi radialis longus, Abductor pollicis longus, Flexor pollicis brevis, Abductor pollicis brevis, Opponens pollicis—” Dahyun took a large, exaggerated breath before diving into the rest of the muscles in the hand sending the rest of her classmates into a mess of giggles.
“You’ve got something there,” Mina had said. “I know a singer if you ever want to put on a performance.”
“I doubt anyone would like it besides, well, us,” Dahyun laughed.
Mina helped the younger three women get through four solid hours of studying before the wine was pulled out and their work night turned into more of a social call. They all drank deeply from their glasses.
Tzuyu was standing in the kitchen, trying to put together a late-night snack with her superior cooking skills but the wine was getting to her head. Her cheeks were flushed and soon the other junior, Chaeyoung was at her side. Mina smiled as she watched the pair fuss over a bowl of dough. The girls giggled as they dropped clumps of cookie dough on a baking sheet and shoved them in the oven. They set a timer together and set it on top of the stove. Tzuyu went to the bathroom and Chaeyoung dropped onto the couch beside Mina, smiling like a fool.
Dahyun had migrated over to the small upright piano and had begun to doodle a tune on it that Mina believed was of her original composition.
“Having fun?” Mina asked over her glass of wine.
“Oh, yeah,” Chaeyoung smiled. She was a kind soul whose notes were full of anatomically correct sketches. She was very much a visual learner and that much was evident in her notes which were bursting with color and diagrams.
“Are you and Tzuyu…” Mina let her question trail off. Chaeyoung blushed furiously.
“Oh no. Absolutely not. We’re just friends,” the young woman said, far too eager to put down any suspicions of flirtations.
“It doesn’t look like you want to be friends,” Mina said as she took a sip of her red wine. Chaeyoung’s face turned as dark as the pinot noir mina was drinking.
“Is it that obvious?” Chaeyoung asked quietly, leaning over so Dahyun couldn’t overhear.
“Well, it isn’t subtle,” Mina said.
Chaeyoung slumped back into the couch and pressed her hands to her temples. “Okay, you got me,” She admitted. “I may have the tiniest, smallest, itty bitty-est bit of a crush.”
“Does she know?” Mina asked.
“Of course not!” Chaeyoung gasped, horrified that her friend would even suggest such a thing.
“Why don’t you confess your feelings?” Mina asked.
“You’re a wonderful mentor for things like the cardiovascular system and lung diseases, but not so much with love,” Chaeyoung said. Mina snorted, unsure if she should be offended or not. Chaeyoung caught her eye and quickly explained, the wine making her words come out slower than usual. “What I mean is, you have a perfect love life. You never had to toil over how your feelings may not be returned. It’s harder for people like me.”
Mina pulled Chaeyoung into a hug and held her close to her side. “Maybe I am a bit too matter of fact,” Mina admitted.
“A bit?” Chaeyoung laughed.
“What are you two giggling about?” Tzuyu asked as she walked in and joined them on the couch, sitting right beside Chaeyoung. The two girls were close enough that their thighs touched. Chaeyoung’s face went beet red, but Mina decided to protect her friend’s heart.
“About my love life,” Mina said.
“It’s too perfect!” Chaeyoung interjected.
“I’ll say,” Tzuyu said. “You and Nayeon are the sweetest, kindest couple I’ve ever seen. I can only hope I find someone that completes me like you two complete one another.”
Mina suddenly felt uncomfortable being the center of attention. “Well, uhmm, don’t let your cookies burn,” She said.
“Shit!” Chaeyoung and Tzuyu rushed into the kitchen and removed their batch of cookies right in the nick of time. As the desserts cooled Mina called everyone up to the piano and insisted Dahyun play another song. The group of women drank, sang, and chowed down on fresh cookies, and completely forgot about their textbooks and notes laid out on the floor for their medical exams.
After a few more songs, Mina bid them all goodbye and instructed them to study the next two chapters on the nervous system before stepping out to head home.
She had a pleasant walk back to her apartment she shared with Nayeon. They had been living together for a year now and Mina was always so thrilled to come home and see her girlfriend’s dazzling smile greeting her.
Mina walked in and dropped her purse by the door and toed out of her shoes.
“Hey, baby, how was the study session?” Nayeon asked as she padded over to Mina and pressed a kiss to her lips.
“Good. They get a little too distracted but it’s always good to pepper in some fun,” Mina said as she shrugged out of her coat and stuck on the hook. Suddenly, she remembered what she wanted to tell Nayeon before the study session had blurred her mind. “Oh! I wanted to tell you. My research got picked up by a magazine. They’re going to run an article on what I’m working on with Minnie and hopefully I can get a few more grants to fund everything.”
“Minnie?” Nayeon echoed. Mina tried to hide her frustration that her assistant’s name was the only thing her girlfriend took out of her news.
“Yes, and they’re going to interview us, and this could mean my research could really amount to something instead of fizzling out from lack of funds,” Mina said, insisting on the part of her story she actually wanted Nayeon to interact with.
“More grants would mean more work,” Nayeon said. “More time with Minnie.” She added with an obvious hint of sarcasm.
“Well, she does assist me in my research so she would be there,” Mina said as she walked to the bedroom ready to take off her work clothes and slip into pajamas.
“I have a gig this week,” Nayeon said.
“Oh, where?” Mina asked as she went through her closet.
“Glitter.”
“The nightclub near the docks?” Mina asked. “Isn’t that place kind of seedy?”
“It’s authentic. I get to perform whatever I want there. Those singing gigs at fancy restaurants only ever want you to sing hits that old people like,” Nayeon said, dragging her finger up and down the door frame. “So, are you coming?”
“To what?” Mina asked, her mind focused on changing clothes.
“To my gig at Glitter.”
Mina looked up and realized that she was dangerously close to bruising Nayeon’s ego. She could get a bit scattered, especially when she was thinking of her research, but she needed to stay sharp for her girlfriend. She didn’t want to disappoint her or make her think she didn’t listen to the things she said.
“Of course,” Mina said with a smile. “I’ll be there no matter what.”
But Mina knew as she said the words that the obligation had flown right out of her mind. Maybe if she had written it down, she’d remember it, but she didn’t. She only wrote down her work meetings. Nayeon’s gigs had never once made her handwritten calendar.
Mina had not noticed that detail, but Nayeon certainly had.
The plane ride was extremely awkward. Nayeon didn’t speak at all for the rest of the time and Mina tried halfheartedly to get work done but it was impossible. Her mind was racing, and it felt like she had picked open a scab on her heart leaving an open wound behind. When they finally landed, Mina was more than happy to be able to stretch her legs and put a little distance between her and her ex-girlfriend.
They grabbed their bags and silently walked through the terminal. After they exited security Mina saw a whole gaggle of women that immediately erupted into cheers and squeals when they saw them.
Despite her dower mood, Mina was genuinely excited to see everyone. She dove into her group of friends and hugged them all tightly. She noticed Nayeon was doing the same. Maybe this trip would do them both some good, after all they’d both been rather lonely without their usual constant companion. Everyone’s voice was raised all at once and it felt almost impossible to keep up with every conversation.
“We have to have a study night like old times!”
“God, do you remember when we had to clean those kennels?”
“It’s so good to see you!”
“You’ve gotten so fit! What’s your workout regimen?”
Everyone’s voices collected into one big cacophony of noise.
Her three juniors were all huddled together, ready for their vacation. Chaeyoung had a sketch book tucked under her arm and Dahyu’s guitar was slung across her back. Tzuyu stood right beside Chaeyoung, and it was hard for Mina not to see how much the latter wanted to move closer.
Along with those younger friends, there were a few more familiar faces. Jeongyeon came up and hugged Nayeon and gave Mina a polite nod. Jeongyeon was an animal medicine student around the same time Mina had been going to medical school. She had a vet practice now and she was one of the kinder people on the trip. She had her long dark hair pinned back from her face and she wore a cute little yellow sundress and sandals. She looked just as ready for vacation as anybody else, albeit a bit classier. Nayeon and Jeongyeon were as thick as thieves and Mina couldn’t help but wonder if Nayeon had told anyone anything about their recent romance troubles. However, Jeongyeon’s next question eased that worry.
“So,” Jeongyeon smiled at the both of them. “Will we be hearing wedding bells soon?”
Mina and Nayeon both broke out into nervous laughter. They looked at each other, unsure how to continue, but luckily Nayeon saved the day.
“Maybe, but why rush?” she said, putting on an easy smile. Mina wished she could control her emotions like that.
“Oh my God, speaking of wedding bells!” Jihyo grabbed everyone’s attention. Jihyo was one of Nayeon’s best friends and the organizer of this week’s cottage getaway. She also recently had become a personal trainer, and she had her arms sticking out of her shirt and Mina was impressed by how large her muscles were. They were so toned she would be the perfect specimen to teach the muscles of the arm on.
Jihyo looked around really quick, as if checking to see if someone was listening in, and then waved everyone closer.
“I’m going to propose to my girlfriend on the trip!” she said, smiling so big Mina could see her gums. Mina blinked. She didn’t realize Jihyo had a girlfriend, or if she was told she didn’t remember who it was. She put on an awkward smile, but in truth she didn’t know if she should be happy because she had no idea who was being proposed to. “It’s a big deal and I want to make it perfect so I’m going to need all of your help to pull it off. Can you help me?”
The chorus of friends began to pipe up with agreement, ready to organize the perfect surprise engagement but Mina was still trying to remember if she had ever met the woman.
Suddenly, Nayeon leaned over.
“I’ve only met her once. She didn’t seem very nice,” Nayeon said quickly, clearly seeing Mina’s distress. Nayeon’s breath brushing against her ear was enough to send her into a spiral, but Mina held onto her control. She gave Nayeon a curt nod and tried to swallow back all of her conflicted emotions.
“What’s her name?” Mina asked, but soon she was cut off.
“Oh, here she comes now!” Jihyo said, utterly giddy, like a child on Christmas morning.
A tall, skinny woman came walking across the airport tile, her long legs on display beneath a tiny leather skirt. She wore heels that clicked against the ground while everyone else was wearing flats. She had long straight auburn hair that she effortlessly tossed over her shoulder as she approached.
Mina squinted at her. She seemed familiar but she couldn’t quite place it.
“Guys, here is the special lady I have been wanting to introduce you all too for a long time,” Jihyo said, looping an arm around her girlfriend, soon to be fiancé’s waist. “This is Sana.”
Suddenly, it hit Mina exactly where she had seen that girl before like a brick right between the eyes. Sana had not always been the extremely put together woman that stood in front of them, but a geeky girl who had been covered in zits and consistently got detention for talking out of turn. Mina remembered a specific time in math class when Sana had earned a detention for talking and passing notes and she broke down into sobs. She always erupted into sobs whenever she got punished, but it never stopped her terrible habit of talking too much. It did, however, earn her a rather unfortunate nickname around the school and in their graduating class.
“Oh my god, Sobby Sana!” Mina said without thinking. Sana’s brown eyes framed with brown liner snapped to her, slightly widening as if she was trying to explode her with her mind. “I mean, Sana, it's so good to see you!”
Mina awkwardly pushed through their group and gave Sana a stiff hug. Sana looked her up and down, her nose slightly wrinkling as if she had sniffed something foul.
“Mina, the pride of every class,” Sana said. “I saw you in a magazine. I guess you’re really rising to the occasion of ‘most likely to succeed.’”
“What can I say,” Mina said with an over exaggerated shrug. “I hate to disappoint.”
“And that is your girlfriend, Nayeon?” Sana asked, pulling her lips into an almost plastic like smile, clearly not enjoying the conversation.
“Um yes,” Mina said, putting a hand out that Nayeon tried to take without looking too hesitant but neither of them was sure if they pulled it off. “This is Nayeon.”
“I hear there may be a ring soon?” Sana asked, raising an eyebrow.
Geez, twice in a single hour. That had to be a record.
“Haha, guess we’ll have to see,” Mina said, unable to fully relax her face, her nerves getting into the way of everything.
“Okay guys! I rented a van so head outside and pile in.” Jihyo shouted, and began to lead the gaggle of friends outside.
“I call shotgun!” Nayeon said and the rest of her companions groaned at being beaten to the chase.
The large group of women swamped the rental van, throwing their belongings into the back and climbing over each other to get a seat. Nayeon got her coveted front passenger seat and Mina was stuck in the back row shoved between Sana and Mina’s friend, Momo. Mina relaxed a bit. She was always glad to see Momo and she gave her friend another quick hug. Momo was a beautiful dancer and had attended the same program where Nayeon studied vocal performance. However, it had been Mina that Momo really clicked with. She was a beautiful lean woman with her dark hair pulled into a messy bun and her body swathed in a matching set of comfortable sweats.
“Do you feel okay?” Momo asked, looking worried. “You’re sweating.”
“I have just been moving around too much,” Mina said, unable to think of a better lie. She was lucky that Momo seemed too tired to dissect her words.
“Well, I hope you’re cozy because it’s a full hour to the cottage from here,” Momo said, pulling a sleep mask down over her eyes and laying back into the seats.
Once everyone was loaded, Jihyo jumped into the driver’s seat and turned the key. The van sprang to life, and everyone cheered as Jihyo pulled out of the pick-up lane and began to head towards their paradise vacation spot.
Jihyo started to mess with the stereo which was oddly quiet. She tapped the power button and then tried to press a series of other buttons before throwing her hand up in frustration.
“The stereo is busted! I didn’t think to try it out before pulling out of the lot,” Jihyo complained, wrinkling her nose at the broken stereo in front of her.
“I could sing,” Nayeon suggested. “That is if everyone is okay with it.”
Everyone in the van began to cheer, and even Mina joined in. Nayeon playfully cleared her throat and then began to sing. Her voice had always been good, but hearing it again made Mina feel like she had taken her ex-girlfriend's gift for music for granted. She thought she’d always wake up to her singing with the morning birds or humming as she worked. Nayeon’s talent and skill had become so integrated in her life that when they separated it left a gaping hole that Mina had yet to fill. She had playlists, but they weren’t the same.
Mina’s lower lip began to quiver, and she realized she was on the verge of tears. She turned away from Sana and acted like she was hugging Momo to the tears that were just beginning to fall. She managed to regain control of her quickly, sniffling her tears away and wiping her face clean.
She sat up and listened to Nayeon’s voice. It was as clear as crystal and she hit every single note perfectly. Mina was so proud that when Nayeon finished her song, Mina was the first one to applaud.
Then she had the thought: how long had it been since she had clapped for Nayeon? Obviously, none in the past three months but before that, when she had gigs. When was the last time Mina made it to one?
She froze as she realized she must have missed the gigs more often than she attended them. Mina shoved that thought to the back of her mind. She didn’t need to make herself feel guilty, she was about to share a room with Nayeon for a week she was sure she was going to plow it into her head.
Soon the party in the van died down and people started to scroll on their phones. However, as it grew quiet Mina could hear Nayeon humming to herself from the front row. Mina thought she was strong enough but as she listened to that soft intimate singing, she started to break down inside.
No. No more of that. She couldn’t let herself shatter like that at every memory that popped up. She needed to be in control. She simply had to hold herself together or the entire plan, and everyone’s vacation, was utterly ruined. She couldn’t do that to her friends, so she bit back her emotions and smiled along with everyone else, ignoring the heartbreak deep in her chest.