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Grace Chasity could see ghosts.
Grace had always been able to see ghosts. She didn’t know why, but the lord must’ve given her this blessing for a reason. She first discovered this gift when she was seven years old. Her family’s cat, Mary, had passed away. Grace insisted that her parents were wrong when they told her the unfortunate news. Mary was still in her usual spot on the bed, so she couldn’t have been dead. Both her mother and father claimed that their cat wasn’t there, but Grace could clearly see her. They just assumed that Grace was in denial, after all losing a pet is extremely hard, especially for a young child who knew nothing about grief. But, Mary truly was there. Grace gave her beloved cat some treats and cuddles. The next day, her cat passed on to the other side.
Ghosts had unfinished business. They would be trapped in Hatchetfield until they got closure from their time alive. As Grace’s gift grew stronger, she began to learn this. She started doing the lord’s work and helped ghosts achieve their after life. Hopefully, they would be able to get into heaven. As Grace got to know the ghosts she met, she figured out what their unfinished business was and helped them figure it out. A woman wanted to see her son and widowed husband again. A man wanted to figure who had killed him in the middle of the night. She always made sure to pray for their souls once they were really gone.
Grace knew a lot about spirits. When she was young, she used to tell other kids at school all about what it was like to be dead. None of the other children had believed her. In fact, Grace had only ever met two people who agreed that ghosts were real: a younger girl in her shop class and the eccentric owner of a local diner. They were right and everyone else was wrong. This town was covered in ghosts. It reeked of death. Detecting it just happened to come naturally to Grace.
The other kids at school soon dubbed Grace as weird, and as a result of this, she didn’t have many friends. Her parents knew she was lonely, so they eventually decided to introduce her to some kids at her church. She became friends with Mary and Noah, they were nice enough. On the other hand, Gabe was intolerable. He pretended to care about god just to get into Grace’s pants; it was absolutely disgusting. When he died in the woods, he continued to torment her in death. His unfinished business was to engage in premarital sex with her, so she obviously could not help him pass on, even if it would’ve sent him to hell. He belonged there. Alternatively, Grace trapped his soul in a jar and left him in a dumpster. It wasn’t the fires of hell but it was close enough.
One day, Grace walked into the school cafeteria and saw her classmate, Ruth Fleming sitting by herself. Grace knew that Ruth was often bullied by other students, but she usually had at least one or two other kids to sit with. Grace felt bad about the bullying. She would’ve been ridiculed just as much as Ruth was if it wasn’t for the fact that the school’s number one bully was a gross pervert who wanted to sleep with her. Ruth was a whiny girl who made blatant sexual remarks in nearly every sentence, but she didn’t deserve to sit alone. She sat next to the other girl and started to eat her lunch. Grace usually sat alone during lunchtime, so this was a nice change of pace.
Ruth was uncharacteristically quiet. She acted as if Grace wasn’t there. She got that a lot. Both of Ruth’s friends must’ve been absent today. That was rotten luck. The other girl didn’t have a lunch. She just sat there in silence. Grace wondered if she should go get her something to eat. She must’ve been pretty hungry. They weren’t friends, obviously Grace would not want to associate herself with someone who said such sinful things, but she still felt pity for her. She looked like she was on the verge of tears. Grace didn’t know how to make her feel better. Their silent lunch felt uncomfortable.
“Is everything okay?” Grace asked.
“How are you talking to me?” With that, Ruth ran off. Grace was utterly confused.
Grace looked for Ruth during the rest of the day. She was no where to be found. She didn’t know what she did wrong. She didn’t mean to hurt her feelings. At the end of the day, Grace found Pete and Richie talking to each other in the hallway. She wondered why they didn’t sit with Ruth earlier. Did they get into a fight? Sadly, Grace didn’t enough friends to know what drama was like. She did overhear a lot of gossip from other kids though. Grace wanted to know what was up with Ruth, so she went up to Richie and Pete. They both talked in hushed tones. Richie was shaking. Pete was trying to comfort him. Both of their eyes were red and puffy from crying.
“Can I ask you guys something?”
“Not now Grace,” Pete said and started to walk away.
“It’s about Ruth.” Both of them froze. “I was sitting with her today and she was acting really strange, and—“
“Are you out of your mind?” Richie replied. He looked at her like she was crazy. Grace got that a lot.
“Grace, you didn’t sit with Ruth at lunch today.” Pete added.
“Uhh, yes I did.” Grace knew that she did. Why would see imagine such a thing?
“Ruth wasn’t at school today. She died last night. Leave us alone.”
Suddenly, everything made sense. They weren’t with Ruth because they couldn’t see her. Ruth was trapped here and Grace was the only one who could see her. That was actually really sad. She had never liked Ruth but she was going to help her anyway. Grace said her goodbyes to Pete and Richie before biking home. She had a plan.
Twenty minutes later, Grace pulled up at the Fleming residence with a bag of homemade cookies. The cookies were shaped like little crosses because Grace thought they were comforting. She said that she made them for Mr and Mrs Fleming to help them cope with the terrible loss. Really, Grace just used the baked goods as an excuse to get into their house. She carefully set the cookies down onto the kitchen table then made a beeline for the stairs. She opened and closed doors until she found the room that belonged to Ruth. Her bedroom matched her perfectly. It was covered in lewd posters and musical theatre memorabilia. The bed was unmade and the floor was covered in discarded clothes. It made Grace miss someone she never truly knew.
Grace knew she shouldn’t be thinking like that. Ruth was a disgusting sinner. She wasn’t nearly as bad as Gabe or Max, but she would still be going to hell. Sinners didn’t deserve such empathy, yet Grace couldn’t help herself from feeling so remorseful. Ruth should’ve gotten to make it past high school. If she had lived, Grace could’ve shown her the error of her ways. Ruth could’ve gotten to live a real, holy life. That chance was taken away from her before she had even begun to repent for her sins. It wasn’t fair.
Grace was going to look for the dead girl elsewhere when she heard a strange noise coming from the closet in the back of the room. She slowly turned the door open and looked inside. Among the sea of sweaters was the ghost of Ruth Fleming. She was crumpled up in a little ball in the corner, sobbing. It was a ghastly, horrible sound. Grace had to fight the urge to cover her ears. The floor shook as Ruth swayed back and forth. She hadn’t even been dead for a whole day, but she was already starting to gain ghost abilities. Grace took a deep breath. She had dealt with ghosts before. Besides being a good Christian, the dead were her specialty. This shouldn’t be any different.
“Hey there,” Grace was good at ghosts. However, she was terrible with conversation. She didn’t get a response at first, so she tried again. “Ruth? Can you hear me?”
“I can hear you,” Ruth whispered back. “You shouldn’t be able to hear me.”
“I know, Ruth. But I can hear you. I can see you too.”
“I died, Grace. I’m some kind of fucking ghost.”
“Language! You are, Ruth. But that’s ok. You won’t be stuck here forever.”
“Yes I will,” She said softly as she started to cry again. “My life is over but I’m still here.”
“Don’t worry. I’m going to help you and then you’re going to go to heaven! Well, maybe.” Grace crouched next to her in an attempt to make her feel better.
“Heaven isn’t real, Grace.” Grace gasped. She knew that some people thought that way but she still felt scandalized.
“It is real. You’ll see soon enough if you’re willing to work with me.”
“Work with you how?” Ruth raised her eyebrows.
“Well, what was the thing you wanted most during your life? Once you do that, you’ll be good to go. However, to get into heaven you’ll need to—“
“You want to know what I wanted to do most?” The living girl nodded. “That’s easy. I wanted to get laid.”
“Ew, gross!”
“Don’t bully me! I just wanted someone to touch me. Anyone, please!” Grace was suddenly reminded why she didn’t talk to Ruth very often.
“Is there anything else you wanted? Any other secret desires?”
“Oh, I had plenty of desires…”
Grace doesn’t like the way Ruth’s gaze is fixed on her. It makes her feel funny. For some reason, she doesn’t want it to stop. She knew that Ruth was thirsty. She wanted anyone who gave her just a minuscule amount of attention. Grace just didn’t realize that also applied to her. She did not know what to do with that information. Obviously, she should’ve been repulsed. She was taught to see desires of any kind as taboo. It was especially bad if it was directed at her. This felt different though. For a moment, Grace didn’t see a horny pervert. She saw a lonely girl just like herself, and that thought terrified her.
Grace couldn’t be like Ruth. She was a good Christian who had devoted her life to god and helping others find god too. By helping Ruth, she was betraying her god. Ruth was a deviant. She liked girls and she liked boys. She said sinful things and probably did them too. She should’ve been ashamed of herself. It was Grace’s job to set her on the right path, but the tickle in her mommy spot was distracting her from her duty. If Grace was already corrupted by Ruth’s misdeeds, then it was already too late for the poor girl’s soul. She had to figure this out so Ruth could go to heaven. And, Grace could not let herself turn to sin.
“Are you sure there’s not anything appropriate you wanted?” At first, Grace was met with silence. Then, Ruth started to speak.
“I have, I mean I had really bad anxiety. I loved theatre but I would always get so nervous and mess up my lines. Eventually, I gave up and started running the light booth. I just wished I could’ve mustered up the courage to sing in front of people before it was too late.”
Grace was shocked. She hadn’t expected Ruth to be so vulnerable with her. She had no idea that the other girl felt that way. There was so much she didn’t know about Ruth Fleming. There had to be a way for her to achieve this dream. The school musical had been last week, so that was out of the question. Where else could Ruth get to sing for an audience? Grace thought long and hard. Today was Friday. That meant tomorrow was Saturday and the day after that would be Sunday. That was it! Ruth could sing with Grace’s church choir on Sunday. She would get to accomplish a live long goal and her soul would start on the path of redemption. It was the perfect plan.
“How would you like to sing with my choir on Sunday?”
“Sure, why not,” Ruth replied. If she was still alive, Ruth would’ve said no. She wouldn’t have wanted to step foot in Grace’s conservative church. But, she had nothing better to do now.
“Okay!” Grace tried to give Ruth a hug but her arms went right through her. She hated how disappointed that made her. Hopefully these awful feelings would be gone soon enough.
On Saturday, Grace visited Ruth again. She had no shame. Actually that was a lie, she was had shame, she just didn’t have enough shame to stay away from her. Their second meeting was treated as a rehearsal. Grace let Ruth sing her heart out for her. Ruth was extremely nervous, but Grace reassured her. To her surprise, Ruth had the voice of an angel. Even though not all of the songs she sung were appropriate, Grace could listen to her sing all day. She wished Ruth could’ve found her confidence when she was still alive. Her singing was absolutely beautiful. She would’ve loved to see her shine on stage.
Ruth was shaking with fear when Grace came to pick her up on Sunday. She had somehow swapped her typical sweater and pants for a show stopping maroon suit. She looked like heavenly. Grace physically could not tear her eyes away from her new friend. She prays, not only for Ruth but for herself. Grace feels like she’s going to throw up. She’s figured out what her feelings for Ruth were by now and she despised it. Before Ruth died, everything made sense. Now, Grace was suddenly thrown into a storm of confusion and doubt. There was nothing she feared less than the chance of being a homosexual. It wasn’t a chance anymore, it was becoming a reality.
“You look great, Ruth.” Grace said with just a little too much enthusiasm.
“Really? You think so?” She sounded shocked. Grace wondered when the last time she’d been complimented was.
“I do.” Telling a girl she was pretty wasn’t necessarily gay, right? She could compliment Ruth’s appearance. That didn’t mean she was attracted to her. Grace was having a hard time convincing herself. “And, I think you’re gonna do great,” she added. Ruth’s face immediately lit up.
Grace wanted to take Ruth’s hand in her own so badly. Thankfully, she couldn’t because Ruth was dead. She didn’t condone dating at such a young age, but she might’ve been able to consider it if Ruth was a boy. Ruth wasn’t a boy, and neither was Grace. That was what made it wrong. She shouldn’t have been thinking about this in a church of all places. Grace was suddenly wondering why it was wrong. Technically she knew why: it was because the Bible said so. She was taught to believe all of its teachings at a very young age. But, she also knew that god loved all of his children. Grace was confident in her faith. It was one of the most important parts of her. She just wanted to be able to explore both her identity and her religion. Why couldn’t she have both?
“Look what I can do!” Ruth’s voice brought Grace out of her identity crisis. She showed off her new found ability to pass through walls. Lucky. Grace had to use the door.
For a moment, entering the church made Grace feel better. The intricate, familiar space always seemed to seemed to calm her down. Then, she started to feel like a fraud. What if the members of her church didn’t want her here? What if god didn’t even want her here? She loved her church, her religion was her passion. She couldn’t stand the thought of not being excepted in a place she considered a second home. The sudden realizations she had made this weekend caused her to feel alienated among family. Grace’s first instinct was to hide this part of herself away. If she did, she could be excepted by the church. But then she thought about Ruth. Ruth was so unapologetically herself. She would give anything to be able to do that.
Ruth cracked a few distasteful jokes, but other than that she did a good job sitting through the Sunday service. Grace longed to lay her head on the other girl’s shoulder. Even if she wasn’t dead, that wouldn’t have worked out because Ruth was significantly shorter than her. Maybe Ruth could rest her head on Grace’s shoulder. She would like that.
When it came time for the choir to perform, Ruth knocked it out of the park. Her divine voice stood out from the crowd of church goers. Grace could clearly hear the love and passion in her singing. This is what Ruth was meant to do. She could’ve learned that so much sooner if Ruth had always gone to her church. Or maybe she should’ve simply paid more attention to her in school. They were both in Miss Mulberry’s class after all. At first glance, Ruth and Grace were polar opposites, but in just a couple days they realized they had more in common than either of them ever imagined. Grace wouldn’t be able to spend that much more time with her new friend, so she soaked in every minute of it.
Ruth had given the best performance Grace had ever seen, yet Ruth was still firmly in the living world. Just listening to her made Grace ascend. She didn’t know what had gone wrong. A little voice in her head was selfishly glad that Ruth was still around. Maybe, Grace could stay with her for a while. After all, Ruth needed company and Grace was the only one who could see her. That wasn’t fair to Ruth; she deserved to enjoy heaven. But, if Ruth wouldn’t be allowed there, staying with Grace could be a good alternative. They could be together, in a platonic way at least. Neither of them were ready for a relationship, they were only eighteen. Hopefully by the time Grace was ready she would realize that she wasn’t actually gay.
“It didn’t work,” Ruth said as they walked home, stating the obvious. “I’m still here.”
“That’s okay! I think I know why it didn’t work. Your true passion is musical theatre. We need to get you in a musical. My friend Alice told me about a church in Texas that did Hamilton! We could do that.”
“Forget it, Grace. It’s not gonna work. I’m stuck here.” Being a ghost felt so weird. Ruth was torn between two worlds: life and death.
“We’re going to figure this out, alright? I want to help you.”
“Why? Why do you care so much? We weren’t even friends, Grace.” She couldn’t deny that those words stung.
“I do care.”
“Why? No one really cared about me besides Pete and Richie. Why are you suddenly acting like we’ve been life long friends?”
“It’s because, because I think I’m, I think I’m, well you know…” Grace could’ve made an excuse. She didn’t. “I think I might be homosexual. ”
“Oh. Oh.” Ruth just stared at her awkwardly before saying, “So, will you make me your bitch?” Grace playfully rolled her eyes.
“I don’t know if I’m ready for something like that. I’m still figuring things out.”
“I get that. Could you at least kiss me? Are you okay with that?”
“I can’t kiss you. You’re dead, Ruth. I can’t even touch you.” Grace felt bad about even considering it. It wasn’t just for Ruth’s sake, she genuinely wanted to.
“We could at least try.”
Hesitantly, Grace leaned closer to Ruth. It should’ve been hard to kiss her. It should’ve have even been possible. Kissing Ruth Fleming came as easily to her as breathing. Their lips met in a gentle kiss and it was wonderful. They both felt giddy afterwards. Despite herself, Grace wanted to do it again. She turned her gaze back towards Ruth, but the ghost girl had disappeared. Ruth was gone and so was her innocence.