Chapter Text
There is a guy working corner, his stomach big enough that a puffy, winter coat can’t hide it. Ian is too far away to see his face, but the belly he can’t miss. It’s Christmas Eve, and no one should be out working, especially like this. After everything, Ian is not a fan of whores, but he does pity them. It’s snowing, for God’s sake, and this poor guy is probably trying to make enough to have food for tomorrow.
When he gets close enough to be heard, he speaks before thinking, and almost instantly regrets that he did, when he sees the hooker’s face. The following wave of shame makes him bite the inside of his cheek until it bleeds. Even in the warm, yellow street light Mickey’s face looks pale and hollow. His belly seems even bigger up close.
“What do you want, Gallagher?” Mickey sounds a bit surprised, but other than that he doesn’t seem overly shaken by his ex-boyfriend’s sudden appearance. On the contrary, Ian feels shaken to the core.
“I… what? What are you doing?”
“Working.”
“D… drug dealing?” he doesn’t know why he hesitates, he no longer is a shy child but a man, for better or worse, he’s seen enough not to be bothered by things like that.
The older boy lets out an amused snort, “Yeah, right. Be real, Gallagher.”
“Where do you live now? I heard…”
“Somewhere else, with Iggy.”
“Why?”
Mickey has no reason to answer that, but he does. Maybe he is bored, it could be a slow night. He points at his bulging stomach, “Couldn’t stay there with that. Terry would kill me. Still might if he sees me anywhere.”
“So you’re spending tomorrow with Iggy?”
“No, he is working. I’ll probably work too. What are you doing, hmm? Chitchat, really?”
“I just saw you and fuck. I don’t know. Do you want to come home with me? Take a break from working?”
“And why would I want to do that?” It’s a good question. One Ian doesn’t have an answer to. Why would Mickey want anything from him? They aren’t anything anymore, Ian made sure of that. His life has been pretty bad after the break up, but then it got better, with help. Ian got better. So he found himself a new boyfriend, like he always did. Tried not to think about Mickey when Mandy called. Maybe if he allowed himself to think about it, he wouldn’t find his ex whoring himself.
“Give yourself a break? Free food? Let your baby have few quiet days?”
Mickey stares at him and then shrugs. Ian can’t believe that the older man wants to come with him, but he realizes it’s not because of him. Mickey’s eyes are dull, he looks completely exhausted. When they walk, Ian talks and talks, and talks, trying to fill the silence.
“Is the other father contributing?” he clumsily asks at one point, and the pregnant man stops walking then, one pale hand resting on his belly.
“Don’t. You don’t have to be a part of my son’s life, but don’t pretend he is not yours.”
After that they don't talk.
Fiona looks alarmed and surprised when she sees Mickey, and she doesn’t even try to hide it. Debbie though, Debbie is ecstatic.
“You sleep in my room! I will sleep on a floor!”
“What is he doing here?” Fiona asks, her eyes not leaving Mick.
“I found him outside, near the Boystown, uh.”
“Doing what?” she easily catches his hesitation.
Before Ian can answer, Mickey beats him to it, completely unashamed in his honesty, “Waiting for clients. Yeah, Fiona, I’m getting fucked for money. The only thing I was ever good at,” the last part is said quietly, but they hear it anyway. Debbie drags the Milkovich away, and he doesn’t protest. Her company is better than theirs, Ian supposes.
Fiona mutters something about being irrational, and suddenly it dawns on him, that his sister is worried about Mickey, not him.
“I was pregnant too,” Debbie reveals, her hands touching the smooth skin of Mick’s belly. Ian doesn’t mean to eavesdrop. He just can’t stop himself with the door not completely shut. “Fiona made me get rid of it. Which was a good idea, of course, but it wasn’t my choice.”
“I decided to keep the baby, but I still don’t think it’s a good idea.”
“Is that why they released you from prison?”
“That and the fact I didn’t try to kill anyone.”
Debbie laughs with mirth. Ian hasn’t heard her laugh like that in a long time. They used to be close, now she refuses to talk to him about anything important. He never thought it had anything to do with Mickey before, but maybe he’s been wrong. Debbie’s heart’s always been the biggest.
“Why are you selling yourself?”
“I dealt drugs and did other stuff for as long as I could, but good luck with doing it with a huge belly. No one would hire me once I started showing, I need to save up for later when I’m unable to work because of the baby. And it’s less dangerous.”
“Can I visit when the baby is born? I will cook for you.”
“Sure.”
It’s Ian’s baby, he doesn’t even question it, yet it’s his sister who asks to be around it. He doesn’t know if he wants to be a dad. It’s not that he doesn’t love Mick, he will always love the other man, but he can barely take care of himself, and he’s never really thought about having babies. It’s always been an abstract thought only.
His heart beats a little faster when he thinks about a tiny human inside Mickey.
The dinner next day would be fine, if it weren’t for Alan, Ian’s boyfriend. They met in Boystown, so Ian knows that the older man used to frequent the bars there, but he wasn’t aware that his boyfriend knows the corners so well. He is kind of proud of the way Mickey handles the jabs directed at him, mostly ignoring Alan, busying himself with food.
“So the baby. Why would you keep some random john’s spawn? Gets you more money?”
“Yes, that’s exactly why I kept him,” Mickey’s voice drips with sarcasm.
Lip nudges Ian, obviously angry. The message is clear. Do something, or I will do it for you. Lip isn’t overly fond of the old, pretentious fuck as he likes to call Alan.
“What about STDs? Is it healthy? Or do you not care because you will leave it in the orphanage anyway?” has Alan always been such an annoying prick? Ian can’t tell. He thought that he found himself a mature, caring partner. What a joke.
“The baby is a boy, Mick told you that already, so stop calling him ‘it’. I would also appreciate if you stopped insulting the father of my child and left.”
Everyone stops talking to stare at them, only Debbie doesn’t seem bothered by the revelation. Mickey must have told her yesterday, or maybe she guessed.
“It’s yours?! You haven’t fucking told you are having a baby with a whore?!” Alan shouts, already on his way to the door. Ian sees from the corner of his eye that Mickey decides to leave as well, but he directs his steps towards Debbie’s room and not the front door.
“Yes, he is mine. Get the fuck out.”
“Yeah, before I help you,” Lip growls and Carl nods rather enthusiastically.
“Whatever. I don’t want to be a part of this.”
Ian stares at the closed door wondering why he doesn’t feel like a failure. Yet another relationship gone. There has to be something fundamentally wrong with him if he can’t stay in a steady relationship for more than a few months. Well, that’s not quite true, what he had with Mickey…
Mickey is lying on his side, eyes closed and breath steady, but Ian knows he isn’t asleep. He still can tell. He takes a moment to just drink in the sight. He missed Mickey so much he suddenly feels like crying.
“Are you okay?”
“Fine, just tired. I will nap for a bit and then go home.”
“Stay.”
Mickey opens one unbelievably blue eye, and Ian almost crawls towards him, hands reaching for the belly. His baby.
“I was an obnoxious little shit, but I’m better now. I know I need pills to function.“
“You are sick.”
Ian fights the urge to deny it. He doesn’t like it, but he is done with pretending that everything is fine, and he can lead a normal life without pills. Without them he is like Monica, and the right cocktail of pills makes him feel like Ian again.
“I’m sick. I want to raise our son with you.”
His attention is on Mickey’s face, so he doesn’t miss a small smile stretching the older man’s full lips.
“I love you, I never stopped.”
“What is love even?” the words are spoken so softly that he can’t take offense.
“Love is you and me. It will be me holding your hand when you give birth, you nagging me to take pills in the morning. I changed.” Mickey doesn’t say anything for a while, and Ian worries it’s too little too late. Then Mick takes his hand to kiss it, pulls him higher for a proper kiss, and Ian thinks he’s been stupid to think that anyone could replace the other man. Mickey ruined him for other men.