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Baekhyun closed the door to his apartment behind him and leaned on it, taking a deep breath.
He’s tired, so tired and all he needs is some rest, but he knows that’s not coming easy today. Even though he is finally getting two days off, he knows that he is so overworked that even resting is not going to be easy. On top of that, the past few days he could feel the anxiety taking over, bringing him back to that overthinking, over-sensitive state he hates being in.
The only thing he could do right now though was to throw himself on the couch and figure out the rest later.
Just as he was pushing himself off the door, a familiar figure appeared around the corner.
“Welcome back.” Kyungsoo said and reached to take the bag Baekhyun was holding.
The moment their hands touched, Baekhyun felt goose bumps shoot through his whole body and a sting behind his eyes.
He followed Kyungsoo into his living room, eyes opening wide when he noticed that all the members were there, waiting for him.
“What are you all doing here?” he asked, fighting the tears. He burdened them again. They all had schedules, they were all tired, they shouldn’t be here. They should be resting, or enjoying their time, not spending what little time they had with him.
Chanyeol turned his phone to Baekhyun, showing him an open chat. There it was, a unicorn emoji in their group chat which he did not remember sending. He must’ve sent it before falling asleep in the car without realizing. It's not the first time that he autopiloted his help call to the members, but it never fails to make him feel even worse. He didn’t want to be a burden.
He didn’t feel the tears falling down his cheeks, or maybe he did, he couldn’t tell, because the next thing he knew was that he was being pulled to the couch by Kyungsoo, landing directly on Junmyeon’s lap.
Junmyeon’s familiar warm hands wiped the tears off his cheek and Chanyeol’s big hand rested on his neck. Sehun, Minseok and Jongdae sat on the floor near him, not touching, but close enough to feel their presence and Jongin sat next to him with Kyungsoo on his lap, both of their hands resting on Baekhyun’s leg.
“I’m sorry.” Baekhyun sniffed. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean it.” He wanted to tell them to go home, that he was okay, but he knew he wouldn’t be able to say it, the words blocked in his throat and not wanting to get out.
“What are you sorry for?” Junmyeon asked softly.
Baekhyun shook his head and turned to his side, avoiding his leader’s gaze, only to meet his favorite bobba eyes. He winced and moved forward, burying his face in Junmyeon’s neck. There were so many things.
He was sorry about everything happening with the group, he was sorry about everything the company is doing to the remaining members, he was sorry he is taking time from their busy schedules, he was sorry he was crying, he was-
“-sorry, so sorry.” Baekhyun choked. He was trembling, touch-starved to the point of going into a full panic attack the moment he was touched. Usually, he was able to get over the anxiety with just one or two members, but it didn’t seem like this would do today, as they haven’t seen each other in months. He didn’t realize it was so bad already and knew that only Chanyeol’s hand still on his neck was keeping him grounded enough to still be able to talk.
Baekhyun felt Junmyeon’s hands slide to his waist, pulling him closer to him in a tight embrace.
“You have nothing to be sorry about, Baekhyunee.” mumbled Junmyeon in his ear and that alone made Baekhyun cry harder, trembling even more.
Hands were now roaming soothingly on his arms, his legs, his back. The members had experience with calming him down, ever since he was promoting with SuperM and had to be away from them for longer than ever. That was the first time they found out he was getting touch-starved to a point of panic attacks, as the schedule was crazy and as he had both Jongin and Taemin with him then, it was not nearly enough.
Back then, when they came back to Korea, Jongin dragged him to his apartment, already having texted the rest of the members to meet them there; they ended up in a pile on Jongin’s giant bed, cuddling for hours.
Having someone even holding his hand used to be enough, but after over 10 years with them, Baekhyun was so used to his members that they were the only ones who could help him through this.
“You’ve worked hard, Baek, you're doing so well.” whispered Kyungsoo from next to him and Baekhyun managed to move one hand, so he could intertwine his fingers with Kyungsoo’s.
“Please stop crying.” Sehun. Beautiful, amazing Sehun. Baekhyun felt the most sorry for worrying him. His body started shaking even more and the tears just wouldn’t stop now, but he was silent. He was starting to feel calmer, more grounded and he knew that even though he was still shaking, he would be okay soon.
Like everyone had read his mind, all the hands from his body retracted and just Junmyeon was left, making him look into his eyes.
His gaze was kind, it was always kind, always understanding, always hiding all the pain he himself was feeling not to worry his members. He was the leader and no matter how many times everyone told him he shouldn’t shoulder everything alone, but he never bothered him. He liked to point out they do the same, when he was the center of the cuddle pile, and they were scolding him.
Precious leader, Baekhyun wished he could do more for him.
Junmyeon smiled softly at him and kissed his forehead, silently telling him everything would be okay. He then pushed Baekhyun a bit towards his side, a sign for him to move. Baekhyun could barely move his heavy limbs but complied when he felt big strong arms circle his waist, helping him move.
“Hi.” Chanyeol smiled at him and Baekhyun didn’t avoid meeting his eyes this time. He opened his mouth to reply, but no words came out, so Chanyeol just chuckled and softly told him to take his time.
The members knew that when he got this bad, while he needed them all to calm down, it was only Chanyeol that could fix him completely when he couldn’t stop trembling. He felt everyone around them starting to move, one by one going out of the living room, mumbling something about food.
He and Chanyeol remained on the couch, hugging each other for a few minutes, and when Baekhyun’s body stopped trembling and the tears finally stopped falling, he felt a kiss land on his cheek.
“Let’s go take a bath, hm?” Baekhyun nodded at this and let Chanyeol pick him up and carry him to his bedroom.
Chanyeol got him undressed and then himself and pushed Baekhyun under the shower to quickly wash while he filled the bath.
Once both washed off, they got in the warm bath, Chanyeol pulling Baekhyun to rest on his chest.
“You feeling better now?”
“Yes.” replied Baekhyun quietly and Chanyeol kissed his shoulder.
“Good.” he said.
They stayed like that for a bit longer, until Baekhyun turned his head around and softly kissed Chanyeol’s cheek.
“Thank you.” he said, finally able to breathe and speak properly. “I’m sorry I bothered you all again, I didn’t even realize I sent it.” he explained, referring to the unicorn emoji in their group chat.
“Baek, it’s okay, you know we will always be here for you when you need us.” Chanyeol said. “C’mon, let’s go eat.”
Baekhyun remembered he hadn’t eaten since the previous day the moment he stepped into the kitchen and the smell of whatever Kyungsoo was cooking reached his nostrils. While Chanyeol went to see what everyone was looking at on Sehun’s phone, he walked towards Kyungsoo and Junmyeon at the sink.
They both smiled at him, but neither spoke, knowing that he needed a moment.
“Thank you.” He said, opting not to apologize again, memories of previous times where he got slaps on the head for apologizing too much flooding his brain. “I love you.” he said instead.
Kyungsoo and Junmyeon laughed and hugged him, patting his head like he was a child and that was enough to know that he is forgiven, and they love him too.
He helped them carry the food to the table where nobody spoke about their cuddle session or him crying, but instead laughed at the stories Jongin and Sehun were telling from their jobs.
Baekhyun remained quieter than usual, but nobody mentioned it as they knew he needed to recharge and that would only happen after a good night’s sleep. He did manage to get himself scolded for wolfing down his food too fast though, but it was all worth it when Kyungsoo’s rage turned to Chanyeol who choked because he laughed while doing the same when that happened.
Through the whole meal, Chanyeol’s hand never let his go and despite everyone having their own conversations, random feet just kept knocking his, as if to tell him that they’re all there whenever he needs them.
Yes, they were all going to be okay.