Chapter Text
Himeko, in the group chat: So you guys robbed Welt?
Welt: Yeah, all of them.
March 7th: Lies.
Dan Heng: Slander.
Caelus: That’s bullshit.
Stelle: And we’d do it again.
Himeko: So what are your political beliefs?
Stelle, awkwardly trying to impress them: Well, I think Pikachu would be a lot more powerful if he had a gun.
Himeko: I love them both, but how do I propose to two people?
March 7th: Two different restaurants, one person at each restaurant. Twice the dessert, twice the applause.
Himeko: Won’t people think it’s weird if there is a third person just sitting there, though?
March 7th: I saw someone feed their pet peacock crème brûlée from their mouth at the French place on the corner last week: I think faux third-wheeling at an engagement is the least of your worries.
Caelus: I'm not mean. Name one mean thing I’ve ever done.
March 7th: When we were younger, you convinced me eggs weren't real.
Caelus: They're not.
March 7th: Haha, very funny.
Caelus: I'm serious. Didn't you hear?
March 7th: No... what happened?
Caelus: ...Why would you fall for this again-
Stelle, holding a toy lightsaber: I’m Darth Vader!
Welt: I’m done with everyone’s bullshit.
March 7th: What did you get Welt for their birthday?
Caelus: I got them a kitten.
March 7th: Really? Me too!
Pom Pom: I also got them a cat.
Stelle: Looks like we had the same idea.
Caelus: Dan Heng, please tell me you didn't get Welt a cat as well!
Dan Heng: ...I got them a kitten.
*later*
Welt, in their apartment surrounded by cats and kittens: This is the best birthday ever!
Kidnapper: I have your partner.
Dan Heng: What? I don't have a partner...
Kidnapper: Then who just called me a lowlife bitch and spit in my face?
Dan Heng: Oh my god, you have Caelus.
Welt, as a child, reading their school assignment out loud: I love my library because...
Welt, mouthing words while writing: I love reading, fuck you.
Pom Pom: When I said bring me something back from the beach I meant like a conch shell!
Stelle: *Struggling to hold a seagull* Fucking say that next time!
Dan Heng: Oh god, they texted you ‘hi.’’ punctuation only means one thing, Stelle. They're mad at you.
Stelle: No, it's Welt. They're just being grammatically correct!
*meanwhile*
Welt: And then I used a period so they'd know that I'm mad at them.
Caelus: A period doesn't say 'I'm mad', it says 'you're dead to me'.
Welt: I stand by my choice.
Pom Pom: So Dan Heng was just using me?
Welt: I’m sorry, Pom Pom.
March 7th, trying to contain their amusement: You must feel pretty stupid right now.
Pom Pom:
Welt: Ok, that’s a time-out.
March 7th: No, I was just trying to-
Welt: Go sit over there!
March 7th: *walks away in defeat*
Himeko: Is there anyone here who’s actually straight?
Pom Pom: *raises hand*
Stelle: *puts their hand down*
Pom Pom: You're ignoring all your problems.
Welt: I know.
Pom Pom: You also know it's an unhealthy coping mechanism?
Welt: I'm ignoring that fact as well.
Pom Pom:
Dan Heng: Sometimes I get so caught up on being gay that I forget I’m actually bi.
Stelle: "Go hang a salami" backwards is "I'm a lasagna hog".
Pom Pom: How did either of those sentences occur naturally for you to discover this?
Stelle: Hey do you wanna hang out this weekend?
Dan Heng: Generic excuse.
Stelle: I can’t believe you said that out loud, to my face.
Dan Heng: I can.