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"He's not going to show up," Brian states, as if Jay and Tim didn't understand him the first two times he said it. Tim ignores him and blows a line of smoke out the window screen to watch it snake up into the sky. The clouds are heavy and gray. It doesn't look like summer at all.
Jay has his phone pressed to his ear, and he has this look on his face like being the guy who apologizes for Alex is starting to really wear on him. "He's not answering. I guess we're going to have to reschedule."
"What's the point?" Tim asks, and the two of them look over at him. "I mean, he's the guy in charge. If he doesn't care enough show up when we're supposed to be filming his movie, what's the point?"
"He's just... tired lately, or something." Jay sighs and leaves another message on Alex's voice mail: "We're still waiting at Brian's. Call me."
"We all went to his stupid cast party thing. Why is he pouting this time?" Brian looks at Tim, but Tim just looks out the window again. "Did something happen? I left before you guys."
Jay sighs again, more heavily this time. "I don't know. He seemed fine while I was there, but I left before Tim."
Tim can feel both of them looking at him, and he takes a drag from his cigarette. "He just got kind of drunk, and I took him to his place to sleep it off."
"Maybe he's... not feeling well." Jay shakes his head and gets to his feet. "If he's not showing up, I need to go."
"Yeah, okay." Brian shows Jay out, and when he comes back, he stands with Tim at the window. "So, you going to tell me the real story now that Jay's gone?"
"When did you get perceptive?"
Brian just shrugs and grins.
Tim frowns down at the little bowl Brian always lets him use as an ashtray when he comes over. The bottom's covered with burn marks, and he presses his cigarette in to form another. "I took him back to his place like I said, and it got kind of weird."
"Oh my god, man. Did he try something with you?" Brian puts his fist to his mouth, his eyes bright with almost malevolent amusement. "He totally tried something with you, didn't he? Oh, man. I should've warned you, but I didn't think he'd actually try something."
"Okay, you're going to have to back up and tell me what you're talking about."
"Alex does does this, man. He gets infatuated with guys." Brian laughs as if it's funny. "He was like this with Jay for a year or something. Longer than a year. Everybody could tell he had a thing for him. It was so weird. And he'd sulk whenever Jay didn't hang out with him enough. Jay got this girlfriend one time, and it was like... It was bad. I think that's why Jay ended up breaking up with her, because you know how Jay is. He never tried anything with Jay, though. I mean, I don't think--"
"Why are you telling me this?" Tim pushes himself away from the window, not really sure where he's going, just that he has to get further away from Brian, so he ends up awkwardly standing by the opposite wall. "Is that why you said he'd be upset if I didn't come to the cast party thing? And then you just left without me?"
Brian's smile falters. "I guess if you say it like that, I sound like kind of a jerk."
"Yeah, you do."
"Sorry." He shrugs. "It's not that big of a deal. He'll get over it."
Tim stares hard at Brian's carpet, and then his wall, and then at the window behind him. "Yeah. Probably."
Outside, he hears Jay's car just now starting up and pulling out of the driveway.
Tim's not sure what it is that makes him go to Alex's house. Guilt, maybe. Although that doesn't make any sense. He doesn't have anything to feel guilty about, does he?
Whatever. He's at Alex's house and he's knocking, so it doesn't matter what the reasons are. He knocks and he stuffs his hands in his pockets because it's too cold for summer, and part of him hopes Alex doesn't answer so he's off the hook for whatever he's on the hook for.
He glances over at his car, behind Alex's in the driveway. Alex hasn't answered yet. He could leave.
He whispers a curse under his breath before he knocks again, louder. "Alex!" He stuffs his fist back into his pocket angrily. "Alex, I know you're home. Your car's in the driveway. We had a shoot at Brian's remember? I mean, you're the director and everything, so it's kind of important for--"
The deadbolt clicks.
The door doesn't open, though. Tim rolls his eyes, because this can only mean that Alex is feeling particularly dramatic today. He thinks about leaving again and he opens the door. "Me and Brian don't care that much," he says as he heads down the hallway, "Jay was in a tizzy, though."
He stops at the end of the hallway, frowning and wondering why he just used the word "tizzy." Alex is just sitting on his couch. His camera's on the coffee table along with two stacks of tapes; one stack still in shrinkwrap.
He's looking down at his camera for no discernible reason, eyebrows furrowed, like Tim isn't even there.
"So, you've been in here filming yourself instead of your movie. That's normal."
Alex's eyes flick up at him. "What do you want?"
Tim glances back down the hallway at the door, wondering if it's too late to leave. "To check on you. Jay's been trying to call."
"I know."
"So, if you're pissed off at me, why are you giving him the silent treatment?"
Alex narrows his eyes slightly and looks back down at his camera. His voice is oddly quiet, though. "I'm not pissed off at you."
"Then you're doing a great impression of someone who is."
Alex's phone starts ringing in his pocket, as if Jay sensed that they were talking about him. "I should be an actor."
"I wouldn't go that far." Tim sighs and goes over to the couch, sitting next to Alex. "Answer your phone, man. You know how Jay gets when he's worried."
Alex is still for a moment, then he shifts his weight, leaning slightly toward Tim to pull his phone out of his pocket. He keeps his eyes on his camera as he answers. "Yeah... I'm fine. I just forgot." He clenches his jaw. "I'll let you know," he says tightly before ending the call.
"You're such a friendly guy."
"I know."
Tim sits there for a moment, and he finds himself looking at the camera too. It's kind of ominous. A round, black eye watching them. He clears his throat. "So, the other night, I--"
"I thought we were forgetting about that."
"It doesn't seem like you're forgetting."
The corner of Alex's mouth twitches. "Why do you think this is about you?"
"I don't know, maybe it's not." Tim frowns to himself. He was stupid for coming here. Stupid to think he'd be able to have an actual conversation about this. He doesn't want to have this conversation anyway, but if Alex is just going to sit there and act like it's nothing... "Brian told me about you and Jay."
"Me and Jay," Alex repeats slowly. He picks up his camera and turns toward Tim, watching him on the screen. "Tell me about me and Jay."
"Can't you just turn that stupid camera off?"
"No."
A sudden rush of anger shoots through Tim, and he grabs for the camera, knocking it out of Alex's hands and onto the floor. "What is wrong with you?"
"Why does the camera bother you so much, Tim?" he asks. It sounds like an accusation.
"I came here to see if you were okay. Why are you acting like this?"
Alex stares at him for a long moment, as if he's looking for something. He reaches down and picks up the camera again, setting it on the table pointing away from them. "It's been a bad couple of nights."
"Yeah," Tim says, and he realizes it's been a lot of bad nights for him too. He doesn't remember the last time he slept until morning, except that night on Alex's floor.
"You can leave, if you want to. I'm fine."
There's creaking coming from somewhere in the house, like a misaligned fan, and the wind is blowing hard enough outside that the shadow of a tree keeps rocking and trembling against the window. "It's for epilepsy."
Alex blinks at him. "What?"
"You asked me about my medication. I used to have it really bad when I was a kid. My teachers would think I was falling asleep in class, but the doctors said I was having a bunch of little seizures. I just felt tired and stupid all the time." He shrugs. "I don't get them that much anymore."
"Why are you telling me this?"
"I don't know. Maybe I should've waited until four in the morning." Tim looks at the camera. Now that it's turned away from them, he finds himself wanting to turn it back. "Maybe I'm trying to figure out what to tell you so that you'll know this is a mistake. Liking me or whatever."
"I already know it's a mistake," Alex says flatly.
"Well... Good, I guess."
They're both quiet, and the wind is blowing hard enough now that the tree is actually scraping against the window every few seconds. Tim gets to his feet to leave.
"I kind of like making mistakes," Alex says.
Tim stands there, not sure what to do, not sure that he wants to look at Alex right now. He does anyway.
"You can leave," Alex says. When Tim doesn't move, Alex gets up. He seems taller than Tim remembers, and he touches Tim's hair in this unnervingly careful way, like he's afraid of something terrible happening. "You can leave, if you want to. I'm fine."
"Yeah, me too," Tim says like it's the punchline of some inside joke.
Alex is still watching him, still looking for something, and the tree scrapes loudly against the window. It startles him, and he stares at the window the same way he'd been looking at Tim. "Why are there so many storms this summer?"
"I don't care," Tim says, and he pulls Alex down into a kiss.
The rain is coming down heavy, and the noise of it is constant like a staticky T.V. at top volume. It drowns out everything; conversation, thought, the creak of the fan. Tim is turning an unlit cigarette over his fingers, back and forth.
Alex is filming him.
The storm has blotted out the sun and neither of them have bothered to turn on a light, so he can't really see Alex. He can only see that little red light shining out at him from the other end of the room, shifting now and then but never leaving completely. He doesn't ask why. He's finished with asking why.
Tim hears something under the sound of the rain. It takes him a moment to realize it was Alex's voice. He crosses the room and sits on the bed with Alex, the red light following him the whole way.
"I didn't hear you."
"The tape from that night," Alex says, just loud enough for Tim to make out the words. "I burned it."
"I wonder when this storm is going to end," Tim says.
The red light shifts, then finally turns away, and Alex moves closer.