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“And, Do Eunho-ssi will be the one who resembles a wolf.”
“A wolf?”
“Yes. You can read this for more information,” said the dduks while pushing a stack of paper to Do Eunho. The gesture didn't go unnoticed by Bamby since now the man leaned forward to peek at its contents.
He only managed to see the first page but, “There's a lot,” already came from Bamby’s mouth.
“But they sound cool!”
Wheeling his irises towards his friend. While he showed no emotion on his face. Only him and Do Eunho who could tell that Bamby was glad to know that his best friend got chosen to be something he saw as cool.
The “glad”-ness only lasted there.
Once in a while, Do Eunho would stay at Bamby's place just because. Some visits could be the ones that Bamby forced him to come to. Or even the man, Do Eunho, invited himself to be at Bamby's place. Like this time, for example.
“Should we cook something?” Do Eunho asked suddenly.
“Why not order them?”
“No, I'll cook,” the silver-haired offered.
“By yourself?” Bamby meant this to be a joke because obviously Do Eunho wouldn't want to do all the stuff alone, right? In the end, Bamby would always interfere to help and they finish cooking the meal together.
“Yes, I'll do them all.”
It wasn't rare for them to cook their meals together. But, Do Eunho? Volunteering to cook by himself?
“...because I'm a wolf, hyung!”
What.
“A wolf should be dependable.”
“Sure.”
Sure indeed. If pretending to be an actual werewolf would make him better, a better dongsaeng(!), then Bamby wouldn't mind. Especially when it was right on time that Bamby just wanted to embrace his inner slob demon.
While waiting, the older man wasted his time watching a drama on his TV. Somehow he felt responsible for making his guest cook and even trying to serve the plates himself. He rose from the couch and walked towards the dining table. “Let me do the plates. You go do the food.”
“No, hyung,” he whined, “I can do them. Just sit down and let me…”
“No, let ME ask you, who’s the owner of this house? Me, right? I’m gonna do what I want.”
“But, hyung… Fine.”
Bamby didn’t like how his best friend responded to him. Ultimately, he dismissed it and carried out his assignment.
The next time he got the glad meter reduced was when he noticed the other man having a frustration learning a dance move. Bamby, for the love of God, Bamby was right beside him. Well, not exactly. He was a step ahead of Do Eunho. If only the best friend wasn’t blind enough not to get him unnoticed. Instead, Do Eunho turned his head towards Han Noah, who sat resting on the corner. Seeing the best friend start to walk away and ask the eldest for help made Bamby gap his mouth.
This asshole must be pretending he didn’t see Bamby!
No way he actually did not see the pink head there. Right over there!
Of course, the matter was not let loose from Bamby’s confrontation.
“Hey, Eunho-ya. Why were you ignoring me?”
“I did not..?”
“You did! You asked Noah hyung for help when I was right beside you!”
“Oh, that.”
“That what?”
“I couldn't ask you for help, hyung. A wolf shouldn’t be unreliable.”
“Hypocrite, you still asked for help from Noah hyung!”
“Well, yes…” Do Eunho scratched his not-itching cheek. “That was because he’s the head of No-line?”
What the fuck was that reason.
Being the Bamby he was. He never told his best friend that the action made him feel something ungood . As much as he was close to Do Eunho, he wouldn’t ever declare to anyone that every word and doing of the silver-haired guy always brought him to some certain emotions. Like the one he was currently experiencing. Disregarded. Ignored. Neglected.
Yet an invisible beast, called pride, held Bamby captive. He wouldn’t demand his own best friend to fix his concern. Bamby has an ego to take care of.
Ever since joining PLAVE. The man who used to be clingy as glue now became slackened and easy to slip away. Need someone to play with him? There got Yu Hamin. Need someone to eat with him? Nam Yejun was as ready as he had ever been. Need someone to examine his vocals and dance? The no-filter Han Noah would please him.
Han Noah was a decent dancer. But compared to Bamby and Yu Hamin? At least do pick the youngest for help! Why that guy?
It went like that, again and again.
The “again” was too much for Bamby to handle. He wanted him to just…
“Can't finish the meal? You seem about to vomit, let me…”
“Nah, I can. I can do this. Nothing shall make me sick. Urgh—!”
Fucking…
“What took you so long? Everyone is waiting.”
“I can't choose the right coat.”
“Just choose whatever. Do you need my help?”
“Don't worry. I got this,” he said with his palm facing Bamby's face to stop him from getting close. “I must conquer this obstacle.”
Stop…
“God… Water… Need water…”
“I don't see yours. Forgot to bring them?” Bamby whispered.
“Yes…”
“Want mine?”
“Is fine… I'm not weak… Dehydration can't force me to surrender…”
It!
The last straw snapped when Bamby realized that the self-declared werewolf was not only rejecting his offer to assist but also his touch. The pink-haired man caught the guy from the corner of his eyes, bopping his head up and down. Those silver hairs bounced as the man moved.
Do Eunho seemed to blink too much from Bamby have known him for.
Both of them were chilling in Bamby’s place. A rare moment when Bamby himself was the one who forced invited Do Eunho in. As the owner relaxed on the couch, he certainly couldn’t miss the view from the man who sat down on the carpet. Nothing wrong with the appearance, but Bamby somehow couldn’t glance away from that.
Bamby unconsciously moved his hand and tried to tuck those strands from shying the red irises from the view. “Eunho-ya, aren't your bangs bothering you?”
Do Eunho froze before he captured the hand with his own to stop those shorter fingers from contacting his skin. “Kind of?” the guy let go of Bamby's wrist and brushed his own bangs away.
That made Bamby frown.
Maybe he overreacted or was too sensitive. However, for Do Eunho, who he has known for almost his whole life as a dancer, grabbing and gripping his hands like that? Without any “sorry”?
Back reading the sheets he held, Do Eunho ignored the stiff lines on Bamby's face.
“Hey, Eunho. Do you mind telling me what this reliable wolf is about?”
“Huh? Suddenly?”
“Yeah, tell me.”
Putting down the papers, he began to explain. Apparently, he read that there were (myth) dynamics in the wolf kingdom. Alpha, beta, and omega. Since being a wolf sounded cool in his ears. Alpha was the leader, the highest of the ranks to which everyone would put their respect. The description made alphas seem intimidating and mysterious. So cool. Do Eunho then decided he would be the alpha. Not that the instructions the dduks gave him told him so. But he chose it himself.
It was fine if he tried to be the better by disguising as a wolf whatsoever.
The thing was. Do Eunho never rejected him, no matter how rude he was. Both of them knew Bamby was joking. But both of them also knew very well of how contrast their jokes were.
How the silver-haired just behaved Bamby made the guy contemplate all the treatment he provided.
“Just that?”
“Hey, hey! What do you mean by that? You can't underestimate this. It's my concept, concept!”
Rolled his eyes, “Are you actually a wolf or Do Eunho?”
“Do-Do Eunho?”
“Exactly. So now do stop forcing the wolf act,” Bamby nagged. It couldn't get any more annoying, could it? This has to stop before they get worse.
Do Eunho bit his lower lip. “Why is it a problem with you, though, hyung?”
The curiosity made Bamby falter.
Why?
He continued the question, “Aren't you the one who complained a lot about how childish I am? How do you hate that I kept clinging on to you? And the fact that my affection embarrasses you is evident? Blabbing to everyone that I couldn't do anything without you. Even when you notice that I'm trying to gain your attention, you would close your eyes real close so that you wouldn't have to please me with your presence. I'm trying not to be the person you are sick of. Be honest, you did find it disgusting, didn’t you?”
Heavily gasping after he spluttered all the words from his mouth. Do Eunho didn't realize that the adrenaline he felt from the berating he threw to his best friend raised his body to stand unknowingly.
Not wanting to admit that the scene made him scared, Bamby said this instead, “Why are you the one who's getting worked up?” It should have been him, wasn't it? Why, rather than Bamby, did Do Eunho slap him with those words?
"Hyung, you always retreat. Why can’t I?
Do Eunho cringed.
“I don't want to depend only on you, hyung.”
Why? Bamby didn't mind that.
“You don’t get it, do you? I’ve always been the one who seeks your affirmation, the one who stumbled and scraped his knees, then cried out loud for you to look at him. And hyung…” He gestured at Bamby, the room, the whole damn universe. “You’re the unspoiled one, the one who didn’t need my presence to make you feel better.”
Bamby’s heart stuttered. He’d never thought of himself that way. He might never be honest, but he did need Do Eunho’s existence in his life. But Do Eunho’s words sank like stones into his chest. “Eunho, it’s not—”
“It is!” Eunho’s voice cracked. “I can’t be the one who always takes. I need to stand on my own, even if it means I can’t do it with you.”
The man should know better that deep in Bamby’s mind, Bamby would never mind it. What was bothering him was just the tickling feeling in his stomach whenever Do Eunho rubbed his face on his shoulder, or even when the guy simply rolled his tongue to spell his Bamby’s name. The sensation felt alien. He has been with Do Eunho for years now. Although recently, around the time they joined PLAVE, the feeling emerged.
Whenever Eunho leaned in too close, Bamby’s heart stuttered, but he masked it with complaints and nags. Whenever Eunho’s hand brushed against his, Bamby’s skin tingled, but he pretended indifference. He speculated if Do Eunho knew the way Bamby’s heart thumping when Eunho leaned too close, the way his laughter echoed in Bamby’s brain. But maybe Eunho was right. Maybe dependence was a dangerous bridge they couldn’t afford to cross.
Bamby was familiar with this emotion, but he had fear. He feared that this would change how Do Eunho saw him. An irrational fear that gnawed at his insides. Bamby, the stubborn and prideful man, chose denial over vulnerability. Whenever his heart fluttered like a startled bird, he lashed out: sharp words; cold glances; and walls built higher.
Maybe it was when they announced the silver-haired as the wolf representation or even earlier. Did Bamby turn too avoidant or perhaps he always was, but Do Eunho only then decided to take revenge lately.
He breathed shakily when he saw Do Eunho start to pack his things back into his bag.
Bamby, once again, was a prideful man. He wouldn’t demand his own best friend to stop his step from leaving, only to comfort Bamby. Bamby has an ego to keep.
Desperation clawed at his throat.
Do Eunho drifted away and Chae Bonggu wasn’t able to shout his best friend’s name to say, “I need Do Eunho, not a wolf.”
Nothing visibly changed between them, at least through anybody else’s eyes except them. They still threw jokes. They still laughed at each other, though it sounded dull, like a hollow box. The tension faithfully hung between them, roots of unspoken words. While humor so far floated around them, never left the duo yataz solo. Neither of them mentioned the conversation they had that day. Of the frustration Do Eunho went through and the desperation Bamby has to maintain not to let free. Some truths were not suitable for joking, anyway.