Chapter Text
Pierro created GC: Fatui Harbringers
Pierro added 11 people
Signora: no....why would you do this
Why.....
Pierro: Is there a unaccounted issue?
Pantalone: well regard that, may I be able to speak my mind
Childe: no, me first
This is a GC why are y'all talking so formally
Arlechinno; bc we are fatui harbringers Childe
Childe: no bc we be writing like nrml with shortings and such
These mfs are writing with capital letters, dots, overall like letter writing😭
Columbina: fr fr
Be more laid back people, I already have to deal with annoying paperwork, I don't wanna read anymore of that annoying formal talk where people have to go through 2 paragraphs just to get a gist of it
Childe: First off damn how did you write that out that fast
Second, so real actually some of these papers can be sumerized in 2 lines or so
Pantalone: Y'all need to hire some people to compound it then
Arlechinno: I beg of y'all to get your asses out of the palace bc this mentally ain't working well:
Let's select a certain solder of fatui, aside from our now appointed assistants, to read through all fatui highly confidential business
Perfect plan
Pantalone: bruh y'all don't have trusted people
Childe: I have like Ekaterina-
End of list
And she is kinda stationed in Liyue
So yeah
Pierro: On the tsaritsa's name
Childe: Since we mentioned her
Would it be appropriate to ask her to not call me child anymore 😔
Arlechinno: you sure she is calling you child and not your code name Childe?
Childe: no bc that's what I thought too, but no it is just child
And I am 22 smth
Pantalone: smth??
Childe: mf I was stuck in the abyss, a practically timeless place that messes you up
I don't have a good perception of time anymore
Arlechinno: but surely you know your birthday?
Childe: once again, not a good perception of time
I think it is somewhere on the end of July
Idk
Columbia: but maybe she is only calling you Childe bc you are her child?
Childe: huh
I'm not?
Arlechinno: huh
Dottore is online
Dottore: damsalette wut
Columbina: ???
All vision users are a cross breeding between archons?
I thought we all knew that???
Signora: am I tripping or is that not real
Yall?
Alrechino: a mysterious fatui indeed
Columbia: *giggles*
Scaramouche: Bro is roleplaying
Alrechino: Who even is this???
Pierro: Didn't think you would accept the Gc invite, kunikuzushi
Signora: huh why is that contact nameless
Like bro rry just has a blank space
Bro how did u do that
Childe: wachu mean, I can't read it but there is certainly smth there
Smth rather familiar
Arlechinno: curious indeed I can only read bits and pieces
Scaramouche
: huh, oh wait up
Scaramouche changed his name to
Wanderer
Wanderer: Is that more alright with everyone?
Childe; I have no idea what just happened
But it was giving me a headache and the name changed helped
So...thanks?
Wanderer: .....
No problem
Columbia: who is playing character ai now
Wanderer: bffr those are just some dots
Also can we talk about how y'all didn't know that the vision bearers are the archons' children??
Childe: BC THEY AREN'T???
like I am a vision bearer and I'm pretty sure I'm not the child of an archon , neverless two
Columbia: Wanderer can you add another one of your names, wanderer is like super weird
Wanderer:👌
Wanderer changed his name to Scara
Childe: Wait. Scara....? Is that-
Scara: I- yes it's me
childe.
Childe: sounds familiar tbh but I can't quite place it
Columbia: LAMFO?????
DUDE??
Pierro: he got us in the first half ngl
Scara:.....
Dumbass
Signora :no bc why did that also make me sad even tho I have no context whatsoever
Alrechinno: can we get back on track??
About the archon intercourse and all that???
Scara: intercourse? Girl just say sex
Signora: she an actual diplomat who can get banned for saying that💀
Scara: banned??
Columbia: yuhh the steambrid or smth
Stg Fontaine so pretty but kind annoying
Also where the hell is Sandrone
alrechinno: nvm about the discussion, if we aren't bringing that back on track I need to go do paperwork
Childe: girl forget the paperwork, I need to figure this out bc it's not like Columbia is known for lying either
Scara: idk what y'all want us to explain, it's pretty straight forward
Childe: for example the fact that its untrue?
Like how would you even know that.
Scara: I'm the son of electro
Dottore: Wait
Hold up
Scara: no
Dottore: WAIT
Scara: absolutely no kill yourself
Signora: huh what is happening
Dottore: just tell me this, Baal or Beelzebub
Scara: no
Dottore: BRO PLS COME ON
Pierro: @Scara how much longer you going to keep him like this
Scara: I want him dead, but for smth like this just some more months
Dottore: are you one of Yae Miko's?
Scara: @Piero can I kill him?
Pls give permission
Dottore: BRO
Arlechinno: context? Even tho is indeed gives me satisfaction seeing the doctor like this
Columbia: the whole GC praying on your downfall,
F in chat for bro fr fr
Scara: to put it short, the first one who got the role of "electro archon' was Baal while Beelzebub sacrificed her physical form so the prior could ascend the electro throne
Childe: bro dropping plot points mid Convo???
Scara: but like, she died at the cataclysm
Childe: Rip..?
Scara: so her twin sister (Beelzebub) ascended the throne . This one locked herself up for 500 years and gave part of the authority of electro to her "beloved kitsune".
Specifically the authority to sire children of electro for the fortification of Inazuma
So Dottores goofy ass is asking me of who's child of these three I am, bc he doesn't know shit to guess himself
Childe: OH you were explaining bc of Alre's question
Scara: ??? Tf did you think I was doing
Childe: bruh we got the most important lore of keinreah from a glider I wouldn't be surprised if we got the lore of Inazuma from a GC
Alre: you deff spelled that wrong
Childe: fr btw @Dottore why do you want to know who's kid Scara is?
Dottore: bro ain't Beelzebub having sex💀
That kitsune of her has tried for millennials to bed her all for nothing
Which would mean that if she were his mother, she must have created him with the lost technology of Khaenri'ah
Scara: yuh but I ain't showing u nothing
And also that question is straight up impolite u weirdo
I don't stop hydro allogenes in the middle of the road to ask them "yo, are you Egerias, Focalors or Furinas?"
Dottore: does Furina even have any hydro authority anymore be fr
Scara: I love her, but she how in the world would she have any of that on the first place
Childe: nahhhh things getting too confusing
Can we get back to how tf my parents aren't my parents
Scara: bro I'm confused myself on how y'all hydro allogenes exist
But since y'all do, you must be the production of the Tsaritsa and (very much prob) Focalor
Alrechinno: how can you be so sure tho?
Scara: well Childe is like 23 smth and Egeria died 500 yeas ago so that leaves only Focalor
Alrechinno: BRO ON THE FACT HE IS THE CHILD OF 2 ARCHONS AND NOT NORMAL BIRTH
Scara: oh! Um idk forbitten knowlage ig
Columbia: some day, we won't be able to just throw "forbitten knowlage" and expect the problem to solve itself
But that day has yet to come
Childe: wait alre, does that mean that you are Focalors daughter?
Haven't you made out with Furina like twice?
Alrechinno: bruh I'm not even from Fontaine so there is negative chance of interbreeding happening
Childe: bruh I forgot about that part
..
Wait does that mean that you have fucked my mom?
Sandrone is online
Sandrone: what tf have I come across
Columbia: SANDRONE 🩷🩷🩷
we were expecting that the vision users are the archons' children
Sandrone: Oh, isn't that like
Common knowledge
Childe: shoot me
Sandrone: that can be arranged but at a later date
I need to go now.
Goodbye 👋
Sandrone is offline
Scara: also Childe idk why you are thinking so hard about this
Acting like you haven't fucked somebodys father
Childe: HUH NO I-
Oh
Oh no
Oh no no no no no no no
Signora: bro is connecting dots
Also @scara when I went to Inazuma who did I meet from those three
Scara: neither actually 💀
You only meet my sister
Dottore: HAH COUGHT U
Scara: U LURKING IN THE VENTS OF SMTH???
Dottore: the one leading the nation rn is the Creation of Beelzebub, so she is your mother
Scara: asking like u don't know, fuck off
Childe: ok ok ok
Both of y'all need to shut up.
Is that why Xiao ks so angry at me the whole time I am in Liyue
Bc I fucked his dad???
Scara: bruh you only figuring out now why my cousin hates your guts??????
Arlechinno: hold up, cousin???
Scara: well brother actually,
technically half brother but ain't no one getting technical
Childe: how-
Oh
Oh no
Signora: so, from what I'm assuming from context clues is that this Xiao is Barbatos child with Morax (bc Liyue)
And @Scara is his child with Beelzebub? ( Who for clarification is neither the current leader of Inazuma nor the first electro archon Baal)
Scara: well, she is the one leading the nation but aside from that you hit the nail in the head so kudos to you
Signora: 💅
Scara: also @Childe father is NOT a lenient partner in that aspect
Archons usually have sex with each other to produce connections and security for their nations through children
But Barbatos and Morax are definitely in a relationship
And your little fling with Morax sure as hell didn't contribute to shit
So, I rry won't be able to tell wether the anemo archon will be laid back or shot you in sight
Childe: fuuuuuuckkkkk
Signora: Wait does that mean that your mother ain't a winners love winning?????
Aweeee
Scara: she is, I was not created through sex but you can call it asexual reproduction mainly by Beelzebub, with Yae Miko and Barbatos putting in bits and pieces
And also Barbatos is gender neutral either way so-
Signora; should have guessed tbh but I ain't good at assuming those things
Alrechinno: I'm only glad you came home safely Signora
Signora: aweeee
Columbia: she didn't but forbitten knowlage ig
Signora: wut
Scara: ughh I need to go now bc stuff, hanging out with your half sister actually @childe
Childe: no bc how can I go back work after this Convo
And with that knowlage
Scara: like nrml
Signora: @Scara do I have a chance with your sis? Be honest rn
Scara: you mean the shogun right?
Signora: ye
Scara: oh def you cold feel it in the room
Signora: fr???
Scara: like I wasn't in the room, but the grapevine y'know?
She wants u fr fr
Signora: hmmm worth a shot
Private messages
Columbia>>>>>>Scara
Columbia: why is bro sending ma girl to an early grave😭
Scara: first off, bc of the experimentation comment
And second off bc she should be dead already
Columbia:😔😓 hate the fact that u right
(Main GC again)
Childe: omfg
Sucrose, Jean, Noelle, Sayu, mother fucking Xiao even
This has to be some breach of bro code right????
Dottore: I still don't know how YOU didn't know
Didn't you literally go to Fontaine bc of a calling??? Didnt that ring any bells for u?
Childe: no
Absolutely nothing
Scara: L in chat
Columbia: acting like u don't love him
Scara: shut up
Also, @Pierro why did you add me in here
Columbia: 10/10 discussion changer
Pierro: since Signora is here I thought might as well y'know?
Pantalone: wait
Is this Scara person the 6th harbriger
Scara: ex*
But yuh
Plantalone: oh k
Signora: bro worn the idgaf war????
Pantalone: no wait, are you still using fatui funds???
Scara: nah dw I have another source of income
Columbia: bro is NOT taking up any chances
Scara: bruh I ain't talking irl to the doctor anytime soon, and when I am I'm shooting on sight
Ik I prob won't win but since all his clones are alr killed bc of the deal with auntie
It might be worth a shot if it's the real body
Childe: ?????
HOW LORE REVELANT IS BRO
Scara: .....
Signora: nahhhhh Childe shut yo ginger ass why did this GC getsf frozen everytime u two talk
Columbia: girl I would tell u but forbitten knowlage+ imrinsul shit
Childe: tf is imrinsul
Scara: bro is out of the loop
Pantalone: bro has never been in the loop in the first place
Pierro: that is enough Childe bullying for today
Childe:😌
Pierro: that work pile aint going to get done itself
Childe: 🥲
Dottore: NAHHHH DID MY HOMEBOY DIRTY DAS CRAZY
Scara: wait how do we finish this thing
Signora: what thing
Columbia: btw girl, just to be sure
If, and I'm saying if
you were to get cremated, what would you want to do with your ashes?