Chapter Text
The baddie had barely finished hitting the ground when Deadpool's mouth closed on Peter's. He had no shame in reciprocating the kiss, no matter if the fight had left him a little worse for wear – work next morning would be so much fun. Deadpool smelled of gunpowder, blood and Peter was pretty sure his ribs weren't supposed to be in that position.
He hadn't finished his completely medical checkup on Wade's body when he heard a soulful “Holy shit!” behind them. Which was the remind Peter needed that they weren't alone before pushing Deadpool away. Also jumping back a little, for good measure.
“Aw, c'mon, Spidey!” he whined, “Don't be a tease.”
As if Peter could give any fucks about Wade's complaints on that moment, with that very interested crowd of superheroes staring at them in various stages of shock. How- how the hell does one person forgets they are with the Avengers? They aren't exactly small or, you know, not covered in famous heroic glow all the time.
And Peter apparently had ran his loud mouth off in the battle and just managed a weak, “That's not what it looks like.”
Clint had that shit eating grin, Steve looked slightly worried and, weirdly, it was Tony who put his hands on his armor's hips and said “Sorry, what does Deadpool sticking his tongue on your throat is supposed to look like?”
He was pretty sure Tony Stark, of all people, shouldn't be able to sound like a sarcastic, wary parent when he was sticking worse things on way shadier places. Well, Peter found it hard to believe there could be places shadier than Wade's body, but, anyway, that was not his point.
Peter was trying to make a point, he really was. But he was just opening and closing his mouth like a stupid fish.
“So... “Clint started, and with that face it wouldn't be good, “Have you two lovebirds been together for how long?”
Wade beat him to it, placing a heavy arm on his shoulders and pulling him closer “Four months, six days and ten hours,” he gasped, “Our five month anniversary is tomorrow, sweetums! What do you wanna do? Yellow box is right, let's do tacos then each other.”
Peter shrugged his arm off and paled when Clint turned around and ran towards Black Widow screaming “Nat, you owe me ten bucks!”
That left him with a speechless Captain America and weirdly silent Iron Man. Thank God the other heroes where busy talking with the police and cleaning the place, Peter was not sure he could've handled more stares.
“I know how that sounds, but me and Deadpool are not a thing. At all.”
“My momma warned me you would break my heart!” the mercenary squealed, irritatingly pleased with the situation. As always.
“You don't have a mom,” Peter replied.
“Did he forced you now, then?” Tony interrupted their banter.
Peter sputtered for a second and felt suddenly a little angry, “No! What the hell? Deadpool isn't like that.”
He really didn't want to over think why he was stepping in front of Wade, of all people, in order to protect him from the Avengers, of all people. The merc had heard things way worse than that, but still it was a very shitty thing to say.
“Look, that's like... our thing?” Woah, Peter, good job making it not sound couple-y at all, he flinched, “That came out wrong. It's just, like, a victory dance. But with lips,” he so wanted to be buried alive.
It was true though. The first time happened months before, after they started to pair up more often and Peter didn't want to web Deadpool's mouth every five minutes. They had kicked the ass of a small HYDRA cell – nothing too big that caught the Avengers' attention, but enough to fall on Peter's ears. Adrenaline was pumping on their blood, nobody had died and Deadpool was intact.
Before he knew it they were plastered against a wall kissing like there would be no tomorrow. But tomorrow happened and it was super awkward. A few weeks later, another big fight and they ended up kissing on top of a building. Then again, in an alley. A destroyed construction site. Inside a truck. On a pool. Not that Peter was counting.
He wasn't, totally not.
It was just to make a point of how that became normal. And Peter was okay with that, nothing else ever happened and they just carried their lives normally – if that was possible. After all, it was not a romantic or sexual thing. He was sure other heroes did that too.
Right?
“And hands too,” Wade added, “Sometimes it's more of a horizontal tango. Who could've known Spider-Man is nasty under all that spandex?”
Peter rolled his eyes because of fucking course Deadpool would make things worse.
“Well, you two are consenting adults and even if your choices are... peculiar, Peter, the group respects your relationship,” Steve finally said, making Peter wish he had kept his mouth shut.
“Don't do anything stupid, Wilson,” threatened Tony, making his frown noticeable even through the helmet.
“I- We are not together!” Peter protested.
“Use protection.”
“Nah, super regeneration, remember?” Even with the mask, Deadpool's smirk was visible, “And don't worry, Tin-Man, now I only stick it on baby boy here.”
Steve gave Peter a look that said 'really? That guy? It's your life' and went to join the others, clapping Tony's shoulder and dragging him along. Peter's objections were completely ignored and he could see Clint pointing at him and chatting excitedly with Natasha. God fucking dammit, he wouldn't hear the end of that one.
“I hate you,” he groaned to Deadpool.
“I love you too, honey bunch. Now, are we gonna order the tacos at home or you wanna go full romantic and have a fluorescent light dinner?