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17 hours, pony goes to school, he learns, he yearns, and he says goodbye to his classmates and friends. 13 hours, He stops by mr Syme’s classroom and thanks him for everything, thank you for listening, thank you for teaching. He shakes his hand as his past teacher furrows his brow and thanks him in confusion. 11 hours, Pony doesn’t care about the stares he gets while leaving.
10 hours, he stops by the dx and walks up to Steve, sodapop isn’t working, he says, scrunching his face, pony shrugs and tells him he’s never hated him, thank you for being sodas best friend. Steve doesn’t respond and stares at him as he leaves, not moving until he’s out of his line of sight.
9 hours, two-bit arrives at the Curtis house and bothers ponyboy while he’s writing at his desk. Pony grins and offers to make a chocolate cake and watch Mickey, to which two-bit has no argument against, pestering him and blowing flour in his face as he bakes. They munch together and pony laughs at all the stupid things two-bit says, even if they aren’t funny.
8 hours, sodapop gets home from a date. She’s really nice, he says, maybe this could be a real thing. Pony grins and congratulates him, remembering how broken up about sandy he was. He’s excited for his brother, at least someone will be there for him soon. They goof off and pony teases him about the lipstick stain on his shirt.
7 hours, Steve gets there and eyes pony strangely as he sits down on the couch, not bothering to kick off his shoes and push pony away like usual, he looks stuck. He knows, pony thinks to himself, he knows what you are going to do. Steve sighs and picks up the deck of cards, yelling at sodapop, who’s in the kitchen that he’s dealing him into a game. As they sit down at the coffee table, Steve asks pony if he wants to play. Pony nods, and sits right next to him, a grin on his face even as he loses miserably.
6 hours, Darry gets home with groceries in hand, announcing that whoever doesn’t help with dinner isn’t getting a plate. They all rush into the kitchen to unpack the bags, pony following slowly behind, a smile on his face as he watches his family goof around. They poke at Darry and make stupid jokes and it takes them ages to get it all cooked, but it’s worth it, even if the chickens a little dry.
5 hours, they sit down to eat, pony filling his plate a little less than usual. What’s the point? He thinks; he won’t need it anyways. If soda and Darry notice the little amount of food, they don’t say anything, casting silent glances across the table. He finishes up and waits for them to finish before offering to do dishes himself. Darry grins and hands him his plate, thanking him as he gets a chance to goof off himself with the other guys. Pony listens to them as he does the dishes, a couple tears falling down his face as he realizes they won’t be laughing soon.
4 hours, they sit and watch tv, some western re-run they’ve seen a million times. It never gets old, and they shout out lines as the movie goes on. Pony isn’t paying attention to the movie, he’s too busy writing. Writing the notes that will be covered in tears in the morning, crumpled out of anger and despair. He looks at each of them as he writes their letters, sodas being a full front and back page, Darry’s being 3 pages. He realizes he has a lot to say, but so little time.
3 hours, he gets ready for bed. No, he gets ready for sleep, eternal sleep, he hopes. He decides the least gory way is the best. Peaceful. He says goodnight to the guys as they head home, walking two out to his car, offering to give him a push start. He hopes he’ll bring it to the shop soon, he won’t be here to push start it for him anymore. Before two-bit gets in the car, pony stops him, hugging him tightly, breathing in his cologne for the last time. Two makes a stupid joke about pony having a crush on him but hugs him back just as tightly. If he thinks it’s weird, he doesn’t say anything. Though pony sees the glance back as he drives away, concern etched on his face.
2 hours, Steve goes home. It’s late, Darry points out; You can’t be late to school tomorrow, and we can never wake you up that early. You won’t ever wake me up again, pony thinks, rolling his eyes playfully as he says goodnight, ‘love you Darry.’
He gets a weird look from his older brother, but he says it back, ruffling his hair. Soda claims he’ll be in bed soon, go ahead without him. Pony nods and gives him a side hug, but soda never hesitates to hug him back, saying ‘i love you’ first.
1 hour, pony fills up a tall glass of water, placing it on his dresser as he stands in front of it. He holds the large amount of pills in his hand, taking them two at a time. He was never able to swallow more than two, he’d throw up. He takes all of them and drinks the water. He walks to his desk and takes the letters out of the drawer, placing them neatly on his desk. He picks up the cross his mother gave him and prays, prays on his knees his brothers will forgive him. He kisses the cross and lays in bed with it, holding it tightly for whoever’s out there.
30 minutes, he starts to think. What if it doesn’t work? How will he explain this? Was this the right thing to do? Did he really want to die? Yes, he thinks, yes. He will finally be free. He feels wrong, his body starting to drift off. He knows it’s not because he’s sleepy. He hears Darry walk down the hall, stopping in front of pony and sodas room for a moment, the shadows of his feet blocking the light. Almost like he can sense something’s wrong, that one part of Darry’s brain that always seems to sense when pony’s doing something he shouldn’t be doing. But like a miracle, he walks away, shutting his bedroom door behind him.
20 minutes, pony’s no longer fighting it, his body on fire but numb at the same time. His vision gets spotty and the only thing be can hear is his own breathing. No panic or anxiety is in his body anymore, it’s too late to regret this. He can no longer think.
His eyes flutter shut, flashing before his eyes as he goes to sleep, is Darry’s graduation party. Everyone was still alive and happy, no fires and no court and no social services. His parents coddle Darry for the last time as a kid, everyone congratulating him. They shush as Darry starts to make a speech.
He’s done, he says. He’s finally done. Pony never knew what he meant by that. How can someone be done? But now, he thinks he understands. His eyes shut, and his breathing grows shallow and slow.
He’s done, he’s finally done.
12:00 AM
Is the time of death according to the coroner. He went quickly, he tells them. He wasn’t conscious when sodas piercing scream filled the house, Darry’s heavy footsteps down the hall and his desperate cries for pony to wake up. They won’t be mad, just please, wake up.
You’re scaring your brother, he says, although he doesn’t know if he means soda or himself. He seemed better, they said. The doctor says you can never tell, sometimes there are no signs. The funeral is full and long, lots of friends and parents they have never met showing up. Darry breaks down during the wake, Steve and two-bit ready next to him, prepared to console him, even if they are just as broken. Soda can’t though, he can’t cry even as he looks at pony’s body in the casket. He holds his hand and kisses his forehead for the last time, and He can’t help but understand.
Because yes, he’s finally done.