Chapter Text
Mia was once the partner of Eli. Was once the host of a fantastical gameshow. Was once all powerful. But not anymore. Now they were alone.
Every day since the incident, when that Agent X guy showed up and ruined everything, Mia had been stranded across the multiverse, injured so heavily from the sudden, unexplained push into a portal, that they couldn’t even OPEN portals anymore. They had spent months just trying to recover… how long had been… two months? Three? They now lived on a farm of their own design, they were a simply excellent cook. A small cottage made out of logs, and a field where they grew everything they needed to make bread, and salads. The dimension they had been stranded in for ages was grassy, and hilly, deeply forested. A waterfall trickled nearby, creating a very peaceful ambience. Honestly, you couldn’t ask for more.
Or could you. Mia missed Eli so desperately, and the repetitiveness of their routine had officially led to a state of mild depression. Mia hadn’t even spoken in weeks, because who was there to speak to? They were entirely alone, there didn’t even seem to be any animals in this place, despite the abundant nature… it didn’t make sense, it felt unfinished, in a sense.
And then it happened, out of the corner of their eye, a portal opened. Mia jumped up.
Mia: “PORTAL-”
Their voice was hoarse from lack of use. Mia approached it slowly, cautiously. Something about it seemed off, this wasn’t like the other portals Mia had seen, it seemed more unstable, less clear of the destination… but a shot out was a shot out, so Mia stepped through.
…
Ryan jumped with a yelp. He glanced around, and straightened his glasses. Last he checked, he was lying in bed. He and Rose had been traveling together across Canada, stopping at every motel they could. It was an enjoyable existence, if a bit purposeless. Truth be told, Ryan wasn’t sure what he was going to do to make money consistently. The odd jobs were barely cutting it anymore.
As Ryan stood up, and got a proper look at his surroundings. He seemed to be in a luscious field, mostly consisting of vibrant red grass. Ryan started walking forward, a remarkable sense of calm. He’s dealt with waking up in mysterious places before.
Ryan: “Hello? Is anyone there?”
After a bit of aimless walking, he steps on something squishy. It screams loudly beneath his foot.
Squirps: “SQUIIIIIIIIIIIRP.”
Ryan jumps back, looking at a very upset Squirps.
Ryan: “SQUIRPS- HI- wait why are you here-”
Squirps: “SQUIRPS DOES NOT OWE YOU JACK.”
There’s a moment of pause.
Squirps: “Actually Squirps is concerned, see, Squirps has no idea where he is!”
Ryan: “Got it. Hm- well it’s nice to have company.”
Squirps: “Squirps agrees!”
Squirps sloshily climbs up Ryan, and sits on his head.
Squirps: “ONWARD TWINK!”
Ryan: “YES SIR!”
The two walked onward, the field seemed to stretch forever.
Ryan: “So, uhhh, how’s life been?”
Squirps: “SILENCE.”
Ryan: “Okay, rude.”
Squirps: “NO. SQUIRPS SILENCES YOU, BECAUSE SQUIRPS SEES SOMETHING!”
Ryan glances up. Sure enough, a large wall was in sight. Ryan and Squirps walk up to it, and then knock on it. A door opens immediately, and they step inside, only to be greeted by…
Ryan: “Whoa- is this a… summer camp?”
Squirps: “Ew-”
With barely a moment to breathe, Dendy suddenly appears behind them, with a faint cheer sound effect.
Dendy: “Hello.”
Ryan: “HOLY- HI. YOU.”
Dendy: “Me. Dendy. Greetings Mr. Akagi, Mr. Squirps.”
Squirps: “SQUIRPLE!”
Ryan: “Yup! Thaaaaat’s us. So, uh- what’s going on here?”
Dendy: “Unclear as of now. Come see the others.”
Dendy leads them towards the middle of the walled area. A summer camp really is the best way to put it, cabins, and other cabin-like buildings are scattered about, as is one particularly large building with a large ice cream cone acting as a logo. As they approach the center, three more familiar faces come into view.
Dendy: “We got two more!”
Shadow the Hedgehog turns around, and crosses his arms, very angsty.
Shadow: “So, Ryan, Squirps. Never thought I’d see you two again.”
Ryan: “We didn’t even talk-”
Squirps: “SQUIRPS AND HIM DID! SQUIRPS AND HIM TALKED ALL THE TIME WHILE BEING ELIMINATED!”
Shadow: “Nuh-uh, YOU talked to me, I suffered throughout.”
Noelle Holiday steps forward, in front of Shadow.
Noelle: “Okay that’s enough attitude for once! I’m delighted to see you two again, fahaha!”
Wheatley is the last one to make his presence known. He is now equipped with spindly little spider legs, as so he can maneuver on his own.
Wheatley: “Oi! Ryan, lovely to see you again mate!”
Ryan: “Yooo, Wheatley! Oh gosh, look at you!”
Wheatley: “Yeh! Yeh I can walk about now, pretty cool innit? I mean… I mean I think so. OBVIOUSLY. I’m the one doin’ it aren’t I?”
Ryan: “Yes. Yes you are.”
Squirps: “... are you even going to acknowledge Squirps.”
Wheatley: “Nope!”
Squirps: “SQUIRPLE!”
Noelle: “Mm- Dendy you’re sure there’s nobody else?”
Dendy: “I am certain.”
Noelle: “Darn…”
Ryan: “So what’s going on?”
Noelle: “Um, well we all started showing up here- one by one. We all found our way to the camp-”
Shadow: “I was first. Then Dendy, then Noelle, then Wheatley, and now you two.”
Ryan: “Oh weird- so that’s all then?
Dendy: “Unfortunately.”
They stand there for a moment, slightly awkward.
Ryan: “WELL. DENDY, YOU’RE SMART RIGHT. YOU CAN GET US BACK HOME?”
Dendy: “The technology is around here is very… not advanced. All very baseline.”
Shadow: “Yeah, you really think we didn’t already try to look around?”
Wheatley: “At this rate, I’m just waiting for the gameshow to start.”
Ryan shudders.
Ryan: “Don’t even SAY that.”
Brief silence, when suddenly a door slam is heard nearby. All six returning fellas turn to the noise, only to see…
Wheatley: “JASON! OI MATE!”
Sure enough, Jason Moio has just stepped out from the showers. He looks at them for a moment, and then clears his throat.
Jason: “Uh- how long have you all been-”
Shadow: “Several days.”
Jason: “... oops- I TAKE LONG SHOWERS.”
Dendy: “Jason, what is going on.”
Jason: “Nice to see you too, Dends. SO, uhhh, okay explanation, right, uhh- hold on… okay so, uh, so-”
He clears his throat.
Jason: “YOU SIX WERE CHOSEN TO RETURN TO THE GAME, THANKS TO YOUR POPULARITY.”
Brief silence.
Ryan: “Game.”
Wheatley: “HA! Called it!”
Jason: “That’s right, season 3 of The Weirdest Group of Characters, hosted by ME! Jason Moio! Eli and I have been scouring the multiverse, trying to locate Mia. We’ve raided a couple MCCM strongholds, got a hold of all sorts of portal tech. We had to split up for awhile, soooo, while I’m waiting for them… yeah new season!”
Noelle: “... oh dear god-”
Jason: “THERE’S A PRIZE, THERE IS A PRIZE-”
He clears his throat, and then from his pocket pulls out a crystal.
Jason: “THIS is a sacred wish crystal. It will grant the deepest desire of that who it is bestowed upon! I stole it, so it doesn’t work for me! It will only work if I bestow it upon someone.”
Dendy: “Odd. But I want it.”
The other five all murmur, obviously interested.
Squirps: “SQUIRPS WANTS THAT! VERY MUCH! And HA! Squirps only observes FIVE other people, so Squirps has a pretty good chance of winning!”
Jason: “Oh, ha, well you see, you six are the only RETURNING contestants, but there is a very large cast this season! In fact, I think it’s time to introduce them all!”
Jason whips out a dimensional transport device, not unlike those carried by MCCM agents, and uses it to open a portal.
Jason: “Get ready to meet your NEW best friends!”
The six stare at the portal, waiting for someone to step out… and finally, someone does. A tall, very thin purple rabbit man.
Jax: “So, this is the place? I could get used to this.”
He steps over to Jason, leaning on his shoulder, a VERY large grin spreading across his face.
Jax: “You got any power tools? No reason in particular.”
Jason: “Uhhhh, don’t worry about that- SAY HELLO TO YOUR FELLOW CONTESTANTS!”
Jax glances over at the six.
Jax: “Yeah hey.”
He returns his attention to Jason, Ryan looks mildly offended.
Jax: “So about those power tools?”
Jason: “Uhhhh- HEY LOOK SOMEONE NEW, EVERYONE TURN YOUR ATTENTION TO THAT-”
Very stylishly, a teenage girl in bounty hunter gear jumps out, striking a heroic pose.
Marcy: “GREETINGS MY NEW FRIENDS, I am Marcy Wu, but you can call me- EEP-”
She trips on her cape, falling to the ground. She straightens up effortlessly.
Marcy: “WHOOPS! That was embarrassing! WHOA-”
She’s noticed Noelle. Marcy gets REALLY close to her.
Marcy: “ARE YOU LIKE- A REINDEER? THAT’S SUPER COOL- YOU GOT THE ANTLERS AND THE NOSE- OH WOW- VERY UNIQUE-”
Noelle is flushing from all the attention, she looks like she’s about to faint.
Marcy: “LOOK AT YOUR TEETH- WOW THIS IS NEAT-”
Shadow pulls Marcy away by the cape.
Shadow: “Yep, mind your boundaries.”
Marcy: “Yep, sorry, sorry. I can be bad with that! Ha!”
She hesitates.
Marcy: “Are you a hedgehog-”
Shadow: “Don’t push it.”
Jason waves at the others.
Jason: “NEXT ONE- NEXT- YEAH-”
A purple haired teen girl in a black blouse exits the portal, she looks about a year or two older than Marcy.
Amity: “Amity Blight, charmed I’m sure.”
Marcy: “WHOA- BADASS-”
Noelle goes pink, and waves shyly.
Ryan: “... Jason this is a lot of teenagers- am I- the ONLY adult-”
Shadow: “Hello?”
Ryan: “Sorry. Am I the only HUMAN adult?”
Amity: “I’m actually not a human, I’m a witch.”
Ryan looks at her confusedly.
Ryan: “Witches are… humans-”
Amity looks at him confusedly.
Jason: “OH SOMEONE ELSE IS COMING-”
With a dramatic backflip, a woman jumps out. She wears a bunny hat over clearly very long blonde hair, and wears a blue shirt and dark blue pants. The lime backpack pulls it all together.
Fionna: “Fionna the human, at your service!”
Ryan: “... adult!”
Fionna: “Ha, true! What a normal thing to greet someone with!”
She offers her hand. The two shake.
Ryan: “Sorry, it was beginning to feel like I was the only one”
Fionna: “Ha nahhh, we can babysit these weirdos. Especially that guy-”
She points at Shadow, who scoffs.
Jason: “Hey Shadow, I think you’ll like this one.”
Shadow turns to the portal.
Shadow: “Who is it then? Rouge?”
Jason: “Nope. He actually already went through and you missed it-”
Shadow: “Wh- then who… oh no wait-”
Sonic appears behind him.
Sonic: “Hey Shadow, long time no see!”
Shadow: “Sonic. The hedgehog. The pleasure is all yours.”
Sonic: “Awwww c’moooon, you missed me! Admiiiiit iiiiit”
He pokes Shadow’s face.
Shadow: “I wish I still had guns.”
Jason: “HA. Dark! Who’s next? OOH! This one’s a real sweety!”
A robot steps out of the portal, he’s notably short, but also clearly very eager. He trips slightly walking in.
N: “WOW! A NEW PLACE! NEW PEOPLE! Gee, the universe sure is amazing! I’ve never seen these specific people before!”
Fionna: “Cool. Who are you?”
N: “Serial Designation N, At your service milady!”
He bows dramatically, Fionna giggles.
N: “You all sure do look neat! What’s your name?”
He walks over to Wheatley.
Wheatley: “Uh, Wheatley, but also…”
Wheatley extends his legs, getting on N’s height.
Wheatley: “There’s only the room for ONE lovable robot here, kay mate? Try anything funny, and you’re dead.”
Wheatley backs off.
N: “... I love all these people!”
Jax appears behind him, lifting him up by the shoulders.
Jax: “Ah! Found the power tools!”
He winks directly into the camera. Jason yoinks N away from him.
Jason; “Jax no! Bad!”
Jax: “Yawn. Booooring.”
Jason: “LOOK ANOTHER PERSON!”
Another robot exits through, though this one is much large, as well as much more odd. Bright red, with squinty eyes, skinny limbs, almost a gumball machine-like appearance. He also wields a thin, very sharp looking sword.
Rattleballs: “Hi.”
Without another word, he steps into the crowd, turning to the portal.
Wheatley: “... okay, lot more competition than I thought. At least this guy’s a stiff! Hah!”
Rattleballs stabs him with the sword.
Rattleballs: “Do not disrespect me.”
Wheatley: “OW- OW- OW- OW- OKAY- OKAY I WON’T- SORRY MATE-”
Rattleballs removes the sword from Wheatley, then bends over.
Rattleballs: “Forgive me. Allow me to attempt a repair on your circuitry.”
Wheatley: “No thanks, I got the nerd for that! NERD!”
Dendy walks over, visibly irritated.
Jason: “OH BOY WHO’S NEXT-”
A tall, elegant woman steps out, in a gorgeous blue dress. Her long blonde hair flows down over her shoulders, covering her eye as well. A crown is perched atop her head.
Rosalina: “Greetings my children.”
She bows, Ryan is staring at… well not her face. Noelle nearly faints.
Ryan (mumbling): “I’m taken. I’m taken. I’m taken.”
Rosalina chuckles, and walks down to the others, though she almost seems to float. Fionna scoffs, she already hates her.
Jason: “Let’s see who’s next… OH-”
Noelle gasps, but then holds it back, realizing it’s not who she thought it was… though her mistake was understandable.
Jason: “I could have sworn he was on the blocklist- this is Louie, he’s from Olimar’s home dimension-”
The short hocotation steps forward, notably chubbier and taller than Olimar, still short. A lick of blonde hair sits atop his head. He looks around at the others, and groans cartoonishly loud.
Louie: “I’m… Louie.”
And without further explanation, he walks up to the group, and sits down, pulling out a small book and reading it.
Jason: “Well I guess he’s here then… probably took the place of THAT CHARACTER FROM HAZBIN HOTEL THAT WAS DEFINITELY CONSIDERED MHM DEFINITELY.”
After staring into nothing for a second, the next person arrives, a skeleton in a blue hoodie, wearing basketball shorts, and pink fluffy slippers.
Noelle: “Wha- is that… grocery store- owner?”
Sans: “grocery store? no idea what you’re talking about kiddo. you probably shouldn't assume things based on things like lack of any sort of skin color.”
Noelle: “Oh- I’m sorry, did I- offend you?”
Sans: “nah. nice to meet ya kiddo. same goes for the rest of you. i’m sans, sans the skeleton.”
Sans takes his place with the others, getting some odd looks from most of the people around.
Sans: “beautiful day, isn’t it?”
Ryan: “I have so many questions… why does he talk in a font? LIKE I CAN HEAR THE FONT-”
Sonic: “This mystery is better left… unsolved. Ew.”
Sans just stands there, grinning.
Noelle: “Yikes-”
Jason clears his throat.
Jason: “SO WHO’S NEXT?”
A strange, insect-like fellow floats out of the portal. His hands are detached from his body, and seem to move completely independently.
Taranza: “Heheheh, hello there everybody. I am Taranza, pleased to meet you.”
He floats down to the others. Louie looks at him, interest piqued.
Shadow: “So you’re like- a bug, then?”
Taranza: “Oh how keen eyed you are. Yes, I am a bug, I suppose.”
Louie: “Bug. Hm.”
Taranza: “I look forward to getting to know you all well”
Wheatley: “... slight creeps, not gonna lie-”
Amity: “You said it, orb-”
Jason: “Alright, who’s next-”
Noelle: “Geez this is a lot of contestants-”
Jason: “Yep! NEXT-”
A dapper chap with a lightbulb for a head steps out. Purple suit and bowler hat, very stylish.
Newton: “Greetings and salutations! My name is Newton, inventor extraordinaire!”
Dendy: “Ah finally, another inventor!”
She walks up to Newton and shakes his hand.
Dendy: “I would love to hear all about your inventions, when we have time.”
Newton: “Oh my, popular already! Unsurprising. I’d love to tell you all about my incredible feats!”
Suddenly an axe flies right by Newton’s head. He yelps in fear.
Jason: “Oh, looks like our next contestant just arrived!”
A bulky teen raptor, with purple skin, steps out from the portal. Noelle gasps.
Noelle: “SUSIE!”
Susie: “Noelle! ‘Sup, nice to see ya!”
The two walk towards each other and hug tightly.
Susie: “What, you thought I was gonna let you have all the fun? As SOON as I was asked, I knew I couldn’t refuse!”
Noelle: “OH WOW- WOW I’M EXCITED NOW- HOW’S KRIS, AND ANNE?”
Susie: “Oh they’re fine. Knew Kris would pull one of these days”
She laughs loudly, almost sounding like a roar.
Fionna: “Ayyyy, cool axe! Susie right? I’m Fionna”
Susie looks her over.
Susie: “Cool hair.”
Noelle blushes.
Noelle: “Faha- okay, um-”
Jason: “PEOPLE SHUT IT, next contestant!”
A small duck girl steps out, looking around.
Wheatley: “Hey, she looks like Magica!”
Webby: “MAGICA? WHERE!?”
Pause.
Webby: “Uhhh, HI! I’m Webby Vanderquack, enthusiast on all things McDuck, and all things supernatural… Magica’s the exception, she’s EVIL!”
Ryan: “What, noooo- I mean she- she did betray everyone and work for Agent X, but-”
He stops.
Ryan: “Damn, she was evil.”
Sans: “well anyway, welcome to the show. i like ducks.”
Susie leans into Noelle, and whispers in her ear.
Susie: “Why is the grocery store guy here-”
Webby: “Thanks for the warm welcome, skeleton man!”
Jason: “Oh hold up- TWO people are coming through at the same time!”
Everyone turns to the portal, and sure enough, two people. A young indian-american woman steps through, sharply dressed, with a large sword sheathed on her back. Following her, a small cat person with an oversized… everything? The hat, the scarf, the jacket, it’s all far too big for them.
Jason: “Connie! Niko! Welcome!”
Connie: “Hello! Hi everyone!”
Niko: “Um… hi! Wow, that sure is a lot of people- more than I expected.”
Niko’s large eyes dart around the cast.
Niko: “I was expecting like… ten? Ten people-”
Connie: “Aw, don’t worry! Here, if you want, I can hold your hand-”
Niko: “Um, no thank you, you’re a stranger-”
They walk over, timidly. Jax immediately walks over to them.
Jax: “... BOO.”
Niko: “ACK!”
Jax: “Pssssh, too easy.”
N: “HEY! That wasn’t very nice!”
Jax: “Actually, it was.”
N: “Oh okay. Geez, the culture around here sure is fascinating!”
Connie walks over to Ryan.
Connie: “So, are we the only humans around here?”
Ryan: “Not sure- I think that lady is-”
He points at Fionna.
Ryan: “But she also doesn’t have a nose, so-”
He shrugs and blows a raspberry. Connie chuckles. Ryan then notices Amity, leaning against one of the cabins.
Ryan: “Oh yeah also her, but she says she’s a ‘witch,’ but like- does that make a difference?”
Amity (distantly): “I am literally not a human.”
Connie: “Yeah look at her ears. They’re super pointy!”
Ryan: “Ohhhh yeah-”
Jason: “We’re almost done! Only a couple left!”
A 50s cartoon character with a cup for a head steps out from the portal.
Cuphead: “Gee whiz! This ain’t Elder Kettle’s house. Musta stepped through the wrong magical portal!”
He waves at everyone.
Cuphead: “Just kiddin’, I knew where I was goin’! Even if Elder Kettle and Mugsy told me NAHT to go. But what do those joiks no anyways?”
Sans: “um. i dunno.”
Cuphead: “Anyway, pleased to meet you all!”
Jax grabs him, and starts drinking out of his straw.
Cuphead: “ACK-”
Cuphead swivels around, makes a finger gun, and shoots a bebe right into Jax’s chest.
Jax: “OW- okay damn, fine.”
Jax slinks off, irritably.
Jason: “Who’s next- AH- WE GOT TWO AT ONCE AGAIN.”
Out of the portal tumbles a young frog girl, as well as a strange mushroom headed lad.
Maddie: “GAH- couldn’t have tried any harder to get into my way, huh?”
Toad: “Sorry! I didn’t mean to! Sometimes it’s just hard.”
Maddie: “Whatever- HEY IS THAT-”
Marcy: “OHMIGOSH MADDIE!”
Maddie: “MARCYYYY!”
They run towards each other and grab each other’s hands.
Marcy: “I wasn’t sure I’d ever see you again! Given the whole- y’know- permanently separated worlds thing-”
Maddie: “Same! Imagine all the spells we could do together”
Toad: “And I am… Toad! Yay”
Connie: “Welcome!”
Jason sighs in relief.
Jason: “And unless I am forgetting someone, I think that’s all! So, ahem- twenty five contestants, one prize, this is THE GREATEST GROUP OF CHARACTERS: MULT-”
Suddenly, one more person tumbles from the portal, yelling before landing on the ground face first. He groans loudly as he pushes himself up, straightening his glasses, and slightly messy black hair.
Simon: “Guh- huh- where am I- who are you people? What’s going on-”
Everyone stares at him.
Simon: “GAH- I DON’T HAVE TIME FOR THIS- I HAVE TO-”
But the portal has closed, Simon stares at it.
Simon: “I was- I-”
He turns to the others.
Simon: “... where am I?”
Jason: “Uhhh, you’re-”
Fionna pushes Jason out of the way.
Fionna: “SIMON! You’re here!”
Simon: “Fionna?”
She walks up to him, placing a hand on his shoulder.
Wheatley: “Alright fifi, who is this guy then?”
Fionna: “This is Simon Petrikov, he’s a genius! Also my best friend!”
Simon: “I thought- Cake was your-”
Fionna: “Asterisk, ONE of my best friends!”
Simon: “Yes… um… I would like to go home n-”
Jason: “TWENTY SIX CONTESTANTS, ONE PRIZE-”
Simon: “-CONTESTANTS?”
Jason: “THIS IS… THE GREATEST GROUP OF CHARACTERS: MULTIVERSAL!”
Simon: “WHAT IS HAPPENING?!”