Work Text:
It has been about 6 weeks since Aventurine’s disappearance, and Veritas Ratio was barely coping. Ratio wasn’t an emotional person, he was all logic and brains, always leading with his head and not his heart. This situation was an exception. The doctor had his eyes on the gambler from their first meeting…
They had met at a party, funded by the IPC. He was told that at least one of the ten stonehearts would be there, and had prepared himself to be on his best behavior, and to not go around calling people idiots, to be stoic, calm and collected, the perfect image of a scholar of the intelligentsia guild. And as far as he was aware, he was doing that extremely well, staying mostly silent, just enjoying the atmosphere and sipping his drink. He was even without his arblaster bust, a weird occurrence for him. That is when he noticed a blond man across the room. He was the embodiment of pretty, it took Ratio a while to notice it, but those eyes the man had. The eyes of the Avgin, a race that was almost completely extinct, minus this one man that Ratio was intrigued by. The man waltzed over to where Ratio was standing, starting to chat it up with the other people around, who began to ask the man if he was the gambler everyone had been talking about. The Avgin nodded, and the others began questioning him about how he is so lucky, how he always beats the odds, no matter how much they are stacked against him. Impossible Ratio thought, he thought for a moment and just as he was going to join the conversation, the other people were called off by some figure that wasn't important enough to remember. He looked at the Avgin with a look of disbelief, betraying his thoughts. “What? You don't believe me?” Ratio shook his head, of course he didn’t believe him, the notion that one person can always win every gamble and every risk that he took was completely impossible. Ratio had to do a double take as he watched the other man pull a revolver out of his briefcase, opening the barrel and taking out five of the six bullets, and shoving the gun into Ratio’s hand. Ratio watched in horror as the blonde spun the cylinder, and pressed the cold metal of the gun against his own chest. He then clicked the gun, once, twice, thrice, he clicked the gun three times. Each time the smirk on his face grew wider, and that expression that he made stuck with Ratio. “Life is a grand gamble, and I’ll always be the final victor” Ratio shuddered as the blonde said that, and Ratio took notice of the emphasis on the “final victor” part. Ratio was about to question the man about who he was, what his motive was, and what the fuck is wrong with him, when he pulled the gun away, leaving it at his side. Before Ratio could speak a lower ranking member of the IPC walked over, greeting Ratio politely before turning to the Avgin. “Mr. Aventurine, someone is here to see you.” The blonde nodded, before speaking, “Goodbye Doctor, it seems I have business to attend to~” Ratio stood there in shock, Aventurine, that name was familiar, Aventurine… wait, wait, that man, that deranged gambler, was a stoneheart?? Ratio has to collect his thoughts again… a stoneheart… I can’t believe that that man is a stoneheart. Ratio would continue to think about this interaction for a while, wondering what his deal is, and what is wrong with him.
…he was side tracked, thinking about that damned gambler again. He was supposed to be reading, and yet here he was, thinking about Aventurine, he was gone, Aventurine was dead, but death doesn’t exist on penacony… death doesn’t… Ratio had a realization, and in order to prove it, he either had to find dormancy himself, or just be patient, he chose the second option, and decided to return to reality, to inquire with Topaz again, and to check Aventurine’s body.
He returned to reality, but when he went to check Aventurine’s body, it was missing. He was about to panic when he heard footsteps behind him, followed by an all too familiar voice “Ratio?”. He turned around, and low and behold, the very man who he was looking for was standing behind him, his fancy and elaborate clothing slightly disheveled, and his hair messy and unkempt. “What are you doing here?” Ratio didn’t respond, and moved closer, the blonde backed up slightly, but not fast enough, and was pulled into a hug by the taller man. Aventurine flinched, unsavory memories flooding his brain, but he shook his head, doing his best to forget, and just stood there in the other’s embrace. “Ratio?”
“Just be quiet… let me hug you” Aventurine was confused, the doctor never hugged him, ever. He felt his cheeks heat up slightly, but he never broke his facade, but his mind began to wonder, to the letter… the letter. The letter had stuck with him the entire time he was in dreamflux reef, but it had been pushed to the back of his mind when he woke up, having to deal with the IPC, and everything that came with that. Aventurine was not prepared to face Ratio, he wasn’t prepared to talk about the feelings he knew were mutual. He wanted to run, he needed to run. He felt Ratio let go, hands reaching down to hold his, squeezing them tightly. “I- I have to go'' Aventurine managed to stammer out, trying to force his hands from Ratio’s grasp, trying to run away from his problems again. “Kakavasha-”
“What did you just call me?”
“Kakavasha-”
“Why are you calling me that?” Aventurine yanked his hands away from the other man, backing up again slowly. “Is that not your real name..? You signed your text message with that name”
“My name is Aventurine'' He wanted to cry, he wanted to run away, and he was about to, but something deep down told him to stay put, and to hear him out “oh.. I apologize, I didn't mean to offend, I just assumed-”
“Stop assuming. Kavasha is dead, he died in the sands of Sigonia-VI along with the rest of the Avgins'' Ratio had never seen that look on Aventurine’s face before, he looked hurt. Ratio didn’t know what to say, and by the time that he did, the blonde was gone, and Ratio was alone again.
~~~~~
Aventurine was alone, again. Like always. He wanted to go see Ratio, but the idea of going and facing his problems, and his feelings scared him, alot. Ratio likes me, romantically, and I like him romantically too… So what am I so scared of? Rejection was off the table, so it was simply… he was scared of his feelings, again. He was scared of being vulnerable, he was scared of being himself, the true him, not the mask of his own face that he always wore. He was afraid that Ratio fell in love with that part of him, so if he revealed his true self, that it would end poorly… He knew he had to face his fears, so he picked himself up, and went to fix his disheveled appearance before trying to talk to the other man again.
~~~~~
Later that night, Ratio was alone in his room in the reality hotel when he heard a soft knock at the door followed by the voice of the man who had not left his head for the past 6 weeks. “Doctor…?” There was a certain amount of hesitation in the blonde’s voice, but that was to be expected. “Come in-” And before Ratio could say anything else, the door was open, and then shut as soon as it was opened. “I’m sorry-”
“No, you don't have to apologize, I know what you’re about to say, I’m sorry I called you that without asking, it was foolish of me… I let my emotions get the better of me.”
“Ratio-”
“I don't need you to apologize for being upset with me, I’m just glad you’re okay”
“That’s- That’s not- Let me speak, you’re making assumptions about me again..”
“Oh… I can tend to do that”
“I can tell- but anyways, I was going to say, I was going to apologize for running away.. And leaving you more confused than before, I’m sure you read my messages… and I did read your letter, so I have to ask, do you really care? Surely this is all a cruel prank you and someone else is pulling-”
“Aventurine. Do you really think that I, of all people, would pull such a cruel prank on you?”
“Not really, but there is no way you’re being sincere with me, you hate me, you always have” Ratio sighed, if this wasn’t a serious conversation, he would’ve scolded Aventurine for how much of a hypocrite he was being “My Dear Gambler..” Ratio stepped closer to the blonde, raising his hands up, close to his cheeks. Aventurine did his best not to flinch, but he couldn’t help it. As much as he craved it, he disliked being touched, especially when the other person was not clear what they were going to do before they made contact. He wanted to trust Ratio, he really did, but something inside of him, the memories he tried so hard to forget, the ones that haunted him more than he would ever admit, more than he was comfortable realizing. Aventurine grabbed Ratio’s hands, preventing the motion of cupping his cheeks, but giving both him and the other the satisfaction of physical touch, more to help ground himself if anything.
“Aventurine… I know you have feelings for me… and I am more than sure you know I have feelings for you too..” As much as Ratio tried to appear as less emotional, he couldn’t help but avert his eyes, his face heating up, warmth rushing to his cheeks. It was almost cute, the way he avoided Aventurines gaze, and Aventurine wanted to do the same thing, turn his head, look away, avoid the truth and his feelings.
It was obvious what Ratio wanted, and what he was about to request, to do, and Aventurine wanted it just as much. He craved it, he wanted to be kissed, to be held, and to be close to the other, but it was so scary, the thought of letting his walls down almost completely, and letting someone into his life, putting down his facade, his perfectly crafted persona, it scared him.
So, when Ratio turned his head back, Aventurine let go of his hands, instead to grabbing the other’s face, and before Ratio could say anything, one pair of lips met the other, silently confirming to Ratio that he was correct, that there were no lies, and that the two of them truly had feelings for each other.
The kiss was soft, not deep, not intense, and no words could describe how it made each of them feel. It lasted longer than Aventurine was expecting, and when he pulled away, he almost felt tears beading up in his eyes. Why was he about to cry? He didn’t know, perhaps the emotions he was feeling were too intense, maybe he was just really happy that he got to kiss the man he was pining for way too long. Maybe it was because he felt loved, for once, impossible. He felt warm, there was a warmth in his chest, the same kind of warmth that he hadn’t felt since he left Sigonia, it was comforting, but also weird, he felt weird. He stumbled back, his brain screaming at him to run again, to run, to get away, to hide, to put up his mask again…. Maybe he did belong with the masked fools, since he was always wearing a mask, and making a fool out of his own feelings.
The way the two men looked at each other spoke volumes, volumes that both of them couldn’t find the words to voice. It was more than well known that Ratio was a smart person, he was never at a loss for words, he always had something to say, often to the detriment of the people around him. However, when it came to voicing his emotions, when it came to telling Aventurine just how much he meant to him, he couldn’t think of anything to say. He was nervous, albeit for no reason, all signs should point to him being confident, he knew Aventurine had romantic feelings for him, he had just kissed him for Aeon’s sake! Yet here he was, staying silent to prevent himself from stumbling over his words, knowing not to make a fool out of himself by stuttering over his words like a bumbling idiot. If anything, an idiot is what Veritas Ratio is not.
One of them had to say something, just looking at each other with a sense of longing was getting them nowhere. Ratio stepped closer, holding his arms out, offering another hug to the blonde. Aventurine wanted to hug him, he did, but he was hesitating again, why was he hesitating? He didn’t want to be touched, that's what he told himself, he knew that was a lie though, he so badly wanted to. So after a few seconds of mental back and forth, he accepted to hug, moving closer, wrapping his arms around the other, hands moving up to grab the back of Ratios clothes, clinging to him like he thought it was a dream, like he thought the other might vanish at any given moment. Resting his head on the other’s shoulder, letting out a breath he didn't realize he was holding.
“I’ve got you, I’m not going anywhere” Ratio said, holding him close. Aventurine’s tears were welling up more than before, those simple words meant so much, but also so little, he missed the feeling. This feeling, being loved, being held, he missed it, as much as he tried to deny it, saying that no one cared, and that he was just a chip, a cog in the strategic investment department, an object… he missed this feeling. He sucked in a harsh breath, still holding Ratio close as he wiped the few tears that managed to escape onto his hand, choosing not to acknowledge them. “I.. Veritas… I love you” He managed to mumble out, his emotions still managing to somehow overwhelm him. His words were met with a squeeze, and a quiet “I love you too”