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Bruce Wayne was fighting a losing battle...a battle with dust.
The ventilation system was filled with years of dirt that wafted around him as he carefully made his way to the computer hub. So far, he had been lucky and not run into any laser beams in the air ducts, but the premier second story man in the world was almost ready to call the current job off, for the sake of his sinuses.
Over the years, Wayne had pulled off some of the most daring and complex data breaches in the world, and after teaming up with the nefarious cyber engineer, his success rate had only gotten more impressive. Tony Stark had the skills behind the scenes to match Bruce's ninja-like abilities on the ground.
Their off the job relationship had made international headlines; further frustrating law enforcement. That two of Interpol's most wanted criminals were sunning themselves on the exotic beaches of Bora Bora together, without a care in the world, made a mockery of the judicial "powers that be" around the globe.
Wayne and Stark had taken "hiding in plain sight" to a whole new level.
It also didn't hurt that they were two of the richest men in the world; both heirs to vast business empires. They had been able to maintain their wealth due to their incredible skills...and on occasion, some fantastic legal maneuvering.
"Brucie Bear, are we there yet?"
Tony grinned as he teased his lover. He was able to see the progress Bruce was making in the ventilation shaft via a small camera on his night vision goggles. He didn't envy his partner in more than crime this task, of squeezing his more than six foot frame through the small passages.
The server room that was their destination was protected by some of the most state-of-the-art security available. As Bruce crawled, genius hacker Tony Stark hadn't been able to get past the firewall to turn off the rooms heat and motion sensing systems. Yet. He was not into their mainframe. Yet. He had to keep reminding Bruce that it was a work in progress.
"Don't worry about me, Tony, just get into their system. If this thing goes south, I'll be the one doing time in a Russian gulag." Bruce continued forward another three feet, consulting his schematics when he came to a fork in the ducting. He turned to the right, able to hear the high-frequency whine of the server farm getting closer.
"I'm working on it. Actually, Jarvis is working on it. I'm watching the video feeds to make sure no rent-a-cops figure out you're above their pointed little heads. As we speak, one is taking a nap at his monitor station. Watching PornTube must have just tuckered him right out."
"Tony, focus. If I get caught, I go to prison for many, many years. I'm not above throwing your ass under the bus if that happens."
"Hot Fudge...you would do that? I thought you loved my ass?"
"In a Gotham minute. Your ass is pretty incredible though."
Tony preened. "They don't call me Sweet Cheeks for nothing!"
Bruce rolled his eyes. "Who? Who calls you that?"
"People."
"What people?"
"Lots of people."
"Exactly no people call you that. Cheeky Jackass is not the same thing."
Tony huffed his annoyance. "Why do I put up with you? You're so mean to me."
"Well, last night, you said, and I quote, "you're such a Beefcake, Bruce." You also used the term Dreamboat as you licked my abs and Hunkalicious as you were sucking me off. Does any of that ring a bell?"
"Lies, all of it. There's no way I can do that much talking with your dick in my mouth."
"Sirs, while this conversation is indeed stimulating, may I interject with the fact that I have cracked the firewall and taken control of all cameras and other security devices throughout the facility. As soon as Mr. Wayne reaches the grate above the server room, he is free to repel down and begin the download."
"Jarvis, YOU are my very favorite. Did you hear that, Bruce Goose, you're clear to go!"
"Yes, Tony, I heard. Thank you, Jarvis."
Bruce slithered his way another fifteen feet. The grate was held in place with eight screws. He used the compact cordless drill he carried in his utility belt to remove the screws, holding his breath that the action didn't sound alarms and summon porn-watching security guards. When nothing happened, he slowly lowered himself into the room via a repelling rod he'd wedged in the vent opening.
"Okay, I'm going to touch down. Are we sure the floor is sensor free?"
"The floor weight and heat sensors have been disabled, Sir. You may stroll at your leisure."
Bruce set down gently. As with the vent, he waited for flashing strobe lights and blaring sirens, but nothing happened. He took a deep breath to calm his racing heart. All of this work for something so asinine.
"Alright Tony. Which server do I plug the drive into for your Spruce Goose plans? I don't see a sign saying "giant outdated seaplane" anywhere."
"But the Ekranoplan is so much more than just a seaplane...and I really want one... and Russia wouldn't sell me one!"
"You could just design and build a new Stark version that would be better...why do you want these old designs?"
"Same reason I still work on my hot rod. Sometimes, the classics are the best."
"Well, tell me where I need to go so I can to get you your "classic." I have been in this facility for far too long."
"I love you, Bru Bru. See the three banks of servers straight ahead of you? You'll want the second tower on the left. Just plug the thumb drive in and the pre-loaded program will automatically start the download process. You be out in about 90 seconds."
Bruce moved quickly to the correct machine and starting his stopwatch when the thumb drive light turned red. He was not looking forward to the crawl back out of the building. Several of the jogs he'd taken were very tight and much of it would be an uphill climb. He shook his head. What he was willing to do for Tony. You're so screwed, Wayne.
When the drive's light turned green, signaling the download was complete, he double checked that he had left no trace in the room. He hooked his repelling cable back to his belt and whirred quickly towards the ceiling. After quickly replacing the grate and screwing it back down, Bruce began the arduous crawl back towards freedom.
It took seven minutes to reach the access point under Red Square, and another four minutes to change into civilian clothes and stow his tools. He would come back for his belt and Kevlar body suit later, under the cover of darkness.
As he crawled through the manhole and into the trap door of the cargo van Tony was driving, he took the first deep breath he'd taken in the last half hour.
They traveled back to their hotel suite across the city in relative silence, Bruce always quiet after a job. When they were safely ensconced in their room, Tony plugged the drive into his laptop, beaming as page after page of Russian military design opened up before him.
"Not bad, Babe. You could probably make a living out of this breaking and entering stuff."
Bruce rolled his eyes as he chugged a bottle of water. "More jobs like this and I'll give it all up to live in the woods somewhere. Too much stress for so little payoff."
"You're such a drama queen, Cupcake. What if I say I have a way to make it up to you?"
"I'm listening."
Tony crawled into Bruce's lap on the couch and drew him into a soft kiss. He purred into his lovers ear. "You, me, Swiss ski chalet." He ran his fingers under Bruce's t-shirt, finding a stiff nipple and rubbing it softly with his index finger.
Bruce's eyes slowly closed in pleasure as his head lolled back. Tony took advantage and slowly kissed his way up the tantalizing flesh of his neck. Tony's sexy voice sent shivers down Bruce's spine and blood rushing in a southward direction.
"You, me, a Swiss ski chalet...and very little clothing."
"This plan is getting better by the minute."
Bruce let out a moan as Tony began to rub his manhood through the material of his jeans. Wayne's hands had begun to wander too, landing on Tony's ass and pulling him forward. As clothes began to come off, Tony added more details of the trip he had planned, and the plans he had for Bruce's body. It didn't take long for both men to reach their peak.
As they lay together, sated, with their heart rates returning to normal, Tony traced random figures into Bruce's chest.
"You know what we should do for our next job?"
"Hmmm?"
"I saw a commercial the other day, and I really want the secret behind it. I think we should look into it."
Bruce, who was thinking industrial espionage or tech secrets, looked intrigued. Those were some of his favorite things to go after. "What product?"
"Bush's Baked Beans. I want to know the secret family recipe, and that bald guy won't let the dog tell it!"
With a grunt, Bruce dumped Tony off the couch, got up, and locked himself in the bathroom.
Why is this my life?