Chapter Text
Moving to a new city was probably the scariest thing that Clarke had done, but in a way it wasn’t, in a way it was like she was finally home. She and her mother hadn’t had the best of relationships since her dad passed away the year before, Abby had thrown herself into work, and Clarke had struggled to survive. She’d dropped out of med-school, unable to get her mind to focus on what she needed to do. As much as she loved medicine, it wasn’t really her passion, her mother was the doctor. In one of the last conversations Clarke had with her father, he had told her to do what she loved, do what made her happy, and as much as she tried that wasn’t medicine. Art was her passion, it’s what she loved, so that’s what she decided to focus on.
When Clarke’s dad died he had left her some money, money that her mother had wanted her to invest in something worthwhile, Clarke decided that she was going to invest it in herself. She used the money to pack up and leave, moving to the other side of the country. It’s where she wanted to be, it’s where her friends were. Clarke had stayed on the West Coast when she was in medical school, her friends had all gone to colleges on the East Coast. They’d only really seen each other during breaks, which wasn’t enough for the blonde. When she had been planning the move, Raven had talked to her roommate about Clarke moving in with them, the spare room had been empty since Octavia had moved in with Lincoln, and Raven had been sure that Clarke and Costia would get along pretty well.
That had been a month ago, and Raven had been right, Clarke and Costia got along great. They spent hours talking about art, a passion they both shared, Costia was a curator at a local gallery.
Inspiration hit Clarke at the strangest times, she always carried a sketch book with her, but the worst times were the early hours of the morning. She was walking around the apartment, getting what she needed to paint the images that were currently swimming around her mind. She had her headphones on, music was something else that helped her with creating what she could see in her head. As she was walking back towards her room she wasn’t really looking where she was going, expecting both Raven and Costia to still be asleep. She came to a stop when she walked into someone, dropping the brushes and paper she had in her hands.
As she looked at who she had walked into, Clarke was sure that she was still asleep. The artist in her was drawn to the girl’s eyes, as she mused to herself about what colour of green they actually were. She wasn’t even sure that the word green was enough, there were slight hints of warmth around the girl’s pupils, swirls of gold mixed with hints of hazel.
‘No,’ Clarke thought to herself, ‘they’re definitely green’
Green and currently full of amusement. Clarke shook her head a little, mentally kicking herself when she realized that she’d been practically staring at the girl.
“Sorry…” Clarke mumbled as she crouched down to pick up what she had dropped, taking her headphones off at the same time, “wasn’t expecting anyone to be awake.”
“You must be Clarke,” The girl said with a smirk, “Costia mentioned someone else had moved in.”
“Now I’m at a bit of a disadvantage here,” Clarke said as she stood up, “you know who I am, it’s only fair if I know who you are.”
“Lexa.” the other girl replied.
“Costia’s girlfriend,” Clarke said with a nod, “she mentioned something about you being back soon.”
The conversation stopped at that point, Clarke seemingly unable to actually walk past the other girl, finding herself much too distracted. She wasn’t sure what she was distracted by the most, Lexa’s eyes or the rest of her as she stood there in a pair of sweatpants and a black tank top.
“Well, Clarke,” Lexa said, a smirk playing on her lips, “it was nice to meet you, enjoy your…”
She motioned at the things Clarke was holding in her hands.
“Art,” Clarke said when she found her voice again, “I’m an artist… for some reason my muse decided that I need to paint at…”
She looked at the clock on the wall.
“6 in the morning.” She concluded.
“Inspiration hits at the strangest times.” Lexa said with a smile.
“You’re not wrong about that.” Clarke replied with a small laugh, “why are you awake at this time?”
“I’m going for a run.” Lexa said, “the park is pretty much empty at this time, don’t get me wrong, it’s always fun to try and avoid the school run, but I much prefer not having to test my reflexes.”
“Sounds like you’re talking from experience.” Clarke said.
“I may have collided with a few strollers in the past,” Lexa replied, “and don’t even get me started on the guys with the rollerblades.”
“Not a fan?” Clarke asked with an amused look on her face.
“I’m a fan of them falling on their butts while trying to impress pretty girls, that’s always entertaining.” Lexa said with a quirk of her eyebrow.
“Sounds it,” Clarke said with a laugh, hearing Raven’s alarm going off in her room, “well, Lexa, enjoy your run.”
“Enjoy your painting.” Lexa replied with a smile as she walked around Clarke and towards the kitchen.
Once Lexa was out of sight Clarke walked towards her room, quickly deciding that she wanted to talk to Raven instead, so she headed to the other girl’s room. She opened the door without knocking, finding Raven still in bed.
“Why didn’t you tell me Costia’s girlfriend was hot?” Clarke asked as she closed the door behind her.
“Lexa’s back then.” Raven replied with an amused tone.
“I may have just run into her in the hallway…” Clarke said as she sat down on Raven’s bed, slapping the girls leg as she heard Raven laugh.
“Why the violence, Princess?” Raven asked as she sat up a little, “and it serves you right, you should look where you’re going.”
“Well excuse me for not knowing there was someone else in the apartment.” Clarke replied.
“To be honest I’m surprised that we didn’t know Lexa was back last night,” Raven said with a smirk, “she’s been away for a month and a half, and Costia isn’t exactly good at staying quiet if you know what I mean.”
“I do not need to know that…” Clarke said with a groan.
“Just giving you a heads up.” Raven said.
“Where’s she been for the last month and a half?” the blonde asked, finding herself more than a little curious about the brunette she had just met.
“She was in LA,” Raven replied, “for work. She has this YouTube channel, pretty popular one actually. She goes out there every now and again to do interviews and stuff.”
“I might have to look her up…” Clarke said, noticing the look on Raven’s face she realized that she had said it out loud instead of in her head, “just, you know, for…”
“Science?” Raven asked with a laugh, causing Clarke to blush a little, “can’t say me and O haven’t sat and watched her videos after Costia introduced us to her, but do it in your own room, I have to get ready for work.”
“I hate you.” Clarke replied as she stood up from where she was sitting.
“Yeah, yeah,” Raven said, “go, some of us have actual jobs you know.”
“Bite me.” Clarke said as she walked towards the door, flipping Raven off as she walked.
“Maybe later.” Raven said with a smirk.
Clarke walked out of Raven’s room and towards her own, all thoughts of painting suddenly gone from her mind. As soon as she was in her room she grabbed her laptop before sitting back on the bed, realizing pretty quickly that she had no idea what she was looking for on YouTube, she didn’t know Lexa’s full name. Jumping from the bed she walked to the door, opening it she saw Raven walking towards the bathroom.
“Raven…” she said.
“Her last name is Woods.” Raven said before disappearing into the bathroom and closing the door.
Clarke went back to her room and closed the door, before sitting on her bed and opening the laptop. It didn’t take her long to find Lexa’s YouTube channel, Raven hadn’t been kidding when she said it was a pretty popular channel, Lexa had nearly 1 million subscribers. She scrolled through the video’s, trying to figure out which one to watch. One that caught her eye was titled It’s Okay to Be Different.
She plugged her headphones into her laptop, not wanting the embarrassment of either Costia, or worse, Lexa, knowing that she was watching the video. Once the video loaded Clarke sat back on the bed and hit play.
“Hey guys,” Lexa said waving at the camera a little, “it’s 3am and I look like shit, so don’t judge. I was looking back over the comments on an older video that I posted, one about the fact that I was adopted, and it occurred to me that I haven’t really told you the whole story there. But before I get into that, I just wanted to say a few things about the last advice video I did. I don’t claim to know everything; I can only talk about what I know. I got a message after the last video from a teenager who was going through a really tough time with their sexuality and gender identity. This video will go into detail about my thoughts on that as well, from my own experience.”
Clarke found herself a little surprised about the confidence Lexa spoke with, knowing that she’d had her own issues with her sexuality when she was growing up. Clarke had a hard time talking to her friends about it, and here Lexa was being totally open talking to nearly 1 million about it.
“So,” Lexa continued to the camera, “defining your sexuality is something that, as individuals, we all have the right to do. It’s never as easy as waking up one morning and thinking ‘today I’ll try this’. It isn’t a decision that we actually make, in my opinion, of course there are people who disagree with that, believing that it’s a conscious decision. It’s really not. As most of you know, I’ve been in a relationship for the last couple of years, and my partner is female. Now, for me, it’s not as simple as saying I’m a lesbian, which actually leads me pretty well into the adoption story…”
Clarke was finding herself a little confused at Lexa’s wording of what she had said, and couldn’t help but think about how her sexuality was in anyway linked to the fact that she’d been adopted.
“In the other video where I talked about the fact I was adopted, you all got to meet my sister, Anya,” the brunette continued, her eyes wavering from the camera a little, “and yes, she really is that much of a pain in the butt. It was Anya’s parents that adopted me, they are amazing people, and I am so lucky to have them as parents. I was 6 months old when they took me home, so they’re the only parents I’ve known, and the only parents I want to know if I’m being honest…”
Clarke’s bedroom door opened and Raven walked in, the blonde had no idea if she’d knocked as her headphones blocked out most noise. Clarke hit pause as Raven closed the door behind her.
“Well you waste no time.” Raven said as she walked over to the bed, sitting down next to Clarke, “which video are you watching first?”
“It’s Okay to Be Different.” The blonde replied.
“Jumping in with the deep shit first,” Raven said with a nod, “I like your style. Before you finish watching it though, I need to say something…”
“What?” Clarke asked.
“You need to keep an open mind,” the other girl replied, “that video goes pretty deep, she talks about a lot of stuff that you’re probably not expecting. So, just… yeah, keep an open mind, okay?”
“When have I ever had a closed mind, Raven?” Clarke asked in reply.
“I take your point.” Raven said, “But this is different.”
“Okay.” Clarke said, “I’ll keep an open mind.”
“Good,” Raven replied, “I need to go to work, so I’ll see you later.”
“Have fun.” The blonde replied with a smile.
“I always do.” Raven said with a smile of her own before she walked out of the room, closing the door behind her as she went. Clarke hit play again on the video.
“My birth parents, I have no idea who they are, gave me up pretty much the moment I was born,” Lexa continued, “they literally left me at the hospital. Which happens, I’ve had people tell me that it happens more than we’d think. Everyone has different reasons for giving up their kids, and sometimes it’s for the best for everyone. Sometimes they just can’t cope, or aren’t ready to be parents, which, you know, each to their own, I’m not here to pass judgement. Now, the reason my birth parents gave me up wasn’t because they weren’t ready, it wasn’t because they didn’t want a kid. It was simply because I was born different…”
Clarke found herself totally engrossed with what Lexa was saying.
“They thought I was going to be a boy,” Lexa said, “the ultrasound pictures that they had pretty much showed I was going to be a boy, but, hey, would you look at that, I’m not. Now medically speaking, going on chromosomes and all that scientific crap, I’m female, but genetically, there’s a little more to it.”
Clarke furrowed her brow a little, her mind taking her back to things that she’d learnt while at med-school.
“The technical term is intersex,” Lexa continued, “means I have something that most other girls don’t have. Now in most cases intersex kids are born with both male and female genitalia, and a decision can be made, usually by the parents after talking to doctors about which one to keep. My birth parents were told pretty much straight away that wasn’t an option for me. So they decided that they didn’t want me, which, their loss if you ask me, I’m pretty awesome.”
Clarke found herself laughing.
“So, yeah, that’s why I was put up for adoption,” Lexa said, “and it’s why my sexuality isn’t that simple. I was given a choice when I turned 18 to take some pills, have a couple of operations and basically become a guy. For me it was no choice. That isn’t who I am, it’s not who I was born to be. I was always given choices when I was a kid, my parents, the people who adopted me when I was 6 months old, allowed me to grow into the person I was supposed to be. Sure things were difficult at school, I was actually homeschooled for a while, which was actually not down to me or my parents. It was other people who had very small minds. I am who I am, if people can’t deal with that then that’s not my problem, it’s theirs. When I was in college things really changed for me, I made awesome friends, who accepted me for who I am. I met my girlfriend, so college was a good time for me. Basically, the whole point of this video is for me to tell you, whoever you are watching this, it’s okay to be different. You are who you are, you love who you love, the decisions you make in your life are yours, no one else can make them for you. Labels are for food, not people.”
That was the end of the video. Clarke sat there for a few moments, taking in what she’d just watched. It didn’t change her opinion of the girl she had met only an hour before, well it did, but not in a negative way. It made her more curious about Lexa, the kind of person she was.
x-x-x-x-x-x
Later that day Clarke was sitting on the sofa in the apartment, Raven was at work, Costia was at work. Octavia was supposed to be calling round for coffee, as the other girl worked shifts and was currently having two days off before she went onto nightshifts, and it had been a while since the two had a chance to catch up without Raven there. The door to the apartment opened and Octavia walked in with Lexa, in the middle of a conversation.
“Well you’re just an asshole.” Octavia said with a laugh, pushing the other girl.
“You missed me, come on, admit it.” Lexa said with a smirk.
“I have no idea how Costia puts up with you.” Octavia replied as they walked into the living room, “hey Clarke, have you met Lexa?”
“Yeah,” Clarke said with a smile, “we met this morning.”
“Clarke ran into me at 6am,” Lexa said with a smile of her own as she looked between Clarke and Octavia, “did you get any painting done in the end?”
“Not this morning, no.” Clarke replied.
“Inspiration leave you?” Lexa asked as she grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge.
“Not really,” Clarke said, “I got distracted, it happens a lot.”
“Did you spend all morning watching YouTube videos of cute animals again?” Octavia asked as she looked at the blonde.
“You know me so well.” Clarke replied with a small laugh, “but it wasn’t only cute animals.”
“Lexa has a YouTube channel.” Octavia said.
“Raven mentioned it,” Clarke said with a nod, noticing how Lexa looked at her, “she gives some pretty good advice.”
Octavia’s phone started ringing, she looked down at the caller ID, a smile on her lips when she saw who it was.
“I’ve got to take this, it’s…” she said as she stood up.
“Lincoln.” Clarke and Lexa said at the same time.
Octavia walked out of the living room to take the call.
“So,” Lexa said, leaning against the island that separated the living room from the kitchen, “I guess I don’t need to ask which of my video’s you watched…”
“It was pretty informative,” Clarke replied, “and also pretty funny.”
“Do I need to worry about it making things awkward?” Lexa asked, “I mean I do spend a lot of time here, and you also now live here.”
“Nope,” Clarke said, “it’s not going to make anything awkward. The only way anything could be made awkward, with you spending a lot of time here and me living here, is if you turn out to be an asshole, that has nothing to do with…”
“What’s between my legs?” Lexa asked with a smirk.
“Yeah that.” Clarke said with a laugh, which caused Lexa to laugh as well.