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It's fine , Rui thought when Gyuvin first kissed her for a dare at a sleepover party. It's just a cute joke that girls always do with each other, right? After all, Gyuvin is her best friend, it's fine to do that and it means nothing.
It meant nothing, Rui has a boyfriend after all.
It's cool , Rui thinks when Gyuvin offers her to shower together one day after swimming class. It's already 5 minutes past their lunchtime, the faster they shower and change clothes, the more time for them to eat and have a break before the next period. All the other girls do it too, there's nothing weird about it. Not that Rui would feel uncomfortable being naked in front of Gyuvin— who's also going to be naked — and take a shower— together. Naked. With Gyuvin.
It's cool, Rui. It means nothing. She's your best friend.
It still means nothing when they get into the shower and then suddenly Gyuvin jumps to hug her from behind. Gyuvin's hands are on her shoulders, her boobs against Rui's back, her breath is warm against Rui's neck.
The water's cold so we gotta stay warm, she said.
Gyuvin always finds a way to touch Rui at any given time, not that Rui dislikes it. In fact, it's quite the opposite. Rui likes it when their fingers intertwine, it keeps her hand warm. Rui likes it when Gyuvin hugs her by the waist, it makes her feel secure. Rui loves it when Gyuvin planted a kiss on her cheek, or when she stares so longingly at Rui like she could devour her at any moment.
Rui loves when she's devoured by Gyuvin. They're in one of the bathroom stalls after school. Her head between Rui's thighs, the warmth of Gyuvin's tongue inside her, exploring every little corner of her, leaving no place untouched. Rui loves every little sound that comes out of her mouth, her slurred words, screaming Gyuvin's name, although in silence.
Despite all the things they did— the things Gyuvin did to her— she's still only her best friend. Because all those things mean nothing. It's a secret that nobody should know, even by themselves. The second they step out of that stall, they're back to just being Rui, a straight girl with a loving boyfriend, and Gyuvin, Rui's best friend.
But Rui couldn't lie to herself, there's no one who can please her better than Gyuvin. Even when she's with her boyfriend, it's not the same. Not because her boyfriend isn't good , it's because he's not Gyuvin. Which leads to Rui dragging Gyuvin again to that same stall the next day after school. Gyuvin looks at her with confusion, or hesitation, maybe. Not before Rui pushes Gyuvin down to her knees,
Do it again to me, she asks. Which then Gyuvin nods and pushes up Rui's skirt.
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Rui was shocked when she finds out that her sister runs away with her best friend, who turns out to be her girlfriend . She never thought that Hao would ever do something reckless like that. Their parents were furious, obviously. Having raised Hao as the Perfect Daughter™ only for said daughter turned out to be a lesbian and chooses her girlfriend over her strict conservative homophobic family. It's also too late for them to hope on Rui too. All their attention towards Hao gave Rui more freedom to mess around. Now that Hao's gone, gone also Rui's freedom.
If we catch you to be ungrateful like your sister, fair to consider that you're no longer our daughter, is what her father said on the night Hao ran away.
Rui has no choice but to stop Gyuvin when she's about to drag them both into the stall.
We can't do this anymore, Gyu.
But your parents won't find out what we're doing here, Gyuvin pleads.
But eventually someone will. Eventually, they have to stop messing around. Eventually they will grow up and become adults, and get married, and be a wife, and have children, and be happily ever after because you have a perfect family and not running away with your secret female lover and cut ties with your homophobic family and live your actual happily ever after and—
It's just a phase, Gyuvin, and I've grown out of it, were the words that came out of her instead. Gyuvin freezes, with a look in her eyes that Rui can't decipher if it were anger or disappointment, or hate, or sadness, or regret, or anything. Rui's about to blurt out words of I'm sorry I didn't mean to say that, or Nevermind, you're right, my parents won't find us here, or I love you, Gyuvin, or anything that could make the situation better but she supposed it's too late. It was too late when Gyuvin let go of her hand and backed out two steps away from her.
Alright, thanks for letting me know, Rui. I'll see you later.
Gyuvin went home, and Rui was inside the stall crying to herself.
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Three years after graduation, Rui got engaged. It's with someone that her family had chosen for her. His name is Jeonghyeon, he's only a few years older than Rui and had recently graduated from college. They planned to get married after Rui finishes college. Jeonghyeon is a good man and came from a family of good fortune, Rui doesn't necessarily have to work and she already has a good life with guaranteed financial security. Luckily, Jeonghyeon also loves her very much, which Rui felt the same about him. Rui will have a great future with a life that most people can only dream of waiting for her. There's nothing for her to worry about.
On the day of her wedding, most of Rui's friends and family attended the event. Hao was also there and got to be her maid of honor, which was surprisingly approved by her parents. But unfortunately, Hao's then-girlfriend-now-wife, Hanbin, wasn't allowed to attend. Which was a shame because Hanbin is a very sweet person, Rui found that out when she reconnected with Hao in her first year of college.
Gyuvin was also there to attend. She and Rui don't really talk much since Gyuvin moved out of town for college. She's now doing modeling gigs, which isn't surprising given her gorgeous face and her slender figure and long legs that makes her look amazing in that red dress with a slit that goes up to her upper thigh just mere inches below her ass. The V neck of her dress that goes in between her breasts is deep enough to make them stand out but not low enough to make it look scandalous. Above the dress, she was covered by a velvet blazer that were only hanging by her shoulders that Rui used to rest her hands on whenever Gyuvin were eating her out in that bathroom stall, her long fingers used to spread Rui's thighs apart and sometimes teases her clit that makes it harder for Rui to muffle her moans that sometimes her arms bleed by how hard she bites into it, it gets even worse when her fingers goes inside Rui and fingers her—
Rui, it's time for the bride and groom photoshoot, Jeonghyeon reminds her and breaks her out of her totally appropriate thoughts. She straightens her pose and stands with her hand on Jeonghyeon's arm. Smiling brightly to the camera because it's her wedding day, after all. Everyday ahead from today is gonna be the happiest years of her life. She has a wonderful man as her husband, and soon they will have wonderful children of their own and live their wonderful life for years to come.
Rui only gets to talk to Gyuvin just before she's about to go home. Congratulations, Rui. I hope you won't regret it, she wishes for her.
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Marriage life is going easily for Rui, sometimes it even feels too easy. She's pregnant with her first son a few months after their wedding, and they have another one after, and then a daughter. They've settled on three children since they don't want too many kids. Rui started modeling and working on her fashion brand at the same time. She had hoped that someday she'd bump into Gyuvin on one of her gigs but that never happened so far. Still she's pretty well booked and her brand has opened two stores in major shopping centers in the country.
Rui's love life with Jeonghyeon is okay, to say the least. One thing that comes with Jeonghyeon being from a rich family is that he's also very very busy. They had a rare time hanging out together and less time for the two of them without the kids. Their shared nights alone together are spent having conversations ( which is good and necessary for a healthy relationship), cuddling, and sometimes they also have sex. But nothing's too explicit, it's either missionary or Rui getting on top at nights when Jeonghyeon is too tired and needing some refreshments. It was pleasurable, but nothing mind breaking like stuff that Rui had done when she was in highschool.
Sometimes when she spent the night alone, those memories would be replayed in her head as she touched herself like how she was being touched on that one bathroom stall. It's not quite the same but it still drives her crazy, the difference is now she doesn't need to muffle her moans anymore (although sometimes old habits die hard and she ends up with a bleeding arm all over again.) She also sometimes, unconsciously, screams a name that isn't her husbands when she hits her climax. Sometimes she is aware of it, sometimes she doesn't. Rui also had to find this in the worst possible way when her daughter asked her one morning while having breakfast : Mommy, is the name of the monster in your nightmare Gyuvin? What had it done to you that made you scream so loud?
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Rui was lucky enough to have her brand invited to a prestigious fashion show and she has the chance to choose individually who's going to be the models for her brand, a job that's usually taken care of by her team. She knows one model that she always has in her mind but that'd be impossible to book someone as famous as her to be a model for a rookie brand. At the end, she chooses a young model by the name of Han Yujin, an acquaintance she knew from Hao (Yujin is actually Hanbin's little cousin but the couple always acts like she's their biological daughter). Yujin is very beautiful, she still has the innocent and youthful look that make a good contrast with Rui's more elegantly styled designs. She also walks like an experienced pro-model despite only being a few years in the industry and never having a modeling career in her childhood days.
The event was very pleasant. Rui gets to make connections with a number of important people in the industry and also fellow brand owners that may help her some time later in her fashion career. Also hence came the moment that Rui always waited for. There she stands, standing on the center of attention with flashes all over her. The one and only, Kim Gyuvin.
Rui can do nothing except to look at her from afar. Gyuvin that used to be on her right side all the time, that couldn't live without intertwining each other's hand, that would give Rui a kiss on her cheek when she's not looking, the only one who could made a cramped dirty bathroom stall to a place better than heaven for five minutes or sometimes even more. The woman who inhabits every thought of a married woman, Shen Quanrui, every single seconds since the day she told her a lie that it was just a phase. A phase that lasted twenty good years, god who knows, maybe another twenty years to come?
When Gyuvin finally shifts her gaze to meet Rui's, she breaks into a smile. A tiny smile that could have meant anything, or could have meant nothing, it could've been for anyone other than Rui, maybe it could've been for the camera. But for Rui it feels like a stab in a wound that never heals for the last twenty years, a wound caused by Rui herself just like the biting scar on her arm she gets herself every lonely night she spends with the memories of her. A smile that asks questions such as : Do you regret it?
I do. More than anything.
Told you so.