Chapter Text

Ana looked absolutely gorgeous in her red, form fitting dress, her long curly hair falling loosely over her bare shoulders. She looked so different than any other time he'd seen her in a school setting, so it was almost jarring to see her all dressed up for an actual date.

He'd been shocked when she stopped him in the hallway when he’d come to pick Christopher up after his first day of school. He'd immediately assumed that something was wrong and breathed through his anxiety so he wouldn't lose his cool with her again. But she was no longer Christopher’s teacher, Eddie remembered and she surprised him by asking him out to dinner instead.

Eddie, still struck dumb and very taken by her bold approach agreed without a second thought. And now here they were, Chris with his abuela for the night and Eddie sharing a nice bottle of wine with a gorgeous woman who for some reason actually seemed interested in him.

It'd been a long time since Eddie went out on a proper date – if he didn't count the one where he proposed to his estranged wife who then served him divorce papers. Which, he probably shouldn't.

But before that, before he'd gotten with Shannon at the very end of high school, there were a few girls he took out to the local diner for burgers and fries and the occasional movie date where they spent more time making out in the back row than actually watching the movie.

But those were all miles away from where he was right now, in an actual nice, adult restaurant without a curfew and sitting across a woman who looked like she wanted to devour him.

It was possible that he was a tiny bit nervous, though Buck would highly disagree, having been a witness to his major freak out as he was getting ready for his date earlier this evening. Buck had to talk him down from canceling the entire thing and helped him decide what to wear and come up with some safe topics of conversation if they didn't come naturally. Though, those immediately evaporated out of his head as soon as Ana smiled at him. He always was a sucker for a pretty face.

Somehow, by some miracle, things were going really well. She seemed legitimately curious about his job and he had enough crazy stories to last him at least two lifetimes and he made an effort to ask plenty of questions about her as well, like Buck drilled into his head.

"Whatever you do, don't be that guy who spends the entire night talking about himself," Buck had said. "That's the guy who doesn't get a second date."

And at this point, Eddie really wanted a second date.

Sure, it was a bit daunting, dipping his toes back into the dating pool after being out of it for so long. He'd almost forgotten how much he missed it, this close companionship and the simmering tension with a potential romantic partner that only grew heavier as the night progressed.

Ana was gorgeous and smart and unexpectedly hilarious. She knew that his job could be incredibly dangerous and had crazy hours and she'd asked him out anyway. Most importantly, she already liked Christopher and he definitely liked her back, which was basically Eddie's main requirement in a partner.

"Are you free next weekend?" she asked halfway through dessert and Eddie nodded, then winced.

"I am, but I already promised to take Chris to the zoo."

"That's okay," she reassured him. "Maybe I could come with you, make a day out of it?"

And this was the part where Eddie should invite her along and call it a date. This was the ideal woman for him, who knew she had a kid and didn't mind him tagging along to some of their dates. She was well aware of how dating a single parent worked and the challenges that came with it.

But. She'd never been with Eddie, whose protective instincts ran haywire for the people he cared about, and especially when it came to his son. He'd barely let Shannon come back into his life after she left them the first time, and she was his mother.  

Introducing another woman into Christopher’s life this early on? Yeah, that wasn't going to happen.

"Look, it hasn’t really been that long since Chris lost his mother,” he said. "And he's the most important thing in the world to me. I'm not ready to introduce him to anyone I'm seeing quite this soon."

She frowned. "But I already know him. I've been his teacher for the past two years."

"It's not the same," Eddie insisted. "Being his teacher is one thing; being his dad's girlfriend is a world of difference."

She bit her lip, then nodded. "Okay, I understand. You're doing what's best for him." Eddie let out a relieved breath. Sure, it wasn't ideal but at least she could understand where he was coming from. "When are you free next?"

Eddie went through his meticulous schedule in his head. He and Buck were taking Chris to the zoo that weekend, followed by their usual movie night. He had some time off during the week, but the start of a new school year was always a chaotic time in their lives and Eddie actually wanted to spend some quality time with his son instead of taking any spare moment he had to dump him with a babysitter just to go on a date. It felt incredibly selfish to even think about it.

And that was without mentioning the doctor appointment he had to take Chris to, helping his abuela do some work around her yard that he promised her weeks ago and all the extra shifts he’d agreed to take on this month. And, of course, all the general chores and house maintenance that came with being a home owner.

But if he moved some stuff around in his tightly packed schedule, barring any emergency, he could maybe fit in one more date this month.

"I could find some time the weekend after the next one," he said carefully, already knowing that this was the start of the end.

She nodded, face going blank. "I see. And do you happen to have a time frame in which you'd feel comfortable with me spending time around Christopher?"

Eddie shrugged. "There is no set time frame, really. It all depends on how well things between us go first."

She raised an eyebrow. "And how are we supposed to get to know each other better if we only see each other twice per month?"

"Texting?" he suggested, half joking but she didn't seem amused in the slightest. He sighed. "This isn't going to work out, is it?"

He knew he was a busy guy, juggling his job and being a single parent and just being an adult in general, but he never really understood how much until this very moment. The idea of having some downtime had become a foreign concept a long time ago.  

Ana shook her head, looking down at her half eaten chocolate mousse. "I really do like you, Eddie. But I'm looking for a serious relationship, with marriage and kids and all things in between. And I don't feel comfortable investing so much time into a relationship that might not even work out in the end."

"I get it, Ana," he said, doing his best to give her a convincing smile. He did get it. That didn't mean that it sucked any less. "But I’m glad we gave it a try anyway.”

“Me too.”

They continued chatting as they finished their desserts, but it was mostly awkward since they both clearly wanted to get out of the situation as soon as possible. Eddie flagged down the waiter for the check, Ana insisting they split the bill before he walked her out to her car.

“I hope you find what you’re looking for,” Ana said softly and Eddie wished her the same before he left to his own car, feeling absolutely dejected and miserable.

Clearly, ‘putting himself out there’ was a bad idea. There was a reason that he put it off for so long in the first place, because now he had no other choice but to face the reality that the person Eddie needed in his life the most didn’t actually exist. Ana was his perfect match on paper, and even she faltered when she realized the level of commitment being with Eddie would require.

But it wasn’t her fault. It wasn’t his fault, either. It was just life. But now that he’d just gotten hit in the face with the realization that dating at this point in his life was going to be near impossible and take up too much of the time that he didn’t even really have, what was the point of even trying?

When he got into his car and finally checked his phone, he found a text waiting from Buck, asking for an update on his date. It was later than Eddie assumed, because things were going quite well at first before they went to shit and Eddie sighed as he typed out a quick response. A simple, ‘didn’t work out’ to not bring the mood down too much if Buck’s date was going well unlike his own.

When Eddie confided in Buck that he wasn’t sure if he was ready to try dating again, Buck insisted that he could do this. They could do this. Buck had been talking about getting back out there ever since Abby’s sudden reappearance and the subsequent closure of that chapter of his life, but he always came up with excuses not go through with it, constantly making profiles on various dating sites and deleting them by the next day.  

So, being the best supportive friend in all of existence, Buck had agreed to take the step with him and ask out this cute girl that he kept running into in his local coffee shop. And if Buck was willing to put himself back out there after everything he’d been through, how could Eddie just let him do it on his own? Solidarity, and all that.

Only now, he was seriously regretting it. He should have listened to his gut and just canceled the date. Living in denial might have been a preferable option. Because now, his hope for a brighter future with someone by his side was truly dead and gone and he was in desperate need of a strong drink.

Hopefully, Buck’s night was going much better than his own.

Not expecting Buck to answer, he stuffed his phone back into his pocket and started the long drive home. When he finally made it there, however, he was surprised to find Buck’s jeep already parked in his driveway, the man himself sitting in the darkness of his front porch despite having the key to let himself inside.

“Buck?” he asked as he got out of the car, frowning. “What are you doing here?”

Buck looked up at him and raised two six-packs of their favorite beer. His eyes were red rimmed and he looked like he was put through the wringer and Eddie fucking knew he should have listened to his gut.

Putting themselves out there? What a load of bullshit. When had that ended well for either of them?

“Want to get drunk?” Buck asked, handing him one can of beer and shaking it invitingly in the air between them.

Eddie considered the offer. Chris was staying the night with abuela, Carla was picking him up from there to take him straight to school and neither of them had to be at work until the late afternoon tomorrow. Buck didn’t seem to be in the mood for talking, and Eddie knew better than to push him when he was in this state of mind.

So fuck it. Why not? How much worse could this night possibly get?

He took the beer can from Buck and walked past him to unlock his front door. He turned to look at him over his shoulder and raised an eyebrow. “You coming?”

Buck hurriedly got up and followed him inside and right into the kitchen where Eddie pulled out a bottle of tequila he kept in the back of his highest cupboard for emergencies. If he was really going to let himself get properly drunk for the first time since Christopher was born, then he might as well go all out.  

Buck’s eyes widened as he took in the bottle before he grinned, clearly on board with the plan.

“Hell yeah,” he said, taking the shot glass that Eddie handed him and downed it in one go, wincing at the burn. “Let’s get this pity party started.”

Eddie poured himself a shot and downed it all at once, relishing the burn. This was definitely a horrible idea, but right now, it was exactly what he needed to forget all about his troubles, if only for one night.

Regret will still be there to haunt him tomorrow.