Chapter Text
I just wanna Phuck with everyone (Phighting! SI)
Yeah I'm jumping on the bandwagon, I missed the PA boom of Dritch so now I am becoming part of the Fanon problem!
Illumina does not have a concrete age yet so this may age poorly, but Phuck it imma bullshit anyways so might as well.
VAUSCHEN!! DRAW MY PHIGHTING OC AND MY LIFE ($75) IS YOURS!!!!
Ps: How the FUCK do I add images
I stood up from the pink recliner chair in my sister’s living room, plopping my laptop on the cushion as I stretched out easily enough. They just called for the Thanksgiving meal, and I knew I no longer had the excuse for being antisocial of doing my self paced college classes.
We do things early around here, as in, wake up at 5 or so in the morning to get everything ready to eat at 10. And I, in my infinite wisdom, have been staying up till 4 in the morning every night for the past 2 weeks reading this amazing fic I Can’t Phucking Aim and every subsequent fic that spawned from the masterpiece.
I was not happy when I was forced to go to sleep at 8 for once, but I dealt with it and just took the sleep. My brain thanked me as I woke up only somewhat tired and not with a sleep deprivation headache again.
Not good for my health, I know. But Demons! I can’t help it, They canonically have short fur and as a furry anything with fur is absolute Peak.
I sigh to myself and grumble a bit before putting my phone away, sitting down on the bench at the dining table as my sister only owns two real chairs that she and her fiance would be using while the rest of us got back pain from sitting without a seat back.
I tuned out the opening prayer, wanting to get it over with quickly to eat as I hadn’t had anything to eat, so I was rather hungry. Though having Thanksgiving dinner for breakfast kinda went hard.
Finally though, we finished up, and once again I was lucky enough to not be called on to make something up on the spot to make my racist religious grandma happy.
Tuning out all the conversation I just get to the eating, growing up in a hispanic family, I learned to eat as fast as possible as it doesn’t matter what they say, your food is going to get stolen by someone.
Of course, Ultra dry turkey, plus fast eater. I didn’t have any breath in my lungs to cough with as a bit of bird the size of a finger clogged my airways and caused me to choke. The lack of air to expel forced me to try to inhale to get it out, but the weird shape of the dry turkey only drew it in deeper with my attempts to breathe in.
Everything blurred by, my mind on fire as I didn’t get any oxygen intake, the world going black as I saw the blurry outlines of my and my sister’s fiance’s family trying to help. I had lost my glasses at some point it seemed.
The world turned black, and I found myself Floating. Floating free, falling, slowly.
Floating
falling
up, down, constant corrections, till there was ‘floor’ below my ‘feet’
Ah, Choking. Terrible way to go. Certainly not the worst, for sure, but not something one such as you should have gone through
W-
Don’t worry about trying to speak, I can just read your surface thoughts for that. Not like you can actually speak anyways, seeing as you don’t really have a mouth currently.
Understandable, continue.
Right then, so you know those Isekais you like?
Of course I do, I’ve been obsessed with the Inphinity for the past half month. Im guessing..?
Man ever since Ollie this hasn’t been surprising. Yes nail on the head.
Aight so-
No Im not [REDACTED] or [EXPUNGED], I’m [CENSORED]
Censored Lob Corp??
No like… Fine fuck it, I’m Crossover
New guy! Nice to meet you, so, wish time?
Yes, though I do gotta say, you’ve got enough karma built up for a bit more than the others, despite being an asshole about it, you were slightly above average. So I’ll give you a choice there, 1 big wish, or 2 medium wishes. For context, Ollie’s Archive is a large small wish.
Oh, huh. I suppose Im not allowed to ask how exactly I was on the good boy list enough for this?
You suppose correctly. Also, you can’t wish to tweet from the dead even with an extra large wish.
Damn… Uh, ok so the customary Infinite battery Laptop, infinite storage, infinite ram, all the other infinites it needs and such…
Easy
Infinite wifi, archive constantly updating… And how about, for social media, instead of my old world, its an alternate earth were pretty much the same shit happened, but Phighting! was never made and all the roblarks gear has different names and slightly different designs for maximum chaos across two different universes?
Pfft Ha! Oh my. Sure, normally this would be considered a large wish but that shit’s hilarious so I’ll pull some strings. Plus, it falls under Crossover shit so I get extra leeway with it.
Cool so, still one more wish then?
Yuh.
Uhhhh, can I keep it on hold? Oh do I get a catalog too like gamer au?
Not as expansive but sure I can fit that in I think.
Im guessing no entangler?
Pretty much yeah
Damn, fair. But yeah I would like to cash in my second wish later… Hmm wait, Can I get like, respawn immortality?
Done, go have a good life then
Fuck wait I can fucking DO tha-
And so he’s off. A little more powerful than the rest but hey, makes him more reckless.
I wake up with a yawn, my tongue brushing against all the sharp teeth in my mouth, and the feeling of which jolts me out of my waking grogginess as I realize that the whole conversation with [CENSORED] was real… aw man I can’t think about the name again. Though I guess if they want their privacy I don’t have any room to butt in, an absolute bro like that pretty much granting my fanfiction fantasies on a silver platter. Speaking of fantasies, it’s only 11:24, lets turn on the new laptop and shitpost on Twitter (Im not calling it X).
The laptop in question is pretty much the exact same as my Nitro 5 gaming acer I had before, which, familiarity is good I supposed. It turned on instantly, and didn’t waste time loading anything, getting right to the desktop with my Wallpaper engine animated blackhole background. On my desktop though there were… duplicate apps I guess I’ll call them.
Rumblr was right next to Tumblr, which, based af. I guess that’s a way you can distinguish what Inpherno or Inphinity you were in. Bagpack had Tubuler, Ollie was still Tumblr, I had Rumblr which was perfect.
Though I paid the price for it as they called their twitter here F, which, what the fuck Flipside.
And I knew it was twitter because right next to it was Musk’s damn X
Thankfully Youtube was still Youtube. For both sides. And, it was a little weird having a direct app for Youtube rather than just going onto Google and going to youtube.com from there, but hey, whatever, I won’t complain. Though after a quick confirmation I change Demon Youtube to Noobtube because why not.
Though for my real first act of my new, probably eternal life here, I open up human Twitter to start my long shitposting campaign. I’ll have to decide a pfp later, but for now, I know exactly what I’ll be posting.
Perfect. And now to wait around and maybe figure out if I have a gear to call myself by or if I have to pull an ollie and pick up a random sad kitchen utensil. Though I guess since Im immortal now (I didn’t even get time to refine what I wanted man) I can literally just call myself Catalog Heaven or something, even though that’s a game on roblox. Though I guess I can always just buy myself a gear too from my catalog access. Not like it would do too much damage to my wallet as all my money was translated into Bux on the robux exchange rate, so with my broke ass $352 I had across all my bank accounts, that being my bank, paypal, and tipcard, I had 40k Bux to my name. Which was honestly perfect since everyone always goes on how everything is so cheap in the Inpherno because the megacorps haven't taken over every bit of life yet.
Also, its 2015 here, none of that 201X shit. First thing’s first though, Name, maybe transportation. Hey I can get a hoverboard, for relatively cheap too, since Biografts would be the same price here. Bluesteel Hoverboard it is, the better skateboard. Or, maybe not, since that would draw attention to me I think.
Weapon then? Something to defend myself with. Alright, what is there… Not much actually, everyone is always something Roblox made so things haven't been updated in a while, And I could always just buy a weapon, plus having a hoverboard means flight without drawing attention to myself. Beyond having a hoverboard anyways.
No, No, No, Oh hey someone replied to my tweet.
So it's still thanksgiving on that side too then? Aight bet, glancing outside after grabbing my phone, I see that there are lots of demons all minding their own business in the street. It was still morning, 11:42 so they were probably all going to work. Quickly taking a selfie showing off my new head and my horns as I catch a good amount of passerby’s below my apartment balcony. Walking back over to my laptop, I plug my phone in to upload the photo and reply to the other guy. Going back to my little catalog hunt.
Hoverboard would be pretty nice, easy transportation and easy escape from any altercations. Though from the lack of such flight in the sky it was easy to assume no one really had a hoverboard, which ruled that out then. Back to weapons searching, all of them kinda don’t really fit me at all. Though I guess since its my new life, pay to win is enabled so… Blackhole Raygun? No, Rail Runner 5000 for its original price of 1250.
My Bux drains by 1,250 and right on my bed a railgun appears. And so in this new world, I shall present myself as Rail. Time to go pull a Frying Pan and go to Slingshot’s cat cafe and stay there all day as I apply to jobs in public.
