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“What do you want Kazuya?”
There was a snort, and Mei sighed already annoyed. He hadn’t had enough caffeine, it was late into the night, still too much work on his hands to be able to deal with Miyuki right now.
“Is that how you greet your boyfriend?” Miyuki drawled through the call. The video wasn’t on but he could see the smirk on his lips and the tease on his eyes.
“Goodbye Kazuya,” Mei grumble, about to click on the end call button before Miyuki yelled a wait. “I have so much shit to do, I really can’t talk.”
“Yeah, okay.” Miyuki said. “But first,”
It went silent for a while and Mei thought that there was something wrong with the call. It was after all shitty internet.”Miyuki? Can you hear me?” When there was no response he sighed ready to hit the end of call button but ultimately waiting for a few more minutes. He was waiting for his tea to finish brewing, he had time to kill.
“Don’t laugh.” Finally came after a pause.
“You know I will.” A snort escaped his lips at the idea of him being asked not to laugh, but also curiosity spiking. “Tell me already Kazuya. What is this tip-toeing, this is so unlike you.”
“I’m trying to do something nice here Narumiya, Jesus can’t you just. Be nice for once.”
“Impossible.” Sneered Mei. “Out with it.”
There was some mumbling that Mei couldn’t hear clearly and decided to blamed on the shitty internet. Then, Miyuki finally turned on the video. It was dark, too dark but with the light of the screen of his phone he could barely make out his face in front of the screen. Mei smiled, he wouldn’t say it but he had missed him after months of not really seeing each other. He then decided to turned on his camera too.
“So?” Mei insisted impatiently. “I’m waiting.” There was definitely a pout now as he leaned back on his chair and stretched his arms. Being seated for so long was starting to get tiring.
“Do you know what day it is asshole?” Miyuki finally asked, he couldn’t see it but the teasing tone to his voice meant he definitely had a smirk on his stupid face.
“It’s...Wednesday.” Mei said slowly, confused and clearly annoyed. The fact that Miyuki was not being direct with whatever he had on mind was starting to get on his nerves “So, what.”
“Date. What date it is?” Miyuki tried again after a snort.
“It’s too late for this Miyuki. I have a test tomorrow.” Mei snapped. They hadn’t been able to even talked today and when they finally could, Miyuki was bombarding him with useless questions. He hadn’t even been asked how his day was!
“You take out all the fun.” Miyuki laughed. “Alright. It’s April 1st. You know what that means?”
“I swear to god if you somehow managed to prank me even though we’re like 4 hours away I’m actually going to kill you. I’ll send Shirakawa to kill you.”
“Mei.” The sudden seriousness in Miyuki’s voice was alarming. It caught his attention enough to make him stop talking. “You’re making this much more difficult. You know what.” There was a pause and then a ping from skype notifying him that he had send something through the chat. “Here.”
Mei grumbled and check the chat. There was a link and he sighed, clicking the link to opened up to a playlist webpage. The playlist was titled “You’re an asshole but I love you”. And it suddenly clicked.
“So you just realized.” Miyuki laughed, “And here I was being all romantic and shit.”.
“You. Being romantic.” Mei scoffed at the ridiculousness “What’s up with that.”
Miyuki shrugged, the camera shifting with his movement before Mei could no longer see his face. There were some sounds as Miyuki moved away from the phone, some words whispered, a laugh and then his face came into view again. “Listen to it.”
Mei decided not to argue with him and nodded as he clicked play. The first song was named “True Love” and he couldn’t help but make a face at the title. When he looked at Miyuki there was only a smile. He could barely make it against the dark but he was sure it was there. After the first line, Mei stopped the song and glared at Miyuki. “I take back what I said. You’re not romantic at all.”
“Listen to it.” Miyuki laughed softly. “It’s our song.” He was speaking lower now, Mei realized. His roommate had probably complained or had just arrived to their room.
Mei glared once again before hitting play again. Despite trying to keep a straight face, the slightest hint of a pout to his lips (“I’m not an asshole Kazuya, what the fuck”), Mei found himself smiling and laughing at parts of the song. “This is not romantic at all.”
“Is it not our song though.”
And Mei couldn’t say it wasn’t because more often than not he wanted to punch the bastard in the face and his stupid grin, but just as often he would kill to be able to be held by Miyuki. He hated him so much at times when he was being specially difficult, but not having him in his life and not being together had been 100 times worst. And he was afraid to lose him (again). Not that he would ever admit that out loud. At least not right now.
“I don’t see it.” Mei insisted, twisting his face with disgust.
There was another laugh from Miyuki. “Go on then. There’s twelve more songs.”
Mei hated that he couldn’t see Miyuki’s face clear enough through the screen. The light of the screen was barely enough to make part of his face, he could swear there was a smirk on his lips and he had already abandoned his glasses on the bedside since there was no reflection from the screen. His hair would be under his stupid hat out of habit. He wanted to see him. So bad.
“This better be good.” Mei said, eyes looking for the other’s in the dark but being unable to find them. He made so Skype was half his screen and the page on the other half, momentarily forgetting about his math problems and minimizing the screen. He clicked played again and the next song came on.
“You and I”. He couldn't denied that it was cute and catchy and he found himself laughing. It was ridiculous and so unlike Miyuki, (“Do what bunnies do?” Mei snorted, raising his eyebrows and the winking at him. He was sure Miyuki was blushing.) But it talked about a future. A future together, and it made him more happy than he thought it was possible.
At least the next one was more upbeat, Mei thought as it was starting. Then he was frowning, unsure whether being insulted at essentially being called “a problem child” and a hot mess (he was hot, but he was not a mess, mind you), or being flattered that it meant Miyuki had admitted to had fallen for him. He had to admit it was a good song, definitely catchy and closer to his sort of music.
The next one took Mei back to his first year in college, second semester. It was the semifinals and they were behind by a single digit and despite trying so hard, desperately trying to go to extra innings as an attempt to win, the opposite team scored again in the final inning destroying all their hopes.
Miyuki had travel for the game and had met him after it, silently walking up to him and to his surprise pulled him into a hug. Mei had tried to pulled away and perhaps save face.Trying desperately to stop the tears from falling but after being held by Miyuki, it felt impossible and soon after he started sobbing.
It was his first college lost, and he never knew how to take those gracefully when it had just happened.
That might had been the time Mei realized he really fucked cared about Miyuki and he truly loved him. There was something about MIyuki coming up to him and hugging him despite being something so unlike him and something he was rather uncomfortable doing, that made the bitterness inside him sweeter. It terrified him.
When the song ended and the next began, Mei found himself thinking again of the past. A few months later after that when things started to be too much with baseball and college. Around the time when they were finals and they were both in another tournament that they both realized maintaining a relationship on top of everything was too much.
“I want the best for you.” Miyuki had said seriously. Mei had rarely seen so much sincerity behind those glasses and it tug at his heart painfully. The thought of Miyuki leaving him behind made him feel insufferably angry and dishearten. “I won’t be the thing that sets you back.”
“You’re not.” Mei found himself saying. Desperately perhaps. He wasn’t sure if he was trying to convince himself or Miyuki then. He wasn’t sure.
“Thank you for loving me.” It had been soft stutter, obviously hard for Miyuki to say, but he said it all the same. “Be the greatest pitcher of Tokyo Mei Narumiya.” The smile that pulled at his lips was now teasing but Mei only felt sadness with it. “Bratty Prince.”
The phone call cut and Mei felt disoriented. It hadn’t felt like a mutual breakup at all, it had been more akin to Miyuki pushing him away again. For his benefit he said, but he wasn't sure. It couldn’t be. Mei felt himself being unable to really breath, his mind hazy and his thoughts a mess, his eyes burning with threats of tears.
But he didn’t cried. With his chin up he walked back to his room. Miyuki didn’t wanted to be together, oh well. He had no time to think about love, he had a lot of things that needed to be taken care of.
“What are you thinking about,” Miyuki voice drawled him out of his thoughts.
Mei blinked once, confused and then he looked back at the camera. Right, he couldn’t really see him. “Just of how much of an asshole you were.”
There was a simple hum as a reply but nothing more and Mei felt irritated.
The next song had already started and he had barely listen to it. It was upbeat and he rather liked it. The lyrics soon after started to make sense and he thought it rather fit Miyuki more than him. After all, he had a reputation to being heartless (heartless felt like an exaggeration to Mei. So he was not a very romantic person and liked to keep to himself more often than not, that didn’t made him heartless). He knew this. He knew about all the warnings and whispers and his terrible reputation; his overall nasty personality and romantic feelings being almost nonexistence.
Mei still went for it. Back when they had just started their second year in high school and had just started talking more often. After weeks of hanging out, he had blurted it out without a thought and MIyuki had laughed and teased him.
But he didn’t say no.
Even after they broke up, just a week later, they started to talk again like nothing had ever happened. It was as if they gravitated to each other. The only real difference being the absence of the rares I love you’s and kissy sounds to annoy and embarrass the other, no more I miss you whispered sometimes into the night. It almost felt like nothing had happened between them.
Except there was a hollow in Mei’s heart that was filled with sadness without him.
Maybe Miyuki felt it too, because before the year ended, quietly, without a word or warning, they felt back to rhythm of being in a relationship again and neither fought it.
It was a well thought out playlist, Mei thought impressed of how much effort it felt Miyuki put into it. Each song representing their history so far and even their future to some degree. It was so damn thoughtful, and he felt his heart flutter with happiness. He was sure he was smiling now but he didn’t mind it.
They remain quiet for the remaining of the playlist, letting the words of the song fill the silence and letting them speak. Mei thought how much he wanted to see his face right now again, and wondered if the songs reminded him of the same things they did for him but decided not to ask.
When the playlist finally ended, it became quiet for a second and then Mei broke into a laugh causing Miyuki to audibly groaned in embarrassment.
Mei knew he had to say goodbye soon enough. His tea had long had been ready and he had barely started his review. But he didn’t wanted to say goodbye or go back to the reality of mathematics and test and classes. It was nearing 3 AM and he was already tired, the logical part of his brain knew it was time to say goodbye, but this moments felt rare and he wanted to indulge in it just a little longer.
“Happy four year asshole.” Miyuki finally said after a silence with a smile. After another silence, a silence that Mei wanted to think was obvious hesitating he added. “I should leave you to study. It’s getting late.”
“No wait.” Mei said. They looked at each other again and it was silent. “I uh.” He wanted to say it but dammit was it hard to admit. Being vulnerable? romantic feelings? He never really knew how. “I miss you, okay? When are you going to come visit me, uh?” They both knew they were both too busy to visit each other. They were in season and on top of that, had classes. There was no time. Pushing it was useless, yet Mei couldn’t help himself. “I’m gonna dump you and find someone else. You’re too far. What am I-”
It was only when Miyuki laughed that Mei finally shut up to look at the other. “You’re so loud Mei.” He was now speaking so softly that he could barely hear him and he wondered if it was because he didn’t dare say I miss you too louder or because his roommate had quiet him down again.
Mei was sure his heart skipped a beat nonetheless but he only glared at the other, faking anger that he couldn’t be feeling right now. “Yeah well.” He said. “I have a game next week and I expect you here with cake.”
“Cake?” Miyuki laughed amused. “I ain’t getting you cake.”
“You’re a shitty boyfriend.” Mei pouted. “I want cake.” He insisted.
“Tell your other million boyfriends to give you cake then,” Miyuki challenged.
“I hate you.” Mei said. “You’re awful.”
“Thank you!” Miyuki laughed and Mei wanted to slap his face. His laugh quiet down to just a smile after he heard a soft groaning that sounded like “it’s three in the fucking morning Miyuki”. There was some mumbling on the background and Mei heard Miyuki apologize once again, turning away from the camera for a minute before the contour of his face came into view again.
“You made a playlist for me.” There was some teasing behind his words but Miyuki decided to ignore it in favor of that smile. It was closer to Mei’s smirk after he had striked out and completely fooled a batter, but in Miyuki’s opinion, it was the most beautiful and genuine smile Mei had. There was another laugh, he looked so happy, ridiculous happy. There was a red tint to his cheeks that Miyuki didn’t miss. “You”
“Okay, yeah,” Miyuki said.
His face disappeared from his view again and he heard him switch positions and soft steps. He was talking to someone again, and and then there was bright light. Mei saw Miyuki’s face for a second before images of the floor were shown. Just a second later, Miyuki’s face came into place. He appeared to be on the common area now, sitting on a bright orange desk, his head resting on his hand. He had his stupid hat on, just as Mei had predicted, some earphones on his ears. He would never say it but he was mildly disappointed that he was wearing his glasses again.
“Nori and Shirasu might had helped me out a bit.” He finally continued, a little louder now that he was out of his room. “They know about this sort of stuff.”
“So it was all Kawakami.” He barely knew Kawakami and more less Shirasu. They were sometimes mentioned of him what with Kawakami being Miyuki’s pitcher and close friend. Shirasu sometimes came into conversation too, though not as often as Kawakami. He had seen them once or twice when they had played against each other back in high school and once when they played against each other in college. There was a smug smile pulled to his lips but he didn’t mean any malice to his comment.
“Apparently sending you a playlist with dirty songs and meme’s” he said with a smirked as he pulled quotation marks on the next words, “is not romantic.”
“You’re helpless.”
“At least I remembered.” There was definitely a disgusting smirk to his lips now.
Mei made a face, rolling his eyes and sighing dramatically. “Neither of us really do romantic.” And he was right. There were rare moments of true romance in their four years in a relationship. Now with being apart, the moments became fewer.
There was seriousness to Miyuki’s face now as he looked at him pensive, as if deciding something in his head before saying it. Maybe that’s why neither did romance, he was too analytical, think things through before feelings could get out. Mei hated it.
Silence ruled over the room again for a moment and then quietly, barely above a whispered. “I love you.” There was a flash of surprise behind Miyuki’s glasses and it made Mei smirked with confidence. “I love you.” Just a little louder, possibly louder than it was probably needed but this time it made Miyuki smile a pleasant smile that he matched.
“Me too.” Miyuki was no longer looking at the screen, instead he was looking away somewhere in the room, his hand rubbing the back of his neck.
Mei visibly brighten, unconsciously bouncing in his chair as a smile spread into his lips. He would never get tired of hearing it. It made his heart flutter and twist happily. The reminder beep of his tea being done made him turn toward the machine and then back to Miyuki who was now giving him an even stare. “Don’t hang up.”The only acknowledgment he got from that was a simple nod. “My tea is done so I’m gonna go prepare my mug.” There was another nod before Mei left the chair and went to prepare it.
Mei put two sugars into the cup and with a spoon spin it until he was satisfied. He stretched his arms and caught a glance of the clock on the wall. It was now past 3 AM and there was still so much studying he needed to do. He knew he needed to say goodbye to Miyuki now and study but he didn’t wanted to. So he wasn’t going to.
Grabbing his cup, and some almonds along the way, he went back to the mess of a desk he was working on. He put the cup on the side and the plate with almonds next to it before he looked at the screen again. It seemed like he was reading something, his face serious and concentrated as he went through the text. He looked tired with the bags under his eyes, squinting at the screen with tired eyes and a yawn that escaped his lips.
Mei relished on the scene for a little longer before he said, “go to sleep, Kazuya.”
There was mild surprise and a laugh, his lips tugging into the slightest hint of a smile. “I thought you didn’t wanted me to hang up. Said you missed me oh so much. And loved me.”
“That doesn’t sound like me at all,” Mei scoffed. He didn’t liked the smirk that had formed in Miyuki’s lips nor the teasing. “Well,” he then drawled, looking at Miyuki in the eyes and matching the smirk. “If you want to hang with me that’s fine. I don’t blame you at all.” There was an unimpressed and impatient light to his eyes now and it only helped to stretch his smirk. “I’m just going to listen to the beautiful playlist my precious boyfriend did for me. All night.”
There was a disgusted groan now, and it made Mei laughed delighted, even a little proud. He went back to the playlist page without another word and hit play again, letting the song fill the silence as he looked victoriously at Miyuki through the camera.
It was halfway through the first song that Miyuki ended the call. There was a vague feeling of victory that was tainted with regret and sudden loneliness without Miyuki. He sighed, figuring that had been it for the talk today and minimized skype’s windows in favor of pulling his textbook webpage.
Not five minutes later, Mei jumped when a skype call appeared into his screen over his textbook page and over the songs in Miyuki’s playlist. He looked at it for a moment, paused the music and accepted the call with a smirk.
“You missed me?” It was dark again which meant Miyuki was back in his room, he could barely make out a soft snoring probably from his roommate's. He wasn’t entirely sure the camera was pointed toward him.
“No.” It was a whispered but it carried the annoyance nonetheless. There was a yawn before he continue. “Go study. You’re pretty bad at math and you need a miracle.”
“I got a hundred on my first test,” Mei huffed fully offended. Of course he failed to mentioned that he had barely passed the last one. Except, Miyuki already knew that, because he had complained to him the day results came back. There was a soft laugh that was muffled by either his hand or his covers and Mei felt annoyed again. “Stop distracting me then!”
“Do you really want me to hang up?” It was a true questions, without any teasing or joking behind the words.
“No.” The words slipped from his lips quickly, before he had to think about it. He didn't needed to think about it.
There was silence save for some sounds of movement in the bed Miyuki was lying. “Study.” Came the soft voice.
Mei nodded despite not being sure if Miyuki was even watching him anymore. It sounded like he had just position himself to sleep. He didn’t mind. After all it was the closest they had to sleeping next to each other and at this rate he would take it.
Since he couldn’t see Miyuki anymore, he closed the window again and restarted the playlist again. There was a soft little laugh that came from Miyuki and it made Mei laughed again. He was still relishing on the fact that Miyuki had made something for him, it made him happy. The sound of breathing could barely be heard behind the songs and Mei found it weirdly calming as he went through the problems.
It was almost exactly twenty minutes later that Mei heard the telltale soft snoring from Miyuki that was not quiet snoring nor loud breathing, but a weird mixture of both. It was ugly and too loud not to noticed. But right now it was cute.
A laugh escaped from his lips as he stretched out and saw the clock. It was almost 3:30 AM now and he was nowhere near done. Still, he found that the songs and Miyuki’s snoring help him feel less stressed out.
Maybe, even a little happy.