Chapter Text
“Are you avoiding me?” Sonic asked, a chipper smile and playful aura to his accusatory question.
Shadow swiftly wiped his face with his gloved hand and inhaled a sharp ragged nasally breath, mucus clogging his nose. “Of course not.” He rebutted, voice hoarse and strained.
Despite his painfully obvious sore red eyes and damp cheeks, Sonic pretended not to notice. He’ll clam up if I draw attention to it. He thought, averting his gaze in order to avoid staring. “Suuuuure. Then why are you hiding behind a tree?”
The black hedgehog leaned against the aforementioned tree, the bark scratching his ebony fur and compressing his back quills. He folded his arms - Sonic could not discern from his body language if he wanted to appear casual or closely guard his aching heart. “Well, I’m avoiding everyone, not just you specifically. It’s less rowdy over here, and you know I hate parties.” He answered, in a rather blunt manner.
“Ha, yeah, you’ve told me. Many times.” The blue blur uttered, a chuckle peppered into his reply. “You could’ve run for the hills as soon as the Time Eater spat us out, so… Thanks for sticking around.”
“Don’t mention it.” Shadow dismissed his gratitude. He most likely viewed staying put as the bare minimum - unworthy of praise.
“I brought you some cake, as a token of my appreciation.” Sonic stated, offering his rival a paper plate with a savoury treat and white plastic fork sitting atop it. “All thanks to Amy and Cream. Strawberry filling and vanilla icing. Look, it’s even got my face on it! Now you can stab ‘me’ to your heart's content.”
He accepted the paper plate, albeit reluctantly. Much to Sonic’s dismay, the Ultimate Lifeform did indeed start stabbing his icing likeness. However, there was no malice behind the brutal desecration of the cake. He simply yearned to distract himself from the harrowing thoughts which clouded his mind.
No use beating around the bush. I should ask him if he wants to talk. He can always say no.
The blue blur exhaled a heavy sigh and carefully broached the subject. “So uh. I had a word with Rouge and she told me what happened to you in White Space…”
Shadow‘s eye twitched. He continued to push his dessert around but made zero efforts to eat a single morsel nor acknowledge the olive branch being extended to him.
“…Do you want to talk about it?”
His rival gritted his teeth so hard, he would surely break his jaw. Sonic pried the cake from his fingers and set it aside, before Shadow could either crush or drop it. He then whipped out his phone and opened up his notes app. He cupped Shadow’s wrist and rested the device in his palm. “Type it if you need to. Just… please, Shads, let me help you.”
Shadow’s flighty, unfocused gaze settled on Sonic’s phone. He stared at the digital keyboard, his hand quivering, unable to type a single word. Tear droplets landed on the cracked screen, before the phone slipped from his grasp and thudded against the bladed grass.
“She’s gone.” He croaked. His legs buckled, years of repressed grief weighing him down like a cast iron ball and chain. Sonic acted quickly and braced his fall. As soon as he was wrapped up in an embrace, Shadow gripped fistfuls of royal blue fur, with enough strength to rip away clumps. He clung to Sonic for dear life, petrified that he would fade away if he so much as loosened his white knuckled grasp. “I failed her. Again. I couldn’t save her back then and I couldn’t save her now! It’s my fault. It’s all my fault.” He wailed, his guilt and self loathing escaping in a stream of consciousness. The dam burst and more hot tears rushed down his cheeks like a flooded river, soaking into Sonic’s shoulder. “I could’ve done something, used the Chaos Emerald, frozen time or brought them here, to the future. But I let her go. I let her die. All this power and nothing to show for it. I couldn’t cure her. I couldn’t protect her. I serve no purpose, everything I touch I ruin!”
“Shads, that’s not true-” Sonic attempted to console him, but was immediately interrupted.
“-Yes, it is! GUN raided the ARK because of me. She’s dead because of me. If I had never been created, she wouldn’t have been killed!” He protested, anger, frustration, but worst of all pain and distress dripping from his voice.
“If the raid never happened, if you never existed, her illness still would’ve claimed her. Besides, GUN raided the ARK because of Gerald and his experiments. The Biolizard, Emerl, the Artificial Chaos, the Eclipse Cannon - all of that was his doing. You did nothing wrong, Shads, it’s not a crime to exist. Just because you were burdened with his sins doesn’t mean you’re responsible for them.”
“But- but I-” Shadow stammered, his brain scrambling for another excuse, another reason to blame himself for all that transpired aboard the ARK. After drawing a blank, his whole body sagged and he fell silent for a fleeting moment. Sonic hugged him tightly and stroked his head quills. “It should’ve been me. Not her.” He said, in a dull, defeated moan. “Maybe after I was gone, the Professor could have extracted a cure. She loved this planet so much… She deserved to see everything it has to offer for herself. She would’ve made so many friends. She would’ve grown up, given people hope, changed lives, changed everything. Why did I get to live? Why did I have to lose her all over again? Why couldn’t I change her fate? Why… Why do I always end up alone?”
“You both deserved the chance to live. I wish she could’ve been here. I wish I could’ve met her. But you can’t change the past, no matter how hard you try. Sometimes things happen for no good reason, and it isn’t right - it isn’t fair, but we have to keep moving forward and create a better world - a world where what happened to Maria never happens again. You’re not alone, Shads. You have Rouge, and Omega, and Amy, and me, and everyone at this party! We love you.” Sonic poured his heart out. “I love you. And nothing will ever change that.”
The L word felt foreign - alien on his tongue. He did not say it often, especially not to Shadow. He had only ever said it once before, after Shadow destroyed the Black Comet and regained his memories. Back then, he did not say; “I love you too”. There was no obligation and Sonic would never dream of forcing him into vulnerability.
Those three simple words made the black hedgehog freeze up. Terrified him. He was scared of being loved by someone and loving them in return. It gave him one more thing to lose. However, although Sonic was aware of his insecurities, right now it felt appropriate.
Unfortunately, Sonic’s attempts at comfort only reminded Shadow of an additional failure. “I should‘ve told Maria that I loved her. I wanted to, more than anything. But I just- I just couldn’t.” He wept. “The same goes for the Professor. Despite my complicated feelings towards him, I loved him too. They were my family. I should’ve said something… that was my one and only chance, and I threw it away. I didn’t even say goodbye.”
“They knew, Shads. You were prepared to completely rewrite history to save them, erase your entire past, present and future, everything that you’ve learned, the trials you’ve overcome, the relationships you’ve built. That alone proves how much you cared.”
Shadow fell deathly silent again, only a sniffle punctuating the conversation beat. “I actually believed I could save them. That we could be together again. That we could be happy.” His voice broke and he descended into inconsolable sobs.
“I know, Shads. I know. I wish you could’ve saved them, but… If given time, you can still be happy. You deserve to be happy.”
Shadow did not respond. He cried, for what felt like hours, his emotions forming into a ferocious blizzard that led him to shake violently. Sonic held him close, drew circles on his back and hummed a soothing tune - a habit he had picked up from comforting Tails during thunderstorms in his younger years.
Eventually, his tears dried. “I’m sorry.”
“For what?” Sonic asked with a breathy laugh.
“I ruined your birthday.”
Another involuntary laugh escaped Sonic. “You didn’t ruin anything! Eggman sure did though.”
Shadow peeled himself away from the blue blur and futilely attempted to clean his wet, snot-covered face. Alas, he successfully smeared the mess further.
Sonic scooped his discarded phone off the ground and swiped a napkin he had brought along with the long forgotten cake. He cupped Shadow’s cheek and used the napkin to mop his puffy eyes. In any other circumstances, the black hedgehog would protest, but he was far too emotionally and physically drained. “There you go, messy.” He teased. “Look at what you did to me! I’m drenched!” He added, gesturing at his wet shoulder and peach chest fuzz.
“If you want me to pay for shampoo, you can forget it.” Shadow quipped.
“Tsk, tsk, after all I’ve done for you? Honestly, so rude.” He shook his head dramatically.
The duo grew quiet, allowing the murmurs and rumblings from the party to wash over them. It served as a warm welcome, coaxing them back to reality from their own little isolated world.
Sonic gave Shadow a gentle nudge and addressed him in a delicate, quiet tone. “Hey, if you wanna get outta here, then I totally get it. You don’t have to stay if you don’t want to.”
The Ultimate Lifeform peeked round the sanctuary of the tree and wearily eyed their friends. “I may have fulfilled my social obligation but, I would like to stick around for a little while longer. Maybe actually try some cake.”
“In that case, we’ll need to get you another slice! It seems some ants have taken a liking to the piece I brought over.” He commented, pointing at the colony of ants which were feasting on the cake. “C’mon, let’s mingle.”
Sonic stepped out from the shade created by the thick tree foliage, and basked in the afternoon sunlight. Shadow lingered in the darkness, an unspoken truth keeping him tangled in roots. “Sonic?” He called after his rival.
The blue blur halted and glanced back at him. “Yeah?”
“I love you too.” He uttered, sweet and sincere.
Sonic had to use all his willpower not to shed any tears of his own. Instead, he shut his eyes and offered Shadow a wide, toothy, radiant smile. “Heh, who wouldn’t?”