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At her sixteenth birthday party, Marlene smokes a joint with her in the guesthouse bathroom, half an hour before they're supposed to be cutting the cake. The pot burns the back of her throat and she has to make an effort not to choke in front of Marlene.
Marlene says, "Did you bring perfume? I don't want to go back out and have your mom smell pot on me." She takes the almost spent joint and inhales delicately, making a face. "There's drool all over this. You must give the worst blowjobs ever."
"No one ever complained," she says, and Marlene laughs.
Afterwards, she sprays Miss Dior Cherie all over the bathroom and then lets Marlene touch up her makeup. Marlene says, "I don't feel anything, do you?"
"I don't know."
"I don't want to get paranoid about it," Marlene says. "There. Do I look good?"
She nods. Marlene is the most fashionable person she knows. Marlene smiles and says, "Good," and then they leave together. Later, there is peppermint ice cream and cake underneath the sweet acacia.
*****
She and Marlene leave class early and meet up with some of the senior boys. Marlene's been trying to flirt with one of them since October, pretending she loves the Dodgers even though she barely knows what a baseball looks like. In any case, he won't see her unless he has about three or four of his boys around.
They take a drive in someone else's car with the radio blasting. She's sitting in the back with two of the other boys, squeezed in the middle, her legs sticking to the seat. Marlene tries to cuddle up to her boy in the front seat, but he keeps his eyes on the road and ignores her.
They drink PBR down by the reservoir, keeping conversation minimal. One of the guys sneaks a look at her legs as she sits down, but she's decided she likes Marlene's boy better. Marlene keeps making really obvious moves like playing with her hair and touching her chest, and she thinks, bitchily, that Marlene wouldn't need to do any of that crap if the guy really liked her. Once the thought's in her head, she realizes that now she can't pull any fancy moves either. She takes a sip of her beer and looks out over the reservoir. She hopes that if she stays very still, posing prettily as the sun goes down, the boy will look over and realize how much he loves her.
*****
On Saturday she braids Marlene's hair before they go out. Marlene tells her, "I love this top on you." She smiles and weaves a ribbon through Marlene's spun-sugar hair.
She's told her parents that she's going to go to the movies and then sleep over at Marlene's house. Hopefully they'll never get near the movie theater.
It's sunny and they drive over to Santa Monica Boulevard. Marlene parks the car and they start walking. Guys in their cars drive by, whistling and honking. Marlene laughs. Her bare legs are long and tan.
She isn't jealous of Marlene today, because if Marlene is beautiful then she is too. The breeze picks up and creeps under her shirt, across her nipples. A man in a truck leans out of the passenger window, calling, "Hey little pretty, here, pretty, pretty."
They just walk on like they don't notice. The sun is warm on her bare skin and she can see everyone taking her and Marlene in, watching them like it's a royal procession going by.
She loves it. Her hair is loose and her shirt is low and she loves it, she loves it, she loves it.
*****
Marlene's boss at the movie theater lets her come in during Marlene's shift and drink. He supplies them with cherry schnapps, which tastes like cough syrup, and Marlene brings her own pot. They sit in the manager's office while the popcorn burns, Marlene and her sitting on the desk next to the computer, chatting about nothing while her boss watches them. He never makes a move – Marlene says that he's like fifty, but he only looks about forty – but he watches them indulgently, and it would be just like her dad being chaperone if she didn't notice his eyes on her throat while she drinks, him following the movement of her tongue across her lips.
She supposes he's got a wife and kids somewhere. Maybe his life didn't turn out like he'd wanted. She gets to drink for free, so she can't complain, and it's nice knowing that he's trying to watch out for them, which is what he always says.
*****
There's a pool at the Figueroa, so they sneak into it after dark just to pretend they live there. They swim naked, dizzy on liquor that tasted of candy. Marlene hops up and down on the diving board, whooping and laughing and for once not trying to be cool; she leans back in the water below, spreading her legs wide and calling, "Come on and jump, jump, jump," and then she hears the police sirens.
They grab their bathing suits from the side of the pool and run, like little cartoon rabbits, screaming and laughing to get away before the police come. Marlene laughs so hard she actually pisses herself, which she didn't know could actually happen, and it's so funny that she almost does the same thing.
That time, they don't get caught.
*****
She sees the way other girls at school look at her and Marlene, the way she looks at other girls at school. Sometimes it's envy and sometimes it's disdain and sometimes it's longing, but she can't do anything about the looks. She feels sorry for other girls sometimes, mousy little bankers' daughters who've never experienced real life, but she and Marlene have gone too far now to go about breaking anyone in. Most of the time, they seem like babies to her, and she regards them with a mix of pity and tolerance.
*****
She and Marlene go to a concert with two college guys, and it's okay until Marlene's date gets handsy and Marlene has to smack him. Then he gets mad and wants to leave, and his buddy goes with him. She's okay with her date leaving; he was pushy and kept trying to hold her hand all through the opening act's set, which she wasn't into. The only trouble is that the guys were their rides home.
They walk back to Marlene's house, carrying their high heels, Marlene crying about how she hates that asshole. She does her best to be supportive even though her feet really hurt.
*****
School stops existing for her. Her parents have never really expected her to get good grades, anyway, so that's not a problem. They don't pry into her life and she's okay with that.
She and Marlene pick up a guy at a club and bring him back to Marlene's house. They smoke pot in the living room and watch Turner Classic. She makes out for a while with him, then Marlene has a turn, then back to her. She has condoms; Marlene doesn't. Marlene goes upstairs to try to find her favorite brand, and then she figures no time like the present and makes her move.
He squeezes her nipples and bites at her neck, and she's basically okay with that although she'd have appreciated a little more foreplay. When she hears a noise she assumes it's Marlene coming back, but then she looks up and sees Marlene's parents standing over her.
They call her parents, who flip their shit. Blabbermouth Marlene rats her out, and she's pretty mad but she can't say that she wouldn't have done the same if the positions were reversed. Marlene likes her pink bedroom and the car her father drives too much to jeopardize those things.
Her parents say that this is it for her.
*****
Marlene comes to the train station to see her off, and at first she doesn't want anything to do with her, but then she starts crying, and Marlene starts crying, and they dig their fingers into each other's shoulders like they're trying to grow roots.
She doesn't know where she's going. She knows she'll never come back.
Marlene stands on the platform and waves at her, her hair shining in the sunlight, the saddest most beautiful girl in the world. As the train leaves she reaches out to the fading image, but it's impossible to hold onto.