Work Text:
It all happend so quickly.
One second we were driving in a car. Xephos was driving. He was talking to me. Telling me how I shouldn't keep doing what I'm doing. How he doesn't want to pay my bail again. How I shouldn't be making these decisions.
I somewhat remember being angry at him. I didn't like that he was worried about me. I remember not caring about what he thought. How pissed I was...
The next second I'm looking out my window and I vaguely see a car headed straight at us. I remember thinking about how he had looked like he was drunk driving, swerving slightly in his lane. And now his car is headed straight at me.
My mind is sent into hyper drive as I vaguely remember tightening Xephos' seat belt. I didn't have time to see his confused face, let alone tighten my own, before the car collides head on with our own. I don't remember what happend next, all I remember is being in the ditch. Being in pain. Glass through my chest. The car is crushed. I feel blood running down my face. I can't feel my legs. Xephos is screaming.
I limply look over to him. He looks okay. Only a few pieces of glass are protruding from him and even then they don't look that deep. His head is bleeding. He's looking at me. Tears are streaming down his face. He looks like a mess. But I numbly comprehend that if it wasn't for my tightening his seat belt, he would have flown out the window.
And it's my fault.
It started a few months back. I was at the bank, coming to take out a some of money so that I could get some more cash in my wallet. My life was so boring. Nothing made me excited. Not even my boyfriend could make me feel much of anything anymore.
That's when the men came in. They shot a gun at the ceiling, yelling for everyone to get on the ground. I did as they asked, not wanting to be shot. They went feet away from me. One guy held a gun to my head, one held the gun to some ladys' head, and the other held a bag out to the nice lady behind the counter. I remember being scared, terrified even.
And I loved it.
I felt alive.
The men ended up leaving and I remember wanting them to come back. Wanting to hold everyone here captive. I wanted to feel that again.
The police soon came. They got statements from everyone. But the only thing I could feel was my heart feeling like it was going to beat out of my chest. I loved it. I wanted to feel it again.
That's when this started.
At some point I started to do drugs. I don't really remember the whole story. I don't even remember much of anything anymore. I started to smoke around that point too. All because I wanted to feel again. I wanted to feel my heart want to explode. And it did. Everytime I took a shot of heroin. Every LSD I took. I felt it. I felt that same high I got that day at the bank.
Some time later on I started to drink. Xephos saw this and hated it. I started to hit him. It started off with just a slap to the face but escalated to full on beating.
He never told anyone and now I really wish he did. Wish he went to the police and told them everything. Maybe I could have gotten some help. But no. We were just getting back from jail. They caught me drinking and driving. If only the really knew.
But they didn't.
Xephos paid my bail and we were driving home. If things would have carried on like they did I probably would have gotten drunk and beaten him again. Maybe I finally would have killed him. I didn't want to but I was too far gone. My addiction had gotten out of hand.
I never wanted to hurt him. Even now I don't. Even with blood mixing with the tears falling down his face I didn't want to. With the little strength I had left I reached up to him and rested my hand on his cheek.
I couldn't tell what made my hand wet more. His tears or his blood, but he grabbed my hand as if it were a life line. He stopped screaming but he was still sobbing.
I could feel myself dying. Even as I heard the sound of an ambulance I knew I wouldn't make it.
I don't know how I spoke. There was no dought that the glass stabbed my lungs. But I was able to open my mouth.
"Please... f-find some... one. Better than... me" I stuttered out. It hurt. It hurt to speak but he needed to hear this. He needed to find someone better than me. He deserved so much more.
He started shaking his head, repeating no over and over again. I couldn't really hear him that well, but it was something along the lines of you're going to be okay. Hold on.
But I couldn't. I could feel myself dying. My heart beat slowing. Blood poring in waterfalls from my wounds. I kept feeling my eyelids get heavier and heavier. I didn't have long. I know I didn't.
It was then that I heard yelling. It wasn't Xephos. No. This was from outside the car. Xephos was ignoring them, choosing to look at me instead.
"Please... move... on..." I barely got the words out. Hell, I'd be surprised if he even heard me. But he was still crying. Still shaking his head. Still trying to tell me that help was here. That I was going to be okay.
I weakly smiled up at him. I know it was a lie. A single tear made its' way down my cheek. I shook my head back at him...
And I finally let death take me away.
After so long of waiting.
After so long of trying.
I want him to move on.
I want him to hate me.
I want him to find someone to love him.
Even now I still do.
I wanted to kiss him one last time.
But I couldn't.
He wouldn't be able to move on if I did.
So I'll give my final goodbye to you.
And I'll let you finally have peace.
Let you find someone better than me.
Someone who deserves you.
Goodbye...
Xephos.