Work Text:
“It’s absolutely terrible.”
They both stood a good three or four feet from the table, staring critically at what certainly appeared to be a neo-abstractionist attempt at a birthday cake. To punctuate the moment of silence, a glob of too-thin icing fell from one of the misshapen layers and landed with a “plop” on the plate.
“Oh, come on, it’s not…inedible, I’m sure.”
“I think I used baking soda instead of flour.”
“You baked a cake using three cups of baking soda.”
“I think so. It would explain the acrid smell.”
Sanji hadn’t wanted to comment on the acrid smell, but as long as the topic was at hand… “Ah, yes. That seems logical,” he paused, and for a moment tried not to inhale, “I HAD three cups of baking soda?”
“Apparently. Hey, you don’t even WANT to know what I used instead of cooking oil. Mostly, you know, because I’m not quite sure what it was, either.”
With a sigh that bordered on tears of exasperation, Sanji glanced down and bit his bottom lip. “I believe that was corn syrup.”
“Sounds about right. Whatever, I’m sorry.”
“Hey,” Sanji tried his best to sound amiable, even with the impossible feeling of wanting to strangle Zoro and hug him at the same time, “you tried, and, um, you know what they say….thought that counts and everything.”
“It’s a disgrace.”
“I’m sure no one’s ever committed seppuku over a birthday cake, now let it go,” Sanji snapped quickly, unable to stomach much more self-criticism from the swordsman, “I’m sure Luffy will love it.”
“You’re not going to eat it? Not even a bite?” If he didn’t know better, he would have thought that Zoro was trying to sound insulted.
With an incredulous, unflappable glare, he leveled his eyes at Zoro. “It’s hard enough being in the same room with it.”
Zoro’s face pinched in momentary indignation, but he quickly looked away, pretending to be above the barb. “You’re an ungrateful bastard.”
“I never SAID I wasn’t grateful, did I?” He cried, gesturing wildly toward the would-be cake.
“No, but it was implied.”
“You’re just assuming, because you WANT to have something to be mad about.”
Zoro scoffed. “You not even being gracious. I’m not overreacting at all.”
“I’m not going to argue about this!” Sanji threw his arms up, and quickly crossed them over his chest. Pouting like a child, he waited for Zoro to make the next move.
“Oh, I am SO going to bring you within an inch of your life tonight.” He grumbled, and they both continued to stare at the slowly disintegrating confection. This time a chunk of pasty, lumpy cake broke off, and teetered over the edge of the bottom layer, not quite ready to fall.
“Just like you, to wait and take out your aggression in bed.” Sanji rolled his eyes, but smiled inwardly.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Oh, I think you know!”
They snarled at each other for a moment, and then Zoro puffed up before releasing a long, pointed sigh. “Happy Birthday.”
Sanji sucked at his cigarette with a sneer. “Mehr.”