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Shadow leans against the trunk of a tall evergreen tree. His arms are loosely crossed over his chest. His ears flick with the distant noises of animals living in the forest. His eyes are closed. He breathes in slowly. The wind blows through his fur. There is a faint whistling from where the wind passes between his quills and the tree’s bark. The scent of petrichor and wildflowers fills his nostril with each inhale. He both looks and feels entirely at peace.
Shadow’s ears flick forward suddenly when they catch a particular noise steadily approaching him. His eyes pull open slowly, just in time for a vibrant blue blur to condense into a solid figure right in front of him. Even in the split second Sonic is motionless, Shadow can hear the hedgehog’s heartbeat thundering inside his body. The scent of nature increases as if it were clinging to Sonic’s body. The smile on his face is brighter than the early afternoon sun hanging in the cloudy sky.
“Shads!” Sonic excitedly calls, immediately getting as close as he can. Any closer and Shadow will be glaring or growling at the azure hedgehog. Through trial and error, Sonic has figured out how close he can get. Once he figured it out, he never stepped over the line, so Shadow lets him have this.
“Sonic,” Shadow replies. He unfolds his arms from his chest. He pushes off the tree trunk. He steps to the side and turns. In the new direction he faces, Shadow prepares to start the race against Sonic. It has become a habit at this point. They have been doing this for weeks now since they met in the forest. Shadow didn’t want anything to do with Sonic, but the azure hedgehog insisted. He justified his presence by challenging Shadow to a race. Shadow’s competitive spirit overpowered his obligation to a life of isolation.
“Hold on!” Sonic snaps hurriedly. He slides in front of Shadow instead of leaning down beside Shadow. The ebony hedgehog raises an eyebrow as he tilts his head back. Sonic gives him a sheepish smile. He starts moving around, and Shadow finally notices that Sonic is carrying something in his arms. Sonic holds the handle of the wicker basket, letting the body swing in front of Shadow’s face. He jolts back, moving away as if the intent was to harm him. Sonic brings the basket to his chest when Shadow rises to his feet. While there is an apology at the edges of Sonic’s expression, it is swiftly overpowered by the excitement that burns like a furnace inside of him. “I thought we could do something different today. Mom made some extra dessert. When I mentioned bringing some to you, she made us this! It even has chili dogs since you mentioned you’ve never had them before. They’re the best food ever, you know? Since I’m looking out for you, I’ve got to make sure you eat one of these bad boys at least once in your life!”
Sonic turns on his heel. He starts walking between the trees with a look over his shoulder. He doesn’t slow down (he never does). Shadow’s fingers close into fists. He stares at Sonic’s back for a long moment. Since Sonic expects Shadow to simply follow him, Shadow has the strongest urge to glide in the opposite direction just to spite Sonic. Unfortunately, Sonic is— as rare as it is— right this time. Shadow refuses to acknowledge it, but this wouldn’t be the first time he’s followed behind Sonic, both physically and metaphorically.
Sonic’s words register in his mind one at a time. Each sentence invokes a different thought. It has always struck Shadow as odd that Sonic would call the humans ‘Mom’ and ‘Dad.’ He vaguely brought up the topic once to Sonic. The hedgehog’s response wasn’t exactly satisfactory, but it made complete sense. Sonic simply saw Tom and Maddie that way. He didn’t see why any emphasis needed to be put in the differences of their species or the lack of blood shared between them. Sonic added that he thought Shadow would understand. He didn’t mention her name, but like the rest of Shadow’s life, her presence is there.
Shadow isn’t sure how to feel about the idea that Sonic pays attention to unimportant matters like whether or not Shadow has eaten chili dogs. Shadow can excuse it this time since Sonic’s favorite food is chili dog (which means he would probably remember most tidbits of information that pair with it), but this isn’t the first time Sonic has recalled something Shadow thoughtlessly said in the hopes that Sonic would simply continue with his long histrionics about various subjects.
But the statement Shadow comments on is the last one. “I do not need you looking after me.”
“Of course you don’t need me to,” Sonic responds. He rolls his eyes, but there isn’t any annoyance laced within the gesture. Instead, Shadow would wager that he sees fondness. Despite being a familiar emotion on Sonic’s face, it is no less confusing than the day Shadow was able to put a name to it. After everything Shadow has done— to the world and to Sonic’s family and to Sonic himself— Sonic continues reaching his hand toward Shadow. He smiles at Shadow. He brings food to Shadow. He races with Shadow and converses with him afterwards. He looks at Shadow with all that fondness in his eyes.
(At least it isn’t as confusing as the guilt in Sonic’s eyes. When the evening bleeds into night and the stars illuminate Sonic’s face in a ghostly hue, Shadow can catch the immense guilt growing like weeds in the emerald color of Sonic’s irises. Shadow wants to ask why Sonic feels guilty, but he can never force the words past the lump in his throat. Shadow despises his inability to speak. He’s sick and tired of being weak.)
“But it’s nice to have someone watching out for you, no? Someone who cares about you and wants to make sure you experience all that life has to offer,” Sonic continues. He turns on his heel to walk backwards. The grin is back on his face. It isn’t like it ever left, but it has increased in brightness and size.
Shadow should answer Sonic. He doesn’t. He remains silent as they stare at each other. Not a hint of fear or hatred. There is only fondness and mirth. Shadow wonders what his own expression looks like. Does he look annoyed? Does he look neutral? Or can Sonic see the same predilection and levity reflected back at him? Shadow can confirm the latter, at least, wouldn’t appear in his eyes. He isn’t as confident about denying the former, however.
Sonic stops. He turns when they come to a meadow. It isn’t substantially large, but Sonic deems it an appropriate place. He sets the basket on the ground. He squats beside it. He lifts both of the flaps, setting them against the basket’s sides. There is a blanket folded on top of the food. Sonic hesitates for a moment. His eyes widen at the sight of the red and white checked blanket. An open-mouthed smile appears on his face as he grabs the edges. The blanket unfolds as Sonic spins around with it. When he stops, he lowers it to peer at Shadow over the top. “Look, Shadow! Mom gave us an authentic picnic blanket! I’ve seen these in movies all the time. I never thought I would get to use one.”
Shadow knows what movies are conceptually, but he’s never seen one. He doesn’t know what an authentic picnic would be like. He takes Sonic’s words for it. Mainly because he doubts Sonic would be this earnestly happy about a lie.
Sonic flattens the blanket against the ground. He spreads out the edges with the palms of his paws. He puts the basket in one corner. Sonic flops onto the blanket as soon as he’s finished. He situates quickly. When he finally settles, his attention snaps to Shadow. He pats the space in front of him with an expectant glint in his eyes. Shadow sighs through his teeth. He doesn’t know why he gives into Sonic’s silent demands, but he sits on his haunches with his paws settling on his thighs. Sonic’s grin brightens immediately, and Shadow wonders absently if that is the reason why he gave into Sonic’s silent demands.
Sonic starts rifling through the basket. He pulls out different containers with words scribbled on sticky notes attached to the lids. Shadow runs his fingers along the handwriting of the one Sonic moves the closest to him. It isn’t familiar. Shadow doesn’t know why he was expecting it to be.
Sonic pops open the lids one by one to create a chili dog. Shadow watches. Sonic scoots closer to Shadow when he finishes. Sonic presents the chili dog like it is a prize worthy of the Ultimate Lifeform. “Ta-da! The greatest food ever! Go on, savor the moment. The chili dog won’t be upset if you soak in its greatness. Of course, you shouldn’t do that for too long or the chili dog will—”
Shadow leans forward to take a bite from the chili dog only because he thinks it will shut Sonic up. It does, ironically, and Sonic’s eyes widen with anticipation. Sonic is waiting for Shadow’s verdict, so the hedgehog thinks he should formulate one. He closes his eyes to avoid Sonic’s gaze. He focuses on the taste in his mouth. He chews contemplatively, taking this far more seriously than he should. None of this matters. Shadow doesn’t need food; eating is a luxury, at best. He also doesn’t need to do anything for Sonic. He shouldn’t even be with Sonic right now. He doesn’t deserve anyone— not after everything he’s done. Not after everything he didn’t do.
But when Shadow’s eyes open, Sonic is still there. He hasn’t moved away. In fact, he’s moved closer. He’s stubborn like that. He would do anything to stay in Shadow’s life. And Shadow only gave a token effort at shoving Sonic away.
“Well?” Sonic impatiently asks.
Shadow blinks. He hasn’t even been thinking about the chili dog. He swallows thickly. As the aftertaste moves across his taste buds, he shrugs his shoulders. “It was fine.”
Sonic makes an odd coughing noise. He moves a paw over his heart, loosely grabbing at his fur. “Oh— you wound me, Shadow. How could you be so cruel? Fine? It was fine? My favorite food, the very ambrosia from the heavens, and it was ‘fine’?”
“It was… passable and acute,” Shadow corrects. The flavor lingers in his mouth. He wonders how long it will stay there. He hopes it won’t be for long.
Sonic laughs. It is a bubbly and bright noise, entirely expected from the Mobian it is coming from. Sonic doesn’t stop laughing, but when he quietens down, he meets Shadow’s eyes, “Passable and acute? Haven’t you called me the exact same thing before?”
Shadow does not know, but it isn’t an inaccurate description all things considered. Sonic shakes his head in disbelief, the humored smile never dropping from his face. “It’s alright. Chili dogs aren’t for everyone. Knuckles doesn’t like the chili on the dogs, either. Maybe you’re a plain hotdog kind of guy. No shame in that. Do you want one without chili?”
“What about the one you made?” Shadow asks, gesturing to the chili dog left in Sonic’s paw. The blue hedgehog regards it carefully. His other paw starts moving toward the containers to assemble another hotdog one-handed. Sonic takes a bite from the chili dog. His love for the food is evident in his facial expression. He puts the chili dog back in his mouth to hold it there while he finishes the plain hotdog with the bonus of both paws being available. He hands the new hotdog to Shadow. He grabs the chili dog in his mouth, taking a huge bite from it. When Sonic swallows, he smiles at Shadow.
“Don’t worry, Shads. When I’m around, no chili dog will be left uneaten.”
True to his word, Sonic finishes the chili dog while Shadow starts eating the plain one. It is marginally better. Shadow would even say he likes it. He isn’t sure he would make it a steady part of his diet, however.
Shadow eats the one hotdog. Sonic eats a few more chili dogs. When the blue hedgehog is finished, he sighs in satisfaction. He moves back to the basket to pull out an additional container. Sonic pops the lid off. He presents the container to Shadow. The ebony hedgehog peers inside. Circular, brown… cookies? Sonic moves it closer to Shadow. The hybrid holds back a sigh as he takes one. He holds the cookie between his fingers. Sonic puts the container on the floor. He snaps the cookie he gave Shadow in two. The cookie crumbles easily, leaving several crumbs on the blanket beneath them. Sonic smiles. “I don’t know how you feel about sweets, so break off a piece for yourself and see what you think.”
Shadow follows the instructions. He snaps off a smaller piece from the half Sonic left him with. Sonic, for his part, is already munching on the cookie. Shadow takes a deep breath. He tosses the piece into his mouth. He waits for the flavor to register in his mind. His enhanced senses let this happen near instantaneously. Sonic was right when he used the word ‘sweet.’ The cookie is primarily that. The texture is also something Shadow takes into consideration. He doesn’t think he likes it, but he also isn’t finding himself having an intense emotion in the opposite direction.
“I guess cookies aren’t for you, either. No big deal. We’ll figure out what you like soon enough,” Sonic says. Shadow blinks at his companion when Sonic takes the rest of the cookie from him. Shadow doesn’t feel his facial muscles in any unusual places, so he doesn’t comprehend how Sonic knew he was indifferent toward the cookie.
Sonic finishes the cookie quickly. He snaps the lids back on the container. He puts them back in the basket. Sonic closes the basket. Shadow puts his paws on the blanket to lift himself back onto his feet. He hesitates when Sonic flops onto his back. He puts one ankle on his bent knee, and he folds his arms behind his head. Shadow raises an eyebrow at him. Sonic moves an arm to pat the place beside him. “Come on, Shads. Lay down. We’ve got to complete the full picnicking experience.”
“What are you talking about?”
“We’re going to look for shapes in the clouds,” Sonic explains, continually patting the space. Shadow rolls his eyes as he moves to lie flat on his back. He crosses his arms over his stomach and leaves his legs to be flat against the blanket. There is space between Sonic and Shadow, but when the wind hits them in the right way, it brings Sonic’s body heat to brush against Shadow’s arm.
As usual, Sonic begins talking and Shadow listens. Sonic points at different clouds in the sky. He says they look like increasingly absurd creatures with alarmingly detailed stories attached to them. Shadow only sees gray and white puffs disrupting the blue sky. He makes some attempt to let Sonic’s words guide his mind, but he quickly stops this when he isn’t getting anywhere. He is content to listen to Sonic’s rambling without adding anything for himself. It is how many of their interactions go. Hopefully, Sonic prefers it this way, because Shadow doesn’t want to admit how much he likes just listening to Sonic speak— regardless of what he’s talking about.
There does, however, come a time when Sonic falls silent. His eyes close. He taps his foot in the air. Shadow turns his head to look at him. Sonic breathes slowly. Shadow half-wonders if Sonic has fallen asleep. When Shadow gathers the courage to brush a paw against Sonic’s shoulder to confirm his suspicions, Sonic’s voice suddenly pours into the silence between them. “I love doing this.”
“Lying flat on the ground?” Shadow questions.
Sonic’s lips quirk with a smile. “Yeah, exactly that. Don’t you feel it, Shads? The warmth from the sunlight. The cool breeze. The rustling of leaves. The animals in the distance. The natural scent in the air. The clouds moving across the sky.”
“I do,” Shadow confirms. He frowns. “What about it makes you love it so?”
“It makes me feel a lot less alone in the world,” Sonic answers.
“Why would you feel alone in the world?” Shadow makes a valiant effort to but he’s ultimately unable to keep the bitterness out of his voice. Shadow recalls the members of Sonic’s family in rapid succession. While Shadow can hardly understand the relationship there, he knows they have each other, at least.
“I was alone for a long time before I interacted with Dad. When the loneliness got too much, I would come lay out here like this. How could I feel lonely when I was surrounded by so much life? The sun, the wind, the forest, everything. All of them were bursting with so much life that I knew I couldn’t possibly be alone in this world. I have all of this looking out for me,” Sonic explains, moving a gloved paw through the air above his body. He suddenly grasps his fingers into a fist as if he caught something. Shadow waits to find out what it is, but he finds emptiness inside Sonic’s palm. At least, he thinks he does, but Sonic keeps cradling his palm like there is something precious pressed into the surface of his glove.
“Many of the examples you listed do not have life.”
“Don’t they?” Sonic questions with that easy grin of his. He peeks one of his eyes open to look at Shadow. The hybrid doesn’t feel any embarrassment at having been caught in the act of staring at Sonic. He only feels embarrassment when Sonic looks happier about it.
“You are an idiot,” Shadow notes. As he rolls his eyes, he brings his head to stare at the sky once more.
“Maybe, but at least I’m not alone,” Sonic replies. Shadow turns to glare at Sonic for gloating, but he finds Sonic already waiting for him. Sonic bumps his finger against Shadow’s nose. He moves away quickly, but the impression lingers for a while longer. “I have you.”
“You think too highly of yourself.”
“And you don’t think highly enough about yourself.” Sonic pushes himself to sit upright. He tilts his body to the side. He leans over Shadow with a wide grin stretching over his face. “You’re right. The sun, the wind, smells, sounds… They don’t have life. But I do, and you’re stuck with me, so you don’t have to feel so lonely, okay?”
“Idiot,” Shadow repeats, pushing Sonic’s face away from him. Sonic lets this happen with a laugh, flopping back onto his back. Sonic gets comfortable on the blanket. Shadow does think Sonic falls asleep this time. He hopes that’s the case because he doesn’t want Sonic to know how those words made him feel.
(Lighter. They made him feel lighter. And somehow, less alone, too.)