Chapter Text
March, 2012
To say he didn’t belong in Alexandria was an understatement.
He’d felt like he was taking missteps ever since they walked into this place. The way all his family, or most of it, easily adapted threw him. He knew Carol was playing a part and Rick was doing something similar, but still.
Seeing Rick dressed as a cop, seeing Michonne do the same. Seeing Carol act like some meek housewife…
It was driving him crazy. They were all going backwards, it seemed to him, but he didn’t have a “before” persona to fall back on. He was just him, and he was a better person now than he had been before, and he certainly wouldn’t have fit in with these people before.
So he was on edge, nervous, waiting for the next bad thing as always.
When that kid made a move on Glenn? Well, he wasn’t about to let that stand. No one was hurting his people, especially not these condescending idiots who wouldn’t survive 2 days outside these walls.
It’s clear he’s spooked them though, afterwards, from the stares he gets from all of the Alexandrians, worse than before now. And Deanna, she might be a politician but she can’t hide what she thinks of him.
“You can’t do that, not now,” Rick tells him, later, at the house with him, Michonne, and Carol.
“So I’m just supposed to let some idiots attack Glenn?” Daryl asks.
“Glenn can look after himself,” Rick answers. “We’ll make sure we’re looking out for each other, too. It’s you who can’t be doing this shit.”
“Why?” Daryl asks, glaring.
“Because you scare them,” Michonne tells him, straight up. “Anyone else would have been better, but any action you take right now is being heavily scrutinized.”
“So what am I supposed to do?” Daryl scowls.
“What I’ve been telling you,” Carol tells him, glaring as well. “Clean up a little, try to get along with a few people, give them time to come around.”
“And if I can’t do that?” Daryl asks, scoffing at the thought, tensing at even being asked. Scared of what it means.
“I need you to,” Rick tells him. “We need you to. Everyone is trying here.”
“Fine,” Daryl sighs, feeling defeated.
It’s not fine. He can’t believe they don’t have his back on this, but even the others seem irritated with him. Glenn mentions he can fight his own battles, Maggie looks disappointed, and fuck if that expression doesn’t crush him, doesn’t remind him of Beth…
Beth would have liked this place. Everyone in this place would have loved her instantly. She’d have fit right in, but she wouldn’t have abandoned him, neither. She’d have fought everyday to try to include him, he thinks.
He wishes she was here. Wants her advice now, more than anyone. Wants to see her, in clean clothes because she likes having them so much, talking about having picnics in one of the green spaces.
But she’s gone, and he’s here instead, and he’ll try for everyone here, but also for her.
“Have you even showered yet?” Carol asks him.
He hasn’t. He can’t relax enough, let his guard down long enough to bother. This place… his family without their weapons. It’s all surreal and awful.
He doesn’t say any of that to Carol. He promised to try, after all.
“I’m gonna hose you down,” she threatens, and he snorts. Fine, it was hot anyway, he wanted to say.
He doesn’t. He does tell her she looks ridiculous, because she does. He hates this place.
He has dinner with Aaron and Eric. It’s trying, he thinks, and Aaron shows him some bike parts in his garage.
“I wanted to ask you to be the other recruiter, but Deanna has put recruiting on hold, until everything is more settled here. Taking in so many at once I think has everyone on edge,” Aaron explains.
“Feels wrong, not to look,” Daryl responds, and Aaron nods in agreement.
“I figure you might still go out, scavenging, hunting, right? Probably still good to have the bike for that,” Aaron shrugs. “We’ll do recruiting missions again soon, I’m sure.”
“Thanks, it’ll be good to work on something,” Daryl nods.
“I’m sure Deanna will find another job for you, too. Eric and I as well, for when we’re here,” Aaron smiles at him. Daryl shrugs, tensing.
“Not sure what I could really contribute to a place like this,” Daryl mutters.
“What’d you do, before?” Aaron asks then, and Daryl tenses more.
“Same as now,” Daryl answers. “Hunted, fished, worked on bikes and cars when I could, mostly tried to keep my brother from getting himself killed or thrown in jail.”
“Oh,” Aaron answers, looking a little out of sorts with that response.
Daryl thinks about what Aaron had told him, earlier in the woods. He’d said they used to be scared of him, then they got to know him. The problem was, Aaron was obviously someone these people would have liked, had he not been gay. So if they could get over the gay thing, they liked him just fine.
Daryl on the other hand, wasn’t anything like these people. Anything they learned about him or his life before was only going to make them more afraid, not less.
“I’m sure we’ll find something, anyway,” Aaron tries to reassure.
Daryl spends his time with Jude and Carl more when he’s home.
“I think this will be good for her,” Carl tells him, “I was worried, that it’d make us weak.”
“Yeah,” Daryl agrees.
“Dad said it won’t. That we’ll help make them strong, instead,” Carl claims.
“Not in everyone, to be strong,” Daryl responds.
“What do you think? Of these people, this place?” Carl asks.
“I think that luck runs out,” Daryl shrugs. “And theirs is gonna. If we weren’t here none of them would survive. Maybe some will, with us, but I think over half of them will be dead within the next year.”
“That’s depressing,” Carl says.
“You asked,” Daryl shrugs.
“You don’t think we can teach them?”
“They gotta be willing to learn first,” Daryl says. “And that’ll only come after something happens. And that something will probably take a bunch out. Others won’t be able to cope, after.”
It’s only been a few days, and Daryl knows he’s supposed to not react to shit, but surely his family will understand in this case, right?
He saw it with his own eyes. Pete pushed Jessie to the ground so hard he’s sure she’s at least scraped up. The oldest boy moves then, but Pete swings and Daryl hears the impact of hit across the kids face, knows he’ll be bruised up by it. When Pete moves as if to yank Jessie back up for more, Daryl’s feet have already taken him there and he’s already shoved Pete against the house, knife at his throat.
Jessie gets up, yells at him to let Pete go. Daryl snarls at Pete, who struggles against him and cuts himself on the knife. He hears the sound of feet approaching, knows one is Rick as soon as he hears his name, and steps back, dropping his knife back down.
He turns to see Rick, Michonne, and Deanna surrounding him. Others are there, on the fringes.
“What is this about?” Deanna asks, but she’s looking at Jessie, not Daryl.
“It’s just a misunderstanding,” Jessie says, trying to be diplomatic and Daryl scoffs at that, getting harsh looks from Rick and Michonne for it.
Deanna looks at Pete. “Is that true?” she asks.
“No, this rabid animal you let in attacked us for no reason,” Pete says then.
“I did not-” Daryl says, disgusted and offended by the accusation.
“Mr. Dixon, you’ll have your chance,” Deanna says, voice severe. She turns back to Pete.
“We were walking home, and he comes out of nowhere. He knocked Jessie over, and when Ron tried to stop him, he hit him!” Pete tells her. “Then he threw me against this wall with a knife to my throat.”
Deanna looks from Pete to Jessie and Ron. Jessie is staring at the ground.
“Is this true?” she asks them.
“Yeah,” Ron nods when it’s clear Jessie won’t answer.
“And your side, Mr. Dixon?” Deanna asks.
“He hit her, and the kid. He was about to do more. I stopped it,” Daryl says, succinctly.
“And you felt the need to assault him with a knife to do that?” Deanna asks.
“Sometimes that’s the quickest way to get someone to calm down, sober them up,” Daryl scoffs. “Besides, chokeholds illegal.”
“You didn’t consider getting help from someone? Rick or Michonne, perhaps?”
“You’d rather I run away and let a woman and child continue to get beat up?” Daryl asks her, disdain clear.
Deanna just looks at him, then frowns more severely.
“Unfortunately, we have no one willing to confirm Mr. Dixon’s side,” Deanna says.
Daryl scoffs at that, shaking his head again.
“This is the second time he’s been caught attacking someone here as well,” Deanna continues. “I do believe we need to discuss this, Rick.”
She and Rick walk off while Michonne walks the Anderson’s to their house. Daryl heads home, where Carol is waiting to question him.
“What were you thinking?” Carol asks him, looking pissed.
“Are you seriously asking me that?” Daryl asks her, “You?”
“Yes, me,” Carol says. “I know what it’s like, you had to know what you did wasn’t going to help her, or the boy.”
“It would if these people did something about it!” Daryl yells back. “Why are they just letting this happen?”
“You know why. It’s the same as before,” Carol tells him.
“And it was fucked up then! You know that! I know that!”
“We can’t just come in here and pull shit like this,” Carol tells him. “This isn’t the prison. We don’t make the rules here.”
“Then we should go,” Daryl says.
“We’re not going anywhere,” Michonne tells him. “We can’t. We weren’t going to make it much longer out there.”
“And in here is better?” Daryl asks her.
“It is to me. It is to Carl. Judith. Rick. Maggie,” Michonne starts listing. “Maybe things aren’t perfect. But it’s better in here than out there.”
“So what happened?” Maggie asks, walking in with the others.
“Asshole hit his wife and kid. I stepped in,” Daryl tells them.
“With a knife. He’s got a pretty bad cut,” Michonne adds with a glare.
“Idiot did that to himself,” Daryl scoffs. “I was careful, he was drunk. Probably didn’t even feel it.”
“Well, he’ll certainly be feeling and showing it off tomorrow,” Carol sighs.
“He also claims that Daryl is the one that attacked his wife and kid, and they backed him,” Michonne explains. Daryl scowls even more then.
“That’s not good,” Glenn says, unhelpfully.
They talk for a little longer, discussing exactly what happened and what the potential outcomes will be, until Rick finally returns.
“Deanna is furious,” Rick tells them, looking exhausted. “I convinced her that Daryl was likely telling the truth, but she’s not happy about it, or about how it will look to people tomorrow. Pete is well respected, they aren’t going to believe this about him, especially without Jessie and Ron confirming it.”
“So what then?” Maggie asks.
“Daryl’s being put on probation, basically,” Rick says. “Anything like this happens again…” Rick trails off.
Daryl paces, angrily and frustrated.
“We’re lucky it’s not worse,” Rick tells him.
“What about that asshole?” Daryl asks.
“The only reason it’s not worse is because Deanna believes there is something wrong there, but she’s not willing to alienate the doctor,” Rick explains. “So nothing.”
“Right,” Daryl scoffs, feeling a rush of emotions that are so familiar he has to turn away from the group. It was like he was back in every situation with an authority figure before. It’d never mattered if he was in the right, he was a Dixon, Dixon’s were trouble, therefore he must be the one in the wrong.
And the bully just gets away with it.
“Daryl, I need you to get it together,” Rick tells him then, in front of their whole family and Daryl flushes in shame. “This can’t happen again. It can’t. Do you hear me?”
“Yeah, I got it,” Daryl nods, shoulders slumping in defeat then.
“Seriously,” Carol adds, with a tense expression.
“I said I got it,” Daryl says again, louder and frustrated.
“Good.” Rick says, and then sends everyone to bed.
Daryl’s not felt quite so isolated since the beginning, when he lost Merle and was left stuck with a bunch of assholes.
This is even worse, because at least then he was doing something useful, and the assholes needed him around for that. Now he was just a problem.
And they weren’t just assholes anymore. They were family.
And they were all on edge, because of Daryl. Waiting to hear if they were going to be forced to leave. Sighing and talking already about the things they’d miss if they did. It made Daryl feel sick and uneasy and ashamed.
He hated this place. But it was clear he was the only one with a problem. Maybe he should just leave…
He might have to. He can’t take it much longer. He doesn’t feel like he belongs with them, anymore. He used to be a leader in this group, respected. They used to look to him to help come up with solutions to problems. Now they just looked at him like he was the problem
He falls back on the one thing he’s good at, and resumes hunting. He leaves early, comes back late, every day. It gets him out of the walls, and he figures he can’t cause trouble if he’s not there.
It doesn’t seem to be helping though. The looks he does get from anyone from Alexandria are tense and scared. The looks he gets from his family are still sad. Even when he brings home a deer or a bunch of rabbits, all he gets is a nod and a pat on the back for it.
They’ve got plenty of food, they don’t need him to hunt. And with plenty of options including more ‘common’ choices, eating deer and rabbit and squirrel has become distasteful again to them.
It pisses him off even more, when he realizes. He doesn’t fucking belong here.
He shouldn’t be surprised when he hears people one day. He’s out all the time, he was bound to run into someone eventually.
He is surprised by what he finds. Or horrified, more accurately.
It’s a young woman, and he’s too late to help her, he’s sure of that. The men hurting her have already done too much.
It’s the young girl with them though, crying mama at the woman, that makes his blood boil.
There’s only three of them, and he takes them down easily, then grabs the girl before she can get too close to her mother and end up covered in blood. She fights him.
“Calm down, calm down,” he tells her. “I’m not going to hurt either of you, but if you grab her it will hurt her more. She’s been hurt enough, right? You’ve gotta be careful.”
The girl calms slightly in his arms, and he lets her go. She moves to her mother, but doesn’t touch her.
Daryl moves too, cutting her down and covering her in his poncho quickly.
“Thank you,” the woman says.
“You’re not going to make it,” Daryl tells her, giving her a sad look.
“I know,” she agrees. “But thank you anyway. They were going to hurt her, too,” she explains.
“I heard. Monsters,” Daryl scowls. “What’s your name? Is there anyone else I should be looking for?”
“I’m Amy,” she tells him. “That’s my daughter, Gia,” she explains. “My husbands dead. I don’t have anyone else.”
“I do,” Daryl explains. “A whole group, with other kids even. She’ll be safe there, we’ll take care of her,” he promises.
“Gia,” she calls and the little girl sits by her. “Remember what I taught you, okay? Be safe. I love you, so much, you know that, right?”
“I know mama,” she nods. “I love you, too.”
Daryl gives them a moment, finds what he needs to dig a shallow grave for her. He hears them speak for a while, then the mother stops talking.
“Gia,” he says, “she’s gone.”
“I know,” the girl answers, tears falling down her face.
“You know what happens, after, right? What I need to do?”
“Yeah,” she nods.
“Alright, come here, okay. Sit down right here, and don’t turn around, don’t look,” he tells her, then moves and as carefully as possible, stabs into the brain from the back of the head.
He moves then, to keep digging.
“You can sit there, or with her for a while, if you want,” he tells her. She nods, and moves back to her mother.
Once he’s done, he wraps her as best he can and buries her. He checks the bodies of the men, finding little of value, then takes the little girl and starts the journey back to Alexandria.
When Daryl walks in with the girl, the word gets out fast, and he’s quickly ordered to bring her to Deanna.
“What’s going on?” Gia asks him, looking nervous at the people and the yelling.
“I’m not sure, I think the leader here wants to meet you, is all,” Daryl explains.
“Is she nice?”
Daryl grimaces at that, and Gia nods. “Who is nice?”
“Aaron and Eric,” Daryl tells her. “Denise.”
“Alright,” Gia nods. “Aaron, Eric, Denise.” she repeats to herself.
Rick and Michonne are waiting when they get to Deanna’s house, along with Maggie, who takes the girl in to meet her.
Daryl’s not sure exactly what is said, but he knows later that Deanna must have asked the wrong questions. Made the wrong assumptions.
It doesn’t matter though, because it’s clear she’s already decided and there’s nothing he can say in his defense.
“You killed three men, do you deny that?” Deanna asks him, with the others gathered around.
“No,” Daryl shakes his head.
“And the girl's mother?” Deanna asks.
“I didn’t kill her,” Daryl says. “She was already dying. I buried her.”
Glenn looks at him at that, knowing they only bury the good ones.
“What injuries did she have?” Deanna asks. “Was she bitten? Shot?”
“She was badly injured. Stabbed, sexually assaulted,” Daryl tells her with a glare.
“So what I’m hearing is, you found 5 people out there. You killed three of them. You took the child. And you did horrific things to the woman,” Deanna says, with a glare.
“No,” Daryl shakes his head, “I came up on a group of three men sexually assaulting a woman, and I killed them. The woman, Amy, was in too bad of shape to make it. I knew it, she knew it. I covered her up, and I dug a hole while she spent the last few minutes of her life with her daughter, and then I promised to bring her daughter here,” Daryl tells her.
“It’s a good story,” Deanna tells him. “Noble. Violent. Scary tell of the evil people out there. But the daughter, she didn’t tell the same one. All she says is that you killed those men and her mother and brought her here.”
“Because she’s what, 5 years old?” Daryl asks. “Freaking traumatized and probably had very little understanding of what was happening.”
“Maybe,” Deanna shrugs. “But maybe not. And I’m not willing to risk this community on that, not when you’ve already proven yourself to be violent and unwilling to fully join this group.”
“Wait,” Rick steps in then, and the others all move to speak as well, but Daryl is done with this place, with these idiots. They’ll never accept him, no matter what he does, and he’s not gonna stay where he ain’t wanted.
“What are we going to do?” Glenn asks, looking around at the group.
“This place ain’t gonna make it,” Daryl scoffs. “We’d be better off on our own.”
“That why you did this?” Michonne asks, tone with that dangerous edge of hers.
“Did what?” Daryl asks back. “Are you really blaming me for this? Really?”
“Enough,” Rick says. “It doesn’t matter right now. What matters is Deanna is angry, and so are the others here. They want Daryl out.”
“So we leave,” Sasha says.
The others share looks at that, and Daryl feels a clump of dread settle in him. Rick and Michonne didn’t want to leave. Carl and Judith, they needed somewhere like this. Maggie and Glenn, they didn’t want to leave. Even Carol…
“I’ll go,” Daryl sighs then.
“No, Daryl,” Rick starts.
“It’s fine. I don’t belong somewhere like this no ways,” Daryl shrugs. “I won’t be the reason y’all have to leave, so I’ll go.”
“We don’t want that,” Glenn says.
“But you want to stay,” Daryl says, looking around the room. “All of you, you want to stay here, try to make this place work. Maybe you can. I can’t.”
“You could’ve,” Carol says then. “You could’ve but you didn’t even try,” she angrily tells him.
“You think I wasn’t trying?” Daryl asks, glaring at her now. “Maybe if I even knew what that meant. I did try, I made some friends with these people. Aaron, Eric, Denise,” he names.
“The other outsiders,” Eugene says to that.
“Fine,” Daryl shrugs. “At least they ain’t pretending like all these other people. Like y’all are now. Like you wanted me to, I guess. Problem is, I don’t know how to pretend to be someone who lives in a house like this. What you’ve all been doing to survive since this started has been my whole life.”
“You just needed to not stir shit for a couple months,” Michonne tells him.
“Stir shit?” Daryl asks. “Tell me what I shoulda done, huh? Asshole came at Glenn, that was a reaction that any one of you would have had, tell me I’m wrong? Glenn, would you have done different if we’d be in each others places?” he asks.
“Then Pete, Rick, would you have done anything different? And that girl? Was I supposed to just walk away from that?” Daryl asks them, glaring at them all now. “Cause any of you that think that, you ain’t who I thought you was. Problem here isn’t me, it’s these fucking assholes who haven’t realized the worlds different now.”
“Or it's that you can’t accept that some things don’t have to be so different,” Michonne tells him.
“Whatever,” Daryl snorts. “It’s too late now, anyway. I’mma pack my bag. I suggest y’all be ready, because this place ain’t real.”
Daryl sees Gia with Eric as he packs his bag. She’d been placed with a different couple, but she’d said no and run straight to Eric instead.
The other couple had tried to take her, and Deanna had tried to force her, but she’d cried and screamed, and Eric and Aaron had obviously wanted to take her in. Eventually, Deanna conceded and the other couple glared and walked off. Daryl’s sure that’s not gonna end well.
Stupid, prejudiced bastards.
He’s a little guilty about leaving without saying goodbye, but what else needs to be said? He couldn’t stay here, they wouldn’t leave. There was no keep in touch or come back to visit.
He’s reminded of Merle then, what he’d told him. About walking away but Merle being the one leaving. It feels like that, again. He was walking out, but it was his family choosing this place over him, and that hurt a lot more than he thought it could.
Especially so soon after Beth.
The only one he says goodbye to is Jude, knowing she’s the only one that he’s truly leaving behind in this.