Chapter Text
Under Jeremy's fluorescent desk lamp light that battles the dimness away, his biology work stares back at him, unchanged for the last 5 minutes. The words swim across his notebook pages and textbook, not going in at all - definition of his senior year. It's not even late, Jeremy's just tired. At least with his swimming, he's able to move around a lot and interact with people - it's a shame he didn't have that today.
Jeremy runs his hands on the sides of his face and through his hair, reluctantly bringing himself back to reality. It's that time of the evening where he doesn't know what to do with himself - too early to stop studying but too late to-
Three raps on his window fiercely cut through his thoughts as Jeremy physically recoils in his seat, his vision immediately darting to the window to his right.
Jeremy freezes. He hasn't heard that since-
7 months. It's been 7 months. No, this can't be right…
Jeremy slowly rises from his desk chair and carefully approaches his window while trying to scan through the darkness outside.
Relief, frustration and uncertainty floods through Jeremy as Mike meets his gaze through the w-
Has he been crying? Even through the window, Jeremy can decipher Mike's red nose and slight redness rimming his eyes, along with the many lines there… He's only seen Mike cry once while they were dating and that was because of- Fuck.
Without hesitation, Jeremy pulls the window open - an action he hasn't done in a while but still feels familiar - and stands back to let Mike come in, the freezing, harsh night air quickly biting any exposed skin.
“Thank you.” Mike immediately says, climbing through the frame. Suddenly, his ex is standing right in front of him in his room. It should be fine for now since no one else usually comes into his room, especially in the evening. He'll be able to hear someone coming anyway.
“What's the matter?” Jeremy tries to ask gently as he forcefully closes the window, hoping to not let any of his conflicting emotions seep through his tone - he's never really been good at that, though. They haven't said a word to each other since Mike broke it off with Jeremy and now Jeremy has whiplash - Mike is back and, apparently, a mess… although, he can guess why.
Mike faces the room at first, seemingly surveying over it but quickly turns back to Jeremy once the window closes. “Jeremy, I'm so sorry…” Mike says, voice a little hoarse. “I'm sorry for the way I ended things with us, I'm sorry we haven't been talking, I shouldn't have let you go so easily…” Mike strongly emphasises, “I'm sorry I didn't fight for us-”
Damn. And he never rambles.
“Woah, woah, slow down.” Jeremy insists. “Look, I-” He takes a hesitant step forward while lost in his thoughts, unclear if he should give into his urge to touch Mike's shoulder and sit him down on his bed. He isn't quite sure where they're at - can he touch Mike again, comfort him in the way Jeremy used to?
Picking up on his hesitancy, Mike catches Jeremy's unsure glance as Jeremy’s gaze locks with Mike's piercing blue eyes as they flick straight to his. With his usual unwavering confidence, Mike continues to hold his gaze. Silently giving permission. Jeremy feels a familiar wriggle in his stomach when under Mike's roaming eyes.
Jeremy softly grasps the other’s shoulder to guide him over to the bed to sit him down. Jeremy sighs as he sits down too. “Mike, why are you here?”
Mike continues to look at him. “You deserve an apology for everything.” He fiddles with his fingers as he hesitates, “I also wanted to tell you that, um…”
“What?”
Mike looks down at his lap. “Well, I just can't stand that…” He furrows his eyebrows as he continues to think. Mike always has struggled to express his emotions - Jeremy does what usually did: he continues to look at Mike while he keeps rubbing his shoulder, silently encouraging him to go on.
Mike falters, “I’ve been, uh… feeling pretty disconnected and, well, lonely… It just feels like you're the only person in my life that actually understands me. I know I have my siblings but that's different, you know? I just- I just really want to be able to talk to someone who I know would listen and be as understanding as you but I know I ruined things with us… I'm sorry.”
Distress is engraved in Mike's tight features. Automatically, Jeremy applies a little more pressure to his thumb tracing the other's shoulder, the way he knows Mike likes it. He keeps going, patiently watching the pain gradually subside from Mike's expression.
Heavy realisation sinks into Jeremy. This is not the first time Mike has mentioned something like this. When they were dating, Jeremy knew Mike had trouble with making connections and struggled to really be close with the people in his life. He also knew that Mike was closest to him at the time and… how Mike also told him that he's never been closer to anyone else…
Jeremy swallows and tries to clear his head. “I'm glad you came to me.” He can't stop the slight venom dripping into his tone. “Look, as much as I hate what you did to me and how you left things with us,” Jeremy pauses and speaks more softly. “I don't hate you. I… don't think I ever could. And I'm sorry you've been feeling that way…”
Jeremy toys with the idea of seeing him again. Is that what Mike is trying to ask for?
Jeremy's breath hitches as Mike's head suddenly rests on his shoulder, the tufts of Mike's hair tickling his neck. Mike sighs. “I'm sorry I broke up with you.”
“Listen… I do understand why you did it. I know that it wasn't easy for you to gradually see your father becoming more and more suspicious of us… I could see how much it was stressing you out.”
Jeremy remembers it all: Mike constantly looking at his watch, cancelling plans, coming to Jeremy's window less and less, calling him less and less… even with Jeremy being understanding, the break up wasn't great.
“What, did you- did you think this was gonna last forever or something? Are you fucking nuts?”
He knew Mike was stressed out because of William at the time but those words stung with a frightening intensity. That searing sting still hurts today - he hopes Mike hasn't noticed his remaining anger.
That sting of finding out that Mike has never viewed their relationship as seriously as Jeremy did along with Mike saying they shouldn't talk anymore left Jeremy offended beyond repair. It also made walking through the school halls and going to the form room awkward as shit.
Mike adjusts his head on his shoulder. “See? You always understand.” Jeremy can hear the tiredness entangled in Mike's voice. All this time, he'd thought Mike had been doing fine… maybe even fully moved on from Jeremy now… has he?
Can't be thinking about that right now. Jeremy says as he lightly nudges Mike, “You could've approached me at school or called me first.”
“Well, I didn't want to cause anything in front of your friends and my father would’ve invaded the phone line.”
“Oh… yeah, I understand and I reckon you're right about your father… You know, I thought the reason you came in here all upset was because of your father.”
“Well, partially.” Mike drily scoffs out a laugh. “You can never rule him out. But yeah, it's just been hard in general.”
With Mike's head still on his shoulder, Jeremy keeps his arm draped around Mike, his fingers gently rubbing Mike's arm and shoulder and eventually coming to the very edges of his dark curls near the back of his neck; the familiar feeling of his silky curls causes many memories to resurface: wrapping a curl around his finger and raving how beautiful it was which would always reward Jeremy with one of Mike's soft smiles, or just simply comforting him in a conscious or subconscious manner or when dragging both hands through his hair and-
Jeremy clears his throat and gives the other’s shoulder a light squeeze. “Listen, I don't want you struggling…”
If Mike needs someone to talk to and he chose that person to be Jeremy, he can't say no to that. He knows that Mike would never lie to him like this - in fact, it was always Mike's brutal honesty that tended to tick Jeremy off a bit. Plus, Mike is running a large risk just to be here.
“...Do you want to continue with this tomorrow and we can talk about whatever you want? I hate to rush you out but, you know, I'm thinking just in case someone comes in here.”
“Oh, right. I should get back anyway, I can't be out long.” Mike slowly nods and softly says. “And yeah, I'd love to talk tomorrow, thank you.”
“Say, before school starts at the back of the school?” It's a bit of a risky choice since it was their old meet up spot but he figures Mike would be alright with it.
Mike nods and gets up from the bed, causing Jeremy to retract his arm.
As Jeremy gets up to follow Mike to the window, Mike pauses like he's noticed something. Mike points to his desk that's littered with all of Jeremy's school work. “Is that your biology?”
“Oh, yeah… yep, still trying to get my head around it.”
Mike smirks and raises his eyebrow as he turns to the other. “‘Get your head around it?’ Jeremy… you're top of the class.”
Jeremy shrugs and lightly chuckles. “I'm not the ‘top of the class’, I'm just trying to retain a lot of information, you know?”
Mike tuts. “Always so modest.”
An uncontrollable smile spreads on Jeremy's face. He bites his tongue and tries to wipe the smile off his face before he reaches the window with Mike - he knows he shouldn't be feeling like this but he's missed this. He's missed Mike.
They continue to walk to the window and Mike stands back as he lets Jeremy open the stiff window for him, as usual - Mike never really got the hang of Jeremy's finicky window and they also both knew that Jeremy is slightly stronger. Yet another silent agreement between them.
Before Mike climbs through the frame again, he turns to Jeremy with one of his soft smiles. “Thank you for this. I knew you would understand.”
Jeremy smiles back and watches Mike start to climb out.
Mike looks down and breathes a laugh. “Ah… I always forget how bloody high it is.”
Jeremy instinctively grabs the other’s arm to support him as he steps out. “Careful.”
“Don't worry, I have my route.” Fully out of the frame now, Mike says, “I'll see you tomorrow, yeah?”
Jeremy can't hide this smile. “Yeah, I'll see you tomorrow.”
While closing the window, Jeremy briefly watches Mike exit via his usual route and then slip into the darkness.
That was the last thing he expected to happen tonight. He still can't believe this… after 7 months, now they're talking again. Jeremy wasn't expecting this at all; like still feeling that same comfort and safety around Mike… and does Mike feel the same way?
He still has a grudge against Mike, though… but he was sincerely apologetic and very actively came back to him.
The main focus right now is to just be there for Mike - he's never taken Mike's well-being lightly.
We can just be friends. Jeremy bites his tongue. Maybe.