Chapter Text
It was a late night, or maybe early morning. It was hard to tell. Hajime had left his phone around somewhere. He was sure one of his friends had grabbed it for him... probably. The truth was he was a bit too drunk to really be worried about it at the minute.
He wasn’t quite blackout drunk, but he was well beyond tipsy. His roommate hadn’t joined them for this particular night out, and Hajime thought it’d be a bit inconsiderate to stumble in completely wasted. He definitely wasn’t sober enough to be able to enter the room quietly, so he was taking a walk around campus. The cool night breeze would help at least a bit, right?
Just passing the time, he wandered across the campus, to spots he’d never had a reason to go to before. There wasn’t really much to see. Mostly just bushes lining the fences. Then something caught his eye. Tucked almost behind the building was a hole in the fence. There wasn’t anything remarkable about it; no graffitied notes, but he knew what it was. He’d never come across a glory hole before, maybe because he never had any interest in one. Sexual favors with a stranger wasn’t really his thing. He valued having a meaningful connection with someone far too much. Nonetheless, he was intrigued.
In his drunken state, he stumbled closer, but froze when he heard the sound of someone on the other side. Hajime was anything but subtle, so he knew the other person would have already heard him.
“S–sorry! I didn’t think anyone would actually be here,” Hajime apologized.
“Wait, don’t get the wrong idea! I-I’m not here for that,” the voice on the other side of the fence frantically explained. It sounded like a guy. His voice was hoarse and he was sniffling loudly.
“Haha, I’m kind of glad, ‘cause I’m not either.” Hajime giggled drunkenly. He tried to walk closer and sit down, but tripped over his own feet, crashing into the fence loudly.
The boy on the other side yelped.
“What happened? Are you okay?” He asked.
“Ow,” Hajime moaned before letting out a laugh. “Well I’m on the ground now. Sorry I’m like... really drunk.” He giggled again. “That’s why I’m out here, I guess. I’m trying to, uh, sober up before going to my dorm so I don’t bother my roommate.”
“That makes sense,” the other boy said. “I’m avoiding my roommate too.”
“Oh, for real? What’d they do?” Hajime inquired.
“Nothing! He’s so great... perfect even. I just...” He trailed off for a moment. “I just didn’t want him to see me cry.” Voice breaking on the last word, he started to sob again. “And- and I just sort of... Realized something, or I guess some things, and well–well no... I shouldn’t say it.”
“Why not?” Hajime asked.
“Because, well, it’s personal.”
“Dude, I’m so fucking drunk right now, I probably won’t even remember this conversation in the morning. And even if I did, I don’t even know who you are. You don’t think it’d help at all to say it out loud?”
“I don’t know,” the other boy sniffled. “I guess maybe. I don’t know, I feel like if I give too much detail you’d be able to figure out who I am.”
“I mean, I guess you could be right, but like, why would that matter? I mean, I’m not gonna try and track down your identity or anything.” Hajime shrugged, though the other boy wouldn’t see it. “It’s up to you, I’m just offering to listen.”
They sat without talking for a while. The mystery boy on the other side of the fence continued to cry quietly, and Hajime leaned his head against the cold brick of the building he was next to. His head was swimming and he honestly felt a bit like he was gonna throw up, so he just tried to focus on the connection between his forehead and the wall. The breeze was nice, and when he focused on the sound of the crickets and frogs, they were able to drown out the other boy’s crying completely.
He was tired as well. He didn’t know how long there were actually there. A few minutes? Or maybe an hour. The two boys had faded into a silence, the only noise being the deafening sound of nature. It was a nice sound. Hajime passed out at some point.
“Hey... are you still there?”
Hajime was still there... physically, at least.
“Hey, are you still there?” The other boy asked again.
Hajime’s head was pounding a bit. And his mouth felt dry. How long ago had he dozed off?
“Goddammit,” The other boy sobbed, his crying starting to pick up again.
“I— I’m still here,” Hajime croaked out.
The other boy sucked in his breath, stopping his sobbing abruptly.
“You are? I-I mean I’m really glad. I, like... I know I came out here to be alone, but when I thought you left, I...
“Thanks for being here... I think I do wanna talk about it... if you’re still willing to listen.”
“Of course. Offer still stands.”
“Man... this is totally gonna give me away... umm,” the boy started.
“I’m drunk dude, don’t worry about it.”
“Right. So since even before coming here, I’ve been trying to get with this girl, and everybody, like everybody... knows about my crush on her and stuff. Totally not subtle. And she’s rejected me before, so it’s like, not a surprise that she rejected me again, but just something she said...
“She asked why I even like her, and I thought that’d be easy to answer, but... when I thought about it, the truth was... I didn’t. Not like that, at least. And, I guess, I was only trying for her because I knew it would never happen. Because as long as people knew I was going after her, they would never wonder why I never got with any other girls because... I think, maybe, I’m actually gay.”
He paused, obviously waiting for a reply.
“Cool.”
“What the fuck? ‘Cool?’ That’s your response? Bro, I know you like... don’t know me, but I just poured my heart out, give me something at least.”
“Sorry, that’s my bad. I never said I was good with responses. Let me figure out what I’m trying to say.”
He really didn’t know how to respond, because the truth was that he definitely had figured out just who the boy he was talking to was. Even without the glaringly obvious backstory, Hajime was easily able to recognize his voice once his crying toned down a bit. That, or he was just starting to sober up.
Either way, it wasn’t hard to figure out that the boy he was talking to was Kazuichi Souda. The voice was unmistakable, as it was the one he consistently heard every day. They’d been friends for many years, and were now roommates as well. So he was really trying to choose his words carefully.
“Hmm, I think... I just mean that you might be playing it up in your head a bit. It might feel like a big deal to you, but you’re probably the only person who’d have any kind of hard time accepting it. Does that make sense.”
Hajime left time for Kazuichi to consider his words.
Kazuichi Souda... being gay? Hajime would be lying if he said it wasn’t something he’d secretly hoped for many times. Nervously, he asked a self indulgent follow up question.
“If you’re gonna stop chasing after that girl... have you thought about if there’s anyone you are actually interested in?”
Kazuichi hesitated. Hajime held his breath, waiting for his response.
“Yes... I... I do...I think I mentioned my roommate, right?”
Hajime’s heart leapt.
“Yeah, my roommate, uhh. We’ve been friends for years now. He’s kind of been with me through everything. We’re pretty close I guess...”
He trailed off, and when he spoke again, it was almost a whisper.
“But I want to be closer.” His voice began to pick up again. “And S— the girl I’ve been going for... whenever I lose my cool around her, it’s always for comedic effect. So people can laugh and go ‘look at this idiot. He’s so hopelessly in love with her,’ but like... with him, it’s real. With him, I really stammer over my words, and don’t know when to stop talking, and just become so much more clumsy...
“I’m saying to much. I don’t even know what love feels like... obviously. So I wouldn’t know.”
Hajime was smiling to himself, the cold brick wall he was pressed against doing little to cool his burning cheeks. But he took a deep breath to try and form a level response.
“I think... I think you should say something to him. He just might like you back.”
“You can’t know that! I’m not about to mess up a long standing friendship because of my dumb crush. Theres no way he likes me, he might not even like guys.”
“You’d be surprised," Hajime muttered.
Hajime looked up at the lightening sky. The black had faded to blue at some point, and some yellow was creeping up as well, but the real show would be on Kazuichi’s side of the fence.
“It’s sunrise,” Hajime said, quickly changing the subject. “Can you see it?”
“Yeah... it’s beautiful... I know this was supposed to be anonymous and all but... do you want to climb over and see it...?”
It was definitely a cute idea, but it would confirm too much. Also...
“Dude, I would fall on my face. Even if I was sober, I don’t know if I’d be able to make that climb. I’m already gonna have such a hangover, I think I’m gonna go try and get some sleep now.”
“Okay... thanks for listening and... thanks for the advice. I’m gonna think about it a bit. Get to your room safe, okay?”
“Okay. You too. Enjoy the sunrise.”
Hajime started to stumble his way back to their shared room. Luckily, unlike his phone, his keys hadn’t been misplaced. He tossed them onto the table once he got inside, kicked off his shoes, and flopped down face first on his bed. Sure, he could have changed, but he really was feeling the alcohol effects. That, and he didn’t want Kazuichi to get there while he was changing and realize he was only just getting back.
He was trying not to make it super obvious, but he was sure Kazuichi would figure it out soon enough. He was a lot smarter than he gave himself credit for.
It wasn’t too long, maybe ten minutes, before he made his way in. Hajime listened to him quietly set down his keys and slip off his shoes. They’d been friends so long, Hajime could tell what he was doing, even with his own face buried in the sheets. He recognized his mannerisms easily.
Kazuichi fumbled in the closet trying to find a shirt in the dark before giving up and just pulling off the one he had on, opting to sleep shirtless. He clumsily stepped out of his pants as well.
Hajime could feel eyes on him as Kazuichi stood still for a minute.
“Hajime,” he muttered quietly, obviously not wanting to actually be heard. “I think I have something to tell you in the morning, okay?”
Hajime held back his smile as best as he could. He was supposed to be asleep, after all. ‘Okay,’ he thought to himself.