Work Text:
The upcoming battle was drawing near. Ghoul Investigator Amon Koutarou was writing his will on his desk. Most of the officers had gone home or grabbing something for dinner, but he decided to stay.
21.18. Still early.
After writing basic things on the scrap of paper, his hand stopped. What else should he write? Should he write for people he loved, should he never came back? Nonsense, he thought. He was going to survive. If he had such a pessimistic mindset since the beginning, he wouldn't win. He had to end this. For Madou, for Akira, for those he cherised, and for himself.
Strange, he thought. Her name was on his mind the whole time.
At first their relationship was really awkward, especially with him being partially responsible for her father's death. But as she began to open up to him, he started to think that she was actually a nice, tender person. Whether from pressure or loneliness, Akira had to wear a tough mask, though she was pretty much crumbling on the inside.
Somehow... Amon didn't want to see her tears anymore.
He made her cry after the drunk incident, and it made his chest writhing in pain. He didn't want that. He wanted Akira to smile. He wanted to lift every single burden she shouldered. He wanted... her to be happy.
And suddenly he remembered about what Akira intended to do in the graveyard--
--why did he stop her?
No, wait. It was an obvious thing to stop someone who suddenly tried to kiss you, right? He didn't think of her that way--
--or did he?
This is getting confusing, Amon scratched his hair until it became messy locks, and threw himself to the chair. Was that why he always thought about Akira, not wanting to see her suffer more than this, not wanting to see her tears anymore, that he wanted her to be happy?
Was he in love with her?
Amon didn't expect this to happen, but he's currently helplessly in love with Madou Akira. Maybe the reason of why he didn't let Akira kiss him was because he was afraid to lose her, afraid it was the last time he could see her.
He was afraid he couldn't protect her.
Putting himself together, he reminded himself that tomorrow he was going to fight a formidable enemy. The half finished will on his desk was staring at him. Oh, right, I have to finish and submit it.
He took his pen again. Actually he didn't need to write anything - he didn't have much things left should he never come back, but the Anteiku raid was definitely dangerous. He thought he should at least write more things, only to shred it when he got back.
He would go back. He would.
As he absent-mindedly thinking of what to write, his hand scribbled something he didn't intended.
Akira's name.
What am I writing? Amon said to himself. He was going to scratch it, but stopped.
Akira would be safe, right...?
Now his mind was filled with worry as he didn't want to lose his precious people anymore. And Akira... he wished she wouldn't do things recklessly. Sure, she must have hated the ghoul, probably even more than him. Both Akira's parents were killed by the ghouls. But he didn't want to lose her as well. He wanted her to be happy.
So he wrote something he wanted to tell her.
-----
Akira didn't really want to leave her room, but she had a job. One look at her face and everyone knew she had been crying all night. But Mado Akira was strong, she had better things to do than crying over dead people. Still...
Why did she have to lose everything she loved again? She blamed her inexperience. Akira swore to avenge her parents, but now -- she couldn't even protect people she loved. She just keep losing -- she was just as powerless as she had been back then.
Amon...
The thought crossed her mind for a second and tears were already at the back of her eyes. No, she said, not now. Special class Marude was waiting for her -- she must not look like this. She was strong. She must keep living, for her parents' sake, for Amon's sake.
So when she entered Marude's room, she was shocked to see a letter on his desk.
"There you are," he said. "Do you know why I called you here?"
"No... actually," she stared at her shoes. "But I have an idea what it might be."
Marude converted his gaze from her to the letter, before he directed it back to her. He understood.
"Before the raid, you all were tasked to write a will, right? This mission took us severe damage, not to mention..." he stopped, "...we lost many precious comrades."
Akira flinched. She was fighting to hold back tears, but now she felt powerless. It's normal to get casualties, she tried to convince herself.
"...So, regarding First Class Amon's will," Marude handed out the letter on his desk. "A part of it was written for you. We thought maybe you want to read it."
Akira was able to keep a poker face the whole time, but her insides were shattered into pieces. She took the letter from Marude's hand.
"Thank you," she murmured slowly.
Marude gave her an understanding look. "You may go back now,"
Akira walked towards the door. She clenched the letter on her chest and said, "Excuse me, Sir."
Half running, she entered her room -- her shared room with Amon -- and read the letter. Most of it were typical things found on a letter of will and uninteresting for her, so she just skipped them and jumped to the near-last paragraphs.
Her chest hurt.
Akira, should I never come back from this raid, I want you to know that I sincerely wish for your happiness.
But worry not -- I'll come back, and I promise you I'll protect everyone dear for us.
Please, don't cry. I don't want to see your tears anymore.
Also, I'm sorry about what happened in the graveyard. I don't hate your or anything -- I was just afraid. I'm not strong enough. To love you. To protect you. I was afraid of losing you.
So I will be stronger. For you, and for everyone. I'm really sorry for being so powerless and unable to protect--
The rest of the letter were blurry on her eyes, as she couldn't hold her tears anymore. "You liar..." she said between her tears, "...you said you didn't want to see me crying again..."
Akira cried. Her elegant demeanor crashed into ugly sobbing, but she could care less. Amon was gone. For eternity. She wouldn't meet him again...
That day, Second Rank Investigator Madou Akira was back to be a little girl, crying with all her heart.