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June nineteenth. The day everyone was dreading. Why? Because of course Dazai threw a huge party for himself, inviting both his old and current coworkers.
Which meant blankly, the Armed Detective agency members- and some from the Port Mafia. Two enemy organizations going to a suicidal man's birthday party. What could go wrong?
Everything, it turns out.
First, when Chuuya showed up, Kunikida almost had a heart attack. The most insufferable man at the agency was actively in touch and friends with a Port Mafia member? The man was just as shocked as Chuuya himself, since he was told this was going to be just him and Dazai, not a party.
However the two got along quickly, both getting drunk and relating to their suffering due to the bandaged man.
-"The other day, he ran off in the middle of a mission- his entrance exam, for god sake- to go buy a suicide guide! Can you imagine?" Kunikida mumbles, hot tears streaming down his face as Kenji silently handed him a tissue, eavesdropping.
-"He told me to shut up so he could hear his own breathing.!" Chuuya retorted as Dazai watched from a distance, Atsushi clinging onto his arm behind him. "How amusing." He snickered, while Atsushi glanced up at him confusedly.
Ryuunosuke stood awkwardly near the door, admiring Dazai. Atsushi walked over cautiously. "What're you doing?" He asks.
-"None of your business, weretiger." The mafioso snarls in response, and Atsushi grimaces. "Why are you like this?"
"Like what? At least I'm not an imbecile like you." He bit back. snarling as he sent out Rashomon.
Suddenly the two felt a hand on their shoulders, as Dazai set the two apart. Hands still firmly on shoulder, he glanced at Chuuya. "Chibi, look! They're just like us!"
"For the last time, I'm not-! Just you wait there you stupid bandaged bastard-" Chuuya mumbles under his breath as he slammed the table, standing up slowly making his way over to Dazai. He smacked him on the head while reaching on his tiptoes, and that's when their two subordinates continued fighting and all hell broke loose.
Later on, (after Akiko had used a chainsaw to threaten everyone to sit down- it didn't scare Chuuya but he's polite so-) Dazai grabbed a foam dice, scribbling words that he didn't let the others see on it before leading them to the bedroom.
"Sit in a circle, come on!" He happily patted the floor next to him. "A-tsu-shi!! Sit here!" The more nervous and polite weretiger stepped over, hesitantly taking the seat which was saved for him. On the other side of Dazai was Ryuunosuke, who caught the seat with all his luck.
Soon, Akiko, Kyoka, Ryuunosuke, Kunkida, Chuuya, Kenji, Jun'ichiro, Atsushi, and Dazai were all seated in a circle. "Allllright! We'll take turns rolling the dice and go counter-clockwise until every single side of the dice has been seen!" Dazai grinned with a wink.
"Goo~~ Atsushi-kun!" He exclaimed, and the weretiger squirmed as Ryuunosuke looked down in envy and disappointment, and he felt a gloved hand on his shoulder trying to comfort him. "Why me?" Atsushi asked as he prayed a little bit.
-"You're on my right."
-"Oh." The weretiger reluctantly grabbed the dice, giving it a good shake before he threw it onto the floor, in the middle of the circle. He read the side it landed on, and he scratched the back of his neck.. "D- Dazai-san..."
"What does it say?" A drunken Kunikida asked- to which Dazai smirked and Atsushi mumbles. "It says.. 'Find me a beautiful woman to kill myself with.'"
Kunkida got up without any words, stepping past Atsushi and Kyoka and smacking Dazai on the head (rightfully so). "It's your birthday and you're still thinking about suicide!? Suicidal maniac!" He rambled, his voice rough and broken due to the sheer amount of wine Chuuya convinced him to drink. And to think that he was planning to stay sober at this party.
He took his seat back, watching as Atsushi handed the dice to Kyoka.
Kyoka tossed it back up in the air, and caught it as well. "What does it say, Kyoka-chan?" Atsushi peeked over her shoulder.
-"It says to spell my name." Akiko, Kunikida, and Chuuya breathed a sigh of relief as Atsushi took a deep breath in response. Ryuunosuke just scoffed. Jun'ichiro was peeking from behind her, he'd crawled over to take a look.
"K-Y-O-K-A." She blankly stated, tossing the dice to Kunikida, who caught it. Jun'ichiro also nervously headed back to his spot, untying his jacket from his waist and draping it over his shoulders. "B- Before we continue, it's kind of cold in here." He nervously declared, to which Kenji nodded. "It is."
"Hold on-" Dazai got up to fix the heating arrangements, before taking a seat in his rightful spot. "If it's still cold, you can cuddle up to Atsushi-kun. He's like a portable heater! Now continue!~" He cheered as he crossed his arms. "D- Dazai-san.." Atsushi stammered, embarrassed. But his attention shifted to the dice which was spinning in the air upon noticing that no one paid attention to Dazai's remark.
Kunikida caught the dice mid-air, holding it tightly. He read what was on the dice, only going over to give Dazai another smack on the head. "I'm not going to kill myself with you!"
-"Aww~ Kunikida-kun's so mean~"
Kunkida cautiously handed the dice over to Jun'ichiro. "Remember, you don't have to do it if it's something ridiculous." Jun'ichiro nodded as he took the dice, shaking it within both of his hands before letting it land on the floor. "Enjoy the fame? What does that mean?" The older Tanizaki sibling said as he read the note.
"Ooo~ that means you get a pass!" Dazai explained, clapping his hands together. "Now pass it to Kenji!"
The young boy took the dice and threw it in the air.
Kenji rolled the dice and had to spell his own name, he got a repeat. "Huh? That's easy! K-E-N-J-I! Who's next?" He grinned as he pulled the strings on his cow-hoodie, the hood along with the sewn on horns flapping up to cover his head.
"Me." Akiko said as she raised up her hand. "Okay! I wish you luck, Yosano-san!" Kenji passed the dice over to the doctor.
Akiko flipped the dice in the air, grabbing it. "Aww~ I got a pass. How boring." She mumbles, glumly handing the dice over to Chuuya. "It's chibi's turn!!" Dazai chanted, and Atsushi face palmed in embarrassment- And Kunkida was way too drunk to process what was going on.
Chuuya took the dice and threw it in the air- and it was about to his him in the face when he used gravity manipulation, slowing the fall before letting it continue- a safe distance away from his face. He read the dice, and he felt his face flush a bit- in both anger and embarrassment. "XOXO? What do you mean by that?"
Dazai chirruped, leaping up at his words. "Guess it's time to get out the bottle! Whoever it lands on you'll have to kiss!" Atsushi felt his jaw drop, and so did Jun'ichiro.
"Hah!?" Chuuya angrily exclaimed, and before he knew it there was a bottle in the circle, spinning quickly at some very nervous faces. Kyoka and Kenji were temporarily removed from the circle while the bottle spun, due to an upset Kunikida's demand.
After a few moments, the bottle stopped- and Chuuya- was not pleased. It had landed on the shitty mackerel. "What!? I'm not doing that!" He yelped, backing away from Dazai who was stepping closer. "C'mon hat rack, it's only one~" The taller man cooed as he pinned the shorter to the wall. Akiko was covering Kenji's eyes, while Atsushi'd been doing the same for Kyoka since a while ago.
Chuuya kissed the bastard, their lips meeting in a very chaste and quick kiss- grabbing both of the taller man's cheeks as he did so before slapping him hard. He took a seat in his place, huffing curses under his breath while his face was red for all sorts of reasons. Atsushi took a breath of relief, letting go of Kyoka while Kunikida was petrified. "Dazai.. what the hell did I just witness!?" He said, grabbing Dazai by his vest and aggressively shaking him. "Now now, Kunkida-kun- we still have Akutagawa-kun and me to roll the dice!" He smirked, and Kunikida begrudgingly let him fall to the floor after he finished berating him.
Ryuunosuke very hesitantly took the dice, giving it a roll. He was almost petrified when he read it with Rashomon, his face flushing. "What does it say?" The curious weretiger peeked over his shoulder, before smirking. "Oh~ Who're you going to kiss, Akutagawa?" He pried, and that made Chuuya laugh. "Pfft!"
Jun'ichiro shrugged in confusion while looking over to Kyoka, who was equally uninterested. Kenji, however was laughing. "I don't know why everyone's laughing, but they're happy so I'm happy too!" He exclaimed, and Dazai fell to the floor rolling as he cackled "Oh my, what is this innocent light?" He spurred as Kunkida face palmed, while Akiko took a seat, preparing the bottle to be spun. "Calm down everyone, we just have the last two people! Or do you need me to get the chainsaw again-"
The room quieted down as the adults sat in a circle, watching the bottle clank with every turn in anticipation. The bottle spun and spun, until it stopped. The person who the bottle pointed at froze, they were shook. Heavily shook.
Chuuya couldn't help the smirk that slid across his face. "Not so smug now, eh, man-tiger?"
-"Sh- Shut up!" He mumbled, glancing at Ryuunosuke- who was torn between being disgusted and being amused. "I don't want to, Dazai-san.." Atsushi mumbles, whispering to Dazai in his ear. Dazai put Atsushi's hand down, and smirked. Oh god.
Kunikida was busy in a conversation with Akiko- leaving Atsushi undefended (which was probably better than being defended by drunk co-workers, actually-).
"Hey Akutagawa-kun, I'll praise you if you do it- the closet's free!" Dazai said with a smirk, watching the horror on Atsushi's face and the hope on Ryuunosuke's. "Praise?" Ryuunosuke mumbled as Atsushi kept stuttering on the constanant 'D', as if he were torn between saying "Dazai-san", "Disgusting", and "Dice".
"I apologize, weretiger, but you'll have to come with me for a moment. Also, just so you know this is only for Dazai-san." Ryuunosuke said, opening the closet door with Rashomon while dragging the weretiger by the back of the collar. He shut the door behind them.
Akutagawa-!" Atsushi hollered, before Rashomon bound his wrists above his head and the detective gulped. Ryuunosuke leaned in, licking his lips. "For Dazai-san." He mumbled, before taking a deep breath, crashing their two lips together. Ryuunosuke closes his eyes, and Atsushi's on the contrast- widen. He pulls at the ropes, squirming, before eventually cooling down and melting into the kiss as he too closes his eyes. Ryuunosuke bit at the younger man's lower lip, eliciting a whine out of him. He snuck his tongue into the other's mouth, exploring before he took a deep breath. He ultimately parted their faces, his lips in a stern line. "I think that's enough." He mumbles, and Atsushi just glares at him, yet he was blushing. "O- Oh, right-" Ryuunosuke released his hold on Atsushi, letting the detective fall to the floor as he opened to closet door, wiping his lips with the back of his hand.
-"Took you long enough! that was ten minutes! I didn't mean that far!" Dazai said as he clasped his hands together. Atsushi felt his face go redder, if that was even possible. "And as I promised- You've improved, Akutagawa-kun!" Ryuunosuke felt his eyes light up at those words, as he happily took a seat near the window, watching Kenj with confusion.
Kunikida was glaring at Ryuunosuke, though it seems the alcohol caught up to him as he passed out. "Clean up on aisle nine!" Dazai exclaimed, and everyone exchanged glances. "That means you, chibi, since you're my dog!"
"Fuck you." Chuuya announces, gently picking up the unconscious person and leaving the room to go deposit Kunikida on the couch.
Akiko was more confused and upset at the rope burns on Atsushi's wrists, though she kept her mouth shut (she'd talk to him about those later). Kenji was.. throwing wheat out the window to feed his cow..? How did he even get a cow in the parking lot? Ryuunosuke didn't know where to start.
And it smelt like boiled tofu, meaning that Kyoka was cooking. What a mess.
Dazai took a hot minute to gather everyone up, and he spun the dice one last time- much to the happiness of the now well-drunk and well-exhausted guests. "Ooo~" Dazai says as he reads the dice.
Chuuya glances over his shoulder, and so does Atsushi. "What does it say? The writing's too small." Chuuya mumbles. The writing wasn't that small, he was just drunk.
-"It says I get to shoot the slug!" Dazai exclaimed, and Atsushi backed up sneakily giving Dazai a knowing look, slipping away to go accompany the unconscious Kunikida.
And that's the story of how Dazai got kicked out of his own apartment on his birthday.