Chapter Text
With his eyes glued to the huge stack of paperwork on his desk, Jimmy is barely able to put 2 and 2 together, he can’t even make out the words on the page. He knows it’s medical related, obviously, but he can’t seem to comprehend much. It’s not really his fault. Anyone would be in the same boat as him if their partner hasn’t answered their call for the 7th time in 2 hours. Sure, Sea was busy the whole day working on his major project for the art gallery but it’s been 2 hours and he’s getting worried. The last message he got from him was over 2 and a half hours ago when he told him he’ll take a break after lunch and ride his motorbike to unwind.
This project is really important to Sea, he’s been waiting for an opportunity like this ever since he graduated from college, and he’s finally got it, so it’s normal for him to get a little stressed. Which is why Jimmy decided to leave him be and not bother him, especially when he was on the road. Safety first, Sea, as he keeps reminding him in case he forgets. He does that sometimes.
“Jesus Sea where the hell are you?” He paces back and forth in his office waiting for his 8th call to ring out, his heart racing, panic building up and eating at him. His phone keeps ringing, five, six, seven times before it goes straight to voicemail.
‘Hiii this is Sea, if you know me, you know what to do. If not, leave your name and number and I’ll call you back when I can but don’t hold your breath. Beeeeep.’ Jimmy hears his husband’s familiar giggle after imitating the beeping sound himself, and instead of making him feel warm as it usually does, he feels sick, his gut feeling telling him something is wrong.
"Sea baby where are you? I’m worried sick! Call me back! Now !” He leaves the message and ends the call. He paces back and forth some more, trying to think. He’s about to end his shift early to go home and check on him but he suddenly remembers his husband’s location is always shared with his.
He fumbles on his phone looking for his maps and finds it eventually. It was right there the whole time but his brain isn’t functioning today, not when he’s this anxious.
He waits for Sea’s location to load, and he prays so hard that it works, that Sea didn’t turn it off that one time when they had a fight about Sea’s ex. He was invited to his high school reunion by one of his very close friends and Jimmy got worried when it was getting late and Sea didn’t answer his calls or messages, basically asking him if he wanted Jimmy to pick him up. So what did he do? He decided to just venture over there and pick him up anyway, even if he wasn’t done. He’d just sit in his car and wait until he was.
When he got there, however, he saw his husband talking to a guy outside, and Jimmy found out it was none other than Ohm, Sea’s ex-boyfriend himself, drinking and talking like they’re good old buddies with no history whatsoever. He trusts Sea, of course he does. Ohm, not so much. Although his husband has pure intentions, he still wasn’t comfortable with the way his ex was so-obviously flirting with him, right in front of him. Okay, not in front of him but still. It’s even worse if you ask him. Doing it behind his back like a dirty little secret, and Sea is completely oblivious to Ohm’s attempts, as he always is when someone is interested in him, he knows because he was the centre of that obliviousness way back when.
Long story short, Jimmy decided to join whatever was left of the party, introducing himself to Ohm as Sea’s very possessive husband, which resulted in Sea glaring at him and feeling so embarrassed he rushed out of the party with Jimmy looking angry as hell. He was huffing and puffing in the car all the way home, waiting until they were inside before Sea unleashed his wrath. They had a big fight that night, which rarely happened, but it was still a big deal because Sea felt hurt, he felt betrayed somehow, giving Jimmy a huge lecture about ‘privacy’ and wanting some ‘space’ for himself, and that’s when he made a fuss about sharing his location.
Sea told him he’ll turn it off for good because ‘you just gotta trust me,’ he said. The idea itself is utterly ridiculous because he does trust him. That’s not even the reason he wanted their location shared. Jimmy is a doctor and he sees a lot of crap, a lot of horrible accidents that could have definitely been avoided so pardon him for being a little mother hen with his younger, a tad carefree, husband.
He explained all of his fears to Sea, he remembers it very clearly but an angry Sea is a sulky Sea, and a sulky Sea doesn’t listen to reason. He just does what he wants.
That was over 6 months ago. But now, standing here in the hospital, in the suffocating confines of his office, he stares at his phone, and hopes, prays, that Sea was able to see sense after he calmed down that night and actually turned it back on.
His heart sinks when nothing comes up for a few seconds. The error message so clear on the screen, he’s about to panic even more when he realises the internet connection here is shit. He tries again and that’s when he sees it. Sea’s location pops up on his screen, showing him the red little pin of his whereabouts. “Oh thank God,” he breathes out in relief, but then he zooms in on the address and for the life of him he can’t decipher where it is. It looks like a remote area to him because there’s barely any roads or side streets around it. “What the hell is he doing there?” He mutters, a little confused on why his husband would go to that place, deserted as it looks. He feels a little better when he realises that the service might be almost non-existent there, which is why he probably didn’t answer any of his calls. But thank God it was enough for his location to be updated, otherwise he would be crazy worried. Actually, scratch that. He’s still crazy worried.
Jimmy has half a brain to grab his keys before walking out, leaving his stack of paperwork behind. When his head is in another place, especially when it comes to Sea, his professionalism goes out the window. He walks out in a hurry, jogging past the swarm of nurses and doctors in the emergency department until he spots Namtan, his best friend and colleague, currently buried in a patient’s chart, scribbling a few things before handing it to the nurse below her. “Here you go, just make sure you give him 81mg of the aspirin, and monitor him every couple of hours. Thanks View.”
“Nam, hey.” Jimmy comes over to her, panting and looking a little flushed, “I need to leave, now. I gotta cut my shift short I’m sorry.”
“Hey hey, calm down Jimmy, what happened?” She moves them to a spot where it’s not so crowded.
“It’s Sea, I,” he takes a deep breath. “I’ve been calling him non stop and he hasn’t answered any of my calls so I checked his location and, here...look.”
He hands her his phone and she zooms in like he did. “Huh? What is this place? It looks deserted.”
Jimmy nods in agreement, “exactly! What is he doing there? Nam, what if something happened? I sent him so many messages, called him a gazillion times, and I know, I know he’s bad at replying but he’s never went that long without a message at least.”
“Alright, how about you go there and check on him. If there’s something wrong, just call the ambulance or bring him here and...” She scoffs at herself, “you know what to do.” She shakes her head for stating the obvious, here she is explaining to another doctor what he needs to do if someone is hurt, his life partner no less. “Anyway, go, get outta here, I’ll take care of your patients for you. Just...keep me updated alright.”
Jimmy is reluctant to leave, he looks around and sees how busy it’s getting here, he feels horrible for leaving but he knows he’s gotta. “Well, what about my paperwork, I have so much to-” his friend cuts him off and tells him not to worry because she’ll take care of that too. He thanks her and leaves without looking back, because if he does, he’ll feel guilty as hell.
‘In 600 metres, turn right to Mittraphap Road.’ Jimmy drives ahead as per his car’s GPS instructions.
‘In 100 metres, take a slight left.’
‘You have reached your destination.’
It takes Jimmy around 15 minutes to get there. He parks the car and turns off the engine. He gets out in his haste and looks around the vast, abandoned area. It’s a pretty wide road, the air here is stuffy, the blazing sun so hot he can feel his sweat trickling down his forehead. His panic doesn’t help either. He checks his phone again while he looks around, and there’s no sign of his husband anywhere.
He walks around further down the road where there’s a few shrubs on either side and he sees a still figure in the distance. He walks closer, stepping over the dead plants and what he sees in front of him almost gives him a heart attack.
He stands there, frozen, his blood drains from his face as the blurry figure from before clears, lying limp on the deserted muddy ground beneath him. Jimmy just stands there, mouth agape as he stares down at Sea’s injured, bloody body. Oh God. His body looks bruised, scathed, no sign of his alive and vibrant Sea that was once full of life.
No. Not when he’s not responding to Jimmy’s touches, not when he can’t feel his tears mixing with his bloody face. Everything feels surreal, like it’s not real life anymore. Like Jimmy is stuck in a nightmare he can’t wake up from. No, no. He keeps repeating in his head, refusing to believe it. As if all this horror will magically disappear and he’ll be back in his bed, plastered to Sea’s back where he belongs. Safe and sound and loved, with not so much as a nick on his body.
But that’s not the reality. It’s much, much more horrific and grim. Not even his wildest nightmares could compare.
“Sea!! Baby oh God, what, what happened to you?? Sea?? Sea can you hear me??” Jimmy shakes him awake, trying to rouse him like he usually does when he sleeps in too much after a night of too much fun. But he’s not sleeping in, not this time, not when he looks dead, when he looks so lifeless Jimmy fears it’s the end. His doctor composure drains from him the way his blood did.
As soon as he realises Sea’s not responding, Jimmy feels for his weak pulse then puts his ear to his mouth to check if he’s breathing, and he is, but only just. The faint puff of air from his lips can barely be felt but Jimmy feels it anyway. He whispers a thank God as he calls the ambulance, and he realises that his weak connection theory was wrong all along. The paramedics tell him they’ll be there in a few minutes and now all they gotta do is wait. In the meantime, Jimmy tries to do anything in his power to wake Sea up. He brings a few water bottles and blankets from his car along with his first aid kit. He always has a few in there.
He loosens Sea’s clothes to give him room to breathe better, taking off his belt and unbuttoning his shorts and shirt. The temperature here is scorching, and Jimmy can tell for sure his husband is dehydrated because his body barely has any sweat left to produce. He wipes him down the best he can, making sure to be gentle when he wipes his brows with the wet cloth.
After he’s done cleaning some of the shallow wounds, he scans him for any other serious injuries or broken bones and he suspects that his left leg is broken because it’s looking all swollen and bruised, the shape of it odd and out of place. His skin there is also broken so that’s another tell. He makes sure not to move it at all, it’s best to wait for help to arrive.
If he knew this would be the outcome of his concern, he would have called the ambulance on his way here. You can’t blame him really, he wasn’t in his right state of mind. How could he have known that their normal day would lead to this? Everything was fine, great even. They had breakfast together, and they took their time because Sea decided he wanted to wake up early to spend more time with his husband. Jimmy kissed his lips then, lingering there a little too long before letting go. He embraced him and took a deep whiff of his head, like he likes to do before he leaves for work, telling him he has a surprise for him, to which Sea’s eyes widened in excitement because he loves surprises. The fact that it’s their 4 year anniversary escaping his mind that day because his head was in the clouds, he was so deep in thought over his first ever major project for the art museum, so it was kinda understandable why he was forgetful that morning. Jimmy would never hold that against him, he knows Sea loves him just as much as he does, maybe less than he does, because Jimmy is so head over heels in love he thinks it’s finally time he got treated for it.
And look them now, lying on the muddy ground in the middle of no where, one broken and barely breathing, the other wishing he’d take his place. He would, in a heartbeat. Both waiting for the ambulance to come and rescue them both when they should be a few hours away from dining in Sea’s favourite restaurant. The whole situation reeks of universal intervention. It’s ironic because right now all he can do is curse himself for opening his mouth before leaving that morning. Let’s hope nothing bad happens to ruin my plans for tonight. He said, to which Sea punched his arm lightly and told him not to speak of such things. Stop it. If you keep saying it, it might manifest . He has no idea how painfully right he was. Jimmy breaks down and cries, hovering over his husband like his tears are apologising for what he’s done.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” His voice breaks, his sobs unheard in the deadly silence around them. “It’s all my fault, I did this to you, I’m sorry baby.”
His body is shaking, his heart breaking when he looks up and sees something in the corner of his eye. He was so devastated by what happened to Sea that he didn’t notice there’s a bike toppled over a few metres away, and a few seconds in eyeing it from afar, he realises it’s Sea’s. His husband tends to get stressed pretty easily, especially when it comes to his art, and the only thing he likes to do to unwind besides being intimate with Jimmy, is riding his bike into the night and not caring where it takes him. He feels so free it feels like I’m flying, Jimmy. He used to say.
Sitting here now, he wishes he could turn back time so he stands his ground when Sea asked for his permission. Well, not really his permission, Sea always did what he wanted. It was more of a redundant request, to assure him it was safe.
It’s 100% safe honey, I promise.
I will never ever speed, I promise,
I’ll have a helmet on. How much safer could it be?
I’m a great rider, don’t worry.
He used to argue when Jimmy was still worried.
He was too anxious to say yes because of the number of accidents he witnessed in the ER, and he can tell you, helmets barely did anything for his poor patients, most of them injured so badly they needed a couple of surgeries. Thankfully, none of them died.
After constant pleading and safety demonstrations from Sea’s end, Jimmy finally relented. That was over a year ago, so Jimmy kinda came to the conclusion that he was wrong to worry that much....until now.
The ambulance finally arrives within a few minutes of Jimmy’s tears drying up. He caresses Sea’s hair gently, a hint of a touch, like brushing his hair will cause him to flinch and jump up from the pain, wishful thinking if you asked him, because the way it’s looking right now, Sea won’t be regaining consciousness for a while. He’s a doctor after all, and he’s witnessed many similar cases first hand. He just hopes there’s no internal bleeding or permanent damage that could turn their life upside down. If he only knew.
The paramedics arrive with their stretchers and carefully lift Sea over to the ambulance after Jimmy gives them a list of the injuries. “Be careful with his left leg Ploy. It’s, uh, broken badly.” He tells them, trying to maintain his composure in front of them. There’s two paramedics who responded to this call and both of them have worked plenty of times with Jimmy. They’re pretty close acquaintances in fact, which is why they’re being extra careful with Sea’s unconscious body. They try to assure him with comforting words, like they do with any patient’s family, but quickly shut their mouths because this isn’t any patient. It’s Jimmy’s partner, and that makes it a lot harder to say anything. So they opt to buckling him up in the van to do their job.
It feels a little awkward doing it when a doctor is right there but Jimmy just brushes off their hesitation because honestly, he’s not sure he can thread a needle right now when Sea is in this pitiful state. They administer a small percentage of a saline solution in his vein to help with his dehydration and place a splint on his injured leg to support the ends of his broken bones.
Jimmy watches everything unfold until they’re ready to drive to the hospital. He sits right next to Sea on the way there and holds his lifeless hand in his, softly caressing his fingers like he’s assuring him, comforting him, ‘ everything will be okay,’ he whispers, even when he knows Sea can’t feel a thing, and probably won’t for a while.
It’s been 10 days since Sea was admitted to the hospital and he’s shown no sign of waking up. His physical injuries were healing quite nicely. His cast leg is slowly healing, his cuts closing, his bruises fading into a yellowish colour as the days go by. His brain, however, has shown no improvement.
As soon as he was admitted, Jimmy ordered a big number of tests to make sure there wasn’t anything serious like internal bleeding or anything that needed surgery. Blood tests, x-rays, head scans, you name it. Everything came out normal, except for the fractured bone on Sea’s left leg which wasn’t worrying; it’ll heal in a few weeks eventually. What really worried him was the head scan he was still waiting for, until it finally came out and Namtan showed him the result. Sea’s head injury was so severe, it led to a bad concussion, which damaged the cerebral cortex part of his brain. Which is why he’s lying there all comatose and unresponsiveness, except with the help of the countless machines and breathing tube connected to his body, to help him breathe and maintain his oxygen levels. To keep him alive basically. Only just.
Namtan took over some of Jimmy’s patients for the time being, along with a few other doctors who offered to help so he could focus solely on Sea’s condition. He couldn’t focus on anyone else anyway, and he definitely doesn’t feel comfortable leaving him in another doctor’s hands. No offence. So he decided to stay in the hospital and try to figure out a way to wake him up, sleep and food be damned. He’ll try, even if it meant him staying awake for hours right next to him, sitting on the visitors’ stiff chair and diving deep into the internet spiral of the medical world, researching medical journals and cases of people who were able to wake up from their coma, whether it was months or even years later. His heart clenches thinking about the latter, what if it actually takes Sea years to wake up? Or worse, what if he never does?
He develops an obsession in finding a cure and this goes on for a few more weeks. It’s now been a month since the accident and Sea still hasn’t woken up, and Jimmy’s already lost hope, so soon, until one night.
It’s really late at night and Jimmy’s sleeping in his chair that has become his bed, laying his head on the space next to his husband’s uninjured leg when he finally feels it. Jimmy’s always been a light sleeper, always expecting an emergency call from the hospital tends to do that to you, and it’s gotten worse since the accident. He’s never fallen asleep really, mainly just dozing on and off in case Sea wakes up. And tonight’s no exception. He feels a little twitch close to his head, barely there but he still feels it.
He snaps his eyes open and stands up abruptly sliding the chair back, the remanent sleep is shaken from his body as he scans Sea’s body again, from head to toe, and gets nothing. He’s still as the day he found him. He thinks his wishful senses are betraying him yet another night but it happens again. A slight jerk in Sea’s right knee, and Jimmy just stares at it, like he’s just witnessing a miracle. And he is. The possibility of Sea waking up is a miracle in and of itself.
“Oh God, it can’t be,” he breathes out, putting his hands together almost in prayer, and muttering pleases and pleading to the karmic laws of the universe to manifest his one and only wish. He’ll be damned if he ever opened his mouth and tempted fate again.
For the next few minutes, Sea doesn’t move a muscle. Jimmy keeps looking at him, pacing around the room and monitoring him closely, but Sea just lies there, sleeping and relaxed, almost – nothing would give any indication otherwise, if it wasn’t for the ventilator helping help breathe, the tube so far down his windpipe Jimmy knows it will cause him pain once he wakes up. He’s okay with that though, it’s a small price they have to pay to get him back to the world of the living.
The beeping sound of the monitor is deafening among the silence, especially at night, when the noise outside the room is creepy quiet, which is normal – this is the ICU after all so any sound should be dialed down as much as possible, save for a few approaching footsteps here and there of course. Jimmy eventually relinquishes his efforts and drags his feet over to the side of the bed. He hovers his hand over Sea’s rising and falling chest, so close – an inch away from his body as he follows the rhythmic movement, the whooshing sound of the ventilator raises and lowers in its loudness as it cycles, in sync with Sea’s chest; like a computer operating on autopilot, not exactly aware or in control.
Jimmy just wants to be close, in any way he can, he misses his partner and it breaks his heart every minute he’s not awake. He’s not sure how much more he can take - he wrestles with his inner demons but it’s a useless battle, because he’ll wait, he'll wait until he can’t wait anymore, which will never happen. He will never forsake his lover, his soulmate. His own life and health be damned. In his effort to be close, Jimmy brushes a few hairs away from Sea’s forehead, a couple of strands hanging on his soft eyelids like they’re offending him by staying there, causing him discomfort and pain more than his injuries.
It’s been a very slow journey to acceptance on Jimmy’s part - accepting that Sea is in a coma, never the possibility that he’ll be comatose forever. He’ll never fail him again.
He takes his seat again and moves it closer until he can gently hold Sea’s limp hand.
“Sea, baby,” his voice is full of anguish, it’s painful to speak, to breathe. “I need you to wake up for me, please, please just, just open your eyes. That’s all I ask. Just show me you’re still in there somewhere, that I’m not gonna...lose you.”
He sniffs, his eyes brimming with tears, and it’s become a daily habit at this point. He’s not sure how it’s possible with how dehydrated he probably is by now, taking small sips and bites from the lunch Namtan keeps pestering him with, you’re not helping anyone looking like this, she said. Do it for Sea, she said, when she doesn’t even know this is exactly why he’s doing it; he’s punishing himself for not knowing this would happen, for neglecting Sea even for one second, for not knowing where his soulmate is even if they’re apart. It’s cheesy, yes, but it still eats at him.
He’s about to let go of Sea’s hand to place it gently right next to his leg when he feels it; a tiny flutter in his hand, his index and middle fingers trying to move against Jimmy’s hand but only just, like a trigger made it happen. Jimmy draws his hand back slowly to see it for himself. And there it is, Sea’s fingers are twitching every few seconds and Jimmy’s breath comes out in pants, he can’t believe his eyes. He looks up to Sea's face, to see if there’s any signs there, something to give him a thread of hope that this is happening.
He comes closer to his face, leaning in to hopefully find even the slightest movement in his facial muscles. He waits a minute or two, just staring, his gaze alternating between his face and his fingers but mainly focused on his face. He waits a little more – the breathing machine is now louder than his own heartbeats, making a continuous whooshing sound – whoosh, pause, whoosh, pause.
Jimmy gulps loudly, nervous and scared and hopeful and in love all at once, and he keeps muttering something not even understandable to his own ears, but he does see something. Sea’s eyelids start fluttering, his eyelashes resting so peacefully on his upper cheekbones when the fluttering stops and starts a few times. With his hand on his own heart, the doctor watches as Sea slowly opens his eyes, struggling to open them even halfway at first but they eventually open the best they could, his heavy lids making them droopy and hazy, and Jimmy knows that’s a side effect of the month long coma he went under, not to mention the heavy doses of medication he needed to continuously administer to prevent infections and other conditions.
As soon as Sea opens his eyes, Jimmy can see the building panic in his face; the way he keeps flickering his eyes left and right with what little strength he has makes him hyperaware of his distress. “Oh God, oh my God Sea, baby wait...I got you, wait one second!”
In his shock at Sea waking up so suddenly, Jimmy failed to realise Sea is about to choke on his breathing tube if he didn’t remove it soon. He calls for Namtan and a couple of nurses to come in and help him.
“Jimmy oh gosh, Sea’s awake???” Namtan rushes in the room, her heart is racing as she takes in Sea’s state. She’s not expecting an answer from Jimmy but she asks anyway. A couple of nurses join her a few seconds later to start pulling out the breathing tube when Sea starts coughing up, as much as he could with the tube assaulting his throat.
“Jimmy, I need you to leave, now!” Namtan uses her firm tone with him like she does when a patient’s family isn’t responding. “Jimmy are you hearing me??” She grabs him by the shoulders and shakes him a little when he simply stares at Sea’s panicked state, his body jerking and gagging. “Jimmy!” He finally snaps his attention back to her, looking as dazed as Sea does. “You need to leave, please. I got this.” She whispers, her tone gentle this time.
Jimmy nods, thankful, close to breaking when he finally leaves. He hears stifled noises behind the walls of the room and he walks backwards and away from the door because he needs some space to process this. He keeps walking around like he doesn’t know where he’s going, like it's his first time working here, until he gets to the empty break room and closes the door. His breath shaky, he slides down the door and tips his head back against the cold surface because his legs can longer hold him up. He sits there and buries his face in his hands when he finally breaks. He cries. He cries until his tears dry up, until his throat is as hoarse and chafing as Sea's must be right this second.
He doesn’t know how long he sits there on the cold hard floor but it’s definitely a while. He hears a knock on the door and stands abruptly to pat his coat down before opening it – it's Nam.
“Jimmy, it’s done we’ve removed everything, you can see him.” Jimmy nods.
They walk in the hallway on their way back and Nam warns Jimmy that Sea is very confused and disoriented and that he should be ready for it. Jimmy understands of course. He’s a doctor after all but he’s grateful his best friend treats him like any patient’s family member, it makes him feel like he can unload a little, to hand over the reins to someone else for a bit.
“Jimmy, I have a few patients I need to check on,” his friend checks her watch when they stand outside Sea’s room. “You’re okay to take it from here? If you’re not I can get someone to cover me.”
Jimmy gives her a warm smile, “I’m okay Nam thanks. You’ve already done enough. I really appreciate it.”
She gives him a comforting hug and leaves him to it. He enters the room slowly, feeling happy and relieved he’s got Sea back where he belongs. He knows he must be feeling so scared, and he knows it’ll take him a while to adjust but it’s okay. That’s why God sent him to Sea, so he can love him and take care of him, and that will never change. As long as they’re together, it will all be okay.
The nurse that is still there when he comes in, finally leaves once she’s changed Sea’s dressing and IV drip, and there he is. Sitting there looking all confused just like Nam said, looking around like he doesn’t know where he is. Jimmy walks over to him hesitantly, measuring his steps like he’s approaching a spooked animal.
“Sea?” He whispers. Sea turns his head slowly and looks at Jimmy, knitting his eyebrows. “Sea, God, how are you feeling?”
“Uhh,” Sea tries to talk but his throat doesn’t let him. He clears his throat and tries one more time, “Wh-where am I?” He asks like he’s drunk.
Jimmy sits on the chair next to him and stops himself from holding Sea’s hand. He wants to assess his situation first, because more often than not coma patients lose a few chunks of their short-term memory so he may not even remember how his accident happened.
“You’re in the hospital, in Bangkok, you had a very bad accident.” Sea looks away, muttering something like accident, Bangkok. “Hey, do you know what month we’re in?” Jimmy asks softly.
Sea turns his head to the question, “I-I don’t....know.”
Jimmy breathes out, he tries to control the anxious feeling he feels in his gut, but ignores it for his husband’s sake. “Do you know what year we’re in?” It’s a just a routine question, most comatose patients lose few days or weeks of their memory, never longer than that, unless the damage is so severe that it requires surgery.
“It’s, ah, 20, 20...” Sea rubs his head weakly like he’s trying to push out his memories.
“It’s okay if you don’t remember, this is normal after-” Sea finally answers and cuts him off, and Jimmy wishes he never did.
“20...17?” Sea looks at the canula on his arm like it's the most interesting thing in this room.
2017? He thinks we’re in 2017?
No. It can’t be. That’s impossible. Jimmy sits there, frozen as Sea looks at him, waiting for a confirmation that yes, this year is indeed 2017 but how can he? How can Jimmy answer that question? How can he say it when he didn’t even exist in Sea’s life in that damned year?
Jimmy gets up and paces around the room nervously, he can feel Sea’s tired eyes following him, looking more confused than he did before. The doctor risks a glance to Sea’s face, who’s waiting for an answer, and his heart clenches in pain for him, he can’t imagine how he must be feeling. He comes closer to the bed and asks him one last question, just to disprove his own theory and put his heart at ease.
“Sea, do you know who I am?” He smiles when he asks, like he’s actually saying, you do know who I am.
Sea swallows a few times and throws the answer at him like it means nothing, like it’s a given. “You’re my doctor.”
Jimmy stumbles but holds on to the foot of the bed before he falls, his world turning upside down as he stands there, numb and heartbroken and trying to mask it all.
“Sea, and I’m sorry to say this but we’re not in 2017. It’s 2024.” Jimmy finally reveals, and Sea’s eyes sober up a little because of the shocking news, shaking his head like he refuses to accept this as the truth. He mutters a no a few times like he can just make all of this disappear. His doctor comes closer to him, closer than personally comfortable before another reveal leaves him speechless. “Sea, I’m,” he takes in a shaky breath in before he answers. “I’m your husband.”
“I’m your husband.” Said the doctor; the total stranger he only met upon waking up. The blood drains from Sea's face, the ringing in his ears muffling the older man’s words as his lips move. He sits there pale and lost, unable to absorb this situation, his heart can’t comprehend it. He feels like he’s been thrown 7 years into the future, with no compass and no chance for him to ease his heart and body into it. How is it possible that a huge chunk of his memories were erased? It’s not possible. It can’t be.
He cannot accept that he’s a 25 year old living in 2024. He’s only 18 years old, at least that’s how he feels. He’s a college student, he has a life outside of this...mess this doctor calls his life. He’s an art student currently studying to get his dream job, he was just accepted at one of the top universities in this country and he has his whole life ahead of him. He has everything he ever dreamed of, all planned out and ready, not to mention his boyfriend, Ohm .
Oh no. His boyfriend.
What happened to him? Are they even still together? Of course not. How could they be? He’s married, apparently, to someone so much older than him , his 18 year old brain grumbles, stubborn as ever.
“Sea, I’m sorry I know this is all too much for you. I can’t even begin to know how you feel right now. But, please, just, don’t shut me out.” Jimmy watches his younger husband trying to process this information, and failing, judging by his reaction and the way he stares at his hands like they hold the source of his salvation.
Sea looks up at him, slowly, his eyes telling Jimmy that he probably heard nothing of what he just said. He shakes his head a few times, clenching his fists by his side and scrunches his eyes shut. “No, no, no, I can’t...this is, no, I-I'm not, this is not...”
“Sea, please calm down, just, take it easy I know this is..”
“No! You don’t know anything!” Sea snaps, and Jimmy stumbles back. “You’re not my husband, you’re not. I don’t know who you are I just met you, I have a boyfriend, a boyfriend who loves me, we’ve been together for a long time and I miss him, I miss him so much, I want him here, I...” Sea rambles on and the more he talks the louder he gets, his voice breaking at the end when he can’t possibly say anymore. He knows he’s spewing nonsense, he knows because he’s so confused that even his memories from the year he thinks they’re in are jumbled up together and he can’t exactly make out the sequence and details of it all.
He glances up once he’s said enough and finds his doctor standing there, his tears sliding down his face, silent, mute, and Sea’s heart somehow twists inside, like he hates seeing this man cry even when he doesn’t know his name. It’s a strange, gnawing feeling and he just wants to disappear. He needs to get out of this hospital now and find Ohm, find his parents. Anyone he still remembers.
Sea turns his head away from the man’s pitiful eyes, he can’t stand to look at him. He closes his eyes and tries to control his breathing and his fuming anger at himself, at the universe, at God, at this impersonator who calls himself his husband. He needs to be alone or he'll go insane. Not that he's that far off.
“Leave me!” Sea snaps through his teeth, still not ready to face his doctor, as handsome and gorgeous as he is, and he hates himself for that fleeting inappropriate thought.
“Sea, please...” Jimmy whispers.
Sea looks at him and yells. “GO!” He screams out but his voice only comes out hoarse and weak, and yet it breaks Jimmy’s heart in half. He’s never heard Sea scream at him like that, not even when Sea thought Jimmy cheated on him years ago and it all turned out to be a horrible misunderstanding.
Either way, and as gut-wrenching as it may be, if that’s what Sea wants right now he’ll do it. The person on the bed may be his husband, but he’s not Sea’s. Not anymore.
To Be Continued~