Chapter Text
One Year Ago
Kageyama Tobio stood there stunned as the words from his arch nemesis still lingered, Kageyama still not quite catching what he just announced.
“Kageyama?” His enemy, Hinata Shouyou questioned him. He probably looked absolutely confused right now.
“Wait,” Kageyama started slowly, moving his hand up to his forehead. Did Kageyama hear right?
Was it true? Was Kageyama’s worst enemy finally going to leave this place for good?
Kageyama had never felt more excited but at the same time confused, he actually didn’t know how to feel altogether. They had been playing volleyball together for a few months but they did not get along well at all. It even made the rest of the squad irritated at times.
Kageyama would mess one thing up and Hinata just had to complain. It made Kageyama furious, it would almost flip out at Hinata, he came close many times but held himself back for the sake of the team. They didn’t need anymore yelling as there was.
Kageyama wondered why Hinata was always like that to him, and only him. Hinata would never yell at anyone else. Kageyama guessed it was because Hinata did not like him whatsoever. They both despised each other more than anything and that was saying something since Kageyama didn’t like many people.
But now Hinata gave him this amazing news and Kageyama couldn’t wait until he was out of his life for hopefully ever. Kageyama wasn’t going to miss him one bit, not one single bit.
”Are you serious?” Kageyama asked, staring down at the shorter boy who would not even look him in the eye.
“No. I’m joking.” Hinata said sarcastically- or well Kageyama hoped it was. Hinata sighed punching him in the shoulder, “I haven’t told the rest of the team.”
Kageyama rolled his eyes, Hinata didn’t even have the guts to tell the team by himself but what made him question this the most is why did Hinata go to him first?
“I’m not helping.” Kageyama said like it was the simplest thing in the world, he didn’t have time to help Hinata with his problems. Hinata didn’t even like him, so why would he ask him for help?
“I wasn’t expecting you to.” Hinata shook his head, suddenly smiling brightly. Why did he do that? He always seemed to have a positive mood around him, what did he have to be so happy about?
Kageyama rarely had anything to be all positive about, so he rarely showed a smile and when he did people would be too stunned to say anything.
“Why’d you tell me first then?” Kageyama questioned once more, wanting to drop all of this and go home.
He didn’t want to listen to Hinata sulk about how he will never see anyone of us again. Kageyama was glad he was leaving; the team could relax more and not have to put up with him complaining to Kageyama every second.
Hinata shrugged his shoulders, the stupid smile still plastered on his face. What was the reason for that? Kageyama wished he could wipe it off, he hated the fact he was still so positive and yet he was leaving.
Shouldn’t he be upset about it? Or maybe he was just as glad as Kageyama was. Maybe he didn’t want to see Kageyama ever again just as much. That would make things easier.
“I don’t know.” Hinata swayed back and forth, letting awkward silence settle between them.
Couldn’t Kageyama just go home already? They already had a tough day as it was.
Kageyama just wanted to crawl into bed and never have to see daylight again.
“You’re just plain weird that’s why.” Kageyama shuffled past him, trying to escape before Hinata could carry this conversation any longer.
Hinata grabbed his sleeve, stopping him from going anywhere. Dammit. What the fuck more did he want?
“I want to give you something.” Hinata turned around, facing Kageyama once more.
Kageyama gave him a strange look; they had never given one and other anything at all.
Just dirty looks and bad nicknames, why the hell was Hinata acting this way?
He would usually never even bother telling Kageyama about anything, especially about him leaving so why had he told him first?
“Um-“ Kageyama paused, “I don’t want it.”
“It’ll take two secs.” Hinata pushed, looking up at him brightly. What did he want to give Kageyama so badly? He couldn’t help but be slightly curious.
“Come here.” Hinata beamed, waiting patiently for Kageyama to step closer.
He hated being any more than a few feet away from him, his positivity vibe almost made Kageyama want to throw up.
Kageyama sighed, slightly stepping forward not more than an inch as he waited more instructions from Hinata.
“Close your eyes.” Hinata instructed as Kageyama slowly closed his eyes. He had to admit, he had no idea what to expect. He just couldn’t wait to get out of here.
Kageyama could just run away right now but he was too curious for that.
Although when he felt sudden hands grab his jacket collar, pulling him down with such force, that he almost tripped over, planting pressure against his lips, he wanted to melt into the ground right then and there.
Kageyama’s eyes flicked open straight away, Hinata was kissing him.
Hinata had his lips against Kageyama’s.
The boy he had hated for months was kissing him.
All kind of questions went through Kageyama’s head, he couldn’t think clearly. His whole body wouldn’t respond. He felt as frozen as a statue.
After Hinata pulled away after which felt like forever, Kageyama was sent back to reality, confusion written all over his face.
Before Kageyama could say anything, Hinata had already turned the other way, walking out of his sight.
Kageyama breathed out, wiping his lips with his palm like he just got poisoned. Kageyama couldn’t even explain how confused he was, how much he wanted to beat Hinata up for stealing his first kiss.
Kageyama didn’t know long he stood there stunned for but when his brain could register again his feet slowly started making their way home.
Kageyama could still feel the lingering of his soft, soft lips that seemed to not disappear. He hated Hinata; he despised him so why didn’t he feel as angry as he should?
He felt his cheeks flush red, he just kissed Hinata Shouyou. Kageyama crouched down, hiding his blushing face with his arms. He felt hot all over, his heart hammered in his chest.
Hinata Shouyou just kissed him and Kageyama didn’t hate it one bit.
Kageyama could hardly sleep last night; he kept having nightmares about that stupid kiss Hinata had traumatised him with. He couldn’t get it out of his mind no matter what and one he saw him, he was definitely going to strangle the hell out of Hinata.
But when Kageyama arrived at the gym, all he saw was disappoint faces of his other teammates.
Kageyama knew exactly what happened. They obviously had found out about Hinata, so that meant he already left.
Kageyama’s heart felt strange; like something was missing.
“Did you hear the news?” Nishinoya called out to Kageyama who was still standing at the door.
“News?” Kageyama acted clueless, like he had no idea in the first place. When he did, all he had in his mind was that kiss.
“Hinata left.” Sugawara announced, disappointment rang out in his voice.
“And just when we thought we found another good player.” Takana added with a sigh, stretching in the corner by himself.
“Don’t be like that.” Daichi stood up from his place on the bench, “We’re all good players.”
Kageyama zoned out as Daichi continued talking, he couldn’t concentrate. Just why did Hinata have to kiss him the day before he left?
It didn’t give Kageyama the chance to scold him or well he would but he probably wouldn’t even be able to look at Hinata without wanting to explode.
How am I going to survive?
Kageyama thought, rubbing his temples. If only he could erase it from his memory, if only he could erase Hinata from his memory maybe then he wouldn’t be feeling this way.
Kageyama remembered a conversation with Sugawara once, they had been sitting on the bench together after Hinata scolded Kageyama for hitting the ball just a little too high.
“I think I might know why he acts that way.” Sugawara said, taking a gulp of water before wiping his mouth.
Yeah because he hates me.
It was obvious, what else could it have been?
“Maybe he likes you.” Sugawara suggested, wiping his sweat away with a towel, “I mean, like, likes you.”
No fucking way.
There was no way in hell Hinata would ever like Kageyama. For one, Kageyama was a guy. He never thought about the possibility of Hinata being gay, he knew his family was religious. Hinata had said once that he goes to church on Sunday’s.
If Hinata liked Kageyama, he wouldn’t be yelling at him all the time. If you liked someone, wouldn’t you be the nice to them?
What did Kageyama know? He rarely had crushes in his life. He couldn’t even remember the last time he did have a crush.
“Impossible.” Kageyama shook his head, getting that crazy thought out of his mind.
Sugawara stood up, walking towards the court before flashing him a grin, “Just a thought.”
But now that Hinata had kissed him, Kageyama didn’t know want to believe.
Did Hinata actually have feelings for Kageyama? No! No fucking way. Of course Hinata didn’t like him; he would never like him even if he was the last person on earth.
Kageyama didn’t like him as well but the kiss was stuck in his mind. Kageyama had never thought about guys in that way, he didn’t even know what he thought anymore.
……Was he gay?
Kageyama never really caught himself staring at girls at school, he never particularly paid attention to them, he was too busy concentrating with volleyball.
This isn’t something Kageyama wanted to deal with, he had heard horror stories about people coming out to religious parents and it definitely didn’t end well.
No. Of course Kageyama wasn’t gay, the thought of doing it with another guy didn’t feel right to him.
Then why…
Why did Kageyama not feel bothered by that kiss?
Why did he feel like he enjoyed it?
It was fucking Hinata Shouyou he kissed. If it was anyone else, he would have been completely fine with it. But once again, it was Hinata Shouyou, the short boy that would constantly yell at him, the boy he thought he hated.
No. The boy he did hate, Kageyama did not feel a thing for that shrimp of a boy; he would never, ever feel anything for him.
Or so what he thought.
A week had passed since Hinata left and Kageyama still couldn’t get the kiss out of his head, he had tried many things. Like practising volleyball out in his backyard or even going for a walk.
But nothing would get Hinata out of his thoughts; it was like he was stuck with a disease that would not disappear no matter what.
Kageyama hated it.
He found that whenever he closed his eyes, all Kageyama would see was the kiss playing over and over in his head.
It was burnt into his mind. Kageyama had no idea what he was going to do about it but what made it worse was the all these dreams he had.
They ranged from explicit to something Kageyama could handle but man, the extremely graphic dreams freaked Kageyama out so much that sometimes he could hardly sleep at night.
Hinata was in his room, lying on his bed with his hair sticking out at all angles. Hinata’s cheeks were flushed red, Kageyama didn’t even realise he had his own shirt off.
The dream had felt like an out of body experience, he could see himself leaning over a flustered Hinata with a hungry look on his face. Kageyama never knew he could make those types of faces.
But what scared Kageyama the most was when they started kissing, the fact that he saw himself doing it to another guy almost made him want to throw up.
Kageyama felt like he was watching a TV program that he couldn’t change, he’d rather watch 50 Shades of Grey than see himself getting it on with the person of the same gender any day.
Their clothes were slowly peeled off one by one, until there was hardly anything left on both of them except for their boxers.
Kageyama didn’t know if this was what Hinata would look like naked but he almost looked adorable.
Kageyama couldn’t believe he thought that, he couldn’t even believe he had a dream about Hinata. Especially that he had more than one dream about them coming close to doing it.
Luckily, Kageyama had woken up before they had gotten even close to touching each other in other places, it made Kageyama really question himself.
He wasn’t gay…he didn’t think he was gay.
Kageyama knew nothing about how guys do it anyway, he never had an interested in this sort of stuff so what triggered it? Was it that stupid kiss?
Kageyama wasn’t exactly….homophobic. In all honesty, he didn’t give a fuck whether someone preferred guys or chicks. But when it came to himself….
He didn’t know what he preferred.
Kageyama blamed Hinata; if he never kissed him he wouldn’t be having thoughts like this right now.
I can’t take this anymore.
Kageyama jumped onto his laptop, before hesitantly typing ‘guys shirtless’.
Kageyama felt his face heat up as millions of photos appeared before him. He felt his stomach sink; he clicked on images and images. Kageyama admired the curve of their stomachs, their hard rock six packs.
Fuck.
He was attracted to them, all of them. Kageyama couldn’t help it, they were all so hot.
“Tobio-“ His mother barged into his room, Kageyama racing to close down the tab of embarrassingly hot guys. Oh god. What would his mother even say if she saw that?
“Hmph.” She shifted her eyes to blushing Kageyama. His face felt even hotter after he realised what he just had been doing
Please don’t notice. Please don’t notice. Please don’t notice. Please don’t notice-
“You don’t have a fever, do you?” She asked, setting down a pile of clothes from her laundry basket before lifting her hand to his forehead.
Kageyama pushed her hand away gently, mumbling, “No.”
Even though he wished he did, that meant he didn’t have to go to school because it made him think about Hinata even more than Kageyama wanted to.
“Good. You don’t want to miss out on practise.” She walked away, closing the door behind to do whatever other laundry things there were to do.
Kageyama sighed, slouching in his chair. He had been slacking on the volleyball lately. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to do it; it was just the fact that he wasn’t used to messing up but then having no one to yell at him for messing up.
Kageyama started to think that the only thing that made him kept going and try was Hinata’s yelling; maybe Hinata was helping him without Kageyama noticing.
Kageyama couldn’t believe he was just staring at shirtless guys. Kageyama was a guy checking out shirtless guys.
Kageyama felt hot all over as he staggered over to his bed, flopping onto his back. Kageyama covered his face with his hands trying to block out all the gay thoughts. He wanted to convince himself he wasn’t gay, he wasn’t a homosexual but those thoughts crept their way into the back of his brain.
Maybe Kageyama really didn’t hate Hinata but envied him. The way he was always positive about everything even though something went wrong, Hinata never felt defeat.
“Fuck you, Hinata Shouyou.” Kageyama mumbled to himself as he pulled the sheets tightly over his shoulders.