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Wash probably should have noticed the signs earlier. If he had, maybe he wouldn’t be curled in a ball on the bathroom floor.
He’d gotten pretty good at detecting incoming panic attacks over the years. He’d felt off all day, even to the point of avoiding his boyfriends. North and York had seemed confused, but had ultimately given him space. Wash had stayed in the bedroom at York’s desk for most of the day, until he got too hungry to avoid going downstairs. He’d only intended to grab a bag of chips from the kitchen, but raised voices had caught his attention. Delta and Theta were spending the day with South, and the deep-pitched voices sounded like those of his lovers.
He’d then made the mistake of moving towards North’s office to ask what was wrong.
“What the hell do you mean?” York’s back was turned to him. Wash froze at the sheer anger in the man’s voice.
“Something is obviously wrong. Either with us or with him.” North was just out of view behind the wall, presumably in his chair by the fact that York was looking down. Were they talking about him?
“No shit something’s wrong! But I did nothing! I’ve been careful!” York’s voice had raised to a shout.
“So have I! I was just trying to give him the benefit of the doubt!” North wasn’t shouting yet, but his voice sounded strained.
“You guys always blame me for this kind of shit!” York crossed his arms.
“With reason, usually!” North snapped, his voice finally rising to a shout before quieting slightly. “We should figure out what’s wrong.”
“Why the hell should we figure this out?! Why can’t we just ask him what the hell is going on?” York’s arms uncrossed, slashing through the air in angry gestures.
“York, you know that Wash doesn’t work like that—”
“Fuck Wash! I want to know why we’re in the doghouse for nothing! I don’t give a fuck if it’s how Wash works.” York’s yell echoed in Wash’s skull.
“York, calm down!” North stood and was suddenly in view. “Getting mad isn’t—” North froze as his eyes met Wash’s.
York spun around and his eyes widened. “Wash, I—”
Wash barely registered turning and running away. He was suddenly in the bedroom, slamming the door closed and leaning against it. He panicked at the sound of footsteps pounding up the stairs after him. He bolted towards the bathroom, spinning around to lock the door just as the bedroom door burst open with a crash.
The noise tipped Wash over the edge. He couldn’t breathe. Spots danced in front of his eyes until he could barely see. His body felt like it was vibrating or tingling, but was strangely numb to him collapsing on the floor on his hands and knees.
Breathe. Have to breathe.
One.
Two—wait, no. Count out loud.
“One.” He couldn’t tell if he was actually counting aloud, or how long it took him to get the word out, but he finally managed to suck in a few short breaths.
“Two.”
“Three.”
“Four.” Finally, he could breathe enough to clear his vision a little and get the numbers out quietly. By the time he reached ten, he had nearly calmed down. He kept breathing until he was able to breathe normally and see and hear properly.
Wash curled into a tiny ball against the shower, shaking like a leaf. He listened carefully for any sounds from the bedroom, any at all, but it was quiet. It was incredibly quiet for their household. He heard no noise from downstairs, either. Wash eyed the door warily. There was no way he was opening it. He would wait for one of his lovers to do something...and then decide if he wanted to move or answer.
The quiet actually did nothing to help Wash. After what felt like an eternity, he still shook. Exhaustion started to lull him to sleep eventually, until he heard footsteps climbing up the stairs. The footsteps came closer until there was a soft noise on the other side of the door, like someone was kneeling down.
“Wash?” North spoke quietly, but the sound still startled Wash, who raised his head warily and looked up at the door.
After a little while of silence North spoke again, just as softly, “Wash, York grabbed his old lockpicking gear. He’s going to open the door. Is that okay?”
Wash tried to make a noise, but nothing came out. He settled for scooting further into the corner and curling up tighter.
After another bit of silence, Wash heard York tinkering with the lock on the door. The lock clicked in no time at all, and Wash flinched when the door was opened. He hid his face, not wanting to see either of them after overhearing their argument about him. He fought to keep his breathing steady so that he didn't panic again, but ultimately failed. His breath came in short gasps and he was shaking worse and worse and he could barely see again—
There was a warm hand in his hair. Soothing strands away from his face. Gentle fingers combed through the strands. The touch grounded him, and gradually his breath returned to him.
Wash was silent even after the second, thankfully smaller, panic attack had passed. He was unsure if he could even talk after the last failed attempt and with the tremors that still racked his body. He just enjoyed the warm comfort that the hand in his hair provided.
He flinched when a hand touched his shoulder, but tried to relax. Then the hands moved and gripped him tightly, and then he was moving, or being moved. He curled up against a warm body as he was carried out of the bathroom. Whoever was carrying him—probably North—sat down on the bed, but didn’t let him go. The bed dipped again and then there was warmth on the other side of him. When he buried his face in North’s chest the hand in his hair returned, and a different hand rubbed up and down his back soothingly.
Wash couldn’t help it. The warmth, the gentle comfort of his lovers, the two panic attacks in the bathroom—a couple of tears slipped down his cheeks. They kept coming, despite his attempts to calm down, and it might have escaped North’s notice if he hadn’t sniffled.
North shifted slightly. “Are you crying?” The older man asked quietly.
Wash sniffled again and burrowed further into North’s chest. North and York both held him closer than before. He thankfully managed to keep from outright sobbing, and calmed down before long. Wash had nearly fallen asleep when North pulled him back slightly to look at his face.
“Wash, are you okay?” North asked quietly. Wash nodded slowly.
York shifted into his view. “What...what exactly happened?” The brunette asked slowly.
Wash looked away before muttering, “P-panic at-ttack. Twice.”
North squeezed him slightly. “Was this because of the argument?”
Wash went to nod, but paused as he remembered how off he’d felt all day. “Mm...n-not entirely?” It came out as more of a question than he’d anticipated.
York sighed. “So that’s why you were acting funky all day?” Wash nodded. “I’m so sorry, Wash. I shouldn’t have gotten angry, and I should have talked to you instead of biting North’s head off.
North nodded, “And I’m sorry I added fuel to the fire. Neither of us handled this the way we should have. We’ll try to do better next time, okay?” Wash nodded.
“And...” York paused, “Is it possible for you to warn us next time?”
Wash shrugged. “Usually. Th-this time w-was different.”
York nodded and gathered Wash up into an almost bruising hug. “I really am sorry,” The brunette whispered.
“It’s ‘kay,” Wash mumbled against his shoulder. York relaxed his grip, but didn’t let go.
The three of them stayed like that for a long time. Wash drifted in and out of sleep for what felt like hours. Suddenly he realized he was lying down on the bed, face buried into York’s chest. North’s warmth was absent from his back. He could hear Delta and Theta downstairs.
Wash pulled his head back a little to look around blearily. York pecked him on the lips and smiled at him.
“’Bout time, sleeping beauty!” Wash rolled his eyes. “Delta and Theta just got home. It’s late, so North is putting them both to bed. He should be back up in a few more minutes.” Wash nodded and buried his head back into York’s chest. “Anything you need?” York murmured.
Wash shrugged as best he could while hugging York. “Water?” He mumbled. He felt York nod and then reach for his phone.
North was back upstairs only a few minutes later. “Hey, Wash.” A warm hand rubbed up and down his back. Wash rolled over to see North holding a glass of water. York helped him sit up so that Wash could take the glass. He sipped it slowly while North got ready for bed. As soon as Wash had set the glass down, the older blonde was sitting next to him and opening his arms for Wash to crawl into. The two lie down while York brushed his teeth and put on pajamas. It wasn’t long before Wash was back in the embrace of his two lovers.
“Thanks,” Wash mumbled into North’s neck.
“For what?” York asked.
Wash shrugged. “Being here. Helping me.” He received two hugs in response.
North sighed, “I’m sorry we upset you,” He murmured.
Wash shrugged again. “It happens. Thanks for fixing it.”
Wash snuggled further under the covers, pressing his face into North’s chest. There were worse places to recover from a panic attack in, he thought. He began to fall asleep, feeling warm and safe in the arms of his lovers. He’d remind the both of them just how much he loved them in the morning.
Before he fell asleep, he realized he’d never felt safer than he did here, between his lovers.