Chapter Text
Seokmin just can't get it out of his head. It has been a full day; he went on other schedules, drank with Seungkwan and Chan, and talked to many people. Still, he has not been free from the thought, not once through it all. And he believed himself to be a man of restraint, able to control himself when needed, despite Carat and his members perceiving him as the 'wear his heart on his sleeve' kind of guy.
But damn, is that restraint is unexisting as he rewatches the clip countless times, from various angles? He reads the comments and attempts to stop himself from dwelling on the forbidden temptation of it all.
Of course they're right, and of course they look good together. Of course, the way his shoulders are completely enveloping those of his smaller hyung is making him feel things he dare not name. And there's the photo of an angle of his attempted joke kiss where it looks like their lips do in fact meet, when in fact they did not. He knows, he is aware, and he is one of the two men in the picture, damn it!
Yet, he cannot stop himself from imagining and fantasising about a world where Woozi doesn't push him until the last second. It is slowly, but surely, driving him insane. Especially with the suddenness of it all. And he is not fooling himself, ok? He cannot pretend that his closeness to the producer of the group was never special to him and that he would be giddy for days when Woozi confirms that it is in fact only him who allows skinship.
He was aware of and fine with the idea that his short hyung always meant a little more to him. Thus, he made sure not to skip any opportunities to be close to him. And the members did know too, although they chose not to tease him a lot about it. But this is a little more than closeness; this had physical effects on him. He was restless, easily irritated, and, more than any time, preferred to be alone.
And more importantly, there was this urge to crawl under his skin, rendering him disoriented. An urge to go to his hyung's room and do some ungodly thin...
No, no, no. He is not even going to think about it. He turns off his phone, turning around at the sound of a door, and finds Jisoo just leaving the shower with a towel on his head. He immediately averts his eyes unconsciously, standing up, wearing a shirt, and shoving his wallet and phone in his short packets. "Seokmin-ah, is everything okay?" He turns to face the older man, who is watching him closely with careful eyes that hide concern, as he dries his hair with a towel.
Seokmin tries to behave normally, shrugging his shoulders and flashing a smile. "I am totally fine. I was going down by the pool to get some air. Why hyung? Did you want anything?" He tried not to dwell on the fact that he just wanted this conversation to be over, despite his usual answer, reminding himself that Jisoo was just worried for him.
"No, you just looked kind of out of it. Anyway, I am sure it's nothing; otherwise, you would've told me or one of your hyungs." DK found himself flashing another smile, this time more genuine. "Of course, Hyung, I told you there's nothing. Imma go now; I won't be late." Jisoo hummed, agreeing, then turned to the closet to pull on some clothes. Seokmin took it as his sign to leave, and he closed the door carefully behind him.
He always appreciated his American Hyung; he was caring and soft, in a way just perfect not to make Seokmin feel like he was obligated to tell him anything. Instead, he hinted at it slightly and told him indirectly that he was there to listen if the younger person needed it. Seokmin almost felt guilty for not disclosing his worries and lying that he was totally fine, but it was all due to his inability to voice his problem even to himself without sounding crazy, let alone another.
He walked aimlessly through the hall of the hotel, passing other members rooms. And of course, he had to know exactly which room Woozi occupied. He tried not to stall or slow his pace when passing in front of it and just kept walking towards the elevator. The thought that Soonyoung was lucky to share the room crossed his mind, and he immediately hated it. It was not him; none of this resembled him, and it drove him mad with every passing second.
Why did this have to happen suddenly? Why on tour? Why could he not remove the picture of Woozi's lips from his mind? Or the whipper he let out on that stage at that moment, softly calling his name.
"Seokmin-ah?" He could swear he turned his head so fast it cracked and hurt a little. The source of the voice—not that he needed to turn to find out—was Jihoon himself, just stepping out of his room and looking at Seokmin with a tilted head. All words died in his throat at that instant. "Were you heading down? I was about to go see if you would share a glass of wine with me. The guy who sold it to me said it was good."
Seokmin just stared at him stupidly a little before he maintained his poster and voice and smiled, faking anticipation and excitement. "Oh, actually, I was, but not anymore after hearing that offer." Woozi smiled and went back inside his room. And Seokmin tried; he really did. He tried not to think about how he was Woozi's first option, how he was going to him instead of texting it, and how he didn't bother inviting him inside, knowing he was just welcome. But maybe at night, when it's all quiet, he will have something to overthink besides the almost kiss. But at the same time, he remembered how this specific man made him pound and overthink just a few videos, let alone being in the same closed space with him.
There was no way he wouldn't be able to hide it in the presence of his friend and band member of almost a decade, right? This is Woozi Hyung, after all! They always sat and talked about everything and nothing; this time is no different, right? No, it shouldn't be, for his sake and everybody's, he reminded himself as he followed his hyung inside.
Once inside, Seokmin immediately notices that the bed that Hoshi is supposed to be occupying is not only empty but pushed next to Jihon's to form a big shared bed, with the sheets and the tucking making it look like a king-sized bed rather than two big-sized twins. Before he knows it, there's a lump forming in his throat.
Slowly groaning in size, all kinds of thoughts storming his mind, at the sheer idea that Jihoon and Soonyoung decided on that arrangement, at least that Soonyound did and Jihoon allowed it. And then his brain does the dangerous thing, asking why they would possibly do that. No good, very bad thought; his imagination ran too wild, almost picturing his two dear members wrapped around each other, too close, too intimate
Hopefully, Jihoon remarked before he could spiral any further than he already has, "Sooyoung is sleeping with Chan; he came in a rush, gathered his stuff, and left two hours ago. Appearantly, they're going to binge-watch a kdrama." If Seokmin lets out a breath of relief, he tries not to show it, and if Jihoon doesn't notice, he doesn't comment on it.
The younger finds himself a seat on the smaller sofa, facing where Jihoon is seated, already opening up the wine bottle and poring it for Seokmin before handing him the glass and doing the same for himself. He attempts at first to smell the crimson liquid, but of course, as his knowledge of wind is below average, he just goes on to taste it, then humming in delight. "Is it any good? I just don't want to feel scammed." He looks up at his wife and smiles brightly. "Oh no, Hyungi, it's delightful. And I'm not an expert, so that says a lot." Then he lets out a giggle when he notices how Jihoon is more relaxed. "Were you worried it was going to be bad?"
Jihoon pushes back his hair, then proceeds to sip from his glass, looking at Seokmin directly, his bare face showing some shadows under his eyes, but it is due to how light his skin is. "I don't usually buy alcohol, especially from places I don't know." Seokmin couldn't stop himself from interrupting in enthusiasm when remembering that he had just thought, "That's exactly what I was thinking! When you said you bought some new type of alcohol, I wonder what came over you."
Jihoon then sighs deafly, swallowing his beverage and trying to prevent a smile but giving up as he answers. "I was surprised myself; I guess he was just that convincing." Then he stands up, Seokmin already guessing he is about to play some music; this is not the first time they spend time together, lazing around. And so he can't help the smile that spreads on his face and the way his back leans into the couch more comfortably once the sound of blues spreads through the room, coming from Jihoon's speaker, which he carries everywhere.
They naturally fall into a comfortable silence once Jihoon goes back to his previous place. All Seaokmin's worries and anxieties melt into the combination of music and wine and the pleasant feel that Jihoon's proximity brings him. He couldn't prevent himself from scoffing when remembering all the idiotic thoughts he had before about not being able to restrain himself. He could be such an idiot sometimes. His members were right when they told him that he sometimes jumps to conclusions and then completely believes them without a shadow of a doubt.
"Hoshi showed me some fan clips from yesterday's concert. He was grinning like a maniac when he showed me this video of when you were joking about kissing me." Seokmin thought too soon; he thought way too soon. He really just made himself believe that everything was normal and under control. Oh, what a fool he could be sometimes.
He fixes his seating position, tries not to down the remaining liquor in his glass, and replies, "Oh yeah, I saw it; I can't believe all those angles can be taken from just that one moment!" Jihoon's lips curl in a half smile, then he points at the younger, blaming him jokingly. "That's because you had to do it when the camera was on us and we were on the big screen! Besides, it was next to the crowd, so everyone could see it." "Come on, Hyung, you know that even if the eight live concert cameras weren't on us, it wouldn't change anything."
His voice and attitude are normal, right? It must be, since the older man isn't commenting on it; rather, he continues his playful banter. "Well, you had to do it, right? On camera or not." Seokmin looks away, eyes flying everywhere with no way to settle, before he looks at his hand on his lap and decides to keep his gaze there. "You know exactly that I do it always; it's kind of a tradition now, actually."
Jihoon scuffs in disbelief, but it does nothing to hide the endearment in his voice. "I can't be with you sometimes. Tradition, my ass; you're trying to get me trouble and yourself!" Seokmin is silent after that, wishing he could think of anything else rather than the insinuation of that last sentence. He manages to keep the smile, though.
They fall into silence again. This time, Seokmin brings up some random new desert he just tried, averting the conversation completely, then proceeds to excitedly describe said desert. Jihoon automatically falls into the habit of mostly listening, with occasional remarks and laughs. They decide that a glass is enough, not knowing the strength of the new liquor and not wanting to wake up with a hangover.
It is well into the night when Seokmin says goodbye to his hyung, heading to his room to sleep. He half hugs his hyung, then leaves, hearing the door to the room close behind him. He walks a few steps into the hall. Then it stops suddenly. Next, he turns around to look at the closed door. His brain is empty; he is operating on autopilot. It could be the tiredness, it could be the wine, and it could be his delusion. Either way, he walks back, knocks twice on the door, and waits no more than three seconds before the handle dips and the door begins to open.
He doesn't allow it to; instead, he pushes it in a quick move, entering the room and then closing it behind him with a twisted hand. In front of him is a confused and startled Jihoon, about to open his mouth, most likely to ask Seokmin what made him do that or why he is back.
But he doesn't get there when the younger man grabs him by the waist and then turns them around. Jihoon's back meets the door, but not too roughly. Seokmin doesn't let him go even after, but rather gets close to him. Hovering over the short man and leaning with his free hand on the door, his hair fell down on his face, hiding it.
"Seokmin-ah what-" "Hyung, Jihoon Hyung " There's something foreign in Seokmin's voice, something that makes the man in his arms quiet down. Something akin to desperation, if Jihoon could say so himself. "Hyung, I am sorry. I am so sorry. But I think I'm going insane."
Jihoon tilts his head in confusion, attempting to break free from the hands holding him without using his full force, but their owner responds by tightening his grip, his arm now going around Woozi's half completely. "Hyung, why is this happening?" "What is happening, though? Seokmin-ah, let me go first. I don't understand what you're talking about. You were just here, and you were okay!"
Seokmin takes a deep breath, his voice dropping down another octave. "Hyung, I will go insane. If I don't kiss you right now, I won't be able to stop myself from doing so on stage. And this time, not on the cheek. "
Any words Jihoon was about to say die down in his throat, and his attempts to remove the arm stop as he looks up at Seokmin, searching to see his face but failing to do so. "What, what did you do?" "Hyung, that's all I can think about. I tried to hide it, but it's not working. Hyung, I will have to kiss you; I just can't." Jihoon is apparently gaining back his senses, as he uses both hands to push Seokmin away. "What on earth are you even talking about?"
However, Seokmin uses his free hand to restrain one of Jihoon's hands, locking it by the door. His strong arm pulling him closer made it even possible. He starts to lean in, pushing his forehead against Jihoon's, in order to make him look up at him. But Hyung still tries to stop him one last time, murmuring incoherent words. They go quiet as soon as he feels Seokmin's breath on his face and is finally seeing his face, all resistance stopping when he sees the dark intensity, despair, and something more in them.
Seokmin does not keep leaning in; he just dives in, capturing Jihoon's lips with his, taking him by surprise and drawing a small gasp from him. It is at first a still kiss, their lips on each other but barely moving. Until Seokmin tilts his head and lets go of the hand he was holding, wrapping Jihoon's body with both arms, one on his back and the other tied around his waist.
Hesitantly, the short man plants his hand on Seokmin's shoulder, then proceeds to move his lips too. Now, in this better position, they're able to deepen the kiss, their bodies pressing closer together, feeling the warmth and closeness of each other.
As they continue to kiss, Seokmin gently guides Jihoon's movements. Then, using the fraction of a second that Jihoon opens his mouth for air to insert his tongue, he explores Jihoon's mouth with a sense of urgency and desire, yet with carefulness, waiting for Jihoon's response and reciprocation. And to both their sprises, Jihoon responds eagerly, matching that of Seokmin's.
Seokmin's hand travels to Cup Jihoon's face; his every move is so delicate and cautious. And as they both lost, they finally broke apart, breathless and flushed, their eyes meeting. They lean on each other, catching their breaths yet not breaking apart.
Until Seokmin suddenly lets go, stepping a few steps behind, his face painted with horror and regret. Jihoon looks at him, confusion evident in his eyes as he tries to understand Seokmin's sudden change in demeanour. Seokmin takes a deep breath, then fails and falls into a rhythm of small panicked inhales. "Hyung, I'm. Oh my god, what have I done? I'm so stupid!"
Jihoon gets over his initial reaction; he tries to reach for the younger while softly calling his name, but it only makes the later more panicked as he moves back again and starts grumbling apologies mixed with self-deprecating insults about how he messed up. Here, Jihoon was able to comprehend why his younger member was reduced to this state.
"Wait, Seokmin-ah, calm down." But his words fall to deaf ears as Seokmin's panic rises by the second, now not even looking at Jihoon. His eyes were wondering around the room aimlessly, his hands combing back his hair, then remaining there to tug on it. Jihoon gets closer again and attempts to remove said hands, still muttering comforting words, but is again pushed away.
Now that Jihoon is more troubled, he stands still for a few seconds before suddenly screaming the younger man's name loudly, at least earning his attention at last. "Seok-ah, stop; there's no reason to panic." "No, Hyung, I imposed myself on you; I forced you." His eyes began to shine, with tears threatening to fall any second now.
Jihoon is able to at least remove Seokmin's hands from their previous position and lower them down without letting go; his eyes never leave those of the younger, and his voice is soft and laced with care. "Seok-ah, look at me. Do I look weak to you? Unable to defend myself" Seokmin shakes his head in response. "Then, do you know me as someone who is too shy and just lets anyone do anything to me?" A second shake grants him the confirmation to continue. "Then why would you think you would force yourself on me, and I would just let you?"
Seokmin is definitely more calm; his eyes are not dry, but at least he is not spilling waterfalls. He tilts his head slightly and says, "If I didn't want you to kiss me, believe me, I would've stopped you. You've become a well-built, strong man, but I am no easy opponent, right?"
Seokmin blinks rapidly, more relaxed but very confused and startled. "Hyung, so you were okay? With me kissing you?" Jihoon chuckles softly, the sound of his laugh echoing through the hotel room. An endearing smile remains on his face. "It took you long enough to realise that." He stops for a few seconds, observing the shock and increasing flush on the face of the younger, "I just never imagined our cute, kind Seokminie would be this daring and bold. You completely took me by surprise."
His words didn't help subdue Seokmin's shock; in fact, they made it even stronger. "Hyung I don't understand. Why would you want me to kiss you?" Jihoon couldn't help the laugh he let out. "What question is that? I could ask you the same thing! But I'll answer; it's for the same reason you're the only one I let hug me, or get close, for that matter." The taller man is silent for a while, his eyes never leaving those of Jihoon's, until his blush increases, turning his ears a bright shade of red. "Hyung, you mean..." "I mean, I like you, Seok-ah. Feelings and all."
It is an understatement to say that Seokmin is blushing; he lowers his face and tries to take back his captured hands, but Jihoon stubbornly does not allow him to. "Can I assume it's the same for you?" "Hyung! Stop teasing me!" And although his face is flushed and his cheeks are still marked with dried tears, the smile on his face is blinding. "I didn't know before why I kept wanting to kiss you." Jihoon finishes the sentence when the younger one isn't "It's because you like me? Is that what you're trying to say?"
It takes a few seconds until Seokmin finally nods, and Jihoon is really trying not to show how flustered he is too; instead, he directs them to the bed, where they sit next to each other. With hands finally free, Seokmin is fidgeting with his fingers, his gaze travelling anywhere, but at the older man, he finally says,
"So, I guess we will; I mean, we are dating?" The uncertainty in his voice is too entertaining not to mess with him. "Dating? When did you ask me?" Seokmin just whines again in embarrassment, so Woozi surrenders, "Yes, Seok-ah, if you want to. The only reason I never said anything was because I didn't know if you liked me." "I didn't know either, hyung." The silence that follows is comforting, yet heavy with unspoken questions.
"This is the first time ever that you talk more than me." Seokmin's comment is so out of the blue and random that it allows Jihoon to know he is back to his usual self. "Well, cause if I didn't say all that, I thought you'd interrupt all panicking again." Seokmin half turns, facing the older, "Are we telling them?" "It's not like we can hide it for long from those jerks. But not now, at least." Seokmin nods and says, "Take all the time we need."
Then his eyes fall on the charger, Powebank, and earplugs on what seems to be Sooyong's bedside table. He immediately asks, "Hoshi Hyung was in such a rush that he left his charger and earplugs? That is not usual. He can't sleep without them; maybe I should take them to"
Jihoon holds his hand when he attempts to get up. "He wasn't in a rush; I kicked him out." Seokmin sits back down, taking no time to think about the reason and just asking, "Kick him out? Why? You said he was with" He soon quiets down when he realises the answer on his own, the blush returning to his whole face. "Does he?" "Yes, he knows," Jihoon answers matter-of-factly , not giving any further explanation. Seokmin nods slowly, a mixture of embarrassment and understanding crossing his features.
And before he could dwell on that new information for long, Jihoon suggested going to bed and rushing so he and Seokmin would be tucked in for the next two minutes. It takes a few moments that felt like eternity before Jihoon says with a low voice, his back facing Seokmin, preventing him from seeing his expressions. "You can touch me; I don't bite. Well, at least not now."
And touch him, does Seokmin. It takes no more than a handful of seconds for him to completely surround Jihoon's body with his own. Legs intertwined together, his hands both around Jihoon's waist, his shoulders entirely wrapped around the shorter man, and his head resting on his shoulder. Jihoon doesn't need to turn around to see the giddy and puppy-like happiness on Seokmin's face. He sighs, content and comfort filling him. He rests his hand on Seokmin's and allows himself to relax in the warm embrace, rapidly falling to a peaceful sleep.
Hoshi doesn't have the card at the door, right? Damn, he'll probably have to kill him to shut him up. Anyhow, that's something for tomorrow-him to deal with...