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As usual, they were at Chibita’s oden stand only this time they weren’t turned away harshly by their childhood friend (which was understandable). Not that that has ever stopped them. This time though was different, there will be no additions to their still large tab, and Choromatsu would be paying for it since it’s his kinda celebratory treat.
Todomatsu was conspicuously absent, having called earlier that he’d be held up by work and won’t be able to come. Choromatsu knew he was lying of course, but understood him all the same. Their youngest brother had moved out of the house just last month and had not visited since, fully savoring his freedom. In just a few days, that’d also be him, Choromatsu thought, swigging his beer with great relish.
By the time midnight rolled in, the others had already left. Karamatsu bade an early goodbye, saying something about a gig he has to prepare for. Ichimatsu had gotten drunk pretty fast, which was worryingly becoming a far too usual occurrence lately. They all drank themselves to oblivion when they got together but Ichimatsu took it too far, as if he wanted to drown himself in his bottle and never reappear again. Jyushimatsu took him home, Ichimatsu's prone form slung awkwardly over his younger brother's back. Choromatsu can't help but feel sad. And strangely sorry.
“Can I get a refill, Chibita?” Osomatsu's voice said from his left.
Chibita grumbled under his breath but topped off Osomatsu's glass anyway. He took a good long swig, smacking his lips right after as was his habit. ‘That hits the spot.’
“You sure are drinking a lot today, Osomatsu-niisan.” Choromatsu said, taking a sip himself. He had only two glasses since the night started, just enough to help him fall asleep. He had to do some more packing tomorrow.
“Well, it’s not every day that my younger brother treats us all to drinks,” Osomatsu grinned lopsidedly, raising his glass clumsily. “Better make the most of it.”
Choromatsu only hummed in response, finishing off his drink. The cool breeze felt nice against his skin, the sounds of bubbling broth and the far off city noise making him melancholy. He'll miss this.
“So, when are you gonna move out again?” Osomatsu asked.
“Next week.” Choromatsu frowned. ‘Didn't I already mention it?’
“I wasn't listening.” Osomatsu shrugged, popping an egg into his mouth.
Choromatsu was perfectly fine to leave it at that, but Osomatsu went on.
“-'s not like it’s something important anyway.”
“What did you say?”
“I said,” and this time he looked at Choromatsu directly, eyes bloodshot and serious. He sneered. “It's not important.”
Choromatsu felt his blood grow hot, earlier feelings of peace and gentle satisfaction gone, replaced by a fury he cannot place nor explain. “What's your problem?”
Osomatsu shrugged, nibbling on his chopsticks. “You’re moving out, so what? All of you are making such a huge fuss out of it really. First it’s Karamatsu, then Todomatsu, then you. Who’s next, Ichimatsu? Jyushimatsu?” he scoffed. “Yeah, right.”
Choromatsu stood up, his stomach roiling. He felt like throwing up, the usually pleasant bitterness of the beer suddenly too disagreeable on his tongue. “Chibita, how much is everything?” he asked tightly, digging into his pocket for his wallet.
Chibita didn’t answer. Looking up, Choromatsu only realized that the oden stand owner had disappeared off to somewhere. He pulled out some bills, not caring if he got his change back or not. Chibita could just minus it on their tab. He wanted to sleep.
“Running away, Choromatsu?”Osomatsu snickered. “Did I upset you?”
Choromatsu didn’t answer. He started to walk away, pushing his hands into his pockets and tried to drown out his brother’s voice. He should’ve known though, that it wasn’t that easy. Osomatsu knew everything about them, knew every little thing. Knew where to hurt them the most.
“Think you’re all high and mighty now, huh? Just because you’re part of society now doesn’t mean you’ve changed. You’re still just like me, just like all six of us.” Osomatsu’s words slurred together but Choromatsu heard him perfectly. “You’ll still be that pathetic idol otaku underneath those shiny new clothes and fancy ass job,”
He didn’t know when he moved, he didn’t register anything else until he realized his hands were gripping Osomatsu’s shirt tightly. Osomatsu laughed.
“You’re shaking, oh god,” and indeed he was. Choromatsu’s hands shook where they held his brother by the collar, his breaths shallow and fast. He couldn’t hear anything except his blood pounding in his ears and those annoying laughs that grated on him.
“Shut up.” He growled.
Osomatsu regarded him, as if looking at a child. “Why should I? Truth hurts?”
“Fuck you.”
“No, fuck you.” Osomastsu’s demeanor changed. “Fuck you, and Karamatsu, and Todomatsu, and Jyushimatsu, and Ichimatsu. Fuck every one of you.” He breathed deeply, eyes dilated with anger.
“You think you can just go leave? After everything I’ve done for all of you? Do you think I enjoyed babysitting each and every one of you?” he laughed mirthlessly. “I mean, whose bright idea was it to make me the eldest? We were all born the same day for fuck’s sake just because we came out at different times, and because I was unlucky enough to have popped out first I ended up taking care of all of you. What kind of bullshit is that?”
Choromatsu moved forward, taking his arm. “You’re drunk, Osomatsu-niisan—”
“Don’t call me that!” Osomatsu wrangled himself free, stumbling backwards. “Go home, go away. It’s probably better that you all left. No pests borrowing my porn without permission or hogging all the blankets at night. Yeah, you should all just leave.”
He took a step back, tripping on a rock before crashing into a heap on the ground. Choromatsu went to help him but Osomatsu didn’t let him, raising his hand in the air and flipping him off.
That’s it then.
Ichimatsu and Jysuhimatsu were already asleep when Choromatsu got home that night. The futon looked far too big with only the two of them on it, a large empty space separating them. They should buy individual futons really, it’s not like there’s still six of them squeezed inside a small tatami room. They’d fit comfortably, with room to spare. A big futon is just, well big. Far too large and impractical, parts of it already worn out and thin.
He was startled from his musings by Ichimatsu’s mumbling. His fourth brother had never been someone who took up much space, preferring the corners and the sides. Now he looked far too lost with all those emptiness beside him, his hands spread out as if reaching for something. Choromatsu turned away, feeling uncomfortable, and settled into his spot next to Jyushimatsu.
“Nii-san?” Jyushimatsu blinked sleepily at him.
“Go to sleep.” Choromatsu said, patting his younger brother’s head.
Jyushimatsu did as he was told, settling back into his pillow. His arms snaked their way around Choromatsu’s middle, holding tight before falling asleep again.
Choromatsu didn’t turn him away this time. He sighed, trying not to think about the empty spot beside him, and the other vacant spaces beyond. He needed to sleep.
*
He woke up to sounds of morning activity. Ichimatsu ate alone, his cat beside him. Jyushimatsu must have already gone out for his morning batting practice, utensils placed at his usual spot all messy. Choromatsu rubbed his eyes, looking at the table. Six bowls, six pairs of chopsticks, six cups. Their mother is really getting old.
He joined his brother, both of them eating in silence. Ichimatsu finished first, putting down his chopsticks then slinking off to who knows where. This meant that Choromatsu would be the one to bring everything to the kitchen, which suited him just fine. After he was done eating, he gathered everything up: six plates, six pairs of chopsticks, six cups.
“Thank you, Choromatsu.” Mom said, when he nipped into the kitchen to drop off the dirty dishes.
“Some of these weren’t used so you don’t have to wash them.” He said, placing the dirty dishes into the sink.
“Oh, oh you’re right.” She chuckled to herself, smiling wistfully. “I must really be getting old.”
Choromatsu didn’t say anything, putting away the other plates. Karamatsu’s. Todomatsu’s. “Did Osomatsu-nii-san come home last night?”
“Yes. He left early this morning.” She raised an eyebrow at him. “Did you boys fight?”
Trust their mother to guess exactly what happened. Mother’s intuition never fails. He shrugged. “We fight all the time, Mom. It’s not like it’s the first time.”
She hummed noncommittally, returning her attention to the sink. “Are you done packing?”
“I just have a few left. I’ll move some of them bit by bit.” he said. He only had a few boxes; clothes, books, his idol merchandise, a few knickknacks. He’d be able to move them all to his new flat before the week ended.
“Good luck, Choromatsu.” Was her only reply.
He nodded, even though she won’t be able see it, before leaving as fast as he could. He wasn’t sure he could’ve stayed longer, pretending that he didn’t notice his mother crying.
Choromatsu didn’t see his eldest brother ever since the fiasco that night. He knew he still came home, judging by the Osomatsu-shaped indent beside him. And he knew he left early every day, his plate already littered with rice and food he doesn’t particularly like set aside when Choromatsu went to eat breakfast.
Todomatsu called him near the end of the week, asking for his share in the moving away celebration. Choromatsu agreed, partly because he knew his youngest brother wasn’t someone who passed up anything he could get from his brothers, and partly because he needed to talk to someone. Normally, he wouldn’t have gone to him for serious conversation; Karamatsu would’ve been just fine, despite his endless theatrics. Too bad he was out of town. That left Todomatsu. All he needed was someone to listen, really and Todomatsu can be bribed to keep secrets as long as he kept him satisfied.
They met at a café near Todomatsu’s workplace, which isn’t a Sutaba thankfully. Choromatsu spotted his brother instantly when he entered, being the only one with the same face as him in the establishment. He slid into the seat across him, trying to calm down. He still wasn’t used to this kind of place.
“I already ordered for you. You’re buying lunch, of course.” Todomatsu said, sliding a cup of coffee towards him. Choromatsu accepted it with a thanks, preferring to ignore the fact that he only got him regular brewed coffee while he got himself a fancy latte. Some things never change.
“So, what’s up? How’s your moving going along?” Todomatsu asked, sipping on his drink. He didn’t look up from his phone.
“It’s fine. I already moved all of my things into my new place.” Choromatsu replied, running his finger across the rim of his cup.
“That’s good.” Todomatsu said absent-mindedly, tapping away on his phone. “How are the others?”
Choromatsu shrugged. “The usual. Did you expect them to miraculously change in your absence?”
“Maybe.” Was the vague reply he got. “At least, it won’t be boring.”
Choromatsu didn’t have any answer to that. He sipped his coffee, blanching at the heat. “Osomatsu-nii-san and I got into a fight.”
Todomatsu perked up, putting his phone aside. “What happened?”
Choromatsu gave him a watered down version of what happened, which still didn’t sound nice even after all the nasty expletives were removed. Todomatsu only nodded once, and that was when he was done speaking.
“Wow.” Was all he said.
“I really don’t know what’s wrong with that guy.” Choromatsu groaned. “I mean, he was perfectly fine with you and Karamatsu moving out then when it’s my turn he goes crazy. What is up with that?”
Todomatsu sighed, stirring his straw absently. “Well, the first time it was only Karamatsu-nii-san. No biggie. Then I move out next. Then you. Jyushimatsu-nii-san’s been talking about moving out too, and if he does it’s likely that Ichimatsu-nii-san will go with him.”
Choromatsu frowned. “Shouldn’t he be happy that his brothers are getting to be regular people now? No, wait, shouldn’t he stop slacking around and find a job too?”
“Probably.” Todomatsu laughed, and Choromatsu was tempted to say that it wasn’t something that should be just considered but done. “He’s probably just feeling lonely.”
“I doubt it.” Choromatsu scoffed.
“And you were both really close when we were kids.” Todomatsu continued. His drink had turned into a frothy mess. “Now, he’ll be left alone.”
Choromatsu opened his mouth to say something, but realized he doesn’t really have anything to counter it with. He took a sip of his coffee, which was now too cold. “What a pain.” He mumbled.
“I know, right?” Todomatsu said, almost too cheerfully. “Anyway, I better get going Choromatsu-nii-san.”
“Huh? But, I thought we’re getting lunch?” Choromatsu asked.
Todomatsu just smiled. “We can schedule it for another time.” He slipped on his bag, phone already in hand. “Besides, I don’t feel hungry anymore.”
He bade Choromatsu goodbye, almost running towards the doors, immediately lost among the sea of people the instant he stepped outside.
It was already the end of the week. Choromatsu had all of his stuff already moved at his new flat. The only things he’d be carrying were his last few possessions and some food his mother pressed on him. He nearly cried at the sight.
He still hasn’t talked to Osomatsu since then.
The day was bright and sunny, the house far too peaceful to be comfortable. Choromatsu walked through the rooms one last time, more out of necessity than sentimentality. His need to double-check for any forgotten belongings was more important than reminiscing about the past.
“Be careful, son.” Dad said. They were all gathered by the door to see him off. Mom was silent, wringing her hands together.
Choromatsu nodded. “Thanks, Dad. Thank you, too, Mom.”
“Come play with us when you have time, Choromatsu-nii-san!” Jyushimatsu said, almost shouted, as he bounced happily around his older brother.
“Bring food.” Ichimatsu added.
“Yeah, yeah.” Choromatsu said, smiling. “Don’t trouble Mom and Dad too much.”
Ichimatsu groaned, while Jyushimatsu boobed his head up and down enthusiastically.
He slipped on his shoes, shrugging his backpack on his shoulders. “Well then, I’m off.”
He was sent off with wishes for a safe trip, even Ichimatsu. He reached for the door knob, twisting it open and stepping outside. It was like any other day.
Turning around to close the door, the last thing he saw was the face of his eldest brother at the end of the hallway, before the door finally closed and he couldn’t see him anymore.