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It’s Sunday.
Her mother is no longer drunk, but busy fixing her hair and makeup in front of her vanity table.
Now in her former childhood, Livia would often gawk up at her mother as she used those expensive products to turn some heads.
She couldn’t wait to be older and use them herself.
But now she sees no point in them. The only thing they truly did for her was make her believe that make up like the one her mother uses was needed to be loved by others. But that’s not important.
They’re going to go and welcome the Plinths.
Her father and Mr. Plinth should be at work right now. And according to her father, Mrs. Plinth is “quite a wonder… too much of a wonder to be left alone with that boy of hers”, so he had made sure that they would go to visit them.
Livia will not pretend that she’s not amused, after all, seeing the fuming jealousy come out of her mother when her father described Mrs.Plinth… Ha
She and Mr. Renshaw had already laughed at it.
Her mother was coming with her to the Plinths, but really if anything she’d just be gawking at the products Mrs. Plinth has now since their move to the Capitol.
As for herself… Today’s the day!
She finally gets to meet Sejanus Plinth.
She dressed up in her favorite, special occasion outfit: a pale blue dress, light pink frilly socks and pale blue shoes to go with them.
Her hair is tied in an aggressively tight bun. (When Mr. Renshaw had seen it, his eyes had shone with that concern that always melts her heart. Though she had assured him she’d be fine.)
She also has something special added, something she hopes will win Sejanus over. Mr. Renshaw lended her his mother’s old shawl.
Despite the fact that most of Two had worn clothing that included sturdy boots, rugged pants, and uniforms that reflect their association with the Peacekeepers, this shawl was well made, soft, and it goes well with her outfit, and the flash of green told her Sejanus would like it too.
She had baked a new batch of cookies and it’s a mix between sugar cookies and chocolate chip cookies. She keeps them safe in a tin box to share with Sejanus and she has his gift all wrapped up and ready.
“Livia, hurry up!” her mother’s shrill voice yells from downstairs. Huh. Her mother sounds furious. “I’m coming Mama!” she yells back, once more examining her appearance and getting her gift into a small back.
Once downstairs, she quickly puts the tin box of cookies in her bag, looks to her mother and stops.
Her mother…
In her purple gown, with those ornate flowing at the sleeves.
Complete with that sun hat that matches it….
She looks breathtaking.
How can her father compliment a woman and fail to see the siren he married.
“Mama… You look like a queen” she breathes out. After all, if she doesn’t… her mother may as well find another bottle to drink.
A slap at her cheek is something expected.
“You ungrateful little… I GAVE BIRTH TO YOU! Yet your father calls that District slut a <wonder>... and you call me a <queen>?! I’m supposed to be the First Lady Of Panem!” her mother yells, tears leaking from her eyes, before going out of the door.
What?
The First Lady Of Panem…
Her mother’s dream was to be the First Lady Of Panem…
That was all she cared about.
Now when she thought it over, their love story made sense:
Her father worked with the government, met her mother. Her mother thought he was the president and married him on the spot.
When the truth came out and she tried to leave, he used his fists to stop her. When her mother knew she had lost the life of class and power, she went to alcohol.
She was born somewhere in between.
But that doesn’t matter now. Getting up, she quickly looked in the mirror. The slap was hard… but it won’t show any bruises until tomorrow.
Quickly grabbing her things, she rushes to meet her mother at the front door of the Plinths. “I’m sorry Mama”. She’s really not, but she’d rather apologize now than get even more bruises later.
As per usual her mother ignores her and knocks on the door.
…
The door opens to reveal Mrs. Plinth. “Hello, how can we help you?” the young woman asks.
Livia is unable to beat her mother in introductions. “Yes now, I live next door with my husband and this” her mother stops to gesture at her before continuing, “is my daughter Livia. My name is Valencia Cardew. Welcome to the Capitol”. She finishes.
As soon as Livia's mother is done, Livia presents the cookie box, which manages to make Mrs. Plinth smile. “Oh thank you both so much… Please come in.” she says, moving out of the way.
Once inside, Livia is flooded with memories. She herself had visited the Plinths after marrying Coriolanus. It had purely been out of respect for Mr. Strabo Plinth… However, memories are everywhere.
And she soon realizes one thing… She forgot the shawl.
Dammit…
This is your second chance. Use it Livia. Do not get sidetracked.
Almost instantly, footsteps come down the stairs and there he is.
Eight Year Old Sejanus Plinth.
In a tiny suit, with a small handkerchief in his pocket.
He freezes instantly when he sees her. He was always shy. She smiles in what she hopes is reassurance, which works because he comes down instantly with a smile of his own.
“Hi, I’m Livia” she says, confident in her voice. “Hi, I’m Sejanus. It’s nice to meet you Livia” he hays back, shyly.
While the boy goes to greet her mother, Livia cannot help but stare.
That sweet innocent boy.
With his doe eyes, shining with trust.
His sweet smile.
His drive to help the Districts…
This boy grew up in the Capitol, yet his idealistic mindset kept him a boy in a man’s body. His method of shoving the truth down had failed him.
And while his innocence had captured the attention of the cruelest man, the very man that had gotten him killed… He still had that drive to do what was right.
But his method was useless.
Shoving down a certain truth down the throat of a community that believed that what they were doing was right for centuries… is difficult.
He has to do things one step at a time.
But as for now, seeing the interaction between her mother and the two, brings a sour taste inside her.
Her mother looks on with disgust at the two briefly making comments about District people belonging in cages.
Looking at the scene, Livia notices that both Sejanus and Mrs. Plinth both understand that as of now, the adults of the Capitol will treat them with reminders yelling at the family that their place in the Capitol is not theirs to have.
Suddenly the boy approaches her and-
A noose is around his neck, blocking the air from his lungs.
As the noose tightens around him, understanding of what’s about to happen settles in him, soon replaced by fear.
Within minutes the rope has finally come to a deadly grip, the platform creeks as his eyes frankly look around for anyone to help him.
Soon, he is transformed into his true form:
A child trying to get the king at the table to hear him speak about injustice touching the people throughout the kingdom.
But he is not alone. Around him on the floor she sees them all, Reaper Ash, ill Dill, sweet little Wovey, Bobbin, Mayfair, Treach, Mizzen, Coral, the Dean… everyone Coriolanus has ever killed are all in a pile on the floor.
She hears them. The voices, the screams, the whimpers and finally the sighs of defeat of the innocent, the frightened. She hears the sounds they made when they died.
Her gaze is back to Sejanus.
The platform drops.
She screams as Sejanus dies once more.
Soon, as Sejanus cold body joins the pile, the voices are hushed as the jabberjays are repeating Sejanus' last words.
His calls for the only person that truly ever understood and shared his desire to be in his home, in Two:
“Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma!-”
“Are you all right?” Sejanus’s sweet face is now in front of her.
His face is dripped with concern. His eyes are burning with a question she can clearly see:
If I show that I can be good and get any help for you, will you be my friend?
Slowly she looks at the boy for one second before turning her head away.
She cannot look at him.
Not when her mind caused her to remember… that.
As reality sets inside of her she turns back to see that Sejanus has not left her. His eyes are still brimming with that unwavering concern.
The noose is nowhere to be seen on his perfectly smooth neck.
His eyes are not turning white.
His face is not covered in fear of the unknown.
There is no platform below his feet.
No pile of dead people
There are no jabberjays repeating his cries, taunting her as she remembers that moment.
With that knowledge, she turns to see that her mother is now upstairs, scrutinizing poor Mrs. Plinth’s items.
As she looks around, she can only nod.
“Why?” did she scream aloud when that terrible memory from limbo came to her.
Slowly the boy shakes his head. “No… I asked if you wanted to play with me in my room… but you didn’t answer. I’ve been calling you for 5 minutes.”.
That sweet innocent boy.
So desperate to belong somewhere.
To show the people of the Capitol that the people of the Districts are no different from them.
She knows how to help him…
A flash of red.
Ugh!
She knows! She has to know him first. Then she can help him.
Looking at him now, she remembers the moment he and Coriolanus met.
Before, Sejanus’ face was the same as it is now… So desperate to make a friend, and so innocent to the cruelty of the world.
A single act of kindness and all his love and attention was on a person who would later kill him.
She is thankful that she’s now the first to see it.
Grabbing her bag with his gift inside, the flash of green only strengthens the confidence in her answer, that soon brightens that face and brings them both on the stairs to his room.
Her answer:
“Yes I’d love to play with you”.
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“What in Panem is this?!” she asks/yells the moment they step inside his room.
His empty room.
“What do you mean?” His confusion is present, while he closes the door. “What do I mean? There is absolutely nothing here!”. She says.
He opens his mouth to say something, but she beats him to it. “No, you listen to me. Open the gift I got for you Sejanus Plinth and use it, while I fix this horrid mistake.” she says, leaving no room for argument.
The confusion in his eyes at the mention of the gift is there. But she doesn't care right now. Right now she’s glad she remembered her sewing and painting kid in her bag.
A wall is bigger than a canvas… but she can make it work, the flash of green assures her..
She has an idea for what she can do for this room. Something to remind him of the home she knows he holds to his heart.
It takes 3 hours.
When she’s finally done she takes a step back to look at her work.
On the wall, she has placed a needlepoint mountain that she saw in Two on her first life’s Twelve adventure.
On the wall itself, she has painted the exact same thing along with a small heart that said “home”. It looks exactly like the real thing.
A gasp catches her attention.
Looking back, Sejanus has finished the model and is looking at the wall in amazement. This is her chance.
“Sejanus… I can only imagine how it must feel to be in a place where people hate you just because of where you were born. But I do know that because of us <Capitol rats>...” she stops to laugh slightly on how she labeled herself before continuing.
“Your true home will always be Two and I thought that if you had some form of scenery with you, you could always remember it. I hope you like it.” She finishes softly.
The tears streaming down that pure hearted child’s face is all she needs. “Thank you… Is this real?” he asks and she understands.
Are you truly a good person?
She doesn’t hesitate “Yes… But you have to understand that not everyone will be kind to you…” she needs to warn him.
The green light that has been going on since she started is enough proof.
Grabbing his face, she gently wipes his eyes. “I know” he states simply, just as he nuzzles his face further into her hands, before continuing “I enjoyed your gift. How did you know I’d like it?” He asks with his face still in her hands.
With the tears gone, she cannot help but smile. “Sejanus, your idiot of a father just ripped you from the home you love” she says, ignoring the snort coming from Sejanus on the comment she made about his father.
Not that she regretted it. She remembers what happened to the marriage of Mr. and Mrs. Plinth.
Not long after Sejanus’s death, Mrs. Plinth called out the truth of her feelings to her husband and went back to Two, leaving the man behind.
He had tried to get her back by showing all of Panem on live tv just how much money and influence he had.
But when that didn’t work, he finally realized that money cannot buy everything.
The one thing Strabo Plinth believed in was not true.
He became broken.
Seeing him break like that… she held some amount of pity for him, but now, she cannot do that knowing that deep inside his body, there is only a black heart.
He tried his best to love those around him, but being a cruel man by nature… he is just the same as the Capitol rulers.
Rotten with cruelty, both inside and out.
Shaking out of it, she knows how to continue.
“I can see in your eyes that from now on, you will have a thoughtful and meticulous nature, where you will often be reflecting on the state of society and your place within it. Something like your little model requires patience and attention to detail, which in my own experience can be a good outlet for reflective tendencies.” she finally finishes.
She sounds so mature.
Dammit… What if Sejanus questions her?
However, she sees that Sejnaus is looking at her with amazement in his eyes… “Can we be friends?” he asks in a whisper.
Yes!
This is the moment she’s been waiting for. “More than that Sejanus… You’re my best friend forever and ever and ever!” she exclaims when the flash of green comes.
Sejanus’s smile is the expected reward she gets. She does not expect the sudden embrace.
It’s everything to her.
Soon the moment is over with Livia’s mother calling her to go home. They do make plans to go to the park nearby tomorrow.
Making that plan makes her worries return.
That park is where Sejanus was first bullied.
Where he first met Coriolanus.
Tomorrow, Sejanus will see the cruelty of the Capitol from the people.
But she can’t bring herself to care.
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The next day, her nerves are shot.
She’s on the swing set waiting for Sejanus to arrive. She’s avoided playing tag with Arachne twice.
Her friends are all here today.
Coriolanus is here as well.
Though he’s not playing, she was married to him once, she knows when he’s longing for something.
In this case, he wants to set aside his perfect boy posture and be normal… like everyone else.
She knows her attitude has caught his eye. She did not make any remarks about him. She’s more worried about Sejanus.
The moment she sees his car and him with that goddamn hopeful smile, she smiles and waves him over.
Seeing that hopefulness in his eyes when he sees her makes her heart twist as a strange sensation enters her.
She sees him making his way to her when-
He is pushed to the ground.
Fury enters her when she sees the shock and self shame enter Sejanus' eyes. She turns to see the perpetrator and sighs.
Festus Creed.
She remembers his childhood and later his adulthood.
A rich boy, later rich man, quite used to being on top, particularly vain coming from the Capitol’s old money family.
So vain he’d bully anyone from any Capitol new money family to know that they may have gotten the wealth, but alone they will always be below the rest.
He never truly did care about much, but she admits that later on he did treat, or in her words “tolerate”, Sejanus later on.
And he did show to care about those he chose as friends. And she knows that he can show some compassion to the tributes…
But the sentiment fades when she hears and sees the horrible things her… best friends are doing to him.
She moves without realizing.
“Leave him alone!” She yells, stepping in front of Sejanus.
The playground comes to a dead silence. Everyone is staring at her. Without caring she helps Sejanus up and wipes his tears. Turning back she takes his hand. “Everyone, this is my new friend: Sejanus.”
The dead silence is stopped by Coriolanus’s cruel laugh. “Livia… what are you doing with that?” He asks incredulously, gesturing to Sejanus.
The complete degradation of Sejanus’s humanity, just as the Capitol does to the people in the games, sets her off.
Within a second, Coriolanus is on the ground.
Blinking in her own shock, she slowly realizes what happened:
She, Livia Cardew, punched Coriolanus Snow on the face.
Satisfaction shivers through her, just as Arachne comes to her. “Livia, have you gone mad!” She screeched.
She once would have hated herself for associating with Sejanus, the boy who hates the Capitol… but she is not that child anymore.
And she knows the true reason why everyone hates Sejanus.
They are afraid of him.
Of his family.
Why?
Because if a district family can buy their way into the Capitol and suddenly be treated as if they were always in the Capitol, why can’t other citizens of districts do that too?
To think that old money families can be replaced and lose their influence by new money… it can be frightening….
Of course her own friends chose to face their fears… by bullying and later treating them as if they are less.
Looking at them now… she knows she has to at least try to convince them. “If I can trust him, you all can trust him.” She says calmly, while Sejanus keeps tugging her arm, pleading with her to drop the issue.
But she can’t. No…
She won’t.
Festus looks at her incredulously. “You want to be friends with him!” He asks.
She nods without hesitation. “Sejanus is my friend and real friends don’t exclude one another” she says, ignoring the evident squeak that left Sejanus' lips when she referred to him as her “friend”.
As she looks at them all, everyone in the Academy and in 10 years, her fellow mentors, she feels her nerves rise as Arachne responds. “Well real friends wouldn’t ditch each other for a <new money> friend!”
“WELL, THEN I GUESS WE’RE NOT REAL FRIENDS!”
The words are out of her mouth just as she turns around.
Ignoring the silence, she grabs Sejanus and takes him away.
Looking at his face, she knows that he’s seen Coriolanus and noticed without a doubt that he is good looking, but that is overlooked by the surprise he has if her own reaction
As they leave to go to his house, she knows she did the right thing, the flash of green promises that. It’s just that…
She thought the mission mattered…
She thought it wouldn’t come to this.
She thought she’d be ready.
But when you end friendships that were once the only love you felt… It hurts.
But if she’s going to help Sejanus… the friends she had are the price.
Hearing them play without her… she will miss them all…
Well maybe not Arachne as much, but her friends like Clemensia and Lysistrata…
Those two had always been kind… the two had tolerated Sejanus… but to her they were like sisters in the way the rest of her friends who were boys had been like her brothers. Well minus Coriolanus
She will miss them in the way she misses the daughter and grandchildren she had in her former life.
They have all been dear to her.
But this is more important.
Looking back at Sejanus, with tears in his eyes, she takes out a handkerchief, wipes his face and hits him with it.
“You idiot! Crying in public… if they saw that, they would degrade your humanity even more like they do to those poor boys and girls in the games. I will not let them treat you like that… even if your home is in the Districts.” She says.
She knows she is crying.
She knows that Sejanus knows why: Because she feels guilty for what she did to her… ex-friends.
She knows he is surprised by her disgust at what the Capitol does to the districts.
She knows he is even more surprised by her loyalty to him.
As she turns to hide her face, she hears something different.
“Liv?” He whispers.
Liv?
She slowly turns to him. He seems nervous. “Is it alright if I call you that… it’s a type of nickname best friends would use in the Districts?”
Well… “Liv” does have a nice ring to it.
And she was looking for ways to cement the friendship.
She nods, with her own condition in mind. “Can I call you < Sej >?” She asks softly.
He nods. Then. “Thank you. Are you OK?”
She knows what he means:
Thank you for being loyal to me… but you didn’t have to give your friends up.
Is she though?
Is she OK with what she did to her… ex-friends?
No she isn’t.
She’s holding back her tears.
But Sejanus doesn’t need that.
She nods.
With his smile, which is all worth it, they go to his home where they share books, toys and have fun.
Today… she lost her friends.
She lost the only love she had one lifetime.
But somehow, knowing that in this life she will have Sejanus… er- Sej…
She doesn’t care anymore.
Besides, she got to punch Coriolanus… which felt incredible.
It’s a win - win.