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At 1600 hours on an ordinary weekday afternoon, during a quiet stretch of travel in their third year in the Delta Quadrant, in a turbolift between the bridge and the mess hall, Kathryn Janeway glanced up at her first officer's restrained smile and knew beyond a shadow of doubt that she'd had enough waiting, equivocating, pretending, and lying to herself.
"Chakotay," she began.
"Hmmm?" The beginnings of dimples were visible around his mouth, and his eyes warmed with promise. The hummed syllable managed to encompass "Yes, Captain," "Yes, Kathryn," and "Yes, to whatever you might ask of me." She stepped close as she faced him.
"Let's skip dinner and go back to my quarters and make love."
She didn't think he could have looked more shocked if she'd proposed to fly the ship straight into a supernova. "Ka-Captain?" he stuttered, as she smiled and put a hand on his chest. His expression darkened with suspicion. "Are you feeling all right?"
"I'm fine. Computer, halt lift." She wrapped an arm around his neck and cupped his face in the other hand, raising up on the toes of her boots to reach his face. So familiar, his scent and the heat of his body, but never something she'd let herself bask in, before. "I want to kiss you," she murmured.
"I don't, uh, we shouldn't, don't you, um, this is not, well..." he couldn't seem to say no, which she took as a yes. Closing her eyes, she let her mouth move the remaining centimeters to his, which was already open partway in shock. For a delicious few seconds, they stood liplocked, she tingling all over, he trembling slightly.
Then he put his hands on her shoulders, and pushed her away. "I think we should get you to sickbay. Resume." His voice was steady, but he wouldn't look at her.
"Computer, belay that. Chakotay, there's nothing wrong with me. Except that it's been almost three years since we got stuck out here, and I am tired of defining my committment to this ship by my chastity."
He still couldn't meet her eyes. "This is some kind of test, isn't it."
"You don't really think I'd manipulate you that way?" She was a little shocked-- though maybe this was how he'd felt a moment earlier. She knew he'd suffered these many months, but had never stopped to think of the extent to which he might feel personally injured by her singleminded committment to duty. She had trusted him to understand her reasoning, without her having to explain it to him. Yet perhaps he had not interpreted her silent confidence as trust, but its opposite.
Chakotay smiled mirthlessly. "The last time you made a pass at me in a turbolift, you turned out to be a Bothan hallucination." His words made her ache, particularly between her legs. She'd wondered what he'd seen during that incident; now she knew. Over a year ago, well before New Earth, she could have had him for the asking--
"Well, I'm not a hallucination this time." She put her hands on her hips and planted herself directly in front of him, so that he couldn't help but look at her. "I'm not fake, I'm not possessed, I don't have an alien sex disease, and I don't think Neelix has been sneaking aphrodisiacs into my coffee, though I wouldn't put anything past him."
"Still, this isn't like you." Chakotay's voice was grim with irony. "Or if it is, then I don't know you nearly as well as I thought."
"It isn't as impulsive as it looks. I've thought about it, or tried not to think about it, for a long time."
Finally he met her gaze, squaring his shoulders. "Well, then, I'm flattered." His voice rose to match his heightened color. "I'm flattered that after three years of ill-disguised adoration on my part, you admit that you find me attractive enough to screw."
"That's not what I said." Why was he getting angry? She'd expected him to respond as if one of his dearest wishes were being granted, and was both humiliated and insulted at his resistance. "I said I want to make love, not fool around. It took me a lot of time because balancing a committment to you and to the ship seemed overwhelming--I didn't think either of us wanted just a stolen evening here and there. But if I'm wrong, just tell me so, and we'll pretend I never brought it up." The nerve of the man! Maybe all he had ever wanted from her was proof of his own desirability. It was all an ego trip, and now that...
She hit the wall before she had time to complete the thought, and his tongue was in her mouth before she had time to gasp.
How did he get so hard so fast? His cock was prodding into her belly through their clothes, and he slid his hands around her ass to lift her to him so he could rub lower on her body. Damn good thing she'd stopped the lift, because they would have been on one of the most public decks of the ship by now--probably spilling out the doors onto the floor of the corridor.
"If this is really what you want, you had better be sure, Kathryn, because I am not letting you go," Chakotay hissed. "You have five seconds to change your mind. After that, no matter what happens, I'm not stopping. Understand?"
Oh, my. "I understand." He kissed her again, hard, as if sealing a vow. No stories from his people, no solicitous Starfleet hedging? If she'd known that she could do this to him, make him this aggressive and assured and direct with her, she might have said something much sooner...
"Take off your uniform." His breath scalded her skin, then he stepped back to watch her.
"Not here." With that erection, getting him to her quarters would be tricky, but of course there was no chance she was going to...
"Take off your uniform," he repeated, "or I'm going to tear it off, and then you'll have to leave this lift in a ripped jumpsuit." His jaw was set, and his eyes were more than a little wild. "You've been setting the limits in our personal relationship for the past three years, and if you want me to be your lover, you're going to have to give me some balance. You're not on duty. This isn't going to interfere with ship's business. You said you want to make love right now--so do I."
"Fair enough." She gave him a sly smile, and began to comply. Jacket off, turtleneck down the arms, the tank top had hidden fasteners...the pants were more of a problem, she couldn't remove them without taking off the boots and didn't feel safe getting completely naked in a stalled lift, so she just yanked them down. She left her bra and non-regulation black panties in place.
Chakotay ditched his jacket and opened his pants--the men's variety had a hidden fly--but didn't even bother to remove his turtleneck, he was too busy watching her. When she put her hands on her hips to make it clear that she wasn't going to do any more herself, he stepped close again.
"Are these lace?"
"Yes."
"Good." He tore the panties down one side, then the other, and pulled them off between her legs, tossing them on the floor. She was going to have to walk back to her quarters without underwear... He was fumbling with her bra, apparently mystified by the hidden center closure. It was tricky, but she couldn't risk wearing anything that might pop open on duty. She lifted both hands to work the release, then let her palms cover her nipples as she drew the cups back.
"You want to see them?"
"Yes. Captain." A glint crossed his features as he tried to glance around her fingers. His cock was peering eagerly from the opening in his pants. She moved her hands from her breasts, grabbed the front of his turtleneck, and pulled him close.
"Here they are." His hands were on her at once, large and softer than she'd expected, making tiny circles against her hardening nipples. She ran one finger down his chest to the erection poking out of the fabric of his uniform, pressed the tip, and was rewarded with a drop of fluid. "Somebody seems impatient," she purred.
"He's not the only one." Chakotay wrapped one leg around both of hers, joined together by her pants which were down around her ankles, and pulled her weight out from under her. He caught her as she yelped, lowering her to the floor with one hand on her back and the other on her chest, lowering himself on top of her. They both had to bend their knees to fit lying down in the lift. Feeling him nudging between her legs, she spread as wide as she could. It was enough; he pushed partway into her, got a little stuck, slid his hand behind her to angle her hips upward, and thrust the rest of the way inside.
"Too fast?" he panted into her face. For answer she arched up, grabbing his ass for leverage. She was really not in a good position, scrunched on the floor, but she didn't care, and from the sound he made, neither did he. "I might not be able to wait for you, Kathryn..."
"Then, don't." He started thrusting hard, banging her head into the wall until she angled it; his own head was down, eyes shut tight, his knees bent, pinching her legs against the floor. It was fine with her if he came fast; then they could get out of here and go back to her quarters and start over, do it slowly and sensuously in bed, or in the bathtub--she would probably need to wash her thighs, after this, with no panties to absorb the wetness...
She was getting very turned on. Not so much physically, his cock was creating a lot of friction in this dreadful position, she hadn't really been ready when they'd started, stretched wide without full lubrication, it stung a little. But the idea of him taking her on the floor of the lift, practically the moment she uttered the suggestion--once the restraints were off, he surrendered completely to what he wanted so badly. Mark had never loved her like that; he was generous and affectionate, but had none of this burning passion, and Justin had been intense but self-absorbed, he had never sobbed her name like Chakotay was doing now--
"Kathryn," he choked again, as she whispered, "Yes, love?" just to see what it would do to him; he stiffened as much as he was able in the cramped turbolift and started to come, the gush of fluid a relief to her swollen tissues. He made frantic little inarticulate noises, so she moaned and hummed with pleasure that was just as real as his. She released him quickly, though, when her leg started to cramp, and jolted to an upright position against the bulkhead with a grimace of pain.
"Sorry," he gasped, reaching for her with both hands, unsure what he'd hurt and appearing traumatized. She shuddered reassurances in between breaths as she waited for the knot to loosen, rubbing it hard with the heel of her hand. He bowed his head, remorseful, and stroked her hair.
"You owe me, Mister," she groaned once she could talk.
"Anything you want," he agreed fervently. She leaned over and kissed him gently on the cheek. He caught her shoulder before she could withdraw, forcing her to look into his eyes, bright with happiness.
"Kathryn," was all he said.
She bent to kiss him again, aiming only a little closer to the mouth, but when his head turned to meet her, she didn't withdraw. Light, luscious kisses, no tongues, no teeth--it was even more arousing than the crushing, full-body contact had been. She shifted into his lap, letting the sensitive parts of her bottom make contact with his thigh. His arms circled her, not restraining, just enjoying the feel of her, hands cupping around her shoulders and arms, not quite yet daring to touch her breasts. She sucked across his jawline, enjoying the feel of stubble on her tongue, then had to shriek when his head dipped sharply as his teeth reached for her earlobe.
"Let's get dressed and do this someplace more comfortable," he sighed into her ear. "I want to pamper you for awhile."
She used her torn panties to wipe herself off as they pulled their uniforms back into place. Anyone looking closely would notice that they had damp spots in incriminating places, and they both reeked of sex and sweat--she hoped Tuvok and Vorik were nowhere near her quarters, their acute senses of smell would recognize the scent of semen for what it was.
When the lift doors opened, there were a handful of crewmembers in the corridor, but nobody immediately entered, for which Janeway was most grateful. She and Chakotay walked directly to her quarters as if it were natural, though he had rarely been inside. The kissing went from playful to passionate very quickly. She couldn't stop sighing aloud in pleasure, and his humming turned to moans as she shifted closer to him.
God, it felt good to feel him rubbing into her, even if he wasn't fully recovered and erect yet, and even though there were several layers of clothing between them. The moment his fingers hesitantly brushed over her nipple, she wanted them between her legs--she'd been waiting too damn long.
"Chakotay?"
"What, Kathryn?"
"Can I take my clothes off now?"
"Yes ma'am." He was teasing her; his voice was gleeful, eager. He pulled off his own jumpsuit while she went to work on her uniform, boots first, then socks, and worked her way up. He surprised her, standing her in front of him while he sat on the sofa, and lowering his mouth to kiss and lick her. It was fiercely sexy to do standing up, with the lights on, watching him, and she found herself clutching his hair as she cried out. She would have come that way in a few more seconds, but she was determined to have him inside her, one way or another--she almost came just thinking about it.
"Please," she begged.
He pulled her down to the sofa with him, burying his face in the vee between her breasts. A drop of fluid fell from his penis onto her leg, tickling as it trickled down, and she could wait no longer. She took him into her right hand to stroke him fully erect, held herself open with the left hand, and raised up until he was sliding in, her wetness easing his passage until his balls were pressing against her bottom.
She stared up into his face. He looked far more lucid than he had earlier, as if he'd just entered heaven with his eyes wide open, shining with pleasure and emotion, she couldn't tell if he was going to cry out or just cry. Once, twice, he thrust, one of his hands on a breast, the other clutching her ass to keep her with him, and that was all it took. She came with a howl, still looking at him until her eyes couldn't focus. He didn't move, couldn't spare the concentration from watching her, hair getting damp as he breathed openmouthed in her face.
When the spasms stopped, she studied his face as he rocked into her, back and forth for a few moments; she savored the feel of his cock in her, twitching. "It might be a little too soon for me," he whispered apologetically. One of her hands circled the base, pressing down on her own clit as well as on him, and he started to thrust again. At first he seemed to be trying to time his movements to hers, but then he started to get excited; when she shuddered and howled at the pressure from her own fingers, he went over the edge, loud sighs of pleasure spilling from his lips.
Later, when he slipped out, she wanted to let his semen and her own juices flow over her fingers so that she could sniff and taste the two of them together. She didn't want to let him out, yet, though. He shifted like he would let her up, but she kept him trapped between her hands and her thighs, enjoying the all-over contact. After all these months of enforced separation, just being with him felt even better than coming; she twined her ankles together around his back as he slid both his arms around hers, and they held each other in silence until her legs were too numb to maintain the position, and his weight had become heavy with relaxation.
"Now what?" he asked quietly, after kissing her some more--those delicious, undemanding kisses which made her want to nuzzle his cheek and whisper blessings over his body. "Does this change everything?"
Such an enormous event, yet so little was different. "Does it change anything? We're the same people we were an hour ago..."
"Were you in love with me an hour ago?"
The question was the first real demand he'd made on her in this regard, ever. Would answering him change everything? She realized at once that it would not; it never would have. So much hesitation, and everything was as it always had been, or should have been.
"I've been in love with you for a long time. Couldn't you tell?"
"No." His voice was too quiet, and she shifted to let his face drop into the space between her neck and shoulder. "No. I couldn't."
"I'm sorry..."
"It doesn't matter. You're here now."
"You're here, you mean."
"Are you going to let me stay the night?" He lifted up a little to look at her, his eyes luminous. "Promise me. This wasn't a one-time thing where you're going to pretend it never happened in the morning..."
"Of course not." It would be fairly easy to hide this from the crew, after all her fears that it wouldn't; maybe over months it would start to look suspicious if he were in her quarters until all hours, but they'd pulled all-nighters working before, in his office and her ready room, probably no one would think twice about where he was or what he was doing. Probably they were used to her touching him, and to him watching her protectively. With a jolt, she realized that many of the crew might already have suspicions about the two of them--yet it had never caused a problem, didn't seem to interfere with discipline or morale.
"I just need to know where we are, now. I don't mean to pressure you, you know I won't do anything inappropriate on duty, but I'd feel better if you tell me what you want."
She cocked an eyebrow. "I don't think anything will be different, outside. Except I might wink at you more often."
"I think I can handle that." He rolled next to her, trapping her between his body and the back of the sofa. "How about not outside?"
"Well, I might want to do this a whole lot for awhile--make up for lost time, you know. Do you think that can be arranged?"
"I think so, Captain, if you don't mind a few changes in the duty roster." As she listened, he calmly ordered the computer to alter the schedule so that they both could sleep late the next morning. Tuvok might raise an eyebrow, but wouldn't ask any questions, and nobody else would even know.
She commented dryly, "That was quick."
"I've had three years to dream up ways of surprising you." Chakotay grinned.
"Don't I even get hints?" They laughed together at the inside joke.
"I'm not giving up my secrets unless you order me to. Kathryn...I hope you don't mind surprises."