Chapter Text
"Chakotay to Janeway."
...
"Chakotay to Janeway."
"Mrrf."
"Chakotay to the captain, please respond."
"I'm here, I'm here. I had toothpaste in my mouth."
"Sorry to interrupt. I get worried when you don't respond."
"Don't I always respond eventually?"
"When you take that long, I start to wonder if I should come check up on you."
"I was only incommunicado for a few seconds. I like to wait a little before I spit."
"Ahhhh...um, well, if you had toothpaste in your mouth, this is obviously not a good time."
"On the contrary, I'm done in the bathroom and have nothing left to do before bed. What's on your mind?"
"Nothing that can't wait until morning. I had a thought about the plasma chamber monitor...it wasn't important. I shouldn't have bothered you."
"It's no bother. Though I am surprised you were thinking about it at this hour."
"Yes, well."
"You must have been pretty bored if you got this excited about warp plasma."
"Just a momentary lapse. I'll see you in the morning, Captain."
"Chakotay, have I been working you too hard?"
"Captain?"
"It sounds pretty bad, if you're spending your evenings worrying about engineering problems. Did you get a break at all today?"
"Not much. But I don't think you did either. You were in your ready room until at least nineteen hundred hours."
"I was avoiding Neelix's hair pasta with leola broth, and trying to figure out what's causing the energy spikes we've been seeing in the replicator system's matter processors. I don't want them to start spitting out random particles."
"Did you eat dinner?"
"Coffee and caramel brownies. You?"
"I ate the hair pasta. Tuvok invited me to sit down with him, I could hardly say no without being rude."
"I'm glad the two of you are more social."
"We aren't. He wanted to discuss a problem he's having with a crewman who used to serve on the Maquis ship. Apparently she's depressed. The Doctor is concerned. Tuvok thought that perhaps security should be monitoring her."
"What did you tell him?"
"I told him to leave her the hell alone."
"I see. Why wasn't I informed?"
"I didn't really think it necessary to bring it to your attention. One unhappy crewmember..."
"Chakotay, this is exactly the sort of thing I need to stay on top of. Personally. You know as well as I do that sometimes something as simple as a little personal attention from the captain can transform the way crewmembers think about their work."
"This isn't a work problem. She's got a husband in the Alpha Quadrant she misses terribly."
"She's certainly not alone in that. Didn't we set up a support group for crewmembers separated from their spouses?"
"Over a year ago. That's not the problem either. I think the real problem is that she's become rather close with an ensign in the chem lab, and she's feeling very torn about the relationship. She told the Doctor that she wanted to leave the spousal group because they were making her feel guilty for even thinking about moving on."
"I can understand that. I'll talk to her tomorrow."
"Captain, if you don't mind my asking, what will you tell her?"
"I'm not sure. It's not something I've completely worked out for myself, either."
"So I've gathered."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Just that sometimes you seem torn between embracing life exploring this quadrant and wanting to get back to Earth."
"Well, I think that's true of all of us, don't you?"
"I'm not sure. The longer we're out here, the less Earth seems like home to me."
"Chakotay. If we're going to have a discussion this serious, I'm going to have to get some tea."
"Want to come here and share it?"
"No, thanks. I'm in my nightg...I'm out of uniform. Are you still dressed at this hour?"
"No, but I could have thrown something on."
"It's not easy to throw on a uniform."
"Anything would have been better than what I'm wearing now."
"You don't sleep in the nude?"
"You sound shocked."
"You didn't when we were...never mind. I didn't wear some of my more interesting sleepwear when we were stranded, either."
"Too bad."
"Very funny."
"Do you wear it now?"
"What kind of a question is that?"
"Just curious. What would inspire a woman to wear a slinky nightgown if she knows no one's going to admire her in it?"
"Nostalgia? Maybe she just likes the way it feels."
"Oh. Well, I should probably let you get to bed."
"Now I've gone and gotten the tea. Tell me about the plasma monitor."
"You're evading the subject, you know."
"Of lingerie?"
"Of whether you still miss him."
"I wasn't aware we were talking about me."
"Exactly."
"Of course I miss Mark. I've known him most of my life. The roots are very deep. But I think I've come to terms with the fact that he's probably not waiting for me."
"You say that very matter-of-factly."
"I realized some time ago that I was clinging to memories of him to avoid loneliness. And then I realized that I'd been clinging to Mark to avoid loneliness even before we left on this mission."
"What does that mean?"
"Do you know, in ten years together, we didn't talk about marriage? It was as if...somehow, I knew I was never going to have a home and a family with him. While we were together I could pretend that someday we might, but now I have to ask myself whether I ever really wanted those things with him. I loved him, but I always had other priorities."
"I see."
"Did you ever think about getting married?"
"Yes."
"Anyone special?"
"I've always wanted to be married. I like stability. I like having someone to hold at the end of the day. It's been a long time."
...
"Kathryn?"
"I'm here."
"Maybe we should talk about something else."
"The plasma chamber?"
"Now there's something to get me in a good mood before sleeping."
"Mmmm. Tell me about your plasma stream plans."
"Ooh. Sounds suggestive."
"Only if you think like a cadet."
"Being naked does that to me."
"Have you been lying around naked in your quarters through this entire conversation?"
"I was cleaning up the table awhile back. Then I was sitting on the bed."
"Me too."
"On the bed?"
"Yes."
"We're probably less than twenty meters away from each other."
"Yes. That's why there are walls."
"If we slept with our beds against the bulkhead, we'd be less than two meters away from each other. Imagine if it suddenly became transparent."
"You're getting punchy, Commander."
"'Commander'?"
"Chakotay. Have we ever had a conversation this llong before without being in the same room?"
"Not that I can recall."
"You're much more direct."
"I'm always direct."
"No, you're not! Everything you say is punctuated with tribal sayings and ancient legends."
"Everything I say?"
"Almost everything."
"I'm still more direct than you are. Do you realize this is the most personal conversation we've had since New Earth?"
"We're both tired. It's late."
"I didn't mean that as a complaint. Feel free to call me anytime you're lounging in bed in your sleepwear."
"Thank you."
"What does it look like?"
"My bed?"
"Your nightgown."
"Actually I put my robe on a few minutes ago."
"Are you cold?"
"No..."
"You put a robe on while we were talking?"
"Yes. I'm not sure why you're laughing."
"Why do you think?"
"OK, I'll take it off. I'm going to hang it..."
"Can't you just drop it on the floor?"
"Not after I told you I was going to take it off. I don't want you to think I'm untidy."
"I wouldn't know if you didn't tell me. Long or short?"
"Knee-length."
"Color?"
"None of your business. Pink. How can you sleep in the nude on Starfleet bedding?"
"Years of practice?"
"I've been in Starfleet for longer than you have and I could never sleep in the nude on those sheets."
"That sounds like a challenge. Are you back on the bed?"
"Yes."
"Reading?"
"I do have a padd in my hands, but I can't concentrate on it and talk to you."
"What does it say?"
"It's about the photon tubes. It has your thumbprint on it, so you must know what it says."
"Those new torpedos we traded for don't fit very well. They're too tight. The casing rubs."
"Then we need smaller ejection pods."
"Or bigger tubes."
"I'm not sure how we could accomplish that. Where are we storing the extra casings?"
"Cargo bay three. At least we have a full complement of weapons again. And there aren't any empty bays for people to goof of in."
"We've had problems with people goofing off in photon tubes?"
"Just once. A couple of ensigns."
"What were they doing?"
"Uhmmmmm..."
"I see."
"Tuvok was horrified."
"I can imagine. It's a rather odd place for an assignation."
"You never did anything like that as an ensign?"
"I was very serious as an ensign. Deadly serious, in those days."
"In those days?"
"What are you suggesting, Commander?"
"Nothing. I'd like to have seen you in those days. What's that noise?"
"I'm brushing my hair. I''ve seen your personnel file photos from when you were an ensign."
"Ah, but I didn't have a tattoo then."
"I didn't realize that was the secret of your charm."
"I thought it was one of them."
"What are the others? Other than the obvious ones, I mean."
"My, uh, unlisted assets, Captain?"
"You seem determined to reduce everything I say this evening to the most vulgar possible interpretation. Maybe I should go to bed."
"I thought you were already in bed."
"To sleep."
"Did you finish the tea?"
"Yes."
"Are you still brushing your hair?"
"No."
"Reading?"
"No."
"What are you doing now?"
"What are *you* doing?"
"I'm, um, still working on the plasma chamber."
"Yes?"
"I was thinking about ways to shunt the exhaust through the dorsal conduits. That way the main systems wouldn't be affected by energy spikes."
"It's the same problem as the photon tubes. Too much friction leading to overheated discharge. There must be a way to harness that energy."
"We could build a connecting conduit to the particle emitters."
"Wouldn't that have to cross the controls for the dorsal array?"
"I don't know. Maybe we could go into one of the tubes and see."
"Commander?"
"Tomorrow. You and me. In a photon tube."
"Ah-hah."
"You sound like you're smiling."
"So do you."
"I am. I'm thinking about being in a photon tube with you. It's very tight. Lots of friction.
"Your voice sounds funny."
"So does yours. Very tight. Lots of friction."
"Chakotay..."
"I watched you once, on New Earth."
"Watched me...?"
"By accident. You were in the bathtub."
"Oh, god."
"You thought I was down by the river meditating. I was, ah, meditating, but in the woods."
"You mean you *watched*--"
"I couldn't help it. You were so beautiful, Kathryn..."
"I should demote you."
"We weren't officers at the time. I didn't mean to, I just couldn't stop looking. You had your toes curled over the edge and one of your legs was entirely out of the water. Your jaw was so tense, I thought about coming out of the trees and kissing it."
"I'd have shot you."
"You didn't have a phaser. You know what I wanted to do?"
"Chakotay--"
"Start with your throat and lick all the way down your body. Like your hands."
"Don't--"
"It almost killed me, anyway. Your mouth was open. I almost came out from the trees to kiss you. I thought, I could slide one hand under your back to pull you all the way out of the water."
"God."
"Or pull your legs over the bottom of the tub and leave the rest of you in floating on the top. You didn't need me then, though, and I was afraid I'd distract you. You were so close. You were arched almost out of the water, I thought you might slip and fall back into the tub. I would have built curved sides if I knew. You were biting your lip so you wouldn't make noise, but you kept making these little cries."
"Oogh--"
"Like that. I had one hand over my mouth so I wouldn't make any noise."
"No..."
"No? Oh. You can't see. Your eyes are closed. I'm watching. It would be a lot easier without this wall."
"For you..."
"I want to see you, now."
"Mnh."
"I'm getting up."
"Wha--?"
"I'm standing right next to your wall."
"Wh--why?"
"I'm looking at you through the bulkhead."
"Oh...don't look..."
"I can see. Like that night. It's dark but I can make you out."
"God--"
"You were so close by the time I got there, it was over so fast. You started jerking your arm, and sloshing the water over the sides of the tub, and then you dropped all the way back into the tub with a big splash. I almost bit my tongue off trying not to call out to you. I had one hand over my mouth but I couldn't spare the other one."
"Oooooogh--"
"I couldn't stop either. You kicked your legs straight out in front of you..."
"--oh god--"
"...you were trying not to scream, and you were making noises through your nose. One of your feet was kicking the side of the tub, and I could see your face, Kathryn, I want to see your face..."
"GOD--"
"...right now, I can see you through the wall, I couldn't go back inside for half an hour after you, you have no idea what you do to me, Kathryn, you're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen, I had to do it twice before I could look at you again..."
"Oh oh oh OH GOD--"
"...like that, just like that..."
"Ah, ahh, AIIIIIIIHHHHHH..."
"Nnnngh--"
"Oh, oh...mmmmmmm, oh...what was that?"
"Me hitting my head into the wall."
"Are you all right?"
"I think so, I'm, ah--you?"
"I don't know--I'm having trouble--concentrating on the plasma problem."
"Then don't talk."
"No?"
"Just say something so I know you're still there."
"Chakotay."
"Kathryn."
"Yes?"
"Nothing. Kathryn."
"What."
"Just saying your name. Kathryn."
"Mmmmmm hmmmmm."
"Kathryn."
"Yessssssss?"
"Kathryn--"
"Chakotay..."
"Oh--oh KATH--"
"Shhh!"
"Wh--"
"Someone might hear."
"You ever heard me before?"
"...what?"
"Through the bulkhead--"
"No..."
"Me either. And I try."
"Chakotay..."
"I'm looking. Oh. Oh. I can see you--"
"Here..."
"Right now--"
"Yes..."
"--ooh, oh OH--OHHHHHHH--"
"Look..."
"AAAGH--OH. OH. OHHHHHH."
...
"Ooh."
"Like what you saw?"
"Yah..."
"Keep talking to me."
"OK. Mmm."
"Tell me--what're you doing now."
"I, um, whew. I have to wipe up the plasma exhaust."
"Oh--don't make me laugh..."
"Maybe we need more lubrication. In the photon tubes."
"Chakotay."
"Kathryn."
"I want to see you."
"Right now?"
"Yes."
"I, um, I think I should put my clothes on--"
"Not like that. Are you still standing by the wall?"
"Yes."
"Hit it. So I know where."
"Hear that?"
"Yes. Here--hit it again."
"Was that you?"
"Yes. I'm pressing my hand against the wall. Now I'm pressing all of me."
"You're in a bad spot."
"Why?"
"I'm going to get sticky."
"Here, then."
"OK. Now what?"
"Hold me."
"Now?"
"You said you wanted someone to hold at the end of the day."
"I didn't mean like this."
"They'd all know if I were in your quarters. The sensors work through the bulkhead."
"Why does it matter?"
"Chakotay."
"No. Listen to me, dammit--"
"No. Don't say that."
"You don't know what I was going to say."
"Yes I do. Don't say it."
"OK. OK, I'm sorry."
"Chakotay. I'm sorry too."
"Are you crying?"
"I can't find you. Where are you?"
"I'm right here. I'm holding you. Feel that?"
"Yes."
"Kathryn."
"What."
"I wish you'd let me love you."
"I thought you just did."
"It's not the same thing."
"I can't. I can't right now."
"When?"
"I don't know."
"Are we going to stay by the wall all night, then?"
"No. I guess not. OK. I'm touching you. Goodnight. Now I'm moving away from the bulkhead and getting into bed."
"OK. Me too. Computer, dim lights for sleep."
"Mine are already off. Chakotay--"
"What?"
"I'll see you in the morning."
"In the photon tube?"
"No, not in the photon tube."
"OK. I'll call you from the photon tube then. In your ready room."
"Don't you dare, Commander."
"Goodnight, Kathryn."
"Sleep well."
"Sweet dreams."
"You too. Computer, close channel."