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The silence in the car was uncomfortable. Rupert was no stranger to such silences, long ago learning to find solace and peace in the situations others might want to get out of as soon as possible.
He was tempted to rub his forehead, massage his pounding headache away, but fought against it, his hand curling into a fist on his thigh instead. Showing any kind of weakness always made him feel out of sorts. Even though he knew these people, in the car with him. They were his people. And yet…
There was too much on his mind, and too much distracting him from what he should be focusing on. Logically, he knew there were more important things right then to worry about than one angelic -
“Bloody hell!” Sydney shouted from the front, and Rupert was brought back to present with a violent jerk of the car as they came to a screeching stop with the sound of the honk. “This spot will one day - “
From the corner of his eye he caught a flash of yellow passing the window.
That was all he saw.
With the limited amount of information he had…
It could have been anyone.
He knew that.
What were the chances she would be out here? That they would run into each other, quite literally? This wasn’t even the route to take on any of her stops, which he had memorised for no particular reason.
And yet, he was out of the car within a second, the possibility it was her, that she was - she could be hurt -
His heart seized, almost making him stumble the few steps he had to make.
No, no. It was her car. Her small, silly yellow car that always brought a smile to his face. When he caught a glimpse of it. When he as much as thought of it. A little ray of sunshine in the bleak, boring countryside, just like the person behind the wheel.
But not this time.
This time the sight trapped his breath in his chest as he ran to the door. The sight almost made him lose his footing. No, no, she needed to be okay. He couldn't lose her. This was not how it would -
He saw her. Pale and disoriented. Trying to get out, her chest heaving rapidly.
He couldn't catch his breath, yet somehow managed to speak. “The door,” he urged, knocking at the window. “Unlock the door.”
She glanced at him distractedly before doing so, and their arms seemed to reach out for each other at the same time.
“You okay?”
He brought her into his embrace and she buried her face into his chest on small, frightened gasps, holding onto him tight, like his arms were the only place she wanted to be.
Oh, Taggie.
“Are you okay?” He needed to know. God, please.
“I'm fine,” she whispered shakily, burrowing into his chest almost desperately. His hand shook as he placed it on the back of her head, feeling her safe and breathing and alive against him. She was well. Shaken, frightened, but well.
Her breath was coming out quickly in hot puffs against his chest, he felt her trembling. He couldn't imagine ever letting her go. He didn't want to, what if she got into an accident again? What if it was worse this time? What would he do then?
How could he ever keep going?
He was not sure whose heart was pounding harder. He was not sure if it was his or hers he felt so strongly, captured between them.
She was okay. She needed to be okay.
The desire to run his hands all over her to make certain she was unharmed was overwhelming, his limbs ached with it. He had no right to it, though, he had no right to touch her in such a way. So, instead, he began mumbling explanations and apologies, his tongue tripping over the words as he fought against what he truly wished to say. All the things he’d needed to lock away in a safe inside his mind, barricading it shut every time her closeness had the locks rattling, so close to slipping up. So close to admitting it all. Ruining it all.
He felt it then, too. The urge to let it all free. You are everything to me, Taggie. I look forward to every day knowing I will get to see you. You should never leave my side, ever again. Not a single second goes by without thinking about you. Your kind eyes and beautiful, sunshine smile. Your wild curls, and freckled skin.
You are my favourite sight.
You ruin me.
Locking it all away right then was the hardest thing he'd ever had to do.
“I will take you home,” he heard himself say before he could think it over, leading her to the other side of the car to help her in, with care and gentleness he was somehow able to summon only when it came to her or his animals. Taggie let him, still pale and unsure on her feet. There was a clear reluctance in her movements when she had to let go to take a seat, one he felt every time he touched her, saw her. Once he had her, he never wanted to let her go.
With one last searching glance she pulled back and settled in, and he closed the door with a still trembling hand, straightening to his full height.
Bloody hell.
She was okay.
He stood there, for a second, willing his heart to calm down. He had an audience, still, Gerald and Sydney only a few metres away, certainly glancing his way.
He knew what they saw.
In moments like these, with her, his precious control slipped, the perfectly built and nurtured facade crumbling under all these unknown feelings and sensations.
He would let it go, always, not only with her around, if it wasn't so bloody terrifying.
With one last steadying breath he rounded the car, and joined her inside.
The car smelled like her. Like fresh flowers and citrus, so light, so delicious, he wanted to open his mouth and take a bite out of the air. The warmth of her body right next to him made him long to take a bite out of her, instead.
He thought she would let him. She would let him do anything, and if that wasn’t the main reason he needed to keep his hands and mouth far away from her. For if she let him, he would do and take everything.
She was too good for that. For him.
Her voice suddenly came alive, and he paused as she dove forward, her hands fumbling, face turning pink. Still, she was not embarrassed, only tired, so tired, explaining how hard the day had been. Rupert guessed she hadn’t had an easy day in a very long time.
All he wanted to do was give them to her. Give her easy, and peaceful, and good. She deserved it all.
Even shaken after the accident, she still asked about him. About what was bothering him, what was on his mind. Always thinking about others. How to cheer them up. How to help them.
His darling Taggie.
Before he knew it, he was spilling, “The PM’s announcing the election tomorrow. When she does, I’ll be canvassing all over the area. Why don’t you… come with me?”
Oh, fuck.
She tilted her head, her eyes lighting up immediately in interest. He still hurried to explain, as if she would call him out for having ulterior motives, but the joy filling her face suggested she would do no such thing.
She giggled, her mouth stretching wide, eyes squinting with the force of her smile, and his heart squeezed while falling into his stomach at the same time.
He’d never seen a more beautiful sight.
He returned her the keys, and he barely felt the disappointment, when their fingers didn’t brush together even for a second. Barely.
Rupert watched her leave, with last words of reassurance. Taggie always saw the best in him. Always believed in him. Thought he could do anything he set his mind to.
No matter how wrong it was, he could not risk letting her down.
So he wouldn’t.