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Evening winds always have some sort of mystery to them. Sometimes the air is still while other times the presence is comforting. Autumn winds on the other hand, they’re eerie. Harsh screeches and sharp whispers replace what should be a soothing presence. That is what Levi thought as he stared out into the open sky, watching as the wind harshly blew on the trees thinking it might bring him a bit more ease.
Despite being inside a toasty fire-lit cabin moments ago, he is surprisingly unbothered by the chilling wind outside. Autumnal nights to some can either be beautiful or downright terrifying. To him, nothing can compare to the horrors of his birthplace. The Underground. So being surrounded in nothing but tall trees that shine in rich fiery hues, scattered leaves, and the trail of the evening mist accompanied by the almost human-like sounds of the wind in the depths of the forest is something he has gotten used to. But if there is anything his time in the Underground as well as the Scouts taught him is to keep his senses alert. And while living in the presence of mother nature, you are under her mercy and bide by her rules.
And the lingering feeling that he is somehow being watched only increases.
The first indication is the sound of a dragged step. Painstakingly slow compared to the way the fallen leaves were being dragged. The second was the smell of lilac. That soft, delicate, sweet smell of lilac only one person wears. For Levi, this was a dead giveaway.
“You might as well stop hiding and come out. I know that you’re there.”
The click of her boots gets louder and her floral scent, slightly stronger as she makes her way next to him.
“Your stealth has gotten shittier” he says.
“And here I thought I could get away with it. Guess I’m losing the touch” Mikasa replies, agreeing with his comment even if it was too blunt.
“I taught you better than that”
“I know…” she sighs, “I haven’t had to sneak up on anyone in years. Not since...everything…”
Both share a quiet moment as they look out to the practically starless sky. Only the light of the moon shining what lays behind the mist.
“So this is where you’ve been hiding. Gotta say it’s quite the place.” she says.
“It is…”
“Away from everyone and everything. No noise. No worries. No duties. No anything. Just you…”
“What are you doing here Mikasa?” he finally asks.
“I just… needed to get away for a bit. Besides, I couldn't sleep…”
You too huh?
“I already have a lot on my mind but the constant thumping of leaves on the windows and the creepy wind doesn’t really help. Besides I saw you leave headquarters. You didn’t show up for the whole day and when you did, you left immediately. So I followed you here…” despite the cold her cheeks flush in embarrassment. “How long ago did you find this place anyways? I never knew it was here.”
“Stumbled here before leaving for Wall Maria’s retrieval. It was just forest back then. After the mission I made it a personal project of mine to build this cabin. It’s been a refuge of mine ever since”
“That was 6 years ago?!”
He nods.
“That explains a lot…”
“Hmm?”
“Back then you had this look in your eyes. Nobody seemed to notice, but I did. You were distant and almost waited for an abyss to come and take you.” Mikasa knew that look very well. Everyone of her comrades felt that way at some points. Hell, even she’s felt it too. And she sure as hell thinks Eren felt that way even in the end. However, they both distanced themselves from her. And that’s what hurts. “I’m the reason… right?” she let out in a whisper.
“Huh?” Levi was taken aback by her sudden question
“I’m the reason you grew distant, right?”
He didn’t answer.
“For a while, it felt like it was…” she took a moment to herself before confidently saying, “I missed you, you know.”
That same eerie whisper of the wind got colder. Sending chills through both of them.
“Looks like it’s gonna get colder from here. Headquarters isn’t that far from here. Let me walk you back.” He turns away from her beginning to lead the way. Not even three steps in and her lilac scent seems to be less poignant in his nostrils. But it’s something he quickly pushes down no matter how much it aches him.
“So that’s it huh? Just when I thought I could finally get you to talk to me you’re shoving me away.” Levi stops in his tracks when he hears the disappointment in her words.
“Let’s not get into this here Mikasa”
‘ Yes, this is for the best’ That is what Levi tries to convince himself with. As much as her words strike a chord with him, he doesn’t let himself show reaction.
“I mean it when I said I missed you. I missed you every…single…day. For four years. I didn’t miss my captain. I missed my comrade, my companion. My friend! My-” she cuts herself off before she can finish that last word. “I thought I meant something to you just like how you still mean something to me…”
He doesn’t know how this woman is able to clench his heart without so much as lifting a finger on him. ‘ I thought I meant something to you just like how you still mean something to me’
Of course you mean something to me! He wants to shout, but doesn’t.
The sky rumbles in his place. Moonlight is almost shielded from their vision, leaving their surroundings almost in darkness. Soon enough droplets harshly land on their heads.
“Let’s go” he whispers and proceeds to walk. With the rain now descending heavily he hears Mikasa’s footsteps quickly catching up to him.
“Why did you leave?!” she shouts.
“Mika-”
“Did I not matter to you anymore?!”
“No!” he widens his eyes, realizing the response he blurted. Despite his logic telling him not to say anything else, his consciousness threw that out the window. “Of course you matter to me! More than anyone! Or Anything!”
“Then explain why-”
“Because it was best for you!”
A pause struck Mikasa as Levi’s words processed within her.
“Best for me? Best for me?! Don’t you realize I was about to make the biggest mistake of my life!” A clap of thunder makes the clouds react, which causes a harsher downpour. “When we shared those moments with each other, I truly thought we’d be walking through life together. Hardships and all, like we always have, Ackerman or not. How did you think I felt when Floch uttered that you were killed or when I saw what Zeke had done to you?! Or when I saw that titan-” her throat tightens, not being able to finish the sentence.
Yes, it’s been four years. Everyone in Paradis is now living what they believe is their slice of peace. However, that doesn’t mean there aren't any painful memories that go forgotten. That much they know.
“The Rumbling wasn’t something we thought we’d go up against. There was no knowing if we would’ve made it in the end, but I knew that you never left my mind. What I did to Eren will always haunt me. After I did what I did-” she lets her tears well down her face, blending themselves with the raindrops.
“There was nothing I wanted more than to find you. After everything I wanted nothing more than for you to reach out your hand to get me, us, away from this hell. And then without realizing how quickly the years went by I was suddenly getting my hand asked. From someone else. I was told countless times how I should accept it, that this union would be good for me. And you know what? I almost did!” Even if there was limited light and downpour interfering between them, Mikasa was able to see how Levi’s jaw tightened.
“Why didn’t you then?” he asked in a soft manner, “You would’ve probably been in good hands. They would have treated you well. Cared for you.” he gave a long inhale. Noting that his next words were going to be hard to say, “They would’ve loved you and given you the life you deserve.”
“Yes, I would’ve been cared for and been granted a better life. But I knew better than to lie to someone else. To myself, because there is no way to give myself to someone without wanting to wish they were another.”
She makes her way closer to him.
“Do… do you not love me anymore?” she tearfully asks.
He turns around, stunned by her question… but he doesn’t answer, but his silence doesn’t affect her. Mikasa could see the heaviness in his breathing from the way his shoulders rise and descend. She knows her words are striking a chord in him. She knows he’ll give her an answer. And she was willing to wait, whether it be in this pouring rain, a dry sky, any storm, or a falling sky.
‘Good things come to those who wait’ she’s always heard. It’s something she thought for years when waiting for someone like Eren. The boy who saved her life many many years ago. The one who taught her strength. The one she thought she would love for the rest of her life… But he left. Left without looking back. Then Levi entered her life and changed her entire perspective. With Levi she feels full yet empty. She is stubborn and selfless. Confident and reckless. With him she felt strength and weakness. He became her strength and weakness. Her thrill and danger. Her groundness and the point of her insanity- He was the other half that made her whole. He was truly her love.
Until the day he walked away as well.
It truly destroyed her, but now, many years later she faces him with a different light. As a more mature woman who doesn’t flinch at the face of an obstacle. And now, as a mature woman, who knows (has always known) that Levi is not Eren. Eren walked away thinking shouldering the burden and taking matters into his own hands will protect everyone in the long run. Levi also walked away for a similar reason. Mainly for her sake, but unlike Eren, Levi will never walk away without looking back. Levi will never walk ahead. While Eren always takes a step ahead Levi will take a step back. He would stay behind not at all caring if someone will wait for him. But for Mikasa, she will gladly leave the designated path in front of her if it means Levi and her will walk the same path together. Hand in hand. Not a step ahead and not a step behind, but together.
To her Levi is worth it.
“I-I” Levi attempts to get words out of his mouth. Words that he knows contradict what he actually feels, but somehow, something or someone is preventing him to.
Finally face to face, her pleading eyes she finds his, “Tell me Levi. Look at me in the eyes and tell me you don’t love me.”
They’ve been dealt with the shitiest cards and have been put through literal hell, but they persevered. They came out survivors. They always have. Now, the war has been fought. The fight is now over-has been over. They’ve been given another chance to now know what truly living, truly loving meant. So what’s there to hold them back now?
Before Mikasa, Levi has only known tragedy. To him, life played him like a cruel joke. Knowing nothing but unfairness, cruelty, brutality, and death. If fate wanted him to suffer, to be alone, he wouldn’t have any doubt with its intention. And now this woman in front of him, the one who swore to despise him which; through her stubbornness, her strength, her passion, smile, affection, and care, gave him the taste of what it means to be alive. Her very existence became the blood in his veins, the air that filled him, the warmth he needed that not even the sunlight he chased for so many years could even compare. And for her, this strange and beautiful being, he would gladly succumb to whatever hell fate wanted him to even if he is meant to be nothing more than a distant memory.
But here she is. Alive and radiant.
And here he is, taking this as a sign from life or whatever being to not waste this chance. A chance for the rest of his life to start. Because he earned it and so did she. Without a second thought he reached the back of her head and pulled her towards him, their lips crashing instantly.
Shocked at his action, she quickly reciprocated by bringing her hands to the back of his head. Not minding his cold skin in the back of his head. Right now at this moment she could melt with the rain.
The feeling of each other's lips is something both haven’t forgotten. However, now being able to feel after years of deprivation, they’d never think about wanting to taste another pair of lips. The mixture of water and tears can be tasted, but neither of them mind. Slowly pulling back Levi opens his eyes to see a slight redness in Mikasa’s eyes. With a hand cupping her face she tenderly leans into his touch as he gently wipes the wetness of her cheek.
“Like hell I’d admit to something like that”
She responds with a tearful smile before closing their distance once again. Every stroke of their lips more urgent and passionate than the last. Their kiss was the wine they’d indulge to get drunk on, and the sweet nectar that gives them life. No matter how much the rain intensifies, it pales in comparison to the immense love, passion, and devotion of the two souls in its presence.
...
As far as she knows, there’s two things Mikasa is aware of. One is the loud slam of the door Levi closes. The second is that her back is to a wall as their lips stroke furiously. Never daring to leave. Everything else, everything around them is nonexistent to her. Levi’s lips begin to trail a path from her lips to her jawline. She presses her body closer to him as the strokes of his lips, the light brushing of his tongue, and his hot breath make their way to the crook of her neck.
Never would she have thought she’d experience something like this. Something so overwhelming. So thrilling. So delicious.
Gasping at the sensation and with a tightness in her core, her body responds as if on instinct. Needing to feel him closer she grinds her hips on the fabric of his pants, causing a groan to escape from him. Her hands find their way to his shirt and shakily begins to undo the buttons one by one. Before she could slip the shirt from him completely he stops.
“W-wait” he says suddenly. “Wait” he repeats in a softer manner and rests his head on the crook of her neck, panting. Once his breathing sounded less intense he looked at her, “Are you sure you want to do this?” Mikasa looked at him for a few moments, “I wouldn’t force you into doing this and you know that.”
As much as they have shared kisses in the past, they’ve never been intimate with one another. Back then there was only a war to think about, but now that was over. Mikasa knows that in this moment, her body and soul, is something she wants to share with only him.
“I want this” she brushes her bottom lip on his “I want to have you.” Merely a centimeter away from closing their distance, “I want all of you.”
Feeling his breath hitch, he gently strokes her cheek “You’ve always had me” he says.
They both close the distance of their lips. Having been deprived of each other long enough, they will not waste any more chances. Tonight they will savor this moment, their bodies, each other. Tonight they will take their time as they now have plenty.
Tonight they won’t hold back.
Levi traces his hands from her thighs to her rear, drawing her closer. Signaling her to jump, which she understands instantly. For Mikasa, kissing Levi always made her weak in the knees. Like she would always want to stumble and fall. But now with the way their tongues meet in a ferocious dance as they devour each other’s lips, she wants to melt.
Feeling the slight spasm on his leg startles him to the point of falling to the ground. The impact causes his teeth to catch the corner of her lip, making her wince. “I’m sorry” he says against her cheek.
“No no… don’t be. I’m the one who should apologize. I should’ve thought about your leg.” she gently rubs his injured leg, “How badly does it hurt?”
Planting his firsts firmly, he attempts to push himself to stand but to no avail. He lets out a harsh exhale in disappointment. “Shit… I-”
“Shh, it’s okay.” she places her forehead on his, “Let’s take this slow. Besides, this is a good place to keep us warm.” Conveniently with the fireplace in front of them and while the floor is probably an uncomfortable surface to be in, the light of the fire provides them with the necessary warmth and enough glow to see each other properly. With the fiery hues reflecting in their skin, Mikasa’s hand slowly reaches for Levi’s face. Seeing what she is doing, he accepts her touch. Her fingers gently trace his skin in intricate patterns. From the suppleness of his cheek feeling vague hints of stubble to the outline of his cupid's bow. Her fingers don’t leave his skin as they make their way to the arch of his eyebrow and then to the other one to finally trace her finger down his scar.
The act of touch is already something so simple yet so intimate. To Levi with traces of sleepless nights and battle scars in his features, it’s hard to imagine letting someone get close and be vulnerable. But with her tenderness; how she feels him scars and all, without disgust or fear. He internally chuckles, reminding himself that when it came to him she never feared. When it comes to her, he can surrender completely.
Giving into her touch, he breaths out in pleasure as her lips replace where her fingers traced.
“Shit Mikasa-” he breathes out. “You truly are my demise…”
Seeing as he isn’t denying her actions after what he just said, she smiles as her lips continue exploring. “I want to love you properly” she says, now planting soft kisses along the crook of his neck. “Will you allow me to?”
He doesn’t give her a response. Not a verbal one at least. Nor does she give him the chance to as she continues what she was previously doing. Her lips leave a path on his neck, his chest. A sensation so delicate yet fiery it leaves Levi breathless as her lips travel lower and lower.
“Fuck” he pants. Not being able to hold back his hands cup her face, pulling her towards him to kiss her in the most passionate way he never thought he’d be so deprived of.
“I was in the middle of something you know…” Mikasa said with a smile planted on her face.
“You’ll get your turn next time”
Next time
The sound of those words brought them a sense of relief as the waiting was over for the both of them. They will be together. Close in each other’s arms, savouring the moment.
With his button up finally off of him, he goes on to remove the pink coat that clings to her. The gray in her eyes pierce him intensely, turning darker. Signaling to him that whatever he is about to do, she doesn’t want him looking away from her. So he does. His eyes never leave her for a second. Not even as he slowly unbuttons her blouse, leaving her in her bra. Scooting slightly closer, she takes his hands around her torso to unhook her bra. The brush of his fingertips on her skin sends a burning sensation through her. With their eyes still set on one another, Mikasa is now topless. Feeling the mixture of the crackling fire and cool dampness of her skin makes the pink of her nipples stiffen.
Levi’s Adam's apple shifts subtly as seeing her like this almost makes him choke. “So beautiful” he lets out. The steel blue of his eyes glistens in such a way that it might as well devour her whole.
“Come here” he pulls her to him. His lips ferociously tracing her lips and neck until he reaches one of her breasts. Mikasa arches at the sensation as her hands weave through his hair, inhaling his musk. The depths of her core fill with desire at the feeling of their chests pressed against one another.
Repeating what she had done earlier, Levi presses kisses down her chest and reaches her navel as he gently lays her down on the ground. His lips travel lower, further down. Every kiss on her skin ignites with pleasure.
“Levi” she moans.
His steel gaze shifts to her for a second before planting his lips on her inner thigh. The brushes of his tongue are gentle and the sensation of his breath near her area ignites her even more.
“Oh Levi” she pants out. Her noises become more frantic, more impatient, more pleading.
Reaching for his face he stops what he is doing. “I-” she breathes out heavily before finishing her sentence,
“Are you alright?”
She nods. “I-I can’t take it anymore…Take me” she breathes out.
“Are you sure?” he asks
“Take me” she repeats, still heavily but more assertive. “Make me yours”
And his, she always has been. But now he will show her properly. Now and as many times as she wants.
A quick wince escapes her lips as she feels him slowly entering her, her muscles tensing at the unfamiliar action.
“Breathe slowly for me Mikasa” he whispers in her ear, planting kisses on the crook of her neck as she adjusts to him.
While her breathing is still heavy, her expression shifted from the initial discomfort to one of entrancement.
“I…I can stop i-if you want” even though he senses the shift in her, but he still keeps her well-being in mind.
“No… g-go on. D-don’t…stop” she pleads.
Before he continues she interrupts him again, “W-wait… what about your-”
“I’ll be fine, trust me”
His movement is slow and steady, allowing them both to enjoy the feeling of their connection.
“s-so g-good-” she whispers
His carnal instinct heightens at the sound of her words as he slides in and out at a quicker pace.
“Fuck” he lets out “you feel… so tight… so amazing”
The storm outside was getting stronger. The fire was igniting more, burning more. But that didn’t matter for the two lovers as they indulge in their passion. The world could be in chaos and on the brink of destruction and that still wouldn’t make them budge. Their bodies, their souls, this moment is all they care about.
“I- ah” she lets out.
“Don’t hold back. Let me hear you” Levi says as he wraps one of her legs around his waist hitting a deeper spot. This change makes her vocalize more.
“I-I love you” slowing down his action, it takes Levi a second to process her words. She loves him. He loves her. They both know that, they’ve known it for years. But for Levi those strong, precious words still feel surreal to him. For many years he thought he was unworthy of such a thing, especially with the gorgeous woman in his hold right now.
“Say it again” he says, picking up his pace once again. The sound of skin slapping now overpowering the crackling of the fire in front of them.
“I love you” she repeats.
“Again” he thrusts harder, faster.
Her mind becomes fuzzy. The sensation is overwhelming in a euphoric way, yet, she still answers. “I love you!” she wraps her arms around his torso wanting to feel him closer than they already are. “I love you Levi!” she shouts before claiming his lips with ferocity.
...
The morning was foggy and gray. The ground is muddy and wet as water lingers in the grass and leaves from the trees. Remnants of the heavy downpour from the night.
Inside a cabin, ashes remain from the fireplace that was active for most of the evening. Not too far are two figures with a long blanket covering their very naked bodies. The morning was cold, but with what had occurred last night there was enough warmth between the both of them.
Both of them awaken with their eyes on one another. Gray meeting blue and vice versa. With their bodies hugged together and their legs entangled they can’t help but remember everything that happened. How they explored each other with their mouths, the sweat that glistened their skin, their taste, the sound of their moans, their words of endearment and need filling the air.
“Good morning beautiful” he says first
“Sleep well?” he chuckles at her question.
“You tell me…” gently cupping her face, he kisses her with delicacy,
Mikasa takes this moment to shift on top of him, they stay that way for a few moments. The brushes of their lips are soft, unhurried.
“Stay with me” he says.
His words make Mikasa pull back slightly.
“Stay with me forever. Never leave my side”
She answers him with a beaming, radiant smile. “Until the end and even beyond that.”