Archive of Our Own

“Heeey! Anyone up hereee?”

Ichimatsu opened his eyes and stretched, his brain struggling to register the existence of his muscles after several hours of them doing absolutely nothing. He had been sunbathing on the rooftop of the house, waiting for some kitties to join him in his crusade to become the most useless creature on earth, yet it seemed like his friends were busy that afternoon, as none had showed up to bring him company. Sighing, the 4th Matsuno son scratched the back of his head and finally decided to answer his brother’s call; he wasn’t a pettable, fluffy cat, but at least it was someone to hang out with.

“I’m here, Osomatsu nii-san.”

“Oh, Ichimatsu? Awesome!”

He sat up, listening to his sibling’s clumsy steps grow closer. He didn’t usually climb up to the roof, so Osomatsu had a hard time walking on the tiles, nervously stretching his arms to keep his balance as if he were tightrope walking. When he finally managed to walk up to Ichimatsu, he let out a victorious ‘Heh!’, sitting by his side with his usual big smile…

… and a lit cigarette in his mouth.

“You’re all alone? Where’s Jyushimatsu?”

Ichimatsu took hold of an imaginary bat and pretended to swing it.

“Should’ve guessed it. Well, it’s better this way, anyway. ‘You want one?” He said, pointing at his mouth. Ichimatsu tilted his head.

“... Cigarettes?” His brother nodded and reached for his pocket, handing him a slightly bent pack. He examined it carefully, then raised his eyebrows. “... Isn’t this brand really expensive? Where did you get the money for this?”

“Well, don’t tell anyone but…” He moved his hand as if he were turning a pachinko handle and smiled naughtily.

“You won?” The younger man said, frowning. “And you didn’t tell us?”

“Oh, psh. Like you haven’t won before and kept it a secret from us.” Ichimatsu huffed, yet refused to confirm or deny his brother’s affirmation. “Anyway, since I haven’t smoked in awhile, I bought these to celebrate my victory!”

“... And you’re sharing them with me, because…?”

“Well…” His older brother puffed his cheeks. “Smoking alone is boring.”

As expected from his ever-so-starved-for-love oldest brother. In normal families, the youngest siblings were the ones constantly begging for their older siblings’ attention, but somewhere along the line things had turned upside down, and Osomatsu grew to be the most needy of the sextuplets. Ichimatsu smiled a little, making his brother eye him curiously, completely oblivious to his reflections.

“I see. Sure, I’ll take one.”

“Yaaay.” Osomatsu wrapped an arm around his shoulder and ruffled his hair.  “I knew you wouldn’t disappoint, Nekomatsu~!”

“Don’t call me that.” He snarled, shaking his arm off of him. His brother snickered.

“Sorry, sorry. Ah, wait.” Osomatsu grabbed his arm as he reached for one of the cigarettes. “You gotta promise you won’t tell the rest I won, though.”

“... So this is also a bribe?”

“Maybe.”

Ichimatsu looked at the pack of cigarettes, then at his brother. Then at the pack again.

… Then, he took a cigarette out of the pack.

Bribe accepted.

“Do you have a lighter?” The other blinked.

“Oh? No, I forgot to buy one.” Ichimatsu nearly rolled his eyes. Birdbrain. “I just lit mine up with the stove when mom wasn’t looking. I can light yours up with mine if you want.”

“... Sure.” He was too lazy to go down and light it up in the kitchen, especially if he was risking getting caught by his mother and being scolded for a good, long hour for smoking in the house.

His brother inched closer to him and Ichimatsu took the cigarette between his lips, the scent of tobacco making him feel almost nostalgic. It had been a while since he had been able to appreciate it so directly. Carefully, he pressed the tip against his brother’s own, ready to breathe in when Osomatsu did.

“...”

“...”

… Their faces were so close.

An unsolicited memory flashed across his mind, images from the last time they were so close they could count each other’s eyelashes. It seemed Osomatsu was going through the same deal, hesitating to take a drag, then stopping himself completely and looking at his sibling, eyes meeting.

Ichimatsu struggled to keep eye contact, until he finally had to look away.

“Hehe.” His brother smiled devilishly. “Getting flustered?” When he received no answer, Osomatsu pressed further: “‘You remembering last tuesday? Because I know I am.”

The younger Matsuno’s face darkened and he grunted, pushing the cigarette against the other’s again so he would light it up already. Osomatsu complied with a snicker, taking a long drag that Ichimatsu imitated, effectively lighting up his cigarette after a second. He took another drag, and then…

… he blew smoke right into his brother’s face.

“Hey—!” He broke into a coughing fit, quickly dissipating the smoke by swatting his hand in front of his face. “What the hell!?”

“You deserve that.”

“Man…” Osomatsu coughed again. “You take being tsundere to a whole new level.”

Ichimatsu felt his eye twitch—Who was he talking with, Choromatsu? For fucks’ sake, he hated that he even knew what that word meant. “Don’t call me that ever again. I’ll kill you.”

His brother stuck out his tongue, but paid heed to his words and stopped teasing him to return to his beloved cigarette.

It had been a while since they had last smoked. Ichimatsu wasn’t much of a fan of it but he still enjoyed it from time to time; It was soothing, it made it easier to pretend that he wasn’t an anxious wreck, and it also made people around him distance themselves from him because of the smell. All in all, cigarettes were excellent allies. The good ones were expensive, though, and considering that he prefered pachinko and drinking (and cat food) way more, he never really bought cigarettes for himself.

Osomatsu, on the other hand, had a tendency to grow obsessed with every single kind of vice, and that included smoking; thus, he had no qualms treating himself with a couple of smokes if he had the money. Yet his desire to spend time with all of his brothers made him prefer alcohol most of the time—with only Ichimatsu to share what the rest of his siblings regarded as a nasty habit, he also ended up smoking very rarely in spite of how much he enjoyed it.

And boy, how he enjoyed it. The 4th Matsuno son rose his eyebrows amusedly when Osomatsu laid down on his back, taking drag after drag, the delighted expression on his face similar to the one someone would make when meeting with an old, fondly remembered lover after years of separation.

“Mannn…!” He let out another puff of smoke, then took the cigarette out of his mouth and licked his lips. “I sure missed these!”

“Yeah, they’re good.”

Ichimatsu closed his eyes, enjoying the hazy feeling in his head before letting the smoke out of his mouth. He was glad he didn’t really have the money for them. The nicotine rush was dangerously pleasant, and he thought half amusedly and half miserably about how adding ‘chain smoker’ to his endless list of defects would place him even lower in the scale of human trash if he were to pick up the habit.

His musings were interrupted when Osomatsu took a hold of his hoodie and made him lie back, bumping his arm by accident as he fell by his side. His heart jumped, and Ichimatsu quickly shifted away like a nervous kitten, only settling down when he made sure their bodies weren’t touching anymore. Raising his eyebrows, Osomatsu looked at him for a moment before smiling knowingly.

“... W-What?”

“Nothin’.” He said, looking up at the sky again.

It clearly wasn’t nothing. Yet his brother continued smoking as if he hadn’t noticed his strange behavior, only speaking up a couple of minutes later with an obnoxious grin on his face:

“Heh. Choro’s going to hate this. I bet he’ll get home and complain all night about how we smell gross and need to take 300 showers so we don’t stink up the futon and blah, blah, blah. Not looking forward to that.”

“Yeah...”

Ichimatsu closed his eyes, and muttered to himself:

“There’s a bunch of stuff we do that Choromatsu wouldn’t like.”

He felt his brother’s eyes on him again, but Ichimatsu pretended not to notice, taking another drag as if to drown the anxious feeling in his chest with heat and tobacco. He didn’t know what made him say that out loud, or why was he so stupid to think that his brother, who was laying only inches away from him, wouldn’t hear him. He drew heavily on his cigarette again and again, but the smoke burning in his lungs did little to slow down his heartbeat when Osomatsu spoke up once more, playfully blowing smoke between his fingers.

“‘You think we’re weird?”

“...”

“I mean, because… You know.”

He wondered if his brother felt just as tense as he did. Osomatsu was hard to read, with his happy-go-lucky persona never letting up. Even when talking about serious subjects he’d smile listlessly from time to time, always ready to turn the conversation into a joke whenever it was convenient for him.

But this… this conversation was different. They had never talked about this. In fact, it was the first time they really addressed it outside the bedroom, when they engaged in behavior that wasn’t exactly sibling-like. The atmosphere was different then, and their focus wasn’t exactly talking and resolving issues.

But now they were on the roof of the house. They were just hanging out, playing their roles of good, regular siblings.

… Why, why did he have to say that? Ichimatsu thought that he had successfully smothered the need to address the elephant in the room, the urgency to talk things out instead of just thoughtlessly following his instincts. But it seemed like all his worries had been silently bubbling inside him until they finally managed to climb out of his throat and translate themselves into words, however vague they were.

And now, Osomatsu was looking at him expectantly.

As he saw no way out of the hole he had dug himself into, Ichimatsu swallowed thickly. He looked at the smoke rise up to the sky, doing his best to keep acting indifferent. “Who am I to say?” He grumbled bitterly. “I’m a degenerate, remember? You all say that. That I’m depraved and rotten.”

“Heh. Yeah, you are.”

Ichimatsu elbowed him in the ribs, hard.

“Hey! Well, are we wrong!?”

The youngest huffed. “I guess not. But I wasn’t the one who started this.”

“... Yeah, ‘guess I did get the ball rolling.”

It was true. Ichimatsu did have a collection of kinks that were more than just uncommon, but making out with his siblings wasn’t one of them. He hadn’t even considered men as an option before his brother, for that matter, so even if most people would assume he was the origin of their little situation , that couldn’t be farther from the truth.

Yeah.

“I’m telling you, it happened.”

Osomatsu… Osomatsu had been the one who had dug up the memory that had started it all.

“... I don’t believe you.”

He was the one who made him remember.

“We did, though! We… hic… totally did, I swear.”

They were both drunk off their minds that night two months ago, downing beer after beer in the bar that was pretty much their second drinking base (Their first base being Chibita’s stand). Their siblings had already left, and Ichimatsu had only stayed with the oldest Matsuno son because he had pouted like a lost puppy when the rest declared that they had had enough even though it was only midnight.

“Just… c’mon, there’s no way you don’t remember! We were in the second year of high… sh-school, and it was the afternoon before the school festival!”

“The school festival…?”

They had been reminiscing about their painfully embarrassing middle school years for a while when Osomatsu brought up that one time they had practiced kissing in their room after school. Just once, to know how to kiss a girl when the time came, they had said before quickly pecking each other on the lips and pulling away immediately, laughing their asses off afterwards like the dumb kids they were.

“Oh… shit …”

The words ‘school festival’ finally made Ichimatsu remember the incident that he had buried so deep in his mind, it took about an hour of confusing retrospection for him to finally believe it had even happened. He let out a pained groan as a wave of shame washed over him, and his sibling nudged his arm, laughing heartily.

“Hey, I couldn’t have been that bad!”

“Hhhggrr…” He grumbled into his hands, shaking his head from side to side before looking up with a lazy, crooked smile in place. “Well, Osomatsu nii-san, do you have a girlfriend right now? ‘Cause I think that says it all.”

“Psh.” He chugged down another glass of beer, then wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. “That’s not ‘cause I’m a lousy kisser, though. It’s ‘cause I suuuck.”

They both snorted, and Ichimatsu ordered another beer. “If you suck, then you probably suck at kissing too, though. If you’re gonna suck, you’ve gotta suck aaaall the way, just like me.”

“No. Thass… the one thing I don’t suck at! G-Guaranteed~!”

“Psh. Whatever you say.”

They went back and forth like that for a good while, teasing each other even as they left the bar (or rather, were kicked out of it), struggling to stumble their way home while leaning on each other. They had already walked a couple of blocks when Osomatsu gently let his head fall on his brother’s shoulder, suddenly looking sullen:

“‘chimatsu…”

“What? I ain’t gonna carry you.”

“No, not that.” He mumbled, though he did look a little disappointed that the possibility was out of discussion. “Say...  you think we’ll ever kiss a girl?”

“... Dunno.” He slurred, shrugging. “Dunno if I want to, either. Girls are kinda bothersome.”

“Aw, c’mon, don’t lie to your nii-san like that. You know you want to~” His brother teased, smiling. “We all want to. Girls are nice. Kissing is nice.”

“... Can’t say I know anything ‘bout that.”

“Hm?”

“I mean… I’ve never really kissed someone. Like. Real kissing.”

It’s not like he could claim he had never kissed anyone, after all. Proud of it or not, Ichimatsu had kissed his brothers more than once, and that was true for the rest of them. The difference was that when they did it, it was as a means of torture, not done with the intention to make anyone involved feel good.

“... Yeah, me neither.” Osomatsu confessed. “High school’s over and we didn’t even get to practice kissing like we’re supposed to. What girl is gonna want to kiss a bunch of virgins who don’t even know how to do something so basic? It’s so embarrassing~”

“... Don’t say that so cheerfully.”

Osomatsu still snickered, though, as melancholic as his words were. They continued walking in silence, the streets empty except for the occasional stray cat digging through the garbage, and as they entered their neighborhood, the oldest Matsuno spoke up again:

“Hey, ‘chimatsu.”

“Hn?”

“... Wanna try practicing one more time?”

Ichimatsu looked at his brother. He was red as a tomato, his eyelids seemingly heavy as he blinked slowly, struggling to stay conscious.

“Try practicing…?”

“Yeah. Practice kissing— Real kissing.”

Real kissing…

That concept reverberated in his head.

Kissing...

… What did it feel like?

“... I…”

He wanted to know.

“... Sure.”

The rest was a blur.

When Ichimatsu woke up, he was on his side of the futon, with Karamatsu snoring loudly beside him. He didn’t remember exactly how he got there, and later he learned that neither did his brother, his memory as fuzzy as his.

“Ugh…”

But they both very clearly remembered one particular moment in the midst of cloudy images in their heads, something that no amount of alcohol would be able to wipe off their conscience.

One dark, dark alley.

And their mouths locked in a sloppy, inexperienced kiss that was as awkward as ever, but made their hearts beat hard and in unison all the same.

“Shit…”

When Ichimatsu sat up, his head pounding and regret pooling in his stomach, Osomatsu happened to walk by the door of the bedroom. For the first time, his brother couldn’t bring himself to smile brightly, his lips tense as he tried his hardest to greet him casually but failing miserably:

“... U-Uh... Mornin’...!”

“... M-Mornin’.”

And then they turned away from each other, their throats tight.

Somewhat strange, stressful weeks passed after that. As they tried to move on with their lives, they kept repeating themselves that it was the alcohol, the foolishness of youth, that they were confused, that it meant nothing.

That it wasn’t even that good, anyway.

That it should never happen again.

They continued acting normally, like that night had simply been a nightmare they had both somehow shared, yet whenever they were allowed a moment of silence, a second to look at each other, they’d both remember that dark alley.

And then, they ended up drinking alone again, three weeks later.

Their brothers were busy.

Their parents weren’t home.

Their eyes wouldn’t meet.

But Osomatsu still smiled, like always, and finally said what they were both thinking, his tone of voice playful but his expression stiff:

“So… You wanna try that out again?”

They hadn’t even downed two cans of beer when he offered; they couldn’t blame it on the alcohol this time. They couldn’t say that their minds were so hazy that they couldn’t think straight—because Ichimatsu knew that he was thinking extremely clearly when he took a hold of his brother’s wrist and leaned forward to kiss him.

After that, things escalated in a matter of days. They were both pent-up virgins, desperate to touch and be touched, so kisses soon weren’t enough. Their hands didn’t stay lifelessly still anymore, but went to each other’s hips, neck, hair, exploring places that were extremely familiar but had never been caressed like that, never felt like that. Fingers, lips, teeth became involved, as did tongues and legs and hands—and before they realized, their entire bodies engaged.

When they reached their first orgasm together, panting into each other’s shoulders, they knew there was no going back.

“Do you regret it?”

His throat tightened when he dared ask that. Ichimatsu took a deep drag of his cigarette, hoping it would help him calm down, but it did nothing to numb his anxiety. Osomatsu blinked, caught off guard by the question.

“What?”

“Do you… Do you regret all of this ?” He said, unable to find a definition for what they were doing—Or rather, refusing to finding it. “I don’t… I mean... If someone finds out, they won’t think much less of me. I’m already at the bottom of the barrel for everyone—They all already think I’m the worst. But you…”

His brother smiled.

“What are you talking about?”

Ichimatsu looked at him, frowning, and Osomatsu shrugged.

“What about me? I’m a NEET, just like you. I drink, I smoke, I waste my money on pachinko and gambling. I don’t have a job, I live with my parents and still sleep with my siblings in the same bed even though we’re all over 20 years old. I’m not really all that better than you—Except that I’m more handsome, obviously.”

Ichimatsu smiled a little. He hated that. Somehow, his brother always managed to make him smile even if he felt like the worst piece of garbage in the universe. Osomatsu took another drag of his cigarette, and after enjoying the sensation of the smoke filling up his lungs, he spoke up again.

“I don’t really ‘regret’ it... I just don’t want people to find out because it would be troublesome. You don’t want Choromatsu to give us a 6 hour speech about how wrong it is to bang your brother, right?”

Ichimatsu snickered darkly. “No, I can do without him scolding me for yet another thing I’ve done wrong.”

“Right? That’s why I wanna keep it a secret. But I don’t regret it. It’s comfy and it feels good, and we both enjoy it, so I don’t mind.”

It was somewhat relieving to hear him say that. His idiotic honesty was a trait Ichimatsu was always both envious of and glad for, because it often made Osomatsu say everything he was thinking but never dared say out loud.

“Still… We can’t do this forever.”

His brother tilted his head to the side.

“Why not? It’s fun.”

Now Ichimatsu blinked. “Uh… Because…  You just said it—it’s wrong, right?”

“I just said what I think Choromatsu would think about it.” He stated, shrugging. “I mean, why is it wrong? We’re both adults and we both want to do it.” He said, matter-of-factly. “It’s not like we’re forcing each other to do it. Unless…” He stopped for a second, suddenly having a realization, and sat up. “Unless you want to stop?”

Ichimatsu froze up, and his stiffness only made his brother get more worried, thinking he had hit the nail in the head.

“... Is that why you brought this up?”

Uncharacteristically serious, the eldest of the Matsuno siblings placed a hand on his arm, looking straight into his eyes.

“Ichimatsu. If you want us to stop, we can stop.”

“Uh.” He fumbled, completely caught off guard. How did his brother end up thinking he wanted to stop at all? “I, uh...”

The lack of a coherent response made Osomatsu tense up even more, smiling as if to soothe his younger brother to get him to speak up again. “I mean, I’ll totally understand if you do, y’know. So tell me, do you want to stop?”

Shit. Shit. How come that whenever he was asked to be honest, Ichimatsu’s line of thought got so jumbled that he couldn’t even form a simple ‘Yes’ or ‘No’ response? He almost wished his ESP Kitty was around so he could tell Osomatsu what he was thinking, help him confess that no, hell no he didn’t want to stop, that he was enjoying the shit out of himself too. That he never thought he’d ever able to experience kissing or sex with anyone as comfortably as with someone who he had known his entire life, even if others wouldn’t deem it right.

Instead, all he could do was sweat and draw on his cigarette again.

“... Ichimatsu…?”

He gulped, and he finally managed to look at Osomatsu in the eye. Nothing came out of his mouth, however, and he felt his cheeks redden slightly.

Why!?

Why couldn’t he be honest!?

He couldn’t be honest, but he didn’t want to lie. So nothing came out of his mouth.

Nothing.

“Ichimatsu.”

Osomatsu’s grip on his shoulder tightened, asking him to look at him again. And when he did, he realized his struggle had finally been noticed, as his brother smiled understandingly and patted his back.

“If you wanna stop, nod your head. If you don’t, shake it.”

He gulped.

No. He had to say it. He had to had the courage to at least....

“... I don’t...”

And he weakly shook his head, his lips barely holding the cigarette in his mouth.

“I don’t want to stop...”

Surprised by his unexpected act of bravery, his brother rose his eyebrows before beaming like he had just been given a million dollars to bet on horses. He immediately regretted speaking up as Osomatsu’s cheeks lit up with pure, unabashed joy, eyes smiling alongside his stupid big mouth, his tone loving and slightly mocking when he started talking again:

“Ichimatsu…! I can’t believe you were honest with yourself for once! Oh mannn, my little brother is growing up—!”

“You shut up! You shut your fucking mouth up!” He yelled, grabbing his brother’s collar as he felt his face heat up so much he was sure it would burst into flames—This was why, this was why he hated being honest! He shook Osomatsu as if doing that he could wipe the gleeful smile off his face, yet it only got wider. “I’ll kill you! I swear, I’ll kill you, Fuckmatsu!”

“Suuure you will!” He cooed, completely ignoring how his own brother was promising to take his life with his own bare hands—And looked like he was about to do it, too. “Oh, I’m so happy, Ichimatsun~ Ichi-chan~”

“Don’t call me—!? DON’T TOUCH ME. ”

Yet touch he did as he gave him a big, tight hug, snickering when he tried to get away from him with little success, roaring curses and empty threats for a good minute before giving up with a bitter growl, eyes still glaring knives when Osomatsu finally let him go.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry! It just… It made me happy to hear you say that, alright? Stop looking at me like you want to rip my throat open with your teeth.”

“I want to, though.” He snarled, and his brother chortled, nervously covering his neck. “I’m never telling you anything again.” Ichimatsu declared angrily as he laid down again and turned around, refusing to face him.

“Aw, c’mon. I’m just happy! I mean, aside from the fact that you were honest for once, it made me happy that you want to keep hanging out and doing stuff with me. I was really hoping you didn’t want to stop, so it was a relief to hear it from your own mouth, heh.”

… How did he do it? How did he speak his mind so easily? Ichimatsu swore his brother was from another planet, his smile sincere and relaxed as he easily confessed that he was glad his sibling wanted to keep screwing him. His glee was contagious, however, and Ichimatsu finally let his guard down after a minute of his brother playfully rocking him with his foot on his back, realizing that it was useless to be mad—Even if Osomatsu’s teasing had been hell, at least they had both gotten what they wanted.

“Say, Ichimatsu…” He started after a couple of minutes of smoking in silence. “Want some of my cig?”

“Huh?” He blinked. ”... I still have some of mine, though.”

Osomatsu rose an eyebrow, smiling mischeviously. “Then you can give me some of yours.”

Finally understanding what he meant, the younger man sat up. His brother brought his smoke to Ichimatsu’s lips, and he placed his own on Osomatsu’s, their shoulders bumping. A beat, and then they both took a long drag at the same time, closing their eyes to enjoy the dizzy sensation that made them lightheaded for a moment.

“Haa…”

Nicotine really was a gift from the gods. Ichimatsu opened his eyes, delighted, only to find his brother looking at him intently, the right corner of his lip curved up.

Then, he checked his surroundings.

No one around.

When Osomatsu leaned forward to kiss him, his brother had already tilted his head, quickly sneaking his tongue into the other’s mouth, tasting tobacco and ash. Their tongues danced around each other as the eldest Matsuno let out a longing noise from deep within his throat, pulling away to bite at his lips, making Ichimatsu sigh quietly into his mouth. They only broke apart when a loud noise made them both jump away from each other, looking around in fear as they looked for the source.

Thankfully, it was just a cat playing in the trash. After looking at each other’s panicked faces, they both snickered, and Osomatsu turned away to lay down on the tiles again and enjoy what was left of his cigarette.

“Nii-san.”

“Yeah?”

“Totty has a date tonight.”

“Oh, yeah? Doubt that’s going anywhere, though, knowing him.” He said dismissively.

“Yeah... Jyushimatsu and Karamatsu are going to play pachinko, too.”

“Ah, I see. I don’t feel like playing today, though.”

“Yeah... Me neither.” He stopped for a moment, before finally gathering the courage to say one last thing: “Choromatsu said he’s going to stand in line for a CD release tomorrow, also. So he… he won’t be back until the morning.”

“... Oh.”

He had finally caught up. Ichimatsu continued looking forward as he finished the remainder of his cig, then stood up.

“See you tonight, then?”

The younger man looked away, wanting to hide the little smile of anticipation he couldn’t repress.

“Sure.”

“Nice. And remember, don’t tell the rest I won at pachinko, okay?”

Ichimatsu nodded.

He’d just add it to the long list of secrets he kept with Osomatsu.