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The pain of losing a child had been more than Nadir could bear. A father shouldn’t have to have gazed down at his child’s limp body that he held in his arms. To feel your precious child’s skin run cold. To see their eyes closed and never open again. He did everything he could, but it wasn’t enough. Nadir selfishly hoped Reza would be able to stay longer, despite his pain, and enjoy time with his son a bit longer. Deep down Nadir knew that what happened was for the best. Reza had been suffering a lot these past few years, his passing was the first moment of peace he had ever had in his life. Erik made sure of that.
Nadir hadn’t seen Erik in over a week. He is sure that Erik simply wanted to give him space to grieve, but it has been lonely recently. He only left his bed to use the bathroom, other than that he has stayed conjoined with his bed. His servant, Darius, makes sure he eats and cares for him as much as he can. Nadir truly appreciated everything he had done, but his mind couldn’t help but drift off to Erik. Where has he been? Erik was usually bothering him every second of the day, but the moment his son died he disappeared. At first, he was okay with it. When Erik gave Reza the potion that made him pass away…he blamed him. It made him furious that his friend had killed his son, it hurt deeper than he could ever imagine. Nadir had time to process it better though, and he now realized that Erik only did what he thought was best. Nadir refused to deliver the miracle potion, so it made sense in Erik’s mind to do it for him. He understands that now, and is genuinely grateful he did it. He wouldn’t have been able to do it, even though it stopped all of Reza’s suffering. Erik did the right thing.
Nadir stared at the sliver of light that came in through his drawn curtains. The room had been cast in sorrow for too long, it had started to affect Nadir badly. He needed to talk to someone, he needed to talk to Erik. He groaned lowly as he slowly lifted himself out of his messy bed. His legs wobbled slightly as he stood, he grasped his nightstand to make sure he didn’t fall. The depressed man shuffled out of his room and entered the hallway. The bright light burns his eyes, he groaned again as he rubbed his eyes in an effort to see again. The silence of the home was unusual. No longer was there a child yelling out for his father or for the magician to come and do magic tricks. The air was still. The world was dull. It didn’t seem worth it to be awake anymore. Nadir almost gave up and went back to his bedroom, but the urge to see another human being was more important.
He was honestly a little worried to go out looking for Erik. That man was a troublemaker. He was always getting up to trouble and it was always something stressful that Nadir had to fix. If he did anything bad Nadir didn’t have the energy to fix it. A long sigh left his body; he had to hope for the best.
The room finally came into view. He never visited Erik’s room much, as usually it was the other way around. It felt good to do this, his room felt like a hellscape. He had to escape.
As he was about to knock he heard an awful sound: Erik crying. He listened for a few moments, with his ear against the door, to try and make sense of his friend’s miserable whimpers. His heart twisted in his chest. Did something happen?
He pulled his head away and knocked on the door. The whimpers from the other side of the door immediately stop. He heard the noise of rustling blankets and then a nervous voice, “Who’s there?”
Clearly, he didn’t expect any company right now. Nadir’s weak voice does its best to talk louder than a mumble, “It’s me. Please let me in, Erik.”
Erik gasped and opened the door without a second thought. His red eyes met Nadir’s eyes accompanied by eye bags. Erik looked nervous at the appearance of his friend. “You should be resting,” he whispered with concern. Nadir shook his head, “That’s all I’ve been doing. I had enough. I had to come and see you, and I’m glad I did. Why were you crying?” His soft hand caressed Erik’s arm gently, Erik wanted to fall into his arms but he held back.
A pitiful chuckle escaped him, “You’re here to comfort me when I should be comforting you.” He buried his face in his hand and he wiped away the tears on his cheeks as he laughed softly. Without looking, Erik took a few steps backward and sat down on his bed. Nadir followed him and sat beside him. “You ignored me,” Nadir mumbled with slight annoyance.
Erik’s hand moved down and then he turned his head to face the lonely father. They stared at each other silently. Nadir waited for him to answer while Erik refused to do so. Erik studied the other man’s face. The light left his eyes and instead enveloped him with darkness. His face is paler than usual and holds a deep frown; he has a feeling he won’t be able to see his smile for a while. He missed it. While Erik watched him Nadir studied his face too, his eyes trailed over the deformity that never frightened him, he only loved it. Eventually, Erik’s eyes moved back up to meet Nadir’s again. His heart pumped wildly in his chest. His hands trembled slightly as he kept the information hidden behind his lips, but he shouldn't hold it back anymore. His voice broke as he whispered just as soft as a cool wind, “Reza.”
Nadir sucked in his breath at the mention of that name. Guilt washed over Erik simply for even saying it. He’s supposed to be helping him, not bringing him more pain. Nadir knows this man too well, he can read his thoughts without a word being said. He placed his hand gently over Erik’s cold skinny hand, “Tell me more. It’s okay, I promise. I want to know what you’re feeling.” His comfort certainly helped. So many emotions have been pooling up inside of him, the levee will break from this hurricane.
“I killed him!” Erik sobbed out loudly. The tears from earlier visit again and then rolled down his cheeks like a waterfall. His hand pulled away from Nadir and gripped his chest instead. He choked on his feelings as they tried to come out all at once, “I have killed many people…mostly without a thought. A child…I have never killed a child before. Even worse it was your son, you are the person who means everything to me, and yet I have done the worst thing imaginable to you. Why don’t you hate me?” He gazed down, doing his best to avoid the other man’s eyes, and held onto the covers on the bed. He rocked back and forth slowly to comfort himself. He continued to mumble to himself as he rocked, “I’m sorry. I can’t do that ever again. That poor child.”
Nadir let a few tears of his own roll down his cheeks. Erik has already gone through so much, and now he has pushed this burden onto his shoulders. He should have never brought him here. “I could never hate you, Erik. Never. You didn’t kill him…you helped him. He was in so much pain, I know you saw it in his eyes, he always smiled through his pain. He’s not in pain any more thanks to you, I’m happy you did what you did. He is with Allah now. He is with his maman now. It was for the best.”
Erik’s sobs slowed down and he looked over, he frowned as he watched his friend cry. Nadir hid himself away after his son’s death, so he never really saw him cry much before. It was startling to watch such a put-together man break down in front of him. Nadir bawled out, “I know it was his time, but I miss him so badly. He was all I had left of my wife. My precious boy…I am so alone.” The grieving father hid his face in his shaking hands as he sobbed even harder. It stunned Erik. He didn’t know what to do. He took a slow breath in as he remembered what Nadir would do for him when he was upset…he would do that.
Erik moved in closer and held Nadir to his chest. Nadir wrapped his arms around Erik’s waist firmly, the grasp made Erik gasp. He doesn’t like being this close to a person…unless it’s Nadir. He always craved to be as close as possible to him. His hand rubbed Nadir’s back comfortingly, “You are not alone, you have me.” Nadir’s grip tightened as he cried in his shoulder, “I’m so lucky to have you, Erik. You mean so much to me.”
Erik was stunned again. Lucky? No one had ever been lucky to be in his presence. He was the lucky one to get to be with Nadir. He was pulled out of his thoughts as Nadir nuzzled his face closer. It seemed as if he was trying to hide away from the world, or perhaps get closer to his world. Erik slowly lay backward on the bed while holding Nadir to him. They grieved together…not alone anymore.