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The trouble with playing with fire, is that inevitably something would burn. Whether it was yourself, your loved ones, or the world around you.
Hana had been playing with fire for months, ever since the moment she had first slipped her hands in Ramattra’s towards the end of his convalescence secreted away in her MEKA garage. A secret she had even kept from Dae-hyun, although she was sure her best friend knew that something was going as she had caught him watching her with that worried expression he always got when she was about to do something reckless. She didn’t have the heart to tell him that it was far too late for worry, and that she had been reckless from the moment she had pulled the Omnic out of the rubble and brought him home rather than turning him over to the authorities.
She just hadn’t expected everything that had followed, and there were mornings even now when she would stare at her reflection in the mirror and wonder if this wasn’t all a dream. It would be easy enough to believe, because her reflection hadn’t changed much, a little older and wiser around the edges as she poured more and more of herself into the conflict against the Omnics, a new scar here or there where her luck hadn’t fully kept her out of harm’s way. She didn’t look like someone who had lost their heart to the enemy, or someone who spent every night wondering if said enemy was safe… and what she was going to do when the conflict inevitably brought them face to face on the battlefield.
The world always sees what it wants, I guess I’m no different… she thought. But, that was a lie too, because there were subtle differences. There was a shadow in her eyes that had nothing to do with their side of the war, and the things she had seen, but was firmly rooted in the worry and fear that festered in the pit of her stomach every time she was parted from Ramattra. It was the red wire woven around the hair tie she always used to keep her hair up and out of the way, a gift that had been pushed into her trembling hand the day he had first walked away from her. The day they both thought that brief interlude as she brought him back from the edge, and he showed her who she was outside her role as a MEKA pilot had come to an end.
And it was the doubt that haunted her each day.
“We’ll be enemies if we ever meet out there,” she had whispered as they sat watching the sun set over the harbour, the MEKA base looming over them. She was due to leave in the morning, heading for Overwatch and a new role in this conflict. A path that could and would eventually set her on a collision course with Ramattra and his forces. Her fingers tightened around his, the coolness grounding her.
“I know.” He sounded as though he didn’t care, but she had become attuned to the subtle inclinations on his tone, and knew he was as troubled as she was. If that hadn’t been enough, the feel of him turning their hands so that hers was utterly engulfed in his. “I will not ask you to choose. If we meet on the battlefield and you choose to fight me, I will honour that decision”
“I don’t want that…” Hana couldn’t look at him, not missing the tilt of his head that betrayed his surprise. It pleased her that even now, after months of these clandestine meetings both here and further afield she could still keep him on his toes. “But…”
“There might not be a choice.”
She had clung to that. Wanting that defence, that excuse… that certainty. Life had been easier when everything was about orders and protecting her city; and it still was for the most part. She fought for Overwatch and her teammates, and her people and her country, even when she new that the Omnics they fought were Rammatra’s. Even when there were moments when she would imagine she had seen him on the field, and her heart would freeze in her chest as that dread and doubt became manifest.
They had continued to meet. Stolen moments from a life that had no place in this world they found themselves in, and she treasured each second they spent together. Hoarded the memories of his voice, his touch, the awkwardness around expressing himself that she found endlessly endearing. Told herself that even though each moment was a step closer to the fire, they could come through this unsinged.
Prayed for it.
*
The gods were laughing at her.
At least that was what she was blaming the roaring in her ears on as she gripped the controls of her mech tight enough to turn her knuckles white. She couldn’t hear her teammates and the orders and frantic planning that was going on around her, her whole attention riveted to the figure on the far side of the square, standing tall amongst the rubble of the attack that had summoned here. Surrounded by Omnics, and stood in such a way and position that there was no way anyone could miss him, or mistake that he was the commander here.
Ramattra.
There might not be a choice. He had been the one to say it, and she knew it wasn’t because he didn’t want her to choose him, but rather because he had wanted to spare her from having to make it. A mercy she knew he wouldn’t have given anyone else.
A curse.
The Hana who had single-handedly flown out to face the Gwishin would never have hesitated. The enemy was the enemy, and she was the line of defence. But, she had blurred that line by helping him, and each and every memory and moment had eroded it, and now as she saw his head come up, and felt the heat of his gaze even at this distance, she realised that he had been right.
There wasn’t a choice to be made.
The roaring in her ears faded, a strange peace settling over her as she hit the thrusters and rocketed forward. She heard the frantic shouts and demands from her teammates, and her heart ached for what she was about to do to them, but her hands on the controls were steady as she reached out to kill the communications.
She half expected to be shot down – by either side at this point – but maybe he had realised that she had no choice either, as his arm came up, preventing his Omnics from opening fire as he stepped forward to meet her as she landed in front of him. She wanted to rush to him, but she was acutely aware of the danger they were in right now, practically able to feel the weapons levelled at them, and she settled for flipping up the windshield so that he could see her.
“Hana…” For a moment his voice was as soft as it was when they were alone, and that along with the flickering of his optics told her she had surprised him. Then his voice hardened, and he straightened. “Do you realise what you are choosing?”
“I do.”
“There will be no going back…” There is no going back to how things are, he had told her once when she had asked him why he didn’t return to the monastery when it was clear he still held fondness for it. Now, he was warning her, trying to offer her the path back that he couldn’t take.
“I know,” she tried to smile for him, but it was strained at best. “There was a choice to be made, and I’ve made it.”
“Why…?” She had the feeling that question wasn’t supposed to have slipped out, but she caught it anyway, and she moved her mech forward, turning so she was stood at his side. Heart hammering in her chest as she looked out and back at her teammates and the life she had left to burn to ashes behind her, but her voice was steady as she looked at him.
“For you.”