Chapter Text
Sam doesn’t know exactly when his crush, infatuation,— is that even better?— started. Last week, last month, maybe last year— multiple years? Something he can’t pinpoint. It’s an awful, strange feeling to suddenly see someone you’ve known for so long in a new light.
He means awful. He feels deranged half the time. Or most of the time.
Like now, as he skims his eyes across the flash of skin that reveals itself as Sebastian’s shirt slides up.
Stop looking at the smallest glimpse of your best friend’s stomach like a man in the 1700s seeing an ankle for the first time.
Sam quickly adverts his eyes. The floor is very interesting. Sebastian’s carpet has zig-zag stitching!
Who is he fooling, he’s sick. Sebastian was only stretching, they’ve been playing Solarian for hours now, his back must be sore. How could he make that into something foul?
Though, Sebastian does look like he could use a back rub. Right in the groove where his neck meets his back, Sam imagines rubbing his thumbs into the muscle.
Awful.
“Sam.” Sebastian calling his name brings him out of his thoughts, “I’m asking you a question, hello?”
“Huh? Yeah,” Sam smiles for a moment, it falls off his lips a second later as does his false confidence, “What?”
“I said,” Sebastian blinks slowly, he must be used to Sam’s absentmindedness, “I’m getting tired. Do you want to pause?”
“Mhm,” He nods, avoiding Sebastian’s big dark brown eyes like the plague, he can’t risk getting lost in them again, “Me too.”
“You want to stay over?”
That gets him to look. Sebastian’s staring at him with that face again. Ugh. It’s starting to unravel him, and he can never tell what the expression means. It’s positive though, he knows that at least.
“Why?” Sam doesn’t know why he said that, he should’ve just nodded and went along with it like he does every other time since this… escapade… started. He thought they left sleepovers when they were twelve. Who knew they’d start back up again ten years later.
It’s not like that, it’s never been like that. Sam sleeps on the couch.
It started with the excuse it was raining too hard one night last summer, and ever since, it’s been an occasional occurrence. However, it’s been more frequent lately. It seems like at least once a week, no, maybe twice a week? Damn.
They’ve just grown closer as friends, they don’t have many else. At least not ones that make eachother feel the same way.
Their friendship is strong. It’s not like anything or anyone else’s. It’s theirs.
And they’re adults! Young adults, who still live with their parents, but adults. If Sam wants to stay the night, his mom won’t stop him. In fact, she encourages him to get out of the house… hm, …and he’s back early to see Vincent off before school with Penny. All is good.
“Why? It’s like,” Sebastian glances around for his phone, when he realizes he left it on the bed, he sighs, but does nothing to grab it, “it’s like 1am or something. Just stay.”
That wasn’t the answer Sam was hoping for. He didn’t realize he was hoping for.. anything, really, but it wasn’t that. He shoulders off being let down, he doesn’t have the right to be upset. He gets to spend another night with Sebastian, it’s a good feeling. Who cares why.
Also, Sam wasn’t afraid of the dark, or the fact it was, like, 1am or something. He could totally walk home right now if he wanted to. Ok.
“You still have my clothes?” He started leaving spare changes of clothes here too. Just for convenience.
“In my dresser, the same place every time, why do you keep asking?” Sebastian laughs softly, cracking his back before rising from his chair.
“Yeah, yeah, Sam Stupid, I get it.” Sam mocks him half-heartedly, exaggerating the deepness of his voice like he does when he mimics Sebastian.
“Mm, you already know it.” Sebastian starts taking off his shirt, so nonchalant. He always faces away from Sam as he does, but the rush that rolls over him never fades. There he goes, being sick again. It’s just getting so difficult at this point, even the sight of Seb’s makes him blush.
“Sure do.” Sam has to put effort into removing his eyes from Sebastian, walking from his chair to the dresser, digging through one of the drawers.
It’s a purely physical thing, he knows that. Sam has just recently discovered himself, he’s proud to say he’s bisexual, even if it’s only in his head.
Pelican Town couldn’t handle proud Sam in his prime, he’s saving them, honestly.
But, there are also downfalls. Like, discovering that your best friend is really hot.
Don’t get him wrong, he’s always known Sebastian was cute. He’s not friends with ugly people— just kidding— Sebastian just… he just transformed.
He got stronger, older, taller— well, he’s still shorter than Sam— but— the fact is, he became a very attractive young man. And because he’s the only other guy his age in town, of course Sam’s dirty brain would think of him like that.
There’s also Alex, and objectively, he’s definitely not ugly, but for some reason it’s not the same either. Whatever. It doesn’t mean anything anyway, Sebastian isn’t the only man he finds hot… there could be others!
Seeing his clothes tucked neatly next to Sebastian’s in his dresser shouldn’t make him waver. It was becoming hard to even coexist around Sebastian without getting flustered. He doesn’t think it’s sexy that their pajamas are folded together, so why is his heart racing?
“What’s taking you so long?”
Sam does another stupid thing, looking over his shoulder to see Sebastian unbuckling his belt. His head snaps away so fast he’s surprised his neck didn’t with it.
They’ve started not wearing pants to bed either. Just boxers. Which is fine too, it’s not weird. Sam’s making it weird.
Sam gathers a new shirt from the drawer and shuts it a little too abruptly, it thuds loudly in the quiet basement.
“I’m sorry.” He mumbles as he stands up, eyes still trained at the wall as he removes his own shirt. He almost chokes himself as he changes into the clean one, the sound of Sebastian’s belt hitting the ground startles him.
“Don’t know why you apologize, you know the basement’s soundproof.” Sebastian says distantly, over the blood rushing to Sam’s ears. Soundproof, yeah.
When he turns around after taking off his own jeans, he finds Sebastian curled up in his bed, facing him.
Did Sebastian just watch him take off his shirt, his pants? Sam suddenly feels heavy on his feet. He’s thinking too much, Sebastian was probably zoning out.
Sebastian immediately meets his eyes though, staring across the room, his blanket wrapped around him. He looks cozy, he looks content.
“Come get your blanket and pillow.”
Sam obediently crosses the room, grabbing his blanket and a pillow from the pile on Sebastian’s bed. It’s almost funny how fast he listens to anything Sebastian asks of him.
Sebastian looks at him for a moment, down at the bedding wrapped in his arms and then back into his eyes, like he’s contemplating.
It makes Sam feel queasy, he’s too hopeful. He shouldn’t even think that Sebastian would ever say… that.
“Goodnight.” Sam turns on his heel and sits on the couch, adjusting his pillow and throwing the blanket over himself. He could just walk for five minutes and be home, in his own room, in his own bed instead of a two-seater couch… but what’s the fun in that?
“Goodnight.” Sebastian laughs again, for a reason Sam can’t fathom as he reaches over to his bedside table and turns off the lamp.
That’s what’s fun, when the darkness surrounds them, when the only sound heard is their breathing and the soft clinking of the ceiling fan. It’s comforting. Sam sleeps better on that little couch than he does in his own bed.
He always falls asleep much faster too.
—
Sam wakes up to the smell of bacon.
“Want some?” Sebastian’s sitting cross-legged on his bed, hair roused from sleep as he eats a piece of bacon. He holds out the paper plate towards him.
“Yeah.” Sam rubs at his eye as he sits up, the blanket falling from his shoulders.
“You come here.” Sebastian wags the plate in the air, a strip of bacon nearly falls off, “I’m not getting up again.”
“Okay.” Sam sighs, but gets to his feet anyway, plopping himself on the edge of Sebastian’s bed. He sets the plate on the sheets, Sebastian doesn’t seem to care about the grease seeping through.
They eat together in silence. It’s always comfortable, not awkward.
“We didn’t even brush our teeth last night.” Sebastian says between bites.
“I know, we’re gross.”
They keep eating, Sam speaks again after he swallows another bite, “Didn’t think I was going to stay the night, I don’t even have a toothbrush here…”
“You should bring one. As a spare.”
Another trivial thing that shouldn’t make his heart flip, but it does. Sam lets himself fall back into Sebastian’s covers.
“Man, you almost knocked the plate off.”
“I’m comfy…” Sam closes his eyes, stretching out his arms purposefully in Sebastian’s way just to be a nuisance, “Gonna fall back asleep just like this.”
“No, not sprawled across my bed like that. Give me room too. Move over.” Sebastian shoves him to the side, climbing further onto the bed and pressing his back against the wall.
Sam should move, his head is too close to Sebastian’s thighs. He abruptly sits up and joins him, sitting against the wall.
They stay like that for a while, mindlessly finishing their humble breakfast. Sebastian even brought down a half gallon of orange juice too. They both sip straight from the jug like heathens.
Sam thinks it’s… cool… that Sebastian doesn’t mind placing his lips on the same spot where his were. He definitely doesn’t eye him as he sips from the lip of the bottle, or the way he swallows, either.
Why does that matter? They’ve always shared various drinks or smokes, it never stood out to Sam before so what’s the difference now?
“I’m gonna head home.” Sam rips his gaze off of Sebastian’s lips, standing to grab his crumpled pair of jeans off the floor.
“Alright, I should probably work on some projects.” Sebastian yawns, capping the jug and setting it down haphazardly on the bed.
“Or get some more sleep.” Sam keeps his focus on putting one leg through his pants and then the other. Sometimes he can’t handle seeing Sebastian in the early morning. He hadn't seen him like this until he started sleeping over again.. the quiet, sleep-lagged first awake Sebastian was another entity entirely.
He would go as far to say it was cute.
No no no no.
“Whatever you say, honey.” Sebastian falls to his side, laying curled up on his sheets.
Even behind the sarcastic tone, Sam can’t handle those names being thrown at him either. He doesn’t acknowledge it.
“Who’s going to knock over stuff now?” Sam nods his head towards the sloshing orange juice, his hands are busy fixing his belt. He’ll never get over that intimate feeling of undoing and redoing his belt right in front of Sebastian, maybe he will someday, but not now.
Especially as Sebastian watches his hands flit the leather through the buckle like it’s something interesting. When his eyes flick up towards Sam’s, they’ve already drifted to the floor.
The never ending game of cat and mouse.
Sam knows it’s not really a game, or anything like that, he’s just a wishful thinker.
“Meh. Meh, meh-meh meh meh..” Sebastian speaks with a high-pitched nasally tone that sounds nothing like Sam at all, but he still pulls a hurt face.
Clutching at his chest like he’s been burned, Sam lets out a dramatic gasp.
They both laugh.
“You’re stupid.” Sam shakes his head at him, walking over to Sebastian’s door and slipping on his shoes where he left them.
“No, you.” Sebastian has flopped onto his back now, looking up at Sam through his eyelashes.
“Be quiet, I’ll text you later.” Sam waves him off, staring for moments longer than he wanted. Something about Sebastian laid out across his bed like that, so relaxed, it ticks off some box in his head. That must be why he likes the early morning so much. Awful box. Terrible box. Bad!
“Bye.” Sebastian says as Sam steps out of his room, and quietly shuts the door behind him.
As he walks up the steps towards the main hall, he rolls out his shoulders. He needs to quit thinking like that immediately. It’s detrimental to his health and sanity.
Health wise because Sam acts as if he’s forgotten where each limb connects to his body. He slams his elbow on the doorway to the main hallway. Ouch. His spatial awareness significantly decreases every time he hangs out with Sebastian, this time is no different.
What’s worse, Robin happens to be passing by on her way to the front desk, witnessing his fumble.
“You okay, sweetie?” She frowns, a crease between her brows.
“Yeah- yeah, I’m fine.” Sam laughs shakily, rubbing at his elbow, it was his funny bone, okay? He’s not weak.
“You don’t want any ice? I have ice packs in the freezer, let me get one for—“
“It’s okay, really. Thank you though.” He smiles genuinely, he’s always been thankful for her kindness and welcomeness to her home.
“Okay, you go home and get some rest. It’s too early and I know Sebastian probably wears you out!” She rubs at his shoulder with a grin, heading towards the front desk.
He’s left holding his elbow in the hallway for a moment, speechless. What does that even mean? She must not understand the innuendo, or Sam is looking too much into it, but that sounded Weird. Capital W.
He pointedly avoids her gaze when he exits and anyone else he might run into on his way home, eyes trained on his feet.
—
He takes a long shower when he gets home. Washing his face, brushing his teeth, getting all the crusted gel out of his hair, it takes time. And it’s exhausting, he does take a nap afterwards. It’s like a reward.
He ends up waking hours later, sleeping until 6pm. What time did they even sleep at Seb’s? They must have played until four in the morning, and he left at seven am!
He reheats some leftover pizza and eats it in front of his computer as he watches a random gaming play through. He’s not really paying attention, just zoning out to a screen as he mindlessly fills his body with sustenance, four pieces of bacon hardly count as a meal.
Sam has a very uneventful night. After finishing his pizza he played a board game with Vincent (and let him win), drained his GameBoy battery, did a load of laundry he was putting off… And, tried reorganizing his closet!
But, he got distracted fifteen minutes in because he found an old unsolved rubix cube. Then that’s boring after five minutes.
Everything is so boring, he needs something exciting, some enrichment, He decides to… get ready for bed. When he comes back to his room for the final time before bed, he makes sure to lock his door.
Yes, a lock! He installed a real lock on his door, his mom finally let him have one at the ripe age of twenty. It’s been two years of pure private bliss and he’s thankful for it. Well, if you call Vincent’s random incessant yelling, the vacuum going off at 5am because his mom thinks that’s the best time AND constant football sounds from the TV private bliss.
But he’s grateful. All the times he did the one-handed hanky panky before it was installed he was on high alert. He could never fully enjoy himself.
Now, however…
He’s in front of his computer monitor in seconds, headphones plugged in.
Don’t think he’s some greaseball who whacks every day to porn, he really doesn’t. It’s every other day.
No no,— okay yes. Every other day. But this is the first time he’s venturing on the internet in a long, long time for this sort of release. He’s never been into the whole pornstar thing, the corny fakeness of it all really turned him off.
If he’s being real, he just uses his imagination. It always ends up drawing to a certain person… but he’s trying to get away from that. He needs to drop this stupid Sebastian fetish before it gets worse, he already pictured him naked hundreds of times. He feels terrible about it, but thinking of Sebastian doing insanely inappropriate things to him was the only fastest way to get him off.
The night he discovered it, (the magical sensation of thinking of his best friend,) he didn’t sleep until three in the morning… Yeesh. He’ll push that memory back into the dark crevices of his mind.
And it’s rotten, too. Sexualizing his friend just because he was the only other guy Sam was close to, just because he was attractive— it was wrong.
But it doesn’t feel wrong at the time..
Where does he even go for.. what he’s looking for… Ugh. It’s really an awkward sensation to look up porn, but he pushes on. For science!
Sam types into the search bar with unsure fingers, clicking on the first gay site that pops up. He feels mischievous, sneaky, and checks his door is locked even though he knows it is.
Get on with it, it doesn’t have to be a big deal. Just find a dude hot, beat it, and you’re cured of your weird.. thing… for your best friend.
He clicks on a popular video, two very muscular men in tight tank tops lift weights on the screen. Oh. Okay. Not his cup of tea.
He finds another video, this time it’s straight to business. One man is pressed under the other, nearly hollering as he rams into him from behind. Sam gawks, pausing the video. It was so obviously fake and aggressive, it made him grimace.
He clicks to the search bar within the site, pop-up ads flash on the sidebars. Meet Kaylee, 32, Hot Milfs In Your Area! Flashing text grabs his attention, then the image of some smiling middle-aged blonde woman flicks to a shot of her getting filled. Actually, he’s not even positive that it is the same woman. It doesn’t matter, it scares him. He did not need to see all that. He didn’t know the ads would be that intense too.
How do people go on these sites daily— multiple times a day? God- it’s too overstimulating in the worst way.
He tries something else.
His mouse rolls over the Amateur section. The thumbnails for these videos aren’t as wild as the others. He was halfway positive he saw a torture device in one of the previous videos on the main page but he wasn’t going to check.
Sam’s eyes flit over the titles. He clicks on one that could be promising.
Giving it to my boyfriend like he deserves
Ok. Sure.
The video loads to two guys that seem to be in their late twenties, one of them has the other pinned onto a bed.
They start kissing heavily. It’s almost too heavy, like they’re trying to suck each other's faces off. Sam can’t handle it, and it definitely doesn’t excite him.
He sighs, clicking one of the suggested videos underneath it. The title catches his eye.
My Angel
That’s kinda cute.
The screen fills with a brunette man on his knees looking up into the camera with half-lidded eyes.
Okay!
His hair is kind of shaggy, covering his forehead and nearly falling into his eyes. They’re a deep brown, big too, eyelashes thick as he looks up through them.
“Aren’t you a sweet thing, my dear…” The cameraman’s hand comes into frame to rub at the side of the man’s face, he leans into the touch.
That’s… intimate.
“You look so good on your knees, but why don't I take care of you first? Hm?” The camera jostles as the person holding it moves, setting it down somewhere to capture them both in the frame.
The other guy is blond, a bit bigger than the other. Sam’s brain starts to buzz.
“Please? I’ll be good.” The brunette stays on the floor until the other pulls him to his feet, holding him under the arms, “You better be.”
Ehh… that’s a little.. whatever. Sam can work with this, he’s starting to feel a little hot in his shirt.
He skips past the beginning. He didn’t necessarily find their dialogue that interesting, a little stale, if he’s honest.
He ends up scrolling too far, finding himself presented with the sight of the two of them hammering away on their bed. Sam is a little taken aback, they’re really going at it. It’s not as aggressive or as intense as he’s witnessed, it’s different…
It’s like they aren’t fucking, they’re making love.
Sam feels like he’s intruding on them, they way they’re looking into each other’s eyes, how they’re gripping one another’s bodies. Woh. The blond is holding the brunette by his hips as he rocks him against his. From this angle, the viewer can’t see much, but Sam notices how the man is shaking in his grasp. He’s whining something bad, the blond mumbling some string of praise as he repeatedly snaps up his hips.
Sam’s lips flatten into a straight line as a tingling feeling sweeps through his stomach.
Wow wow wow wow!!!! WOW! Okay!!! Ahhhhahah! Alright. That’s enough.
Sam pauses the video, ignoring the beating of his heart and the blood rushing south.
That was… okay. That was maybe alright. Sam still doesn’t necessarily feel hot for the guys in the video, but the actions they were doing— the way they were making each other feel so—.. it looked good. He wanted to do that with..
And it was easy to imagine too, something distant in him was as he watched the short snippet of the video. The blond guy was an easy roll for his brain to place on himself, he’s blond, so.. but the brunette kind of had the same build as— but his face wasn’t— and he had nice hair but it was too light of a brown and—
Sam lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding.
You decided to look this stupid shit up to STOP thinking about him, and here you go again.
But it was a start! He felt a little spark of something, even if it wasn’t towards one of the actors, it was a beginning!
The visuals were just.. the slightest bit jarring. He wasn’t used to seeing this many naked men at his disposal. And none of them were what he wanted.
Maybe he was just too picky, is everyone this picky?
He doesn’t know, instead he sits back in chair, using his little brain to think.
What if… what if there was, like, that, but like, no pictures or video? Is that a thing? He hopes that’s a thing. Because, honestly, he found the last two men’s noises a little tempting.
The issue on whether or not the feeling of intruding can outway his desire to prove himself right. That he can like another man besides Sebastian. Or at least find them sexy.
Audio Porn. Is that.. a genre? Do people want that enough for it to be genre? Is he weird for that?
Apparently not, because there’s 1,357,929 search results.
After skimming through the first results, a keyword catches his eyes. LewdMic. Okay, that’s a start, what site is this? Oh.
He turns to Reddit. A cesspool of filth, he knows he’ll find something there. There’s always something there.
The page flashes a NSFW warning at him, he clicks accept so fast it honestly makes him feel a little gross. Whatever. Who gives a fuck if he gets off on men moaning, he never said he was a saint.
It loads and the page icon catches his eye, it’s a microphone with a heart drawn around it.
The description reads;
Welcome all and everyone to the only place where eargasms come true. Let your desires and fantasies run wild in your imagination with the help of our lovely voice actors. Must be 18+ to view and post.
Okay. Alright. He’s doing this.
He scrolls down through the community posts. Again, he’s assaulted with profanities, but this time, they’re just descriptive words in captions.
[Free Use Whore] [Face Sitting] [NipplePlay] [Whips & Chains] [Threesome] [Needy Slut] are just a few that his eyes roll over as they scan through the page.
Holy shit, this is intense. He didn’t think it would be that graphic, there’s no visuals. Maybe without them, people could get even more creative.
[Tentacle Orgy]
Oh! Yeah! They sure can!
He hurriedly scrolls past that, deciding to refresh the page to the top and sort by most favorited instead. He assumes the most popular posts would be just.. a little more vanilla.
[Agressive Sex] [Collared Puppyboy] [Mommy Please]
He thought wrong.
And the headers have tags too, there were levels to this. What does [M4A] even mean— script fill? Ramblefap? Sam feels a little overwhelmed.
So when he finds something enticing he clicks onto the description to hide from the other daunting tags.
Your BestFriend Kisses You To Shut You Up
by CheCheCheVA
[M4F] scriptfill
[BestFriend] [BFFS] [Besties to Lovers] [Emotional Release] [L BOMBS] [Pet Names] [Grinding] [Handjobs] [Cunnilingus]
00:00 30:05
You’ve been friends with me for so long, we end up bickering most times over nothing. It’s late at night, I’m letting you sleep over and you won’t accept sharing the bed. You say it’s too small. I know how to make you quiet.
Okay, the description is a little cringe but he’s a sucker for the best friend trope so he’ll bite. And there’s no particular reason for his fondness of it, he just thinks it’s cute.
— Hi, guys! This week was sooo busy for me I’m sorry this upload is a little late I—
Sam gets bored of the actor's note as soon as he reads it. Get on with it already, geez.
He makes sure his earphones are tightly situated in the port as he loads the audio.
Thirty minutes?! Good lord, he underestimated this audio stuff.
“Come on, don’t be stupid ‘bout this, we can fit just fine.” The actor speaks, his voice filling Sam’s eardrums.
It’s okay, it’s not the most attractive voice. He just sounds like a normal dude, his voice is honestly a little higher than Sam’s own, and he’s not known for the baritones either. The point is, it’s not his favorite, but it’s okay.
Maybe he sounds better when he’s moaning.
How wretched of him to think! Sam clicks on the middle point of the audio log anyway, not wanting to waste time with the filler.
Immediately, there’s a man moaning in his ear, whining really. It’s nasally and honestly, a little annoying.
“Fuck, baby girl, Ah- ah- yeah- move your hand faster, please!”
Oof. No. Absolutely not. The small arousal building in his gut diminishes faster than he can blink. That was not it for him. Not at all.
Now he understands what the M4F was all about, male for female.
Okay, that’s cool. But he doesn’t think he fits the role of ‘babygirl’ very well. He clicks off the audio and goes back to scrolling through the top posts like that didn’t happen.
He goes through a couple more, but none of them hit. They’re okay, but none get him.. excited. It’s almost frustrating, he should give up. Maybe he’s cursed.
But something else gets him intrigued.
[Pegging] [Friends to Lovers] [Msub] [Whimpering] [Confident to Needy] [Cunnilingus]
He’s a simple man, if he sees ‘needy’ and ‘whimpering’ in the same title he’ll take it. Even if it’s geared towards women, he can imagine it differently. Ehehheh.
He doesn’t bother reading the description now, wanting to get this over with. Prove he can find someone else, or at least, the voice of someone else attractive. This was perfect too, without a body or face, he couldn’t compare anything of the actor to him.
Not everything has to be about Sebastian.
“Why are you looking at me like that?” The voice starts off the first second. It must be another script. But none of that registers because the actor sounds like… he sounds..
“No, I’ve noticed you are acting differently.” Sam can tell this was recorded with an earbud mic, it’s still good quality but the slightest bit crunchy, “You’re getting red too… why is that?”
The lilt to the man’s voice has Sam sitting forward in his seat, closer to the screen, but nothing besides the audio stamp ticking the seconds as they go by is displayed. Who is this guy? Holy shit. He sounds hot.
“Do you think I look good like this?” There’s some shuffling after he speaks, “With my shirt up? You like seeing me on display?” It’s like he was trying to mimic the sound of his shirt pulling up, or he actually did for the effect.
Ohh, shit. Sound effects too?
“Awwww,” God, he sounds so cocky, he’s really acting up the part, “You do. I know you do. I’ve known for a long time.”
Something stirs in Sam’s gut.
“You wanna take it off me?” The actor's voice is so smooth, his tone so coy and enticing. It’s starting to do something for him. He almost finds himself answering ‘yes’.
“Don’t be shy— I’ll do it for you.” There’s more shuffling of fabric, “Don’t look away. Look at me.”
Hoooooo boy. That voice, the command, it’s enough to get his blood rushing south again. Sam can sort of tell he’s playing it up though, his voice sounds just a tad bit strained, like he’s pitching it up just for the script. It’s fine though, it’s more than fine. He’s starting to get hard in his jeans.
“Ah- what are you—“ He sounds startled and is cut off by the sound of a zipper being unzipped- oh— “Fuck, you just- you can’t pounce on me like- that- Ah”
Sam squeezes the arms of his chair, he didn’t even realize he was gripping onto them so tightly, but that little gasp got him going. This guy’s voice was ridiculously attractive, yes, this is what he was looking for.
“Mmph— What, what happened to all that nervousness? You—, you’re squeezing me— ah, no, keep going, please don’t stop. Take them off.” The man’s voice pitches just a little higher, as there’s clinking like the sound of a belt hitting the floor. “You want to— yes. Please, touch me.”
Fuck. Sam’s ears feel hot, his cheeks feel hot, everything does. He’s already half-hard, straining against his jeans, but does nothing to remove them. It’s like he can’t admit this is what it takes for him.
Ah. There it is. There’s a soft slapping sound now, rhythmic and steady. He knows exactly what it is, he hears it every other night in his own room.
The sound of his hand repeatedly thudding against the same spot above his groin over and over again as he beats off to his imagination. But now, he’s listening to a damn fake recording of it! He knows the actor is probably hitting the side of his leg or something stupid to mimic it, but it still doesn’t quell the desire building in him. He’s depraved.
“Ah, ah, don’t stop— please don’t, I want you, I’ve wanted this for so long— I— I know you have too.”
Sam relents, shucking off his pants, not even bothering to kick them off his ankles as he pulls himself out of his boxers.
Not even the smallest ounce of shame flows through him as he pumps lotion into his free hand.
The voice actor quiets for a moment, only his speech, he still makes those little moans and gasps as the skin slapping sounds ramp up.
Woahohoh. Okay.
Sam really likes the sound of this guy’s voice. Even his shaky breathing is spurring him on. It’s almost like he’s heard it before, he can’t pinpoint it. Maybe he was a visual actor he stumbled across before, but Sam feels like he’d remember anyone if they had a voice like that.
“Mmm-mm-‘mmm.. my- god- fuck- keep rubbing the tip like that and I’ll cum.” His voice is so close to the mic, it’s like he’s directly talking in Sam’s ear. It’s embarrassing how hard he is as he starts to palm himself, relaxing back into his chair.
He even shuts his eyes, letting his imagination run wild. His brain keeps trying to conjure up some pale skinned guy with dark hair,—No. His eyes snap open just as the actor lets out a loud moan.
“I told you to— You made me cum all over myself. You made me so dirty.” He’s out of breath as he speaks, voice warbling, goddamn he’s great at this.
“Don’t tease me for being quick— you’re not fair. You’re just too beautiful, I can’t, when you look into my eyes like that what do you— ah, expect— fuck- please I’m sensitive don’t- wait- ah-“
Sam’s pace on himself gets steady, something about the desperation in the man’s voice is getting him good. The compliment helps too, he knows the listener is supposed to be female, but men can be beautiful too.
And lord, he loves the way this guy says it.
“Please— I can’t go again now- let me- oh- oh- let me eat you out… please? I want to taste you.”
Sam gets even more flustered, the hand pumping himself stops cold. Now that, that was too much. He in fact does not have a vagina, so his first thought is of another hole getting eaten. He clicks off the audio with his unpreoccupied hand in record time.
His face still feels unbelievably hot. He doesn’t even need to touch it with his fingers to feel the burn.
As he sits there, one hand around his throbbing cock and another loosely around the mouse, he stares at the screen blankly.
Oh no. This was bad. That actor unlocked something in him, something he was trying to bury. His voice was just too good, he needed more. Did he have anything for men?
And who was he?
He looks at the username attached to the post.
ObsidianVA
Alright. Okay. Good work, man.
His mouse hovers over the profile, is he really going to do this? Is he really going to scour this man’s page for gay audio porn?
Yes. Yes he is.
Dick out and all, he scrolls through the man’s account.
He was right, he is fairly popular. Over 20 thousand followers. Damn.
Sam glances past the bio for now, he can’t get too absorbed in his guy, he’s anonymous for a reason.
He looks through the posts, many tags standing out to him.
[Wet sounds] [Name Calling] [HateFuck] [PowerBottom] [Frottage] [Face Riding]
But one particular post has his finger paused over the scroller.
The Guy You Keep Ogling At The Party Fucks You Senseless In The Bathroom.
[M4M] [ScriptFill] [Strangers] [But Not Really] [House Party] [Bathroom Sex] [On The Sink] [MDom] [DirtyTalk] [Teasing] [Neck Biting] [Cumming Inside]
Oh yes. Oh there we go. M4M? It’s a party.
Sam can’t help himself. He clicks on the link. It takes him to a separate page, just a scrollable log of audio and a time stamp. The title is underneath it in big block letters, it taunts him.
Too late now, he already clicked on it.
He triple checks his shitty earphones are still plugged in as the audio plays.
There’s actual sound effects in this one, he can hear club music thumping, but it’s muffled like it’s behind a wall, the sound of a sink turning on and water flowing. Then, even footsteps that get closer.
Wow, this is pretty high quality for audio porn. Sam is a little impressed.
The sound of a door opening has him looking towards his own, it’s still shut thankfully, locked. He made sure of it, these effects are a little too realistic. The music even grows clearer now that the ‘bathroom door’ was opened.
“Oh- ah, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to bump into…” —He sounds different in this one. The voice is deep, but not the least bit burly. Sam still has the idea he’s putting part of it on for the script, but it’s nice. He likes this tone more, actually. It’s a little familiar almost, soft into the microphone, Sam can tell it’s higher quality too. He must’ve gotten an upgrade, maybe he’s making money from this— “Mm- it’s you.”
The voice changes tone, even deeper, raspier, the hair on the back of Sam’s neck stands up. It was nothing like he was putting on in the first video, but not in a bad way.
He must have a deeper range naturally. It wasn’t like one of the other audios Sam stumbled across first, where the men would try to fake a deep voice but sound completely stupid. This actor sounded effortlessly good.
“I saw the way you were watching me… staring, as I danced. Did you wait for me back here?” He pauses, like he’s waiting for another person to respond in turn. The club music thumping fills the gap.
So, it is really like a script, huh.
“Sure you didn’t.” The voice laughs, it’s just for few beats but Sam has to sit back in his chair, it reminds him of someone but he can’t think of it because the voice speaks again, taunting…
“You can act like you don’t want me, but your eyes betray you. I know you want me to fuck you.”
Hoh, god. Oh shit. That’s. Wow.
“Ah? See? You’re red. You should see yourself. Come here.” The sounds of rustling and a door being closed is followed by the music suddenly muffling again. This was very realistic— the creator must have edited this all together. Sam thanks him for how easy it is to picture himself inside this scenario.
“In the mirror, Look at yourself.” The man’s voice is so clear in this mic, it sounds like he’s really there, whispering in his ear. “So desperate… and I haven’t even touched you. You really want it that badly, huh?”
Fuuuuck. Sam starts pumping himself again, his cock has only grown harder. This guy’s voice was insane.
“How would you like it if…” He starts to speak as trails off as there’s the sound of cloth rustling again, Sam likes to think it’s the sound of his shirt getting pulled up, “I took you right here, right on the counter, like the dirty boy you really are?”
Oh god, that was crazy. Sam feels crazy. He shuts his eyes and lets himself have this. He’s leaking already, the teasing is doing something wild to him. Is this what he likes? He wants a man telling him how fucking nasty he is?
“Yeah, you want it bad, like a fucking slut. Pants off.”
Yes. He likes this very much. Biting his lip to hold in some sort of embarrassing whimper he can’t admit.
“Good boy, you can listen!” The actor speaks after the sound of cloth falling to the ground, he’s mocking, almost condescendingly, but hearing ‘good boy’ makes Sam shiver, “Now… your shirt…” there’s a noise of a cap popping open, “Good.. you know something?”
His voice grows softer, like a whisper directly into his ear. “I’ve seen you staring at me every time there’s a party, and every time I went just to have a chance to eyefuck you across the room. But I got tired of it.” There’s a little bite to the last sentence, Sam keens, letting out a shaky breath, “I brought this with me each time, hoping you’d come up to me, let me get a moment with you—“ The mic picks up liquid getting squirted out of a bottle, “and now, I can use it.” There’s a wet noise now, slow, but repeated steadily, “Now, I can take you— right here.” The noises speed up, the slickness of it is too real, it makes it too easy to picture.
Another man’s hand wrapping around his cock instead of his own, pumping him mercilessly after nights and nights of sexual tension. Goddamn.
“Did I say stop looking at yourself? Eyes in the mirror, now. Look at your face,” He’s breathing heavier now like the actor is worked up too, Sam really likes the way the new mic picks up on the gentle changes in breathing, he can hear everything, “I barely touched you and you’re already a mess. You’re squirming. Can’t you stay still?”
ohmygod
“Lean on me, baby. I’ll hold you up, just don’t let your knees fail you.”
The term of endearment paired with the cocky little laugh has Sam shaking. He’s getting so damn pent up over a fucking audio. But this one was strangely impressive, very immersive. Sam lets his eyes roll closed again, picturing himself in a small, stuffy bathroom, leaning back against a hot man’s chest.
“Aw, you’re shaking…” The voice teases, a scary coincidence that makes Sam’s hips involuntarily jerk up into his own hand. He’s so turned on, he’s never felt like this, this damn voice was getting inside his head, “Sweet baby, does it feel good? Do you like looking at yourself as I rub your cock? Hm?” The slick sounds grow louder, faster, and Sam tries to keep the pace.
He’ll be done for in no time if it stays like this.
“Fuck, you’re so hot— I can’t get enough of you, such a pretty boy.”
Sam audibly moans, it’s quiet and cut off, but the shame that follows is immense. This man has got him moaning to just the sound of flirtation.
“You gonna cum like this? Just from my hand? Mmm, yeah, you’re that easy, look at me in the mirror. Look in my eyes.”
Sam can see it so clearly, the sink, the bathroom mirror, the person making him pant. It’s him, it’s always him, in every demented thought, in every sick dream, it’s Sebastian. It’s always been him.
And honestly, it fits too well. Now that he thinks of it, the infliction of his tone, speech pattern— the laugh, he knows why it’s familiar. This ObsidianVA creator sounds almost exactly like Sebastian.
No… no… he can’t think like that…
“Want you to look me in the eyes when you cum. I wanna see you, baby.” His voice is still dominant, but there’s a second tone of weakness that also reminds him of Sebastian that has him losing his mind.
Arousal slams down his stomach, pooling, building, he’s so hard it hurts. He finally lets down his last barrier, or more, it’s flooded and drowned by the rush of getting off to the image of Sebastian…
Seb holding him against his body from behind, head tucked near his so he can whisper directly in his ear, one hand slinked around his body to wrap around his leaking cock.
Sebastian would act like this too, he bets. He gets so cocky every time he wins pool, he relentlessly teases Sam, he assumes it’d be the same if they…
“You’re such a mess. So dirty…”
It’s almost like Sam can feel it, see it, the audio was too good. His imagination was too good, he can see himself locked in a gaze with Sebastian through the mirror, one of those devious smirks on his lips.
“Yeah, baby, keep looking at me. Cum for me.”
Sam cums with a shaky whine, it’s so intense he has to clench his teeth together to quiet himself. Fuck, he’s never came that hard like, ever. The aftershocks roll through him and his legs actually clench together.
“Ah- ah, fuck, yes, just like that—such a good boy— love how you listen to me— look at you, mm, so hot, so fucking sexy, baby- you’re- yes, oh. You got it all over you… another fucking mess...”
Sam gasps, he didn’t mean to time it so perfectly but when that voice commanded him he couldn’t hold it in any longer. And he’s right too, Sam has sticky spunk all over his damn shirt. In real life, not his imagination, unfortunately.
Post nut clarity hits him good. He grimaces at the mess he made of himself, it’s not hot if he’s alone. The voice actor keeps breathing in his ear, he pauses the video before his dick decides to perk up again.
After he wipes off his hands with some tissues, he removes his headphones, groaning. He’s shocked at how loud his voice sounds, ears used to the soundproofing. He hopes and prays the few times he made a noise it was quiet and unassuming. He can’t handle someone finding out his true nasty self, especially not his family.
When he’s finished cleaning himself off and into a new shirt. He’s sitting right back at his computer, frantically scanning through the page.
He regrets correlating this poor voice actor trying to make ends meet to Sebastian. Now Sam has to make a Reddit account, something he promised he’d never do, just to subscribe to this dude.
He makes up the random username and accepts the numbers that are generated for him at the end, he keylogs it so he won’t forget, and then he has an account. Just like that.
All for a gay audio pornstar because he sounds a little bit like his best friend.
This a new low, really. He promises he isn’t normally like this. Lately it’s just been out of control. He needs to get a handle on himself. His brain, not his damn dick.
He reads the profile description.
Professional Gooner
Oh. Okay. Short and to the point.
There’s a link underneath to another website with the same username. Sam assumes it’s a pay per view hosting site, but he doesn’t dare venture there. It’s one thing to subscribe, but to pay this guy for his moans? No way.
Even if he does sound similar to Sebastian, it’s not him. He won’t pay anyone else for their sweet noises.
What? Where did that come from— he wouldn’t pay Sebastian either. What the fuck.
He shakes his head, maybe the audios are getting into his brain and making him insane. Or he was already like that, but he chooses to accept the first thought.
Sam needs to stop this. He shuts off his computer, but not before he saves the page as a bookmark. He isn’t perfect, afterall.
—
Sam barely sleeps that night, he knows realistically it’s because he slept during the day— throwing off his body’s rhythm. But something in him attributes it to his internet findings.
He lays in his bed, flat on his back, stiff as a board as he stares up at the ceiling. Gentle moonlight floods through his blinds, only faintly brightening the room. Sam watches the blades of his ceiling fan spin around and around slowly.
It’s almost like he can hear the man’s voice thrumming through his head. He keeps thinking of Sebastian.
What if it was Sebastian?
No, that would be really crazy. Sebastian would never do anything like that, he didn’t even sound exactly the actor anyways. It was unfathomable, Sebastian would probably punch him for just thinking he would do something like that. There was nothing wrong with that line of work, but he couldn’t see Sebastian pursuing it.
But god, he was enjoying imagining it. Himself in the scenarios with Sebastian, and Sebastian as the voice actor. He’s always thought Seb had a great voice, he could make an income out of it.
Sam won’t tell him he thinks so.
—
Eventually he falls asleep, dreaming of absolutely nothing. When he opens his eyes, it’s like no time has passed at all. The only thing that’s changed is the soft moonlight fading to bright sunlight cascading over his eyes.
Sam really shouldn’t have his bed facing the window anymore, or at least manage to close his curtains, the sun always disturbs him in the morning, but he’s too lazy. He's been too lazy to do a lot of things recently.
The first thing he does, besides a deep stretch and yawn, is check through his phone.
The only notification is from Sebastian, because the universe loves to play with him,
Come over?
I have pizza.
Five minutes ago at 10:20am, that’s early for both of them. Sam falls back into his bed, mulling over the thought. Who is he kidding, he would drop any plans for Sebastian. It’s his second day off, he would try to tidy his room but..
He takes longer than necessary when getting ready, showering and fixing up his hair. He walks out of the house feeling decent, until the large wood house comes into view.
Some wave of anxiety falls over him, stalling his steps, he smooths down his shirt. That’s never happened before. Sebastian’s teasing could border on intense but it has never made Sam feel anxious.
He shakes it off the best he can, slipping through the entryway and Robin’s counter undetected.
Sam lingers at Sebastian’s door, raising his fist like he would knock. What, why would he knock? He has made it a signature to bust down Seb’s door each and every time he visits with no warning. It’s just their thing.
He lightly swings it open, something gnawing at him deep in his core.
Sam tends to not notice change until it’s spelled out for him, but it’s hard to ignore the mattress leaning on the far wall and the metal bed frame scraps around it.
Sebastian’s sitting on his floor, reading some type of multiple page handwritten note; various wooden boards and boxes around him strewn across the carpet. He doesn’t even seem to register Sam in the room, eyes creased with focus.
He looks good, he’s wearing the one pair of black jeans out of many that Sam thinks looks especially great on him. He always wears the same combination of black shirt black pants but there is a difference and Sam has favorites. Especially when he rolls up the sleeves on his shirts, Sam has a hard time keeping his eyes off him.
As if Sebastian can feel his eyes on him, he turns his head.
“What took you so long? The pizza is getting cold.” Sebastian blinks at him, not offering any other explanation. He wasn’t even shocked to see Sam, he would have thought Sebastian would have been the least bit frightened. Then, he could play the whole standing in his room silently watching him off like a prank.
“Are you just going to stand there? Or will you help me out?” Sebastian finally drops the manual, looking up into Sam’s eyes, the faintest smile on his lips.
And then, he understands exactly what the sudden anxiety was.
Listen, Sam has known since his crush (can this be called a crush still? Is it pining—) on Sebastian started, he was deeply attracted to him. His eyes, his hair, the smile he only had around Sam, his laugh, his voice—
And it all floods back to him, his debaucherous night tirade on the internet. That rabbit hole of queasiness until he found that, guy, the guy, you know… Fuck.
It was a mistake, looking any of that up and listening,—No, fantasizing about Sebastian to someone who barely sounded like him. He would be sick if he found out, he’d think Sam was a real freak and never talk to him again.
“Haha,” Sam forces out something akin to a laugh, “So, you only wanted me to come here to help you set up furniture? You know I’m not the best with following instructions.”
“I think you can follow my instructions just fine.” Sebastian rolls his eyes, “Come on, with my gigantic brain and your muscles, together we can set up this bed frame! Is that better?”
Did Sam even wake up this morning? Was this a dream too? He has to blink a couple times in secession to make sure. Sebastian still sits there behind his eyes.
He thinks those audios demented him, yes, it was the audios, because why is Sebastian talking to him like that? He must be perverting everything, but god, to him that sounded like heaven.
“My mom made it for me, said something like she wanted me to set it up myself as a learning experience—Do you want me to say please?” Sebastian says the last bit softly, avoiding Sam’s eyes.
He can follow instructions, yes.
“Alright, you tell me what to do because I’m not reading that thing.” Sam steps over slabs of wood, picking one up and looking at the interlocking joints, banishing the instruction manual with a disgusted glance.
Sebastian starts laughing, covering his mouth and coughing before flipping through the manual, “Okay, take piece A1 and hook it into B1,— no, look at the stickers on the bottom, not that one, the one that looks like an L.”
“That’s not even A1.”
“Wait, I’m wrong.”
“HA!”
They eventually complete the bed frame, between bites of cold pizza and yawning breaks. Sam has to admit it looks really nice, even if it was a pain in the ass to set up. It was a dark redwood, complementing the general theme of Seb’s room.
“What made you want a new one?” Sam leans back on the palms of his hands, stretched out on the floor. The basement has a decent size, so he doesn’t know why Sebastian decided to throw his legs over his as he catches his breath.
“And why are you breathing hard, like you did any of the heavy lifting.” Sam busies his mouth, needing to say something to get his mind off of their legs touching.
“Shut up, putting on sheets for a bed bigger than I am is taxing. Did you not just see me fight the corners?” Sebastian’s hand worms down to pinch at Sam’s thigh, his eyes still closed, “I just felt like I needed a bigger bed. I’m a grown man now,”
“You’re twenty two,—Did you know our brains aren’t even fully developed yet? You’ve got a couple more years.”
“Uh- You’ve got a couple more decades,”— Oof, there we go, there’s Sebastian’s real face—“I am grown,” Sebastian opens his eyes just to give Sam a pointed stare, “With a good job, a good room, even if it is my mom’s basement, I deserve a big bed.”
There’s a beat of silence, “Thank you for helping me Sam, I could have done it myself but I honestly wanted your company.” Sebastian looks up at the ceiling, Sam can feel his legs tense up.
And Sebastian stands up, ignoring what he just said to flop onto his new bed, face first.
Sam sits there on the floor dumbfounded, it’s getting hard to handle Sebastian’s sincerity. He’s started saying things like that more often than not, leaving Sam red in the face and stunned. Or is it even sincere? Is it just a joke he’s playing?
“You should come try this,” Sebastian’s voice is muffled by the mattress, “I know you said Joja is the shittiest place on earth but god does their online shopping feel good.”
“Seb…” Sam is reeled back in, a grimace already starting to form, “What did I tell you? Don’t ever remind me about work unless I’m late.”
“I just saw you visibly shiver thinking about it, I’m gonna do it again.” Sebastian rolls onto his side, an awful smug look on his face when Sam meets his eyes. It’s like he’s asking him, what he’s going to do about it?
“I’ll—“ Sam grabs a black pillow from the floor, such a convenient placement for him to throw at Sebastian’s head, “You’re over!”
“No!” Sebastian ducks his head into the blankets, the pillow bouncing off his skull, “Ahg, no!” But he dissolves into laughter when he feels Sam jump onto the bed.
They’ve started wrestling again, completely fake and harmless. Except the time Sebastian yanked on Sam’s ear and they heard a weird cracking noise, but that’s another story.
“What! What! You’re all talk,” Sam digs his hands into Sebastian’s back, straddling him to stop him from rolling over onto his stomach, “You’re not gonna do anything ever!”
“If you—“ Sebastian’s hands try to grab at his knees, Sam immediately corrects it, taking Seb’s hands and holding them at the base of his spine, “If you had let me prepare I’d have you on the ground,” Sebastian turns his head, cheek pressed into the sheets.
Oh no. What has he done, this was awful. Sam didn’t think this through, not at all, holding Sebastian down in his new nice bed. The way Sebastian’s looking up at him, he can see when the fight leaves his eyes.
“That’s a damn lie,” The fake confidence is fading from Sam’s voice, Sebastian’s hands aren’t tugging to be free anymore, held loosely in his grasp, “You said it yourself, you have the brain, I have the muscle.” He lets go, just to flex his arm for effect. Maybe that will lighten the mood.
From whatever it was.. Sam must be imagining it, but Sebastian is looking at him differently. Sam feels him tense and promptly removes his knee off the back of his thigh, scooting to the edge of the bed.
“Sure,” Sebastian props himself up on his elbows, still laying on his stomach like he’s the most relaxed he could be, “I just said that so you’d do the brute labor for me… and it worked.”
“You suck balls.” Sam says flatly, getting off the bed and flipping Sebastian off behind him.
“No, I’ve never sucked balls before, why do you want to know?”
“Oh my god— Sebastian stop!”
“You said it, not me.”
—
Sam grabs his gamepad from Sebastian’s dresser, he must have left it there the other day. He’s starting to get too lenient with leaving things at Sebastian’s house. He never complains though, so Sam decides he’ll keep doing it.
This entire spring, nearly every day Sam had off, he would spend some part of it in Seb’s basement. Or hanging out with Seb by the lake, throwing various items at the cliffs.. anything to pass the time by. It wasn’t until now, with summer quickly approaching, he realized just how stuffy it is down here.
“It’s getting so hot, your blankets aren’t helping.” He speaks up after an hour of playing Junimo Kart on his gamepad, with Sebastian watching over his shoulder. They haven’t moved from the bed, stomachs laid flat as they lay haphazardly across it.
“I know— I like these though, they’re soft.” Sebastian punctuates his statement with the shift of his hips into the mattress, Sam has to drag his eyes back to the screen.
“Do you want to smoke?”
“Oh, you’re asking this time?” Sebastian looks at him with his eyebrows raised, pleasantly surprised.
“Yeah. I want to.” Sam sets the gamepad on a pillow, nodding confidently, “I like it when we’re in bed more.”
Woah. That sounds too honest.
“I mean, like, I get too anxious when we’re outside. I feel like Mayor Lewis is going to pop out from behind a bush and kill me.” Sam quickly deflects, making Sebastian laugh, his best defense mechanism.
It’s true, when they get the rare chance to smoke in Seb’s bedroom… Sam feels like he gets to see Sebastian in another light. It’s been less times than he can count one hand, so each moment is kept safely in his memory.
“I do feel his immense energy even when I’m out on the lake, did I ever tell you he said I smelt like a skunk once?” Sebastian rolls onto his back, laying out on the bed. This was the real reason he liked smoking indoors, to see Sebastian so relaxed in the comfort of his room. That was it for Sam, he was so glad they started doing this again. Laying in Sebastian’s bed, right next to him? The gamepad was too great of an excuse, so was smoking, anything that would get him in bed with Sebastian..
Eeeech. No. That’s, so wrong,— He can’t think of it like that, it honestly wasn’t! Sam just loved the feeling of being under the covers with Sebastian. There was nothing else like it,— that doesn’t help either,— He could fall asleep so fast, even in the middle of the day.
“Dude. I didn’t actually get sprayed by a skunk, it was weed.” Sebastian narrows his brows at him, “You don’t need to look so disgusted.”
Sam must have been thinking too much, it always shows on his face.
“No- sorry, that’s hilarious, I’ll open the window now.” Sam shoots up on bed, getting his wobbly footing under control as he turns to unlock the small window right under the ‘ceiling.’ It’s nice that Seb has one window at least, even if it’s very tiny.
Sometimes Sam can feel Sebastian’s eyes on him, usually that would be unnerving— if it was anyone else. Sam has come to find a thrill every time he catches Seb staring. Like now, as he lifts his arms above his head to unhook the window clasp, deep brown eyes catch on his waist and stay there until Sam sits down again.
He never gets used to it.
Seb’s eyes only drag away when Sam leans against the wall, sitting with his legs across the bed sideways. They’ve made this their defunct positions, using the wall as backrest and the bed as a makeshift couch. Even with all the extra space, they always end up thigh to thigh, hip to hip.
Seb leans across the bed on all fours, ducking down and sticking one arm out to ruffle through his bedside drawer. Now, Sam tries not to stare; but when the golden opportunity is presented to him, he isn’t made of steel.
Sebastian has always had some extra in his hips, but when he entered his twenties, it was even harder to ignore. Sam lets himself take in the sight of Sebastian’s plump ass until he sits back onto the bed, resting beside him with a tray in his lap.
Oh, he’s in for a treat! Sebastian usually has joints prerolled, he told Sam that he likes to roll a bunch at the beginning of the week. ‘Give his future self a break,’ maybe he didn’t this week.
“You wanna put something on the projector?” Sebastian starts folding a strip of thick paper around itself for the filter, “We could watch more Sailor Moon.”
Sam smiles, he was the one to buy Sebastian the projector for his birthday last year. ‘You have all this space down here and you hardly use it,’ was Sam’s explanation for such an expensive present. It cost him an entire week’s wages from Joja, but it was worth it to see Sebastian’s reaction. It gets good use too, it benefits the both of them, their movie nights sufficiently upgraded.
“Mhm, let me guess, you want me to set it up?” Sam tilts his head, watching Sebastian’s hands curl the joint paper around the filter.
“Yeah,” Sebastian licks a stripe across the sticky side of the paper, Sam’s eyes follow the action, “I’m gonna smoke you out, you can do the grunt work.”
Sam would purr if he could, Sebastian’s choice of words always make him flush involuntarily. He snaps his eyes off his lips, finding Seb’s eyes already on his.
“Whatever you say,” Sam slides off the bed, “You’re only asking me so you don’t have to jump up at the switch.” He steps to the middle of the room, lifting his arm up to grab the switch hanging from a string. It’s attached to Sebastian’s ceiling, and in his defense they are higher than a normal room.
“You act like you’re so much taller than me, I don’t have to jump— my arms reach just fine.” Sebastian grabs a lighter from the tray, flicking it on and off towards him with an outstretched arm.
It was junior year that Sam had a final growth spurt, much to Sebastian’s dismay. They’d been sitting at 5’8 throughout highschool, so when Sam seemed to grow four inches overnight he made sure to never shut up about it.
“Are you supposed to be intimidating? You wouldn’t actually hurt me, you couldn’t. You want to go again?” Sam rolls the sleeves of his t-shirt up his shoulders, referencing their little wrestling scuffle a couple hours earlier.
“No I wanna get high,” Sebastian starts packing the joint, using a random chopstick as a packer, “and watch tv with you.”
Sebastian doesn’t even lift his eyes off his work, and that’s all it takes for Sam’s heart to swell. He doesn’t respond, busing himself with turning and yanking the projector sheet down. Sam takes everything Sebastian says with too much hope, reading into any slight inflection or tone to his voice.
He appreciates the honesty, he wants to watch tv with him too. Maybe even they’ll get tired, Sebastian will lean his head on his shoulder— like last time, it’d be great.
He climbs into bed next to Sebastian, taking his spot next to him, leaving an inch of space. The gap between them will close eventually, it always does whether they realize it or not.
He reaches across Sebastian’s lap, deliberately getting in his space to grab his phone from his side.
“Dude,” Sebastian sucks his teeth, “You’re gonna make me spill.” He knocks Sam’s shoulder with his elbow when he pulls back.
“Do you want to watch something or no?” Sam grins as he unlocks Seb’s phone, opening it up with Face ID. They’ve had each other’s phone passwords since forever it feels like, secrets were unheard of between them.
Until Sam started using Sebastian as a sexual fantasy, that secret will be kept for an indefinite amount of time.
“Put on that one show instead, we haven’t caught up.” Sebastian interrupts Sam’s shameful train of thought, holding up a perfectly rolled joint, “Look at this beaut.”
“Well done,” Sam plucks it from his hand, smiling when Sebastian’s mouth drops, “What, you don’t want me to light it? I thought that’s the trade off.”
Sam lights the joint after he sets up the show, the intro flooding through the speakers underneath the projector screen. Maybe it was worth an entire paycheck, but Sam didn’t disclose that information.
“No, I expect you to light it. That’s your job.” Seb has this confident expression across his face like he knows Sam wouldn’t ever possibly object. He’s right, too.
He blows out his first inhale with eyes fluttering closed, passing the joint to Sebastian.
They lazily sit like that, passing the joint between them as they half-heartedly pay attention to the show on the projector. Every time they smoke, it’s like some gravitational pull tugs them together. After half the joint is puffed into the air, they’re pressed shoulder to shoulder once again. Clockwork, every time.
Sam relishes in the warmth against him, his eyes keep drifting to where their thighs press together.
“Oh wow,” Sebastian speaks offhandedly, catching Sam’s attention. In the dim light, his skin is illuminated just by the projector, blues and greens flashing across his face, “I didn’t think he’d actually kill him.”
Sam has to rip his gaze away to get his mouth to work, getting caught staring wasn’t anything he wanted to face right now.
“It’s sad, she will be devastated knowing her boy toy might be next.” He speaks after another long drag, handing it back to Sebastian between pinched fingers.
“Mhm,” Seb takes his hit, “She better get on that dick and run, if I was in her position, that’s what I’d do.”
Sam watches the smoke curl out around his lips as he speaks, nearly mesmerized. He sometimes blanks out on what words Seb’s lips are forming though.
It’s not on purpose. It’s not rude…
Sebastian really was beautiful, he had the softest looking lips. It drove Sam mad, he stifles the thought with two hits in quick succession.
“Me too.” Sam exhales, agreeing to something he didn’t catch. The room is starting to get foggy, he can only imagine what it’d be like if the window wasn’t cracked.
“Yeah? You know life is too short, huh?” Sebastian gets like this sometimes when they smoke, he starts asking these questions that make no sense, “You would take that dick and run too?”
“Ha,” Sam chokes on another hit, handing it back to Sebastian blindly as he coughs into the crease of his elbow, “You’re funny. If I was her, I would. You don’t get many chances at a good lay in the 1700’s I bet.”
Sebastian starts laughing, maybe at the warble in Sam’s voice or something else he can’t pick up on at the moment.
“Mm. I guess I’m funny.” Sebastian hits it again, puffing the smoke out with a sigh. They settle into silence again, sharing the joint until it’s a roach and ashed out into the tray.
It was good stuff. Sam’s head felt light and heavy at the same time, his body so warm, especially the side of him connected to Sebastian. If he focused, he could even feel the other breathing against him. He didn’t try for too long or it would freak him out. The fact that Sebastian was right there, right next to him.
Sam really liked smoking with Sebastian. There was only one part he didn’t like, the incessant thoughts that would not stop. It would always happen, whether he wanted it or not. Thrums of how close Seb was to him and how easy it would be to lay his head on his shoulder wrapped around his brain and spun.
He could do lots of things like this. Hold Sebastian, hug him, kiss him, maybe down his neck… reach over and unbuckle-
A soft moan from the speakers draws his attention.
The female lead is getting a very intense massage from her lover. His strong hands kneed into her shoulders.
He can feel Sebastian shift next to him. His shoulder knocks against Sam; an action so small that shouldn’t light his nerves on fire. It was strangely intimate to watch a scene like this with Sebastian right next to him. He felt like holding his breath.
“Looks like it feels good.” Sebastian says lowly, eyes still trained on the screen. Sam’s roam across the side of his face, looking for any hint of emotion.
What is he trying to say.
“Mhm,” Sam’s eyes roll back onto the screen, the lead’s mouth has dropped open, soft sighs escaping from her lips, “bet it does.”
Sebastian doesn’t respond. Sam watches him watch the screen.
Her lover undoes her corset, unzipping her dress in a swift motion. Sebastian’s eyebrow twitches.
He should’ve expected this sooner, there was a previous warning of sexual content but he didn’t think it’d be now. His skin starts to heat up and barely anything has happened. Sam knows this softcore of a scene shouldn’t make him react. The only explanation would be the man he’s sitting next to, on his bed.
“Do you want one?” Sam mumbles, barely audible over the actors voices. He sees the shift in Sebastian, the way his lips part.
He didn’t just fucking say that.
What was he thinking? That wasn’t even supposed to come out of his mouth—
“Yeah.”
Sam can hear church bells ring.
Oh. Alright. Like that? Sebastian agreed so quickly Sam barely had time to register his answer. He swallows the spit pooling in his mouth, he should run it more often. He didn’t know it could lead to massaging Sebastian.
“You’re always hunched over your computer..” Sam breathes, coming out uneven and shaky, “Does it ever feel sore?”
“Mhm,” Seb gets up from his side, positioning himself between Sam’s legs instead, as if it’s as simple as that, “My neck hurts all the time. Sometimes it’s dull, but it’s always there.”
This must not be as big of a deal for Seb as it is for him. He feels a little wrong for getting so excited. This isn’t very bro of him.
His hands waver over Sebastian’s back. Without the projector light, it’d be pitch black in the basement. The little window in the corner of the room does nothing. It was hard to see anything but the outline of his silhouette. It seemed a little daunting, but somehow, the darkness spurred him further.
The woman on screen gasps lightly as her lover cards a hand through her hair, the other working away at her neck muscles.
Sam realizes he’s been stalling, he forces his arms to move, resting his hands on Sebastian’s shoulders.
How should he start this? He didn’t think he’d get this far.
He can’t remember the last time he touched Seb like this, if ever in this context. It’s so incredibly different now, nothing from the past compares. It must just be from the scene playing, but the air feels kind of.. thick? Maybe he’s being weird, it’s just him.
Sebastian must be wondering why his hands are lingering for so long.
Sam applies the softest hint of pressure, spreading out his fingers to target more muscle. He dares to slip a couple fingertips under Seb’s collar, dipping in the hollow of his collar bones, rubbing into his trap muscles.
Sebastian sighs deeply, his head lulling to the side as he gets more relaxed. He doesn’t say anything, but the motion washes a wave of confidence over Sam. He gets more daring, applying more pressure, digging into the knots with his thumbs. Seb falls lax, letting Sam hold up his weight as he works at his skin.
Sam fully dips under his shirt collar, feeling the muscles roll under his finger tips. His face must be red, he feels hot, so thankful Sebastian can’t see his expression. Sam must look wrung out himself, and he’s not even the one getting massaged.
He was enjoying this way too much. Sebastian’s skin was warm and soft under his fingertips, he wanted to drag this on for as long as possible.
Sebastian’s breathing has slowed, leaning more of his weight onto Sam.
He wants to see what Seb looks like, was he as relaxed as the woman in the show? Did his eyes flutter shut as he savors the feeling? The feeling of Sam’s hands on his skin…
Sam doesn’t think as he slides a hand up the back of Sebastian’s shirt, rolling his fingers up his spine and rubbing into the muscle on either side.
Sebastian’s back straightens up immediately and the sound he lets out makes Sam bite into his lip so hard it hurts. It was a soft noise, barely there, but it was because he felt good. Because Sam was making Sebastian feel good.
“You want me to stop?” Sam is so quiet, not wanting to break whatever moment this is. His motions never cease, fingers still roaming across Sebastian’s skin.
“Feels good,” Sebastian sounds different, “Don’t stop.”
Sam shudders, picking up the pace and slipping another hand under his shirt. It should be awkward, the way the material is being strained to accommodate this impromptu massage, but neither of them comment on it. Something in Sam’s brain urges him to take it off, if only for better access.
Fuck. He was making it dirty, thinking of those words in another context entirely the moment they left Sebastian’s lips. Sam couldn’t help it, Seb was feeding him the perfect lines. Does he know he sounds like that? Like I’m touching him somewhere else? Like I’m-
He runs his fingers down Seb’s back, relishing in the way his spine arches to the movement. This was something out of his wildest fantasies and it was playing out right in front of his eyes, he couldn’t waste this opportunity.
Using his courage, he slowly slides his hands down near his hips, using his thumbs to rub at his back. It was a false way to hold onto his hips, the tips of Sam’s fingers resting on his hipbones. If he were to squint, he could place them in a different predicament so easily. If Sebastian were to slide onto his lap, he could do so much more.
This was getting dangerous, he could feel Sebastian’s breathing pick up. Did he feel that way too? What was he thinking about as Sam’s hands worked at his skin?
Sam rips his hands out from Seb’s shirt, curling them around his shoulders once again. He couldn’t get lost in his thoughts, he has to keep his mind sharp. There will never be another boner fiasco if he can help it.
He kneeds into Sebastian’s shoulders again, watching them droop with each motion. His right hand slides up to his neck, gently rubbing into the tense muscle.
Sebastian tenses up, a barely audible moan over the speakers. You’d have to be really listening to hear it.
Sam’s legs twitch, knocking against Sebastian’s hips.
“Sorry.” Sebastian removes himself from between them like he’s been burned, he doesn’t spare a glance at Sam as he settles next to him.
This time there is pointedly space between them.
“It’s okay,” Sam breathes, “Maybe I should do that more often, you’re really tight.”
That sure doesn’t help.
“Maybe.” Sebastian pulls his knees up to his chest, hugging his arms around them. He must be freaked out, his dark eyes so wide Sam can see the projector reflecting in them.
When Sam drags his eyes back to the screen, the leads are furiously making out. His stomach feels weird. His skin is too hot.
He can’t believe he just did that. His fingers are tingling and he keeps trying to subtly sneak looks at Sebastian. Did he like it? Or hate it? Was I too much? His skin was so warm, I want to touch him again. I want him to make that sound again.
Sam wishes he could replay it over and over, it’s still bouncing off his eardrums. Sebastian made that noise because of him. It felt so good, he was riding out two highs.
The scene ends abruptly, splitting into another of war and blood.
Fitting.
They don’t talk about it. They watch the rest of the show and when the credits end Sam yawns loudly. Sebastian just looks over at him with yet another emotion he can’t place and gets up from the bed.
“I’ll walk you out, I know you got work tomorrow.”
“Mhm,” Sam rubs his eyes, it must be late, “I don’t wanna go, stop reminding me.”
“I know you don’t,” Sebastian tugs his hoodie on, rolling out his shoulders, “but you gotta.”
“Yeah, yeah, responsibility and all that. I know.” Sam rolls off the bed and gathers what little belongings he brought. He always has to cross off a mental checklist in his head or he’ll forget something. Phone, house keys, wallet… jacket.
Sebastian’s already at the top of his steps when Sam gets his things together, blue denim around his shoulders. They walk out of the room in silence, only pausing by the door to step into their shoes. They don’t want to wake the family, the clock read 1AM when they passed by the counter.
The cold night air greets Sam’s skin with a kiss as they step onto the porch. When Sam looks at him, Seb is ducking into his collar and holding up his arms, his ears already pink from the chill in the night air.
It’s cute.
“Want me to walk you home?” Sebastian meets his eyes, Sam never gets tired of the spark that lights inside him every time he locks onto those deep browns.
“No, it’s okay.” Sam doesn’t want to keep him longer, and he’s afraid he’ll say something more stupid if he’s around him this late tonight.
Seb shrugs, already digging in his pocket to procure a lighter and a pack of cigs.
“I’ll see you then,” Sebastian places the cigarette between his lips, Sam’s eyes follow the action subconsciously, “text me when you’re home.”
“What, you still think a sewer monster will eat me up?” Sam laughs softly, watching Sebastian light up and take his first inhale.
“Maybe an escaped alien, who knows. It’ll be the one night I don’t walk you home.” Sebastian blows the smoke away, a gentle smile on his lips.
“Mhm, sure, maybe a talking bear too.” Sam starts off, walking backwards so he can steal as much time with Sebastian as he can get.
“Yeah exactly.” Sebastian waves him off with a flick of his cigarette, ash falling into the dirt, “Be safe.”
“No promises.” Sam winks, spinning forward and making his trek back home in the dead of night.
His smile only grows when he hears Sebastian scoff behind him. Sam takes one more look at him before he’s behind the brush, met with a disgruntled look that never reaches his pretty brown eyes.