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This mission had better be good, thought Jack O’Neill as the wormhole spat him unceremoniously onto P8F-429. He tumbled down a little knoll and came to rest in a tuft of tall grass.
Damn bumpy ride. Sometimes the ‘gate was like that. At least he had a soft landing on the other side. He stood, dusted off his bruised dignity and replaced his ball cap, then wrinkled his nose. He looked over and saw his expression mirrored on Captain Carter’s face as she rose and checked her equipment.
“Phew. Do you smell that?” she asked.
“Oh yeah. Smells like the stables are due for a good cleaning.” Jack ineffectually fanned the area in front of his nose.
“I do not see any stables, O’Neill,” said Teal’c, ever the one to interpret things literally.
“I mean, this place smells like a really dirty, smelly old barn encrusted with animal dung and lots of… you know what, forget it.”
A sneeze issued from somewhere to Jack’s right. He turned. There was Daniel, hunched over with a tissue over his nose.
“Bless,” said Jack. He scanned the wide open field that stretched out before them, squinting in the bright sun. It was devoid of people, just as the MALP’s video footage had shown them. All around was an expansive meadow with extremely tall grass punctuated here and there by wildflowers. Cottony white seeds like dandelion fluff floated lazily in the air on a pleasantly warm breeze, the likely source of affront to Daniel’s nose.
Jack readied his MP-5. One could never be too careful. “Alright kids, playground’s that way. Fan out and… whoa, Daniel, slow down, would ya? What have I told you about runnin’ off?”
Daniel had charged forward like an excited kid, juggling his backpack, his notebook and his filming equipment, glasses slipping incrementally farther down his nose with every step. He stopped walking and turned around, chastened, when he heard Jack’s voice. “Sorry.”
Jack caught up with him and pushed Daniel’s glasses back up. “Keep a sharp eye, eh?”
SG-1 traipsed through the grass - the tallest Jack had ever walked through, in fact. It tickled his chin and came to about eye level on Carter. As they walked, Jack noticed that the bad smell from earlier was getting stronger.
They all paused when Daniel stopped walking to sneeze. He sneezed a second time, then a third. And a fourth.
“Bless,” Jack repeated.
Daniel sniffed. “Thanks.”
Jack eyed him. “You take your meds this morning, Danny boy? You haven’t stopped sneezing since we got here.”
Daniel heaved an irritated sigh and blew his nose on a wad of tissues. “Yes, Jack. My allergies have been acting up all week and I think something on this planet is making them worse—” Daniel sneezed once more and swiped at itchy, watery eyes.
“Well, maybe you ought to take some more.”
“I’m maxed out.”
“You need to go home?”
“I’m fine.”
Jack shrugged and wrinkled his nose again at the foul odor being carried on the wind. “Remind me to bring plenty of air freshener next time I come here,” he said softly.
They resumed their journey across the grass until they came to a long, shoulder-high stone wall: the reason for their visit to this planet. It was carved from top to bottom with glyphs written in the Goa’uld language.
“And here we are at the Great Wall of P8F-429,” said Jack with a flourish. “Has a nice ring to it, don’t you think?”
“This monument was built long ago by Ra’s Jaffa,” said Teal’c, ignoring Jack’s comments. “These carvings describe events that took place during the thousands of years of Ra’s rule.”
“Do you think the Jaffa are still here?” asked Carter nervously.
“I do not believe so, Captain Carter,” Teal’c assured.
“If the planet belonged to Ra there must have been something valuable here,” said Daniel. “Maybe there still is.”
“Make finding the valuables your priority,” Jack instructed. His senses tingled. “And try to make it fast, would ya?” He added. He couldn’t put his finger on why he was unnerved, but he couldn’t shake the feeling. And that nasty stink was so overpowering. “Ugh what is that smell?” he complained to Daniel while the other man set up his paraphernalia to study, take images of and translate the writing with Teal’c’s help.
“What?”
Jack was incredulous. “You’re kidding, right? How do you not smell that?”
“I can’t smell a thing, Jack. My nose is completely blocked.”
Jack’s brows rose in disbelief. Daniel turned on his camcorder and conversed with Teal’c about the translation. He then began to film the carvings on the wall between more sneezes while Jack paced the area on lookout. Carter joined him in his pacing.
The odor became incrementally worse as time went on. Pretty soon Jack began to feel a little queasy, and Carter had surreptitiously raised her shirt over her nose when she thought nobody was looking. Even Teal’c’s normally stoic face was crinkled in distaste.
Then Daniel sneezed again. Hard. In fact, he kept right on sneezing violently for what seemed like several minutes, bending double each time and dropping first his pen and camera, then his notebook in a flurry of pages.
“Everything alright?
“I think so, sir.” It was Carter who answered, since Daniel was still trying to get his nose under control.
“Actually, no,” Daniel corrected, once he was finally able to speak. “I… I think I might need to leave. I’m starting not to feel so great. I can’t stop sneezing. My throat’s all scratchy. Something’s really doing a number on my —”
Daniel sneezed again. His voice sounded all distorted by congestion and it looked like he could use a few aspirin, too, judging by his pinched expression and the way he was rubbing his forehead.
Jack sighed. Though they hadn’t exactly learned anything here, he really couldn’t say he’d be sorry to leave this place behind. Aside from Daniel’s allergies, that awful smell was really starting to get to him and he longed for some fresh air. “Alright, let’s pack it up.”
They all helped Daniel put his things away; he was still sneezing every five seconds and kneading above and beneath his eyes where the pressure from his blocked sinuses was causing pain.
“Carter, why don’t you dial it up this time,” Jack said to her discretely while he put the last ream of notes into Daniel’s bag and zipped it closed.
She followed Jack’s gaze to where the archeologist was blowing his nose and wiping watery eyes. “Yes sir.”
They had barely walked ten paces away from the wall when the stench hit them like a ton of bricks. The smell was so incredibly terrible and intense that it was like a force of nature, and it physically knocked them to the ground. Even Teal’c.
Through his discomfort Jack turned to face the source of the odor. It was coming from some kind of animal – three of them, in fact – that had stepped over the carved wall as if it weren’t even there. They were vaguely humanoid with shaggy grey-green fur and stood on two legs about eight feet tall. Their arms were long like a gorilla’s and ended in jumbo-sized fleshy hands. Unintelligible grunts and growls bellowed from mouths filled with sharp teeth. They advanced with palpable menace toward the incapacitated team.
Jack rose on strangely shaky legs. “Let’s go, let’s go!” he tried to say, but it came out more like, “lth gah.” His mouth felt swollen and tingly, like he’d been shot up with a whole lot of Novocain. Much more worryingly, his limbs were starting to lose feeling as if they’d fallen asleep.
Wobbly knees buckled, dumping Jack rudely back onto the ground. His gaze found Carter and Teal’c, both in various stages of collapse. And Daniel…
To his utter surprise, Daniel was still standing, feet planted squarely in the grass, aiming his Beretta straight at the three advancing creatures. What the…?
Jack watched Daniel squeeze off a few shots before the archeologist bent double, overcome by a fresh round of violent sneezes. The monsters roared. Jack saw with pride that Daniel’s aim was spot-on, but the bullets weren’t having any effect except to make the animals madder.
One of the beasts swiped at Daniel with its gigantic hand. The motion was accompanied by a deafening growl. Daniel stumbled, still in the throes of his allergy attack, and danced away out of its reach. He regrouped, took aim and gave the beasts another volley of shots, but then had to dodge to avoid their swinging kicks and smashing fists. Daniel may have been more agile than the creatures, but they were faster and stronger.
And mad as hell.
Jack went to reach for his larger, more powerful weapon. His arm flopped pitifully onto the ground like a boned fish. Jack tried to move his hand. This time, nothing happened. Not even a finger twitched. All he could do was move his eyes. He was effectively paralyzed. A glance at Carter showed him she was in a similar state. Her eyes darted around, her expression very concerned. Yet Jack could still see the wheels turning in that great big brain of hers, trying to find a solution to their problem.
Jack noted that the monsters were completely ignoring he, Carter and Teal’c. Their only focus was Daniel, who they obviously considered an immediate threat.
The geeky archeologist… a threat. Who would have thought?
“D-Daniel Jackson.” Teal’c was faring slightly better than Jack or Carter. The Jaffa had managed to extend his staff weapon toward Daniel with a jerky motion from a trembling arm. Jack wondered how the hell Daniel was unaffected by this alarming paralysis while the rest of his team were lying limp as rag dolls on the ground, unable to move a muscle. Jack realized suddenly that he couldn’t smell anything anymore. Was that good or bad?
Bad, Jack decided an instant later. The numbness had spread to his feet. He could no longer feel his hands. They were two huge, useless lumps on the ends of his equally useless arms.
The archeologist let off another sneeze, then made a grab for the proffered weapon while one of the creatures lunged toward him. Daniel darted out of the way and snatched the staff weapon extended by Teal’c. He managed to activate it and aim it at the two closest beasts, but while his attention was focused on them, Daniel did not see the third one closing in on him from behind.
Jack tried to shout a warning. No sound emerged. Not even a whisper. He couldn’t even tell if his lips had moved. He could only watch in horror while the creature’s enormous hand slammed into Daniel’s left side with incredible force. There was a sickening crack. An agonized cry tore from Daniel’s throat as he landed hard on the ground. The staff weapon flew from his grasp.
All three creatures bore down on the disarmed archeologist. Despite his severe pain Daniel was forced to roll to avoid being crushed to death by fists wielded like wrecking balls. Daniel’s scream of agony pierced Jack’s heart.
Jack wasn’t exactly sure what happened next, but it seemed like the archeologist managed to hide in the tall grass long enough to drag himself away from the three hulking beasts. He staggered to his feet to search for the fallen staff weapon, clutching his left arm. Jack could clearly see that it was broken, and that Daniel was in excruciating pain and still enduring a severe allergy attack. His face had drained of all color. Sweat stood out on his forehead and upper lip. His ragged breathing was noisy, uneven and more than a little wheezy. He looked ready to pass out at any moment.
But he didn’t give up.
All three monsters were converging on him again. Daniel finally spotted the staff weapon, but the creatures were almost on top of him, forcing him to dive for the weapon if he ever hoped to retrieve it in time. This elicited another tortured cry from the archeologist, but now he was armed with a weapon that would, with any luck, be effective against these beasts.
By now Jack was unnaturally drowsy and fading fast. The last thing he saw before his eyelids slid closed was Daniel rolling onto his back and maneuvering the primed staff weapon one-handedly from his supine position on the ground, using his legs to help brace it. There was an explosion of noise and light, then Jack knew no more.
Jack awoke slowly to the sound of steady beeping and the scent of antiseptic. He opened his eyes and swiveled them around. To his left he found Carter blinking groggily. In the bed next to her was Teal’c, already sitting up and looking distinctly grumpy. He swiveled his eyes to the right, expecting to see Daniel, but the bed was empty.
Jack propped himself up on unsteady elbows, then rejoiced at the fact that he could move again. “Yes,” he cheered softly.
Fraiser bustled over to his bedside with a jovial smile when she heard him speak. “Ah, good. You’re awake. How are you feeling, sir?”
Jack thought about it. “A little groggy. Thirsty.”
Frasier held a glass of water with a straw up to his mouth.
“I can do that myself, Doc.”
The physician raised a brow. “Go on, then.”
Jack lifted his arm. It felt heavy and shook uncontrollably. Jack glared daggers at the betraying limb.
Doc Fraiser smirked. “That’s what I thought. You were stricken by a paralytic agent that numbed your body, sir. I expect you may be a little weak and shaky for a while. Captain Carter and Mr. Teal’c were affected as well.”
“What exactly happened?” asked Carter, sitting up slowly.
“The extraction team found you, Mr. Teal’c and Colonel O’Neill unconscious and unable to move on P8F-429,” Fraiser said moving to check Carter out. “They also found the remains of three large animals in the area around you. It looked like they’d been killed by staff weapon blasts.”
“Yeah, Doc, those things tried to attack us. Daniel took them all down single-handedly. And I do mean single-handedly - I’m pretty sure one of them broke his arm.”
“You’re correct, Colonel. Doctor Jackson has a fractured ulna and radius.”
“Where is Daniel Jackson?” inquired Teal’c. “What is his condition?”
Doc Fraiser scribbled something in one of her charts. “He’s having his bones set and being fitted for a temporary cast,” she answered. “In addition to the broken arm he sustained a mild concussion and two bruised ribs,” Fraiser answered. “He’s also developed a moderate case of sinusitis. Don’t worry, he’ll be fine.”
“Why wasn’t he paralyzed like the rest of us?” Jack asked.
Fraiser wrote another note down on her chart. “Our theory is that, along with the foul odor, the creatures you encountered also produced some sort of airborne chemical. When inhaled through the nose, this chemical was converted into a paralytic agent which numbed the nerves of your non-autonomic systems. The science team speculates this may be how these animals catch their prey,” she explained. “It didn’t affect Doctor Jackson because he couldn’t breathe through his nose due to a severe allergic reaction.”
Fraiser paused to add another pillow to the empty bed beside Jack, no doubt in preparation for its occupant. “He’s very allergic to the life-forms on P8F-429, sir,” she continued. “I had to give him a bronchodilator and a strong antihistamine as soon as we got him out of there.”
“Geez,” said Jack. “You sure he’s okay?”
“With plenty of rest Daniel will be fine, sir.”
Carter asked, “What about us, Doctor? When can we leave?”
“Well, your bloodwork looks encouraging. I expect your muscle weakness should wear off in a few hours. However, I would like to keep you here until tomorrow morning, just to be safe.”
“I am well enough to leave now, Doctor Fraiser. I do not require additional time,” argued Teal’c.
Frasier tucked their charts under her arm. “I’ll be the judge of that, Mr. Teal’c. You’ll stay here with your teammates until tomorrow morning.”
Teal’c looked unhappy but he didn’t press the issue. Jack was about to argue as well until he felt sleep tugging insistently at his eyelids. “Yeah, alright, fine. Goodnight, Doc.” He lay back with a sigh and gave in to slumber.
The following afternoon, after being released from the infirmary with Carter and Teal’c, after eating, showering and enduring a thorough briefing with General Hammond, Jack returned to the infirmary to see Daniel. Given his injuries and the sinusitis, Doc Fraiser wanted to keep the younger man in the infirmary a little longer for observation before she sent him home on medical leave.
Jack found Daniel blowing his nose while lying partially propped up on lots of pillows with his left arm in a cast and a bandage near his left temple. His face was flushed and strained with lines of pain. “Jack,” he greeted tiredly when he noticed he had a visitor.
“Hey, Danny boy. Got something for ya.” Jack produced a large bouquet of beautiful flowers from behind his back.
Daniel froze. His eyes widened in shock. He sat up sharply and tried to scoot backward in the bed as if the flowers were a poisonous snake. “Jack!”
“Relax, they’re fake. See?” Jack tugged at a group of polyester flower petals and set them down in a plastic vase on the cart beside the bed. Daniel exhaled in relief and leaned back, then grimaced as he tried to readjust a pillow that had slipped.
Jack felt a surge of guilt. “Sorry. Let me fix that for you.”
“Thanks.”
“You know, I never thought I’d see the day when a geeky, sneezing archeologist would stand up all by himself against three huge honkin’ stinky Yetis to save my sorry ass.”
“I’m not sure I’d call them Yetis, Jack. The Yeti is supposed to be a snowman that lives… never mind.” Daniel cut off, seeing the look Jack was giving him. Daniel shrugged his good shoulder. “Anyway, I never thought my allergies would protect me against… whatever that was. I’d never have stood a chance if my sinuses weren’t so completely blocked up. Besides, you’d have done the same for me.”
Jack plucked absently at the fabric flowers. “Yeah, well, next time your allergies go haywire like that we’re scrubbing the mission.”
“No argument there.”
Silence descended on the pair. Jack figured he ought to go when he saw that Daniel’s eyes were starting to droop. He gave Daniel’s leg a pat. “Get some rest. I’ll see you later.” Jack turned to go. He’d almost made it out of the infirmary when he heard Daniel’s voice again.
“Hey Jack?”
“Yeah?”
“Do me a favor: don’t ever give me flowers. Even if they’re fake.” Daniel’s mouth was twisted in a grimace but his eyes were smiling.
Jack grinned. “Will do.”
THE END